My Fiancée Is A Habitual Liar. Is There Any Hope She’ll Change?

Why it’s unlikely a habitual liar will change even though you love them.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a viewer who says his fiancée is a habitual liar. He catches her in lies and even when presented with evidence of her dishonesty, she continues to lie. She has phone calls for over an hour in the middle of the night and claims it must be an error and to contact the phone company. He’s unsure of what to do at this point because it’s not getting any better. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

Hi, I’m Coach Corey Wayne and this is my Video Coaching Newsletter. In the topic of today’s Newsletter is going to be, “My Fiancée Is A Habitual Liar. Is There Any Hope She’ll Change?”

Well, if you’ve been following me for a while, you may have heard me say many times in the past that people typically don’t change. They may become a better version of who they are, but they typically don’t change. So a habitual liar and a cheater most likely is not going to change. They just typically become better at hiding it, a little more crafty. But if they don’t really value loyalty, monogamy, exclusivity, keeping their word. No matter how much of a good person you are, it’s not going to matter.

So this particular guy, he constantly seems like he’s catching his fiancée and just little lies here and there. And even when he presents her with evidence of her lie, she’ll still lie to his face. Try to lie her way out of it until she eventually gives in. And recently he, I guess they had been speaking at like two in the morning or it just hung up. And then I guess because he was looking through the phone, bill noticed that there was a phone call from a number that was like an hour and a half long.

And he’s like, “What is this?” And she says, “Oh, call the phone company. It must be a mistake. I have no idea.” And that’s just one instance of other times where he sees she deletes a lot of messages. It’s clear that she’s deceiving him about something and hiding things from him. So this is a good email to go through, because there are women out there that are like this. And if you’re inclined to be a Captain Save-A-Hoe you think, hey, I’m such a good guy, I’ll fix her. I’ll solve her problems and therefore she won’t have to lie anymore. She’ll become honest. And that’s just not going to happen.

I have a second email that I’m going to go through with you in the next newsletter, which will be Members Only for you Paying Members you’ll have access to it. So it’s a success story of a state trooper who was with his wife for, I think 27 years, and she died of cancer in 2017. And then he spent six years with somebody that he was basically trying to fix. Captain Save-A-Hoe. And he since after he got dumped by her, he came across my work, realized the mistakes he had made, started dating new women.

You know, the chick, the Hoe he was trying to save came back basically. And by that point he’d met somebody new. And so he just kind of details how his life is now. It’s easy. It’s effortless. He doesn’t have any of this drama. So the second one, which will be a Members Only Video that’s also going to be published. You know, the same time, this one is the after effect after a guy got out of being Captain Save-A-Hoe. But this particular guy is engaged to a woman who is just clearly lying to him, and probably because she’s talking to the other guys, maybe hooking up with other guys.

But if you’re thinking about getting married to somebody, and especially if you’re going to involve the state in your relationship where your downside financial risk is to lose half of everything and you go ahead and get married anyways, when there’s all of this evidence that she’s just not capable of telling the truth, marrying her is not going to fix that. It’s not going to change that. You have to see reality as it is, not better than it is or worse than it is. But as it is.

And most people, especially when it comes to relationships, we tend to project our fantasy on the other person, and then we just ignore the fact that their reality doesn’t match the fantasy. And yet we proceed anyways because our emotions override our logic and reason. That’s why, especially you guys that want to get married and involve the state in your relationship, you should date for 2 or 3 years so you can get past the infatuation period, which typically lasts 6 to 12 months. The honeymoon period, as it’s also commonly called.

So you can spend time with her and enough time to kind of really evaluate her character and see what she’s like. Because when you’re in a relationship, when you’re dating, even your friends, business partners, clients, you’ve got to evaluate a person’s character. Do they do what they say? Do they mean what they say? Or are they constantly lying or just not following through on their commitments? And if you’re somebody that keeps your word, it’s very frustrating to be with somebody or involved with somebody in any kind of relationship that just doesn’t have the same value system.

And so any relationship, friendship, clients, significant other, you got to make sure your goals and values are aligned. And when they’re not, you got to see reality as it is. Instead of thinking that you can fix or change somebody. Because by the time somebody gets to be an adult, the damage is kind of done. If the Dad did a shitty job of raising his Daughter, whether he was involved or not, and she’s in her 20s or 30s, it’s like you’re just not going to fix that.

That’s just kind of the way they are for life. And if you accept reality as it is and you make your decisions based upon that, then when you recognize that you’re with somebody like this particular guy is, it’s just not fixable. Because you can confront them and you can have conversations about it. But if they’re a habitual liar and they’ve been they’ve been doing it since they were, in this case, a little girl. Now that she’s an adult, she’s been behaving this way for decades.

You’re not going to change that. You’re not going to fix that. It is possible, maybe in a fraction of the percentage of people that really make a commitment. But the average person, because most human beings tend to major in minor things, they’re just not. They learn to survive by lying. It’s part of their identity. And you’re not going to fix that. I was talking to a client last night who has been dating a girl that’s very smart, very beautiful, but just constantly lying. Looks like she was also sleeping with her boss. They were just kind of casually dating.

They were never boyfriend girlfriend, but she was talking about marriage and all these things being serious and he could never get a straight answer. They would be in the car together and she’d be talking to somebody, and he could hear the voice and tell it was a man. And then he was like, “Well, who was that?” Oh, and, you know, because they’d be speaking in a different language that he didn’t speak and she would tell him, “Oh, that’s one of my girlfriends.” He says, “Well, sure sounded like a man, because I could hear the voice.” It’s just lying right to his face.

And so it’s hard for him to even judge what’s reality when you’re with somebody like that. And it’s just not fixable. It’s not your responsibility to undo somebody else’s bad parenting, no matter how hot she is, no matter how much you love her. You got to see reality as it is unless you want to get burned. So again, the Paying Members will see the second video, “How To Retire From Being Captain Save-A-Hoe” and what this guy went through for six years. And so what this guy is going through here is pretty bad.

But there is light at the end of the tunnel once you accept reality as it is, you start reading and learning The Book, which, if you’re new, The Book is Free To Read at UnderstandingRelationships.com, just Subscribe to the free email Newsletter. It’ll open up right in your web browser. Because these videos are based upon the assumption, the premise, that you’ve at least read The Book a couple times, and you’re trying to apply the baseline fundamentals to specific real world situations, just like this one.

So with that said, let’s go through this guy’s email. It’s not a very long one, but there’s enough in here to realize it’s just, I mean, you don’t want to sleep with one eye open the rest of your life. Life is hard enough and difficult enough without involving a Judas goat in your inner circle, in this case, his significant other or fiancée. Imagine trying to raise children with somebody like this. Your kids are going to grow up to be liars, and do God knows what. You got to think about the values of the person you’re with, and you also got to think about their family. Do you want their family involved in raising your kids?

Viewer Email:

Hi Coach, 

I am struggling with my fiancée and her not telling the truth. I have given multiple opportunities to make simple choices to tell the truth but even the evidence she continues to lie.

So you’re giving her the opportunity to say, hey, you know what? Maybe I’m being judgmental. Maybe I’m being harsh. You know? Let me give her the benefit of the doubt. Here’s the evidence. This is how I know you’re lying. But they double and triple down on the lie over and over and over again.

I want to believe that there is nothing more than what I have seen and know but it is beginning to make me believe that there is even more serious issues or things she has done.

Yeah, again, with somebody like this, you’re just never, ever going to get the truth. I mean, all you got to do is look at our politicians. It’s like it doesn’t matter where you are in the world. If you’re anywhere in the West and you know, you’re probably say 30 years or older. You’ve been through a few election cycles. You start to notice that the politicians, no matter who they are, even the people that are supposed to be the good ones, you elect them. And yet, oftentimes, the things that they actually vote for and pass into law is the complete opposite of what they promised.

And then you, that politician goes away. Or like in the UK, oh, we got a new prime minister that’s going to solve everything. And yet the next prime minister makes all these grand promises and then what they actually vote and implement is the exact opposite of what they promised. But what they do actually do lines up with what the World Economic Forum people want. The Klaus Schwabs of the world. What their stated goals are, you go, “Oh okay.” Well now you can kind of see their influence to the point where it’s like every time you change a prime minister, the people go, “Oh, wow. We finally got rid of that bad politician.

Now we got this good one.” The good one says a lot of pretty phrases. And next thing you know, what do they actually do? They’re doing the same shit as the previous person. And so nothing ever really changes, no matter which side of the aisle these people get elected from. And so then you start to realize is that they’re just like a cutout. They’re a puppet. They pretend to be one thing, but when they’re actually another, you look at their actions and you realize, wow, they were just blatantly lying to our faces.

So when you see that and if our leaders are doing that, and then you encounter, like in this case, somebody you’re dating and she’s behaving that way, you can’t just ignore what your eyes and your ears are showing you, and that you’re hearing. You can ignore reality, but you can’t ignore the consequences of ignoring reality.

I have tried to give her the most calm and understanding time to explain things I have brought up and at first it is a response of I have no idea what that is or how that got on my phone etc.

She’s like, “Oh!” So her excuse basically is, “Oh, all those messages. That that shit ain’t mine. I don’t know how that got there. This must be a technical problem. You should call the phone company.” That’s like really absurd, to expect you to buy that kind of bullshit whopper.

Recently I found a call from a No Caller ID number while I was out of town, and it is verified for an hour and 20 minutes. We have been together for 4+ years now and we don’t even spend that much time on the phone.

Huh.

To make it ever worse the call was at 2:30AM and I had just hung up the phone with her. I gave her the chance to explain and all I got was a response of I have no idea how that is possible, and I should call the phone carrier.

Haha. Seems legit. Yeah, that must be a phone error. Like those things happen all the time, right? Unless the NSA is hacking your phone, it’s not actually happening. This is what you would call gaslighting. I have no idea what you’re talking about. I have no idea how that phone call got in there. I wasn’t on the phone for an hour and 20 minutes. It’s got to be a mistake. You should call the phone company.

I did call and they can’t give me the number, but she has also been deleting and hiding things lately. How am I supposed to handle this and move forward from this point? 

Bob

Well, when you’ve been with her for four plus years, this hasn’t changed, it hasn’t got better. Despite you being calm, despite you being loving, despite you being nice and trying to get her to come clean. Even when you have the evidence, as you said, she still just lies her way out of it and expects you to believe that all kinds of messages and texts that appear on her phone, they’re not hers. “I have no idea how that got there.” That shit just doesn’t happen. It’s like, so your choices are, I mean, it’s four plus years with this woman. And as Maya Angelou so aptly said, “When somebody tells you who they are, believe them the first time.”

So she’s been showing this guy for four plus years, she’s a habitual liar. And that was the name of the email that, you know, habitual liar was the subject line in his email. Four plus years. That’s who she is. As Gerald Celente of the Trends Research Institute says, “Often current events form future trends.” So if four plus years, she’s constantly lying and gaslighting you and going, “Yeah, I have no idea how that hour and 20 minute phone call that happened right after we hung up, got in my call records. It must be a mistake. You should probably call the phone company.

I have no idea how those texts got there or how all those the texts appear to be there and all those messages are deleted. I didn’t do anything with that. I don’t know how that got there. Maybe you should call the phone company.” Four plus years of this. You’re not going to fix this. You’re not going to going to change her. You’ve tried. You’ve asked her. You’ve been sweet. Just come clean, tell me the truth, and she won’t do it. So your choices are one of two things. You can either accept that she’s going to habitually lie, and it looks like she’s talking to somebody, that you wouldn’t be happy to know who she was talking to.

Maybe it’s Chad Thunder Cock. Who knows? We don’t know who she’s talking to. But the bottom line is, she’s not interested in being honest with you and telling you about it. And on top of that, she’s hiding it from you. Because if she were to really tell you the truth, she knows that you wouldn’t be happy with it. This is why somebody like her lies. It’s just her personality. It’s the way she is. This is what her Dad taught her. This is what her Mom taught her. This is what her family taught her. So you can either accept that you’re going to be with a habitual liar who’s probably cheating on you. Now. That’s what it looks like.

Maybe I’m wrong. Maybe we’re just nuts, but, it sure looks like she’s talking to somebody she shouldn’t be talking to, and she doesn’t tell you about it because obviously you wouldn’t be happy with what the answer is. So you either put up with that and sleep with one eye open the rest of your life, and being paranoid and her gaslighting you and going, “Oh, you should probably call a phone company and figure that out.” You find another dude’s underwear in the bed, or used condoms with somebody’s baby batter in it.

I don’t know how that used condom got in our garbage can in the master bedroom. I don’t know how that got there. Or those clothes from another man. I don’t know how that got there. You know, maybe somebody broke in the house and put their stuff in there. I don’t know how that happened. It wasn’t me.” You know, it’s like if you buy the Whopper she’s telling you now, she’s just gonna assume, because you’re enabling her behavior by putting up with it, that she’ll just continue to get away with them because you keep buying the explanations.

The only thing that could potentially make a woman like this change is losing a guy like you. And just saying, “I’m done with the lying. You’re not fixable. You won’t be honest with me.” Love cannot exist where there is no trust. “And you’re not doing anything to cause me to believe you’re trustworthy. All you’re doing is lying and covering up. And then when I confront you on the lies you tell more lies to cover up the lies. I can’t do it. I don’t want to do it.” “Oh, give me another chance. I promise it’ll never happen again.”

It’s like four and a half years. Four plus years. Yeah, whatever. This is who she is. But, you know, if this girl’s cute, there’s probably ten other dudes willing to line up, ten more beta male cucks that will line up and put up with it, thinking, I’ll fix her. I can work with this. But, you know, you either accept it and accept that this is what life’s going to be like with her. Or you say, “You know what, I deserve better. I want a woman who’s honest. I can’t deal with that.” I wouldn’t put up with it. I would have left a long time ago.

You deserve a medal for sticking around for four plus years. I can understand all the time and the emotional energy you’ve got invested. Your family knows her, probably. I mean, and this is how she behaves. So this is not going to change. It’s like you never try to turn a hoe into a housewife. Bottom line, you just can’t fix this. And she’s not interested in coming clean or being honest or, “Oh, I just, you know, it was a one time thing.” This is just a habitual liar. A habitual liar is always going to be a habitual liar. And if you don’t like it, which it doesn’t sound like you do, well, the only other choice is to find somebody else who is not a habitual liar.

Because, again, it’s not your job to fix somebody. You can’t make good wine from bad grapes. She was like this before you met her. It’s not your fault, but you are seeing the reality of the way she is. And if you love yourself and value yourself, you’re just gonna be like, “I can do better than this. I would want to live like this. A chick like this is a fuckbuddy, friends with benefits. Always practice safe sex. Sex playmate. But you never wife up somebody like this. You never get into a serious relationship with somebody that behaves this way.

Because it looks like she’s got something else going on with somebody else. Or maybe multiple dudes. Who knows. If she’s a habitual liar, there’s no telling what she’s doing when you’re not around. And she’s clearly not interested in telling you the truth because there’s obviously no innocent explanation for this stuff. Yeah, call the phone company. I don’t know how those messages got on there. Yeah, right. What a load of shit. Nothing you can do about that, dude. You’re not going to fix it.

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