My Girlfriend Used To Do Only Fans & Causes A Lot Of Drama

How to know if your relationship is salvageable if she did Only Fans & causes a lot of drama.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a viewer who broke up with his girlfriend of 1 year. She used to do Only Fans which he didn’t like and she eventually stopped. However, she often became bitchy, grumpy, irritable and caused a lot of unnecessary drama. She was constantly disturbing his peace instead of bringing him peace. Eventually he just got tired of the drama and chaos she brought into his life and said it wasn’t worth it. He asks my opinion. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

Hi, I’m Coach Corey Wayne and this is my Video Coaching Newsletter. And the topic of today’s Newsletter is going to be, “My Girlfriend Used To Do Only Fans & Causes A Lot Of Drama.”

Well, that just sounds like a barrel of monkeys and so much fun. So this particular email is from a guy. He broke up with his girlfriend. They were together for about a year. I guess apparently she used to do Only Fans at one point, and he didn’t like it. She stopped eventually and then they were hanging out at a party or something together. There was a bunch of models there and the models said, “oh, you should start doing Only Fans again.” So she did, and he brought up his concerns. She kind of downplayed them, but eventually she stopped doing it.

And so a big part of the problem was, and what led to their breaking up was that she would often be bitchy, she’d be grumpy, she’d be irritable, she’d cause a lot of drama. And I mean, I assume if she’s doing Only Fans and taking pictures of the taco and putting it out there for people to pay to get access to. You know, if you’re a family oriented guy, and if you’re traditional, you want to get married or you just want to have kids with a good woman who’s going to be loyal to you and be a good person to co-parent with. You want a woman that’s going to bring peace into your life, not constantly be disturbing it like this guy’s ex was.

But obviously he cares for her. But the attitude, it’s like he just got tired of the drama and all the chaos because it looks like she’s pretty insecure and would get upset. And I mean, just going through the email, as I go through it, and the things she’s doing and saying, it’s tiring, it kind of wears you out. You’re just like, “oh God.” You want easy going, easy to get along with women that were raised in a good environment where dad is calm because masculinity is calm and he provided a stable environment and a stable home, and he taught the girl to chill out instead of freak out and become overly emotional and bitchy.

Then those are going to be the best girls to be with. But girls that grow up where things are messy, if the father provided chaos or a chaotic environment, or he was dominated by his wife or his baby mama, and the wife or baby mama doesn’t respect him, the daughters don’t respect him, well, you can’t expect this girl to respect you as a man just because she was taught not to respect men in general. And so now he’s kind of wondering, “hey, did I make a mistake? Was I too harsh in my judgment?”

And the one thing you have to understand about women is that all of them, typically, If you’re acting weak or you’re not being the leader, you’re not totally in your masculine it’s going to make women feel unsafe. And sometimes they will get a little bitchy and a little grumpy. I mean, everybody gets a little bitchy and a little grumpy and a little irritable at times. And a good woman, she’ll know it. And afterwards she’ll say, “hey, sorry for being such a bitch earlier today. I was just kind of in a shitty mood and my mom pissed me off. Or my sister got upset at me over something.”

Or whatever it happens to be. A good woman’s going to apologize, and it’ll be an occasional thing if it ever really comes up. But when it’s constant, it’s like constant chaos. That just shows that she came from probably a broken home. And so it wasn’t stable. And so therefore she’s used to chaos. And so if there is no chaos in the home, she’ll make the chaos because things being calm and normal and quiet, that’s not normal to her. She’s not experienced that. And so she’ll literally create the environment that she is used to.

You know, what’s interesting is, just something that I thought of when I was a kid growing up, I had a big 75 gallon saltwater fish tank, and I had an octopus in it. I had one of those Lionfish, which was really a neat fish. And the octopus, like, he would arrange the tank the way he wanted it, and I didn’t like the way he would arrange it.

And then I would put all the stuff to back the way it was. And then within an hour or two, everything would be right back where the octopus had it before. And he was just determined, he was like, “hey, this is my tank, and I’m going to make things the way I want. I don’t care if you like it. I don’t care if you’re the one that feeds me and provides. It’s like, if I’m living in this tank, I’m putting things the way I want and there’s nothing you can do about it.”

And, so it’s like it just kind of struck me because this particular girl, it’s again, if she’s used to chaos and you’re providing a pretty calm environment, she’s going to stir shit up just because that’s what’s normal to her. And in these cases, you can set healthy boundaries. But the only thing that makes women like this change is enough men just telling them, “no.” Enough men saying, “I’m not going to stay with you if this is the way you’re going to show up. If you’re calm, you’re cool, you’re collected.” Because masculinity is calm after all.

And if she wants to constantly bring chaos and drama and she doesn’t stop, eventually you’re going to have to throw her back to the streets. That’s just the way it’s going to have to be. But unfortunately, in our society, there’s so many weak guys that especially if the girl is really hot, and she’s a little jaded, and she’s a little full of herself, she’s young. Her attitude can just be, “oh, I’ll just find another guy and that guy will put up with it.”

It’s not until they get older and they’re not as (physically) attractive that not as many guys pay attention to them and their choices start to dwindle, that they may change. But I mean, in our world, there’s just so many thirsty guys that are just starved for female attention that they’ll put up with it. And so that just validates her behavior. I mean, look at OnlyFans.

It’s a $1 billion industry, and a lot of dudes would rather follow girls on OnlyFans and send them money and chat with them occasionally than even having a date or have a relationship, because at least it keeps everything at arm’s length. And the woman’s not bringing chaos into your life, like this particular girl was. And so this guy’s kind of torn because he’s like, “man, I miss her. But man, it was just so chaotic.”

Viewer Email:

Corey,

My girlfriend of one year and I had a great connection, even managing long distance for a while. However, I wasn’t fully committed at the heart but gave it a try.

Again, if a woman’s easygoing, easy to get along with, she brings peace into your life. She’s fun to be around. You like listening to her. She’s nice to you. That’s the important thing. She’s got to be nice. If she’s not nice, man it really makes life difficult. And then you throw some kids in the mix.

A couple dogs and cats, and a house and bills. Man, that’s a hell of a pressure cooker. And if she’s already being bitchy and grumpy and cranky when it’s just the two of you, throw some kids and some pets and a house in there and a mortgage payment, maybe a business. Oh man, that’s a recipe for a divorce. And making divorce attorneys rich, or richer, I should say.

One issue was her involvement with OnlyFans. When I flew her out to visit me and took her to a high-end party, she got convinced by models to return to OnlyFans, which bothered me.

Yeah, if you’re going to be loyal and faithful, the provider, the protector, you don’t want your buddy down the street going, “man, your girl is. That Taco is really. [Signals okay with hand]. She really shaved that thing nice. Pretty sweet. You’re a lucky dude, Bob.” You don’t want that. You want a girl that’s going to be to you.

If she wants to be an OnlyFans entrepreneur and take pictures, provocative pictures and do all those kinds of things and get tons of attention from men around the world, hey, well, you know, she can go do that, but if you’re a family oriented guy, you’re just not going to want that. Also if you’ve got daughters, you’re not going to want them doing those kinds of things.

I expressed my discomfort, but she downplayed it. Despite this, I pursued a relationship and eventually made her delete OnlyFans.

If she really loves the guy and she salvageable. She’ll give it up for him. She’ll say, okay.

I moved to Texas, partly to be with her but also for a job and a change of scenery. Our long-distance relationship had its ups and downs, mainly because she felt I didn’t care enough about her, especially since I followed and had women following me on Instagram.

Yeah, that’s not going to be helpful. If she sees you following other hot women hot models that are posting camel toe pictures in their bikinis with their legs spread and doing Yoga poses and everything. She’s going to think, “oh, he’s still looking for another girl.” Because Instagram is a great dating app.

So if you’re on there constantly following and being followed back by other beautiful women and you’re chastising her about OnlyFans, it sure looks like you’re trying to see what else is out there. And so it doesn’t look like from that perspective, like you’re really 100% committed to being loyal. But as he said in the beginning, he wasn’t fully committed in his heart. But he’s like, “all right, I’ll give it a try.”

Our long-distance relationship had its ups and downs, mainly because she felt I didn’t care enough about her.

Well, again, if your heart’s not fully in, women are pretty intuitive, and they’re more connected to their emotions and their feelings and their intuition than us guys happen to be. And so she could feel it. She could feel you’re not completely, fully present and there. Especially if you’re dealing with an insecure woman. She’s going to be bitchy and grumpy.

Especially since I followed and had women following me on Instagram. A couple weeks before I moved I broke up with her after golfing because she called me saying I’ve been ignoring her all day and that I followed a girl on Instagram.

I mean, imagine you’re at the golf course. It’s nice. It’s quiet. For the most part the breeze is blowing. Beautiful day. You hit a sweet shot. Your buddies are like, “oh, man. Nice shot dude.” And then your girl calls you. “Are you following a girl on Instagram? You don’t care about me. You don’t love me. You’re a horrible boyfriend. I hate you.” Something along those lines. So, right off the bat, what does that tell you about her go-to. Her go-to is to assume the worst. Her go-to is assume that he doesn’t love her.

Because remember, we have two primary fears. Fear that we’re not enough. In other words, we don’t have what it takes. And fear that we won’t be loved. And so, more than likely, she probably didn’t get enough strokes as a kid growing up. And so she grew up incredibly insecure. Maybe she’s been cheated on. Maybe her parents cheated on each other. But the bottom line is she presupposes the worst, and takes action based upon assuming the worst. So again, you’re at a golf course. Nice day. It’s kind of quiet. You’re like, oh, it’s a nice breeze, beautiful trees.

There’s birds flying around. Maybe see an alligator running across the across the golf course. If you’re in Florida, you’re like, “oh wow, that’s a big alligator. Probably should stay away from that little pond over there.” And then you get a call from your girlfriend, and she’s disturbing your peace. And now you hang up and you’re agitated and you’re pissed off, and you hit your next shot, and you totally shank it into the trees. You’re like, “great. Thanks, babe. You’re awesome. What a blessing. Thanks for helping me with my golf game.”

I told her she is causing my life to be chaotic, and this headache is not worth it. We then got back together once I moved to Texas.

Yeah. You want a woman that brings you peace not to disturbs it. A good woman, if she’s upset or her feelings are hurt and she’s got a healthy self-esteem, she’s just going to wait until you get home and you guys have time to talk. She’s not going to disturb you at the office when she knows you’re probably in meetings. Or if she knows you’re out with your buddies in the golf course. It’s like, if you told her that you’re golfing all day, she should just let you be. Unless it’s an emergency. A good woman’s going to leave you alone. Unless it’s an emergency. Even then, if she needs something, she’ll just text you. She’s not going to call you and then rip your ass while you’re on the golf course. It’s like, come on.

On the 4^th of July, I took her and her friends on a party barge (they Ubered and met me there). We had a blast, taking pictures, kissing and laughing in the water. At the end of the event, her Uber was delayed, and she asked if I could take her friends in the bed of my truck. I refused, considering it dangerous.

Which it definitely is dangerous. Because if you lose control and flip over, they’re going to die. If you guys saw the Podcast that we did with Jennifer a few years ago. Her best friend from high school, they were all coming back from a party late at night. The guy driving the pickup truck, was one of those with big wheels, and it was kind of jacked up off the ground. He’d been drinking a little too much, and I think he ran a stop sign or something.

And then there was 4 or 5 of them in the back, and the truck rolled over and rolled over on top of her best friend from high school and killed her. And she got messed up. She still got rocks in her knees, from all those years ago when that happened. So that was a very traumatic type of event. So it is dangerous. I know in a lot of places it’s against the law. So if you’re being a man, and she’s wanting to do something that because everybody’s drinking, “oh, it’ll be fine. It’s just a few miles.”

It’s not safe now. When I was a kid growing up, we did stupid shit like that all the time. We rode around in station wagons with, like ten kids in the back, nobody with seatbelts. I mean, if you get into a wreck, everybody’s gonna die. But, hey, that was the 80s. We were the latchkey kids back then, but nowadays it’s just not safe. Plus, you usually will get ticketed for it.

She got upset, and I left, thinking she would manage with the Uber. She had such an attitude about me not being able to fix this with unattainable expectations. So I told her this is no longer my problem and left.

Yeah, if your girlfriend is berating you in front of her girlfriends and blaming you because their Uber is not there or whatever when she invited their friends, I mean, you should have waited, but when she’s just being an ass to you and browbeating you, it’s like, that’s not loving, that’s not sweet. Everybody should just be hanging out and having a good time waiting for the car to come. Instead, she’s abusing him verbally in front of everybody.

That’s not a good look. Again, this is probably what was modeled for her at home. So to her that’s normal. And he’s just thinking, man, it’s like, “why would I want to deal with this? I took all of her girlfriends out for the day, and now she’s giving me a hard time and insulting me in front of everybody. So he’s like, I’m out of here. You guys can find your own way home.”

That night, I went out with my mom and friends.

You should always spend time with your mom because she’s not always going to be there.

That night, I went out with my mom and friends who were visiting. She didn’t contact me after returning to pick up her car, so I gave her space. Later, she got angry that I went out without informing her, claiming I would be upset if she did the same.

It’s like she was just upset the whole day, and she’s constantly finding reasons to get mad and pissed off and butthurt because she presupposes the worst, that he doesn’t care. But she’s being so unpleasant to be around. It’s like, what guy wants to put up with that? Is this easygoing, easy to get along with? Is she being nice to him? Fuck no. She’s abusing him in front of other people. You don’t want that. If you got a good, healthy relationship with your girl.

Because we’ve all had friends that are like this, that date women like this, and you’re like, “oh, man, why does he put up with that bitch?” And then everybody’s having a good time. And then whatever reason she gets, you know, her panties in a wad about something, and she starts a fight with her boyfriend. We all know couples that are like this, and we’re like, “oh, man, why does he put up with that shit?” And a lot of guys do. And this particular guy was just not going to put up with it.

I didn’t reply and stopped sharing my location with her.

Well, if you stop sharing your location, it looks like that’s kind of like the first foot out the door in a breakup. That’s what it communicates. That communicates you don’t want her to know where you are and what you’re doing, and that you’re no longer that close. And if you already got an insecure girl and you stop sharing your location, it’s not going to help things. Let’s put it that way. Because when you stop sharing location, it’ll say, “Bob, stopped sharing location. Or Jessica stopped sharing her location.”

She then texted me saying, “we are done.” Despite my attempts to talk things through, she blocked me on all social media and refused to return my belongings.

So she held your shit hostage. That’s nice. What a lovely girl. Boy sign me up. Can I have her number, please? I’d love to go out with this one.

A couple weeks before this I picked her up from being out with the girls. She was in a dress looking like a freaking smoke and I wanted to eat her alive but the vibes were off. I took her to grab some late night pizza and made a wrong turn on the way and she got all bitchy saying “now we have to sit thru all of these lights ugh”.

So much fun. Where is the positive? Where is she adding value to your life? It’s like she’s always getting mad and upset.

I ignored it and arrived at the pizza place. Upon exiting my truck I told her “wow, you look nice” and proceeded to kiss her. She turned her head and started to complain saying “oh, I just look nice? What the heck, I want my boyfriend to love me and call me sexy, beautiful and hot”.

So he gives a compliment from his heart, the kind of compliment he wants to give. And she gets mad. Again, she presupposes the worst. You know, not sharing your location or stopping sharing it, that didn’t help. But it’s just like spiraling out of control.

I told her to get back in my truck and I will be dropping her off and going home.

Yeah, it’s like, I’m not going to spend time with you if you’re going to be a bitch like this.

Which turned into her begging me to spend the night at her house. We did had sex and smoothed it over, but that shit was bizarre and bugged me. Am I screwed here, or is this situation too chaotic? I have other options, but I genuinely miss her. The relationship had its high points, but the drama seems overwhelming.

Yeah, a normal girl is not going to behave like this. Girlfriends I’ve had are easygoing, easy to get along with. Not once did I ever have one instance of them talking to me this way. Not once. In all the years we’ve been together. All those girlfriends. Not a single one ever treated me like that. And I did have one in particular that was kind of like this. She was just sassy. Bitchy. She’d be nice one minute, and then the next minute she’d be in a shit mood for whatever reason.

Or she’d wake up; one night we’d go to bed. She’s sweet as pie. We have good sex. Wake up the next day and she’s in a shit mood. From the time her eyes opened. And is determined to take it out on me and everybody else around us. And eventually I just got sick of it. I didn’t want to put up with it. You know, you can try to set healthy boundaries, but women like this, this particular girl grew up without a father. He died of a drug overdose when she was six, and her mother never dated anybody after that.

And so there was no man. And on top of that, her older brother, she had a horrible relationship with him. He had mental health issues. And it was just so she was used to a chaotic environment. And so when things were good or calm, she would bring the chaos. Just because not having chaos is not normal to her. And after having dated the women I’ve dated, it’s like I’m not going to put up with that. So I said Adios, chica.

Should I move on, or try to reach out again?

Well, you wouldn’t you shouldn’t reach out when she’s the one that broke it off. Because if you chase after somebody who is treating you this way, you’re enabling her behavior. You’re basically telling her that she can abuse you in front of everybody and do it continuously, and you’ll just keep coming back for more. Thank you. May I have another, please? And so the only way she’s going to learn is that if she treats you nice, she gets to be around you. If she acts like a bitch, you’re going to take her home. Simple as that. So I wouldn’t call her or text her for any reason. If she reaches out in the future, you should be following the protocol that’s in 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back.

And if she does come over and she wants to get back together at some point, I mean, your job is just to create the opportunity for sex to happen. If she starts talking about commitments and being boyfriend girlfriend, just say, “well, I just want to continue to date and take it slow. Because I know how you get and I’ve told you I’m not going to put up with it. You have to be nice to me. And if you can’t be nice to me, you’re not the right girl. Sorry, it’s just my standard. If you can’t meet my minimum standards of acceptable conduct and behavior and you can’t be nice to me consistently, I don’t want you in my life.”

“Go find some fucking chump that you can abuse and browbeat. And maybe he’ll put up with your shit, because I’m not going to put up with it. My life is stressful enough. I don’t need a chick constantly bringing stress and being insecure and accusing me of all these things. It’s like when you behave the way you behave, I just want to get the hell away from you. So be nice to me and we can have a great time. If you want to be a bitch, you’re not going to see me. You’re not going to be around me. Or if I pick you up on a date, or you come over and you’re being an ass to me, I’m going to throw your ass out. I’m not going to put up with it. You got to be nice to me. If you can’t do that, then you can go on down the road.” So I wouldn’t be reaching out to her at all.

She constantly asked if I loved her and begged for words of affirmation and frankly, I am rebellious type so when people beg for things I tend to not do them because they feel forced.

Well, having a simple conversation of, “of course I love you. Of course I care about you, but I want to be able to say it when I want to say it, when I feel like saying it. Not because you need reassurance. Because you’re needy. So I want to tell you I love you because it’s coming from my heart, not because it’s an obligation, because then that’s not fun. I don’t want things to be forced. I want them to be natural and vice versa.” If you feel sweet, then be sweet.

I want to love naturally rather than because of a fear based response or neediness from my partner, I am an acts of service man.

Bob

Well, like I said, if she gets back in touch, you know, as 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back says invite her over to make dinner at your house, hang out, have fun, hook up. If she talks about the past, just say, “I’m open to seeing you, but I’m not going to jump right back into a relationship. It’s like because your attitude is going to change, and if it’s not, I’m not going to date you. I’m not going to be around you. I’m not going to be in your life. You got to add value to my life. You got to be nice. You got to bring peace into my life. You got to be my joy. And you’re just a negative energy vampire. Interacting with you, when I walk away from it I always feel like shit.”

“It’s like I don’t want to feel like shit. I want to feel elated and happy. I want to be excited to see my girl. And I want her to be excited to see me. I don’t want to show up and have my girl go, oh, you’re going to get it now, you asshole. Wait till I get done with you after what you did to me.” Because there’s some women, they just automatically assume the worst. And you had ill intent. I was like, what? We didn’t even talk about any of this. What are you talking about?

So again, I let her do 100% of the calling, texting and pursuing. Make dates. Three dates in a row at your place. And if you hang out and have fun and hook up all three times, then you can meet her out and pick her up. But you got to let her do all the calling, texting, and pursuing and I wouldn’t agree to be back in a relationship right away.

Tell her, “I want to take it slow. I want to see that you’re really, truly changing and you can be consistently nice to me. Because quite frankly, I don’t think you can do it. I don’t think you can pull it off. I think what will happen is we’ll hang out for a few weeks, you’ll get comfortable, and then you’ll blow your top and start being an ass again. And then I’m just going to kick you out of my life once and for all, because I don’t want to deal with it. If you want me in your life, you got to be nice and sweet and bring peace to my life. If you want to bring chaos and drama and all this other bullshit, it’s like, I don’t want anything to do with you. I’m sure there’s some other schmuck or sucker that’ll put up with it.”

And you can be that harsh to her when it comes to that, because her behavior is inappropriate. And it’s like, can you imagine raising kids with somebody like this? “Oh, you didn’t do this. Oh, you were supposed to go to a grocery store and you didn’t pick up any milk. You’re such a terrible husband, I hate you. I should have never married you. Oh, my God, I can’t believe you’re the father of my children.”

Can you imagine the kind of conversations this poor guy would have? She’s got to know that if she wants you in her life, these are the standards that she’s got to meet of acceptable behavior. Do I think she can meet it? Doesn’t look like it. If you want to give her the chance, it has to be on your terms. That’s why you got to let her come to you. You should not be chasing after this girl based on her behavior.

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