The smart thing to do if your girlfriend cheated, got pregnant, but you’re not the father.
In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss an email update to the video newsletter I discussed in, “She Cheated On Me, But Now Suggests An Open Relationship.” His pregnant girlfriend had the baby 3 weeks ago. They did a DNA test, and he is not the father. She apparently has also been married for 7 years to another guy, who is actually the baby’s father.
He found all of this out after she had the baby, and he wasn’t allowed to be there for the birth. Supposedly, because her father would be there, but in reality, it was because her husband was there. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.
I am back with an update. Not sure if I can keep this one as short as the previous one. So, in case you do decide to make a video response, feel free to edit and cut it up as you see fit.
The unthinkable has happened. I did a DNA test, and I am not the father. A little over 3 weeks ago, my girlfriend gave birth to a beautiful baby girl. I was sadly not able to be present during the birth, since only 2 days before giving birth she told me I have to leave. The reason I had to leave was that her father was coming, who supposedly hates my guts and that I never met up until this point. I said her father can stick it where the sun doesn’t shine, I am not leaving my girlfriend right before she is about to give birth.
Because, at the time he’s thinking, “Hey, this is my baby, of course.”
After a heavy discussion and under pressure, she admitted for the first time that the baby might not be mine. I was absolutely shocked and decided to leave.
Fast forward to a couple of days after that, I decided to go and seek help and advice from the doctor where we would go for a monthly check-up regarding the baby. I was always there, so the doctor knew me and she was also the doctor she booked for when she would give birth. I went in the doctor’s office and told her that my girlfriend kicked me out and that the baby was possibly not mine. The doctor then told me that she gave birth 2 days ago. (My girlfriend told me she spent a day in the hospital due to blood loss, but that she did not yet give birth.)
So, this particular woman is a pathological liar. And he admitted, if you go look at the previous newsletter, that he had caught her in multiple lies. This is why it’s so critically important for the dudes in the Red Pill community, it’s like, does the person have integrity? Do they keep their word, or not? Are they honest, or not? That’s the important thing you’re trying to ask here. It really doesn’t matter about “hypergamy.”
What really matters is, character’s destiny. What’s the person’s character like? And if you suck at judging people’s character… like most people in the Red Pill community seem to really suck at it and write books about it, crying about single moms and stuff. I mean, if these guys didn’t spend all their time crying about single moms, they wouldn’t have a business, but I digress. Because character is destiny, and this guy did not properly vet his girlfriend.
And on top of that, when he constantly caught her in lies, he put up with it. You want to see the best in other people. It’s understandable, especially when you care. But at the end of the day, a liar is a liar, and they will always pretty much remain a liar. A liar and a cheater always remains a liar and a cheater. Character’s destiny. Are they trustworthy? Do they keep their word? That’s the most important thing that really matters with people in general. If their word doesn’t mean anything, well, then everything they tell you is suspect. And if you proceed anyway, well, whatever the consequences are, that’s on you.
As the late, great Don Shula said, “Strong men blame themselves, weak men blame others.” And there’s a lot of weak dudes in the red pill community. They’re always pointing the finger. And then, obviously, there’s people that are caught up in the cult, and their whole identity is associated and wrapped up in that. And then, they’re like, “Oh, Corey, you don’t understand. Oh, the red pill guys I follow aren’t like that.” They all get really butt-hurt and really defensive about it.
The doctor asked, “Weren’t you the guy in the waiting room named Rob while she was giving birth?”
Obviously, this is Bob we’re talking that wrote the email. “Rob” is not really his name, but Rob is the other guy who potentially is the baby’s father, but we don’t really know. There’s a DNA test that’s been done. All we know is this particular guy is not the father.
Dear Coach, the dominoes started falling. Rob is her supposed ex-boyfriend. The doctor helped me by calling my girlfriend, and I drove like a madman to the hospital. There I was, finally able to see my beautiful daughter. I told her I knew about Rob and asked her what the hell is going on?
So, after the baby’s born, he’s finding out what he assumes is the real story, because her family’s involved now. It gets messy.
Nothing but denial and lies came from her mouth. So, I decided to leave and drive to our home, where her parents were staying now. I confronted the parents at her house, (Rob was not there). I told them about who I am, that I was living with their daughter for a year, and the child might be mine.
This is all pre-DNA test.
They were absolutely shocked.
Can you imagine being parents of a daughter like this? But kids always learn from the parents. So, we wonder, who did she learn pathological lying from? You know, a lot of guys make the mistake, they think, “Oh, well, the parents are together. She loves her dad and her mom,” but if her dad or her mom, both or one of them is a pathological liar, well, that’s what they’re going to learn. And we’re going to emulate whatever example we’re presented in the home.
They never heard my name before, let alone see my face.
Remember, the father supposedly hated this guy’s guts, didn’t know anything about him, never heard about him, didn’t know his name, nothing. The whole “my father hates your guts” thing, she just told him that as an excuse as to why he could never meet the parents.
She had completely hidden me over the last year, covering up everything with lies and hiding social media posts for certain people.
That’s interesting. So, only certain people can see. Because you can do that with Facebook, I know that. You can make folders and pictures and albums, all that stuff only available for certain people. It’s like, can you imagine trying to live a life like this? A double life where you tell all these lies to people closest to you?
I convinced the parents that we need to do a DNA test, and they eventually agreed. Talking to the parents took about 2 hours. The mother was very aggressive towards me and threatened me on several occasions.
She sounds like a real peach.
I think the mother knew of me. I heard my girlfriend say my name over the phone on several occasions when calling with her mother. (The lying and manipulative behavior probably comes from the mother. It has to come from somewhere.)
Yeah, the bottom line is it’s there. And he’s known it’s been there for a long time, but he stuck around. Pain is life’s change agent. It’s life’s way of saying, what you’re doing is not optimal or the wrong way to go about it. You can ignore reality, but you can’t ignore the consequences of ignoring reality. And he ignored the fact that she was a pathological liar and she burned him good.
Three days later, the five of us (me, baby, girlfriend, mother and father) went to the clinic to do a DNA test. There I was, finally able to hold the baby for the first time. Despite these horrible conditions, this was the most beautiful moment in my life. I told her that I hope with all my heart that she is really my daughter.
That’s understandable. Who could hate a little baby? Come on. The baby didn’t do anything except show up.
The day after, the results came in, and the news was devastating. The baby is not mine. I never felt this bad before in my entire life. I decided to contact Rob. Her parents and her called me on several occasions, pleading not to contact him, blaming me that I would ruin her life and her family.
Of course, it’s not her fault or her family’s fault. It would be totally his. Wow. There are people like this in the world. This is why you’ve got to vet. As Maya Angelou said, When somebody shows you or tells you who they are, believe them the first time.” If somebody shows you over and over what a liar they are, and they’re cheating on their ex with you, and then they monkey branch from the ex to you, don’t be surprised when you do a DNA test on “your baby,” and it turns out not to be “your baby.”
I met up with Rob a couple of days later. She and Rob have been married for 7 years.
Oh, she conveniently left that out.
He was sending over money every month to pay for the house and to buy stuff for the coming baby. Rob was very thankful that I told him and said he will divorce her and go back to France. He would do a DNA test as well, and he told me he wished the child was not his. It turns out that the baby is indeed his.
Congratulations, Rob. Well, he is married to her, after all. He married a woman that belongs to the streets. I can imagine what the comments are like. Oh, man. Poor guy.
Over the last weeks, I have visited the baby many times and even went to sleep there a couple of times, so I could spend some time with her. Even knowing this is not my baby, I have never felt happier in my life while I am hugging the baby. But being around my ex-girlfriend was extremely taxing. Knowing how much she lied, I didn’t believe a single word she said anymore.
And you shouldn’t. She’s not capable of being trustworthy. And that poor baby girl, she’s going to wreck her life. She’s going to grow up and be just like her mother. Oh, it’s so sad. But I believe we choose our parents. So, the soul of the baby came into this world knowing that she was going to have a mother who was a ratchet, whatever the reason is. What could be the karmic reason for that?
You reap what you sow in life. And Edgar Cayce, if you guys have ever studied some of that, and I wrote a little bit about it in “Mastering Yourself,” we tend to experience the opposite in another life. What we do to one person in one life, we have done to us in another. What was it Jesus said, “Do unto others as you would have do unto you,” or something like that.
Despite all this, I decided a couple of days ago to go for a final visit, and I blocked my now ex-girlfriend, so she cannot contact me anymore.
Thank you. Very smart.
Rob told me I am always welcome and that, in fact, he would love very much so for me to be in the baby’s life as much as possible.
Because, obviously, he’s a good dude. Bob is a good dude. Bob deserves a good woman, not this hoe.
My ex-girlfriend has begged me on many occasions to stay with her, knowing that I love the baby as my own daughter.
Remember, in the previous email, she was threatening him like, “You’ll never get to see her.” I mean, at the end of the day, it’s not even his daughter. So, we know that she’s manipulative, and she will use his attachment and his care for her daughter to manipulate him. And that is really toxic. That’s why you’ve got to eject, eject, eject!
As opposed to Rob, who seems to want to abort as fast as possible. I think she mostly fears being a single mother.
Well, that’s her future. Congratulations. She made that bed. Now she gets to lie in it.
I have thought about every scenario possible, but I do not see the way.
I see a way for you to be with a different woman, who actually has some integrity.
If I invest myself emotionally more in this child, I only fear more hurt in the future.
Yep, that’s correct. Your Spidey sense and your intuition is saying eject, eject, eject!
For example, if Rob changes his mind and wants to be in his daughter’s life, or if there is another stepdad who steps up, and I just get completely removed from the picture.
Which you probably will, because it would be beta to stick around. An alpha male is gonna be like, “I’m out of here. Good luck with you, and your baby, and your husband. I wish you all the best. Got nothing but love for you.”
Every child will rebel against their parents at a certain age, and since I am not the real father it could be absolutely brutal.
“You’re not even my dad. I don’t have to listen to you!” Especially with having a mother like that, oof! It’s not good.
Nearly all of my friends and family members say I really dodged a bullet here, and that I should forget and move on as fast as possible.
Yes, that is true. I second that,a nd I would imagine the overwhelming majority of the audience is like, “Yeah, bro, get the hell out. Pull the rip cord!”
While I understand other people, their outside perspective, nobody really understands how I feel about this baby as my own daughter. I am absolutely devastated.
Well, it’s nice that you have a big enough heart that you would care that much for a child that’s not even yours, but that love, that care needs to go to your own child and a woman who’s actually loyal to you, not this hoe. Don’t try to turn a hoe into a housewife.
I might change my mind about possibly being in her life, but for now, I do not see the way.
I don’t either, dude. You’d be crazy to do it. And if you’re thinking about doing it, I want you to take your right hand, and I want you to reach out and choke yourself.
The chance for success is minuscule. But hey, people fight for their children, even if there is 0% chance for a positive outcome.
You’re being delusional, dude. Don’t even be thinking like that. You blocked her, she’s out.
Thank you, Coach, for your teachings and content. I also do realize that I have my own fault and responsibility in this situation. I involved myself with immoral people, and I am now paying the price.
Yeah. Remember, he was “the other guy.” He was the sidepiece too, supposedly, because she was cheating on her ex, or going to leave her ex. But it turns out, I guess, maybe the ex was the husband? Who knows.
Only, I never would have imaged the price to be so high.
Bob from Belgium
P.S. I am from Belgium, and Rob is from France. But I am living in Thailand, and my ex-girlfriend is Thai. Rob would only come over for a couple of months per year. That’s why she was able to hide me. The day she told me to leave the house, it was not her father coming. It was actually Rob, who came a week earlier, as planned, on a surprise visit. I could write a book with all the details of this story, but the email is already quite lengthy.
Well, Bob, I really feel for you, dude, but as you said, you got involved with an immoral woman and you are paying the price. Character is destiny. No matter how good the pusswah is, it is not worth it trying to rip off some other dude’s girl. Because these are pretty bad consequences. These are emotionally painful consequences. And so, the idea is, for those of us that are not involved with this in any way, this is a cautionary tale of what not to do. When you come across a woman and she lacks character, you’ve got to boot her out of your life as quickly as possible. Because the consequences down the road are shit like this.
And so, you can imagine in the blue states, guys get involved and marry women like this thinking, “Hey, I stole her from another guy.” And then they find out she slept with half his friends, and most of his kids aren’t even his. I know people who’ve had this experience. It’s not pleasant, and it sucks. You raise your kids up, and then you find out when they’re they’re adults or teenagers that most of them aren’t even yours. How would you feel about that? That kind of sucks.
So, you don’t want to be like Bob from Belgium you. Well, actually, I mean, in all fairness, Bob from Belgium, he dodged a bullet, just like his family said. So, he has the emotional pain of withdrawing from this situation, but he owes nothing to her. He doesn’t owe any child support, nothing. He’s blocked the girl. He should move on and recognize, when you spot character flaws, you’ve got to dip. You don’t sit around trying to change a girl because she’s super hot, or the pussy is good, or she’s got nice boobs, or she’s the most beautiful thing you’ve ever seen. Character’s destiny. And you can ignore reality, but you can’t ignore the consequences of ignoring reality.
So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen and book a coaching session with yours truly.
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