Moving On

What you should focus on when you are moving on from a breakup with someone who made it impossible to stay together, so you can get back to feeling good about yourself and your life, and find someone better.

In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss an email from a viewer who shares how my book has helped him to move on from a breakup that was not of his choosing. Over the past month, he was depressed and upset over a budding new relationship that went sideways. He talks about how he went out one night with a “no fucks to give” type of attitude after he got tired of feeling sorry for himself. He met a woman, who was actually on a meet up with a new guy that was not going well. The dude even bought him a drink. She wasn’t digging the new guy and took him outside.

She asked him for his phone number and started making out with him right on the spot. She told him he would not regret giving her his phone number. About an hour later, she invited him over. He shares what he did and said to seduce her successfully. A few days later, he ran into his ex, and he details how this new woman really helped him get over her. The new woman is pursuing him and making things very easy and effortless for him. My comments are in (bold parenthesis like this below) in the body of his email.

Coach Corey,

You’ve seen a few of my emails. Over the past month, I was depressed and upset over an ex fling. Considering I only had a couple months left where I’m stationed, I just didn’t know how to deal with loneliness. (When you feel negative emotions, you have to feel those emotions in order to heal from them and move forward. Those emotions that feel really bad are just stuck energy in your nervous system. Take a look at my article and video, “How To Become More Confident & Sure Of Your Actions,” where I actually explain the benefits of Network Chiropractic Care. It’s really great, if you’re suffering and going through a really difficult area, to help reconnect to those parts of your nervous system you’re disconnected from.) I am in the military, and one night I decided to wear my uniform out and went out with zero fucks given. (Perfect. You were going out to make yourself happy, not to meet anybody, but to have fun. As I discuss in my article and video, “How To Get Women To Approach You First,” when you give off that vibe, women will pick up on it and find you.) I met another lady. She was on a meet up with some dude. She expressed that she didn’t like this guy whatsoever. This guy actually bought me a drink. He was actually a nice guy. (That’s actually the problem. He’s too nice and has no idea what’s going on here.) She took me outside and made out with me. She asked for my phone number and said “It will be worth it, trust me,” so I gave her my number. She left the bar and went home. About an hour later, she calls me and says “You need to get to my place right now.” (Wearing your uniform is the embodiment of dangerous masculinity, and this girl assumes you are brave and courageous. Right away, that creates attraction.) I said, okay I’ll be there shortly. I show up and she’s got music playing, candles lit, and a glass of wine already poured. (It doesn’t get any easier than that.) It didn’t take long and sex happened. And this goes to show how easy and effortless things really are supposed to be. (Attraction is not a choice. Most guys talk women right out of it.)

I’m finally beginning to feel good about myself again, and I know that I have value to offer a woman. I ran into my ex-fling the day after this at a bar. I hate the way things ended. She would look over, see me, and turn back the other way, as if I never existed. She was talking to people around her. She came by herself. I noticed the behavior and waited. The other people left, and I asked her if we could talk. (You shouldn’t have asked for permission. You should have just asked her what was up and if she missed you.) She said NO! I said okay and went to the bathroom. When I came back, I told her, “I am really sorry about what I said and how I treated you,” which in my opinion, she’s really the one that needs to apologize, (You went right back into the same mindset that got you rejected with this girl), but I do like her a lot and wanted to bury the hatchet. For what reason, I don’t know. Probably because I still want to sleep with her. (At the end of the day, rejection breeds obsession. When you asked for permission, you were basically communicating that you were the same kind of guy displaying the same kind of weakness that caused her to blow you off in the first place. On top of that, you’re apologizing, when she’s the one who fucked up. You’re treating her like a celebrity and communicating to her, it’s okay for her to treat you like a doormat.) She said, “I’m over it and don’t care. There is a side of the bar over there and that’s where you can be.” (She totally has all of the power.) I left the bar kind of upset. I hate things ending so negatively. (Part of the problem is, you literally invited her to continue treating you the same way.)

I’ve kept things really cool with the new girl and have been following your principals. She’s asked me out on another date. This gets funny because, on the date, she said she could only have one drink and had to go. Well, she had two. When we were leaving, she started kissing me and said, “I told you my daughter would be back soon, but I think we have more time.” She said, “Follow me home, and if she does come, well then you’ll have to leave. We will have one glass of wine and that’s it.” (If a woman is inviting you back to her home, she’s basically saying, “You’re going to get lucky tonight, as long as you don’t talk me out of it.” Do you notice the difference between your ex and the new girl? Your ex totally intimidated you, but things with this new girl are easy and effortless.) She also said clothes will not be coming off. Well, I got there, wine was poured, and well, clothes came off. Sex happened!The reason I’m telling you this is because, if I didn’t purchase your book nor watch countless videos, I feel I would have fucked this whole thing up. I want to give you thanks for the work you’ve done. You’ve helped me in a lot of ways, and I really appreciate it. (You need to treat all women the same, but when your ex came back into the picture, you reverted back to your old ways. The more you apply this stuff, the more successes you’ll get, and the easier it will be. Maybe the next time you run into your ex, you’ll handle it with humor, and you won’t let her intimidate you.)

Bob

“Some relationships are simply not meant to work out. Despite your best efforts to save them, communicate and work things out, the other person may simply be unable or unwilling to make them work. Relationships are only possible when both people are committed to making them work. The reality is, everyone has flaws. No one is perfect. People who grew up in healthy families with loving parents, who communicate like adults and who have a good relationship with both of their parents, often make the best teammates, spouses and partners. Rejection tends to breed obsession. It’s always helpful to remember, it’s not the actual person we miss, but the fantasy of whom we thought they were. If you focus on what you can learn from loss, and things that do not work out in life the way you expect, this will enable you to assign a positive, empowering meaning and get the gift of the experience, so you can become a better person going forward. Our struggles are meant to refine and improve us, not define who we are.” ~ Coach Corey Wayne

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