What you should do if your relationship has been an on again off again romance, and your girl left you a few times, but still comes back, so she stays for good.
In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss an email success story from a guy that details the nature of his “on again off again” type of relationship. He shares some of their text exchange as she came back the most recent time, and how he seduced her again successfully. He says he’s read the book fifteen times, but says he has struggled with being weak, which has turned her off. She is also getting used to being a single mom after she left her husband. He has tended to pursue too hard and to try and force the relationship to happen faster than she’s ready for. This predictably drives her away.
It’s a good email detailing what a normal, regular guy goes through as he learns to find and stay in his masculine core to create the conditions where his woman pursues and wants to be with him more and more, instead of pushing him away. My comments are in (bold parenthesis like this below) in the body of his email.
My girl left me a few times. She did the on again off again, and I wasn’t sure if she wanted a relationship with me. I went along saying, “Okay that’s cool. Contact me if you change your mind,” or “Babe, that’s okay if that’s how you feel. Let’s just see each other people without a label and have fun,” but I did get needy sometimes and acted off-putting to her. I now realize after much reflection, before the breakup and after. I’ve read the book over 15 times. I know as soon as I make the mistakes.
(That’s what my book can help you with. It can help you self-diagnose what you’ve been doing and saying to turn your woman off. Then once you see it, the patterns become pretty fucking obvious.)
She called me over one night a few days after breaking up with me to “talk about it.” I went there dressed nice, smelling good with some of her things. I decided to leave them in the car, not to be the first thing she sees when she opened the door to me.
(That was smart.)
I had been complaining recently of her lack of input and excitement for our intimacy. She opened the door dressed up in sexy dress that I love, pulled me in, and started kissing me. I shut my eyes, I went with it and had an amazing time. After the “indoor Olympics,” she said here and had 2 glasses of wine ready on the bedside. She had really made an effort. She then started to talk, and I shut up and let her do the talking.
(Nice job dude. The fact that you told her what you wanted her to do more of, and the fact that she actually did it shows that she cares. If she didn’t give a fuck, she would have done nothing.)
She went on about how she’s messed up, she needs to have structure, and is still getting used to living with just her and the kids after leaving her husband then living across the road from me, since she moved 15 minutes away from me. As we argued a lot in the end and needed set days to see each other, she apologized and said that it sounded stupid. I was happy in my head, but just said, “That’s okay. I understand babe. Thank you. This is good and clear to me.”
(Men who understand women don’t argue with them. They communicate in a loving, adult manner, and they’re good listeners.)
She also said she would get help for her mind.
(Keep in mind, it’s not your job to fix somebody. The idea is, you want to find somebody who’s happy, who’s whole, who’s complete, and who’s ready, willing, able and open to having a relationship. It sounds like she’s in the middle of divorce.
Obviously her emotions are kind of raw, and she’s still adjusting to being a single mom. There are some red flags there that could create some conditions where you’ll have problems, versus somebody whose ex-husband is long gone, who’s ready, willing, open and able to date, there are no excuses or things she’s got to get past or figure out. Women who are in her situation tend to be hot and cold emotionally.)
She said she knows and appreciates that I’ve been learning how to be a good guy, reading “How To Be A 3% Man” and “The 5 Love Languages,” and she sees the changes and believes this roster for us gives her the structure she needs. I was to see her Monday, Friday and alternative Saturdays and Sundays, also depending how we feel, Wednesday nights for sex catch-ups if no phone chat.
(It sounds like you’ve got a lot of structure and a lot of rules around what days you get together. That tells me there’s not a lot of spontaneity going on, and that is important. You’ve got to have some mystery. You don’t want to become like a boring, dull routine.)
The next night she had a night out with the girls. She came home later, then she said she had drank a lot, taken stuff, and I freaked out, as when she called me she couldn’t speak. She never goes out. We got past that, but days later she told me she didn’t feel anything with me and wanted to end it.
(You were freaking out and driving her away. You totally lost your shit and became un-centered, and she didn’t like it, so she backed away and pushed you away. Women want to feel safe and comfortable. Remember, she is in the process of going through a divorce and if you’re being a needy, insecure jackass when you’re dating her, you’re just bringing drama into her life. It’s not easy or fun.
Remember the Thich Nhat Hanh quote, “You must love in such a way that the person you love feels free.” When you lose your shit and get angry and upset with her, she’s going to feel like she’s losing her freedom. That’s why she pushed you away like she did.)
She said she loved me, but felt our relationship had run its course.
(Women express what they feel in the moment. In that moment she was like, “I’m out of here. I’m not feeling it anymore.” Obviously you had made a lot of mistakes prior to that. It’s not like you read the book 15 times and you’re Mr. Perfect all of the time. You read it 15 times and know the information, but it’s one thing to understand it as a mental concept, and it’s another thing to show up and do the right things when you really care about somebody, and you’re trying to undo a lifetime of bad, weak behavior.)
She thanked me and said she had learned a lot, had great times and we can move on as better people. I was cut, and I asked a lot of questions, but ended with, “Let me know if you change your mind.” I died inside, started to read “The Power of Now,” acted upon my spiritual beliefs and talked to a healer/counselor to help myself.
(You’re obviously familiar with “7 Principles To Get An Ex Back.”)
Less then a week later, I randomly got a text. SEE TEXT EXCHANGE BELOW:
Her: “Hey Bob. I don’t know how to ask you, but do you still want to fuck?”
Him: “Hey Babe. It’s good to hear from you, would love to see you. Why don’t you grab a bottle of wine and come over?”
Her: “Well, I’m in bed at the moment, PJ’s on.”
Him: “Well, jump on in the car with your PJ’s on, and driver over. You can even stay over if you want, and get it again in the morning.”
Her: “Was just thinking about that.”
Him: “Great. See you soon.”
(You were direct, decisive, got right to the point, and you focused on your outcome and what you wanted. Remember, your job as a man is to create an opportunity for sex to happen.)
I had deleted her number and Facebook from my phone, so I didn’t check on her or do anything stupid. It was her number and saying sorry, not sure how to ask but did you still want sex.
(The object of romance is not to have a relationship. It’s to have fun together. It’s to create an opportunity for sex to happen. Remember, she pushed you away, because you had created a hassle for her in her life. Then, when you let her go and let her have her freedom, she was like, “I miss that guy.” Then you made it easy for her to escape from her life and have fun. Hang out, have fun and hook up. It’s the magic formula.)
This was her first night off without the kids in a few days, it was 9.30 at night, and as per screenshot attached, I did what you would tell your clients and subscribers to do. I know it wasn’t about the booty call, but more so, she wanted to feel my presence. I acted centered, strong, confident and positive. We had some fun, and in the morning she left commenting of my nice smelling house and some new additions, pillows, etc.
I feel this is a good story to publish on YouTube. I’ve followed you for ages and probably watched all of your videos, TRUST ME, and more than once! They all give me inspiration, and I share your wisdom, advice and page to not only friends, but Uber drivers too! Lol.
(I appreciate the referrals. Although you said you read the book 15 times, you’re still struggling with things, but you’re getting better than you used to be. And the important thing is, you’re noticing that you’re getting better, so that’s a good sign.
Just let her come to you and let her do all of the calling, texting and pursuing. Then you make the next date just like you did right here. If she’s pursuing you, then she’s not dumping you. It’s her idea, therefore, she’s not going to break those plans, because she has a really high level of interest of getting together.)
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Author, Speaker, Peak Performance Coach, Entrepreneur
“Control is an illusion. We may think we are in control of our lives, but the longer you live, the more you come to realize that the universe often has other plans. Life is change. It requires your flexibility and adaptability to change, so you can navigate the seasons of your life, overcome challenges and setbacks, and reach your full potential. Your attitude and mindset are the greatest tools you can use to shape and change your destiny. A positive and empowering one enables you to succeed eventually with enough time, patience, action and refinement of your approach. A negative and limiting one keeps you stuck in place and mediocre. No matter what life throws your way, your ability to remain relaxed, peaceful and resourceful determines your trajectory and ability to achieve your outcomes.” ~ Coach Corey Wayne
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