Men Are Not Soft

Why the true nature of men and masculinity is strength and courage, not being feminine, sensitive and timid.

In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss an email from a female viewer who likes most of my work, but she wanted to point out the flaws in what I teach, because as she claims, she is in the coaching industry also, even tough she has no website, successful YouTube channel or a best selling book to speak of. She says my information is incomplete, and women should not do most of the chasing. Men should be soft, pursue women and show their sensitive side. She also believes I am too harsh and should coddle men more and be mindful of their “feelings,” so as not to offend them. I am surprised she didn’t ask me to endorse participation trophies for everyone.

It is obvious she does not truly understand my work or my book, and had an emotional reaction because of her own biases and incorrect assumptions about men. I enlighten her as to the true nature of what I teach, why men and women are the way they are and why it works so well. My comments are in (bold parenthesis like this below) in the body of her email.

Dear Corey,

I stumbled upon your material in a quite interesting way. I read your book a few times, and I must say that you do have a good amount of insight into how a woman thinks. Your communication advice is the best out there. But, I do want to bring something to your attention.

I am also in the relationship coaching industry, and like I said, you are on point with a good amount of the information.

(You did send your website, but I didn’t see any evidence of any books or a YouTube channel where you’ve helped tens of thousands of people. Maybe you want to get into the industry, but you haven’t actually started yet. We tend to attack in other people what we’re disconnected from ourselves. People tend to project what’s inside, especially when they come across somebody who maybe has the success they want. If they can belittle the other person and knock them down a few notches, then they won’t feel so bad about where they happen to be.)Where you fall short is in your advice to let the woman chase you most of the time. It’s not that you fall short, it’s that your thinking is not complete.

(I’m not here for posing theories. This is stuff I have been studying my whole life, trying to understand why people do what they do and how to create the life and lifestyle I wanted. Once I got good at in my own life, once I saw the patterns over and over and over again, then I started teaching friends and family members as a hobby, just to help people, especially the sales people that worked for me. Then it got to a point when I realized my heart was going in a different direction, and I wanted to teach this stuff I had learned professionally, because I saw how it had changed my own life and worked and how it helped my friends, my family and the employees I had taught.)

Another place you fall short is how you advise the gentleman to keep their feelings unclear.

(It’s not that I tell them to be deceptive or tell them to be unclear. You let the woman work for them, because of the guys that are going to be reading my book have seen too many movies and too much television programming and brainwashing that says you’ve go to act like a stalker and constantly tell her what you think about her, and call her, write her or message her and tell her you’re still interested. It’s just unnecessary.

At the end of the day, it’s a scientific fact that women are more attracted to men whose feelings are unclear. They’ve done studies on men and women, and I’ve seen the same pattern in my own life. I’ve seen it in tens of thousands of my clients over the years.)

To begin, unfortunately the majority of the women in the world had fathers that either weren’t present or weren’t giving in their love, which in turn make women run after their father and seek approval. Hence your rationale that a woman should chase a man.

(That has nothing to do with it. The reality is, when you chase a woman, you blow her phone up and act like a stalker, like they show in the movies and TV, you get ignored. You get ghosted. And that’s a fact of life. when you act like a bitch, you get treated like one.

This is the typical kind of feminist narrative that the man’s got to do all of the pursuing. It’s true the man’s got to do the pursuing in the beginning, but the nature of feminine energy is opening up to receive love. It’s about dating labels, relationship labels, commitments, and women naturally do these things. If a man acts like a man, a woman naturally over time will want to text him more and be around him more. Tens of thousands of times I’ve seen this over and over again.)

But where you fall short is what about the girls, such as myself, that never had to chase their father for love. Love was freely given to me by my father. It was a healthy exchange between him and I.(The girlfriends I’ve tended to date have a healthy relationships with their father where they love their father, they love their mom, they have a good relationship with both, and they typically are great communicators, but still their fathers are their rock and their mountain. And that’s what I teach men to be, because at some point when the little girls grow up, they want a man who can be that same sounding board, that same person that always listens, to be their mountain and to be their rock. Women touch more. They tend to be more affectionate. That’s just the way it is.

I’m just pointing out reality, and you’re trying to go against reality, probably because you’re bouncing back and forth between being in your masculine and being in your feminine. I can see it in your modeling pictures. I can see that masculine energy in you. You are a beautiful, sexy woman, but if you’re not completely balanced in your feminine essence, you’ll tend to act more like a dude at times. That’s going to turn off a guy who’s in his masculine.)

We had a date night every Tuesday. Some date nights we would do what he wanted, other ones we would do what I wanted, and we would always finish it off with a yummy dinner.

(That’s great. That’s what a good father should be doing.)

But I came from a very loving household, so I never ran after my father to seek approval, validation, or love.

(Well, my girlfriends that grew up in a happy household and had a great relationship with their father didn’t either, but their father was always the rock, was always the mountain, and they always went to him for advice. They always wanted to run things by him. One of the aspects of feminine energy is being unsure of oneself.

Women tend to be more in touch with their emotions. Men tend to be more in touch with logic and reason, accomplishing, achieving, breaking through barriers, overcoming obstacles. That’s what attracts us to each other in the first place. We’re supposed to have characteristics that are not dominant in the other person.)

It was freely given. Therefore, when a man follows your advice in dealing with me and makes me chase him, to me that feels off.

(Maybe you’re with a guy that’s not applying it properly. Some guys in the beginning, when they apply what I teach, a lot of them are looking for shortcuts. They might be trying to employ techniques. The idea is, you start out calling once a week and go out on one date. And as the woman starts to become more interested, she doesn’t want to wait four or five days to hear from him to make the next date. She’ll call or text him in hopes he wants to see her as well. As the feminine energy in her grows, and she feels safe and comfortable, she wants to talk to him and be around him more. She actually drives the relationship. It just happens naturally. It’s not about manipulation.)

To me, chasing a guy feels like something is not right in the relationship.

(That is true if you’re having to do all of it, and he’s making no effort.)

That’s just me, but I do want to open your eyes to the possibility, so that maybe you can expand in your knowledge of women, thereby providing more sound advice.(If what I was teaching was bullshit I would have horrible reviews, but I don’t. I have great fucking reviews. The reviews speak for themselves.)

The other point I want to bring to your awareness is that it is “a scientific fact that women are more attracted to men whose feelings are unclear.” I read that study and that study was conducted with people who didn’t know one another.

(What does it matter? The bottom line is women are more attracted to men whose feelings are unclear. You can ignore reality, but you can’t ignore the consequences of ignoring reality. If you’re demanding the man does all of the pursuing, then the only guys you’re going to be able to attract are very feminized, weak men.

Maybe you like those kinds of guys. There’s nothing wrong with that. There’s a lot them out there in society. That’s for damn sure. But are you really going to truly feel comfortable submitting to a guy like that and letting him take the lead? Instead, you’re probably the dude in your relationship.)

The study did not have participants who were involved in a long-term relationship or any relationship for that matter.

(Again, it was generalized. It was just about dating. What is the reality here? They interviewed men and women, and the results speak for themselves.)

So yes, it’s good to be somewhat of a challenge, but the minute a man hides his feelings to me, once again, my intuition and alarm system go off, and it tells me he is a person who is emotionally crippled.

(Maybe you date emotionally crippled guys. If you’re putting out a vibe of masculinity, where you act a little too much like a dude, those are the kind of guys you’re going to attract. A guy that’s very centered, very masculine and very alpha is just going to get turned off by you always trying to be the dude in the relationship. He’s just going to lose his attraction to you.)

I like a lot of what you teach about how to stand up for oneself and yes, sometimes we women do need to be put in our place, because we will try to run the show, so bravo on a lot of your advice.

If you have some time, I would love to hear your thoughts on what I’ve shared with you, because there is undoubtedly the truth from my perspective, and I don’t think that you can argue that it’s not a possibility. Perhaps a 3% man would want a 3% woman who is emotionally sound.

(Yes, but a woman who acts feminine and submissive. Not a woman who acts like a dude because she’s not comfortable being in her feminine essence. Women that trust their fathers, or there was some masculine force in their life that they could count on, they could trust, was the rock and the mountain, they’re able to trust men. They’ll know which ones to trust and which ones not.But if a woman grows up and she doesn’t have a masculine essence that she can trust and count on, she is typically going to have a hard time trusting men, unless she’s done a lot of work on herself or gone through therapy or counseling.)

A 3% woman wants a man to be more of the pursuer, 60/40,

(That is total bullshit. Any time the guy is doing more than 20-30% of the calling, texting and pursuing, the woman never falls in love, and it’s just a matter of time before he gets friend zoned. I’ve seen it in thousands and thousands of men, from all over the world and every culture and religious back ground. Men and women respond to what they respond to. It’s just the way it is),

and she also wants a man who is engaged in a relationship with her to show his softer side at times.

(Well, don’t make her your therapist or mommy for very long because you’ll get friend zoned and blown off as well.)

To me, when a man can be sensitive and open and at the same time strong, secure and solid, that to me it is a true man.

(I agree with that, but the key is to not live there. You can have short periods of time to wallow in your misery, but a woman expects you to snap the fuck out of it. Otherwise, it’s going to turn her off and force her to move into her masculine, which is not her natural essence, and she’s going to resent that.)

One last thing and then I’m done! Be mindful when you’re doing your YouTube videos to not hurt a guy’s feelings.

(Something you need to understand about men, which you obviously do not, is that masculine energy grows through challenge, and feminine energy grows through praise. Any man that’s played organized sports, maybe football or something like that, knows that when a guy is challenged, when his manhood is threatened, when a coach says, “You’re cut. You’re not going to make the team,” naturally and instinctively, the man says “Fuck you. I can do it coach. Give me a fucking chance.” The guy wants to prove he can do it. That’s part of masculinity. And what you said in that statement is that men need to be pussies, need to act like little girls. It doesn’t fucking work.)Remember that they’re coming to you for advice because they need you, and if you call them a “girly man” or a “failure” remember that those words stick with them.

(I’m a realist. I’m not going to blow sunshine up anybody’s ass, especially the people who are paying the money they’re paying me to coach them personally. I’m going to tell them like it is, and almost 100% of the time when I talk to guys and give them my analysis of their situation after they’ve shared it, they say, “You know, I was pretty sure you were going to say it, but it gives me peace of mind to hear that come out of your mouth, because now I can have even more confidence to do what I was going to do.

In my recent article and video, “Master Manipulators,” the guy was going to be putting at risk tens of thousands of his own money because he was allowing himself to be manipulated by a very beautiful girl that was working for him. I helped him recognize what kind of person she really was. Check out the video. It’s very eye-opening. This was a very successful dude, and I saved him a lot of money. I’m sure if you ask him, he’d say that was money well spent.

The same thing if you’re thinking about a divorce. If you’re able to avoid it or at least go through a divorce where it’s not adversarial and just making the attorneys rich, how much is that worth to save?)

Everything has a vibration and everything is energy.

(Yes, but masculine energy grows through challenge. As a man, a true friend is somebody to whom you can speak aloud, and that’s what I am to people. I’m somebody that’s going to give the unvarnished truth, even if it’s unpleasant. They don’t have to follow me. If you don’t like it, change the channel. It’s pretty simple.)

They look up to you. Don’t put them down and make them think less of themselves. They already think poorly of themselves as it is.

(I call them to a higher standard.)

I know that you’ve studied with Tony Robbins,

(Yep, I learned a lot from Tony Robbins. He used to coach me personally, and I learned how he does what he does through being coached),

and in fact, I’ve known Tony since I was a little girl, so you know as well as I know that calling someone names and putting them down is not the best way to go.

(Well, if you really knew Tony Robbins and you had been to his seminars and his events, and knew him personally like you claim, then you would know because you’ve seen it done dozens and dozens of times like I have, he’ll look right a guy who’s having a problem in his relationship and his life and go, “You’re being a fucking pussy right now.” Sometimes you have to be harsh with people because that’s the only thing that will cause the person to really listen to what you’re saying. That’s what a true friend does. When you really love somebody, you’ve got to call them out on their bullshit.)

Looking forward to what’s next!

(Thanks for the email. I’m just here telling people the way things are. I want people to get better and have happier lives. I may be a little rough around the edges, a little abrasive, but that’s just the way I am. I’m not going to change for anybody. If people don’t like that, they’re welcome to find somebody else to coach them. And those who do, who appreciate my level of truth and honesty, authenticity and realism and telling them like it is, those are the type of people I love love working with. I love my fucking clients. They’re fucking awesome.)

Jessica

“Masculinity is strength, courage and virtue. It is fearlessly charging towards one’s goals and dreams in an unrelenting fashion, no matter what the odds may be. It is following your heart’s desire because nothing will feel more right than becoming what you feel internally compelled and driven to be. It’s aligning your life with your true calling, instead of a steady paycheck. When you are passionate about what you do, in love with what you do and you become a master of it through time and repetition, only then will you be able to maximize your income earning potential. The bigger the problem is that you solve for humanity, the bigger your potential financial reward will be. Before you can help others, you must first help yourself.” ~ Coach Corey Wayne

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