My Inaction & Walking Away Brought Her Back. What’s Next?

What you should do when you walked away for good after rejection, but your inaction brought her back & you hooked up.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email update to the video newsletter from November 2020 titled, “Is She Playing Mind Games?” He tried dating her during the lock-downs, but she wouldn’t kiss him or allow things to advance physically. He walked away and eventually moved to another city. After about a year she started messaging him again. He told her if she was ever in his city to get in touch. She recently came to visit him for a week and said she wanted to use his body. They had non-stop sex during her visit. Now that she has gone home, he is developing feelings for her and wants to start chasing her. He asks my opinion. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

Hi, I’m Coach Corey Wayne and this is my video coaching newsletter. And the topic, today’s newsletter is going to be My Inaction & Walking Away Brought Her Back. What is Next?

Well, I got an email from this particular guy. I did a video newsletter for him. I guess he was one of three emails that I read and a newsletter back in November of 2020 titled “Is She Playing Mind Games?” So, this particular woman, he tried dating her during all the lock downs and he went to kiss her, she refused to kiss him because she was worried about getting COVID. And so, we went out with a bunch of times and just it wasn’t going anywhere. And so finally he’s just like, “I’m out.” He went,

I’m getting nowhere. So, he finally went, no contact. And then at some point she reached back out. But by then he had moved to another city. And he’s like, “Hey, if you’re ever in my city, hit me up.” And so, at some point she’s like, “Hey, I’m going to be in your city.” And this is almost like a year and a half, two years after that event, they got together, she came to visit him, and they basically fucked like rabbits for the whole week that she was there. She even said, “I want to use your body for a week.” That was one of her openers when she’s like, “Hey, I’m going to be in your area.”

So, they had this great time. They spent a week together fucking like rabbits, and then she went back. But now he’s like, “I like the girl. I’m developing feelings,” and his impulse is to chase and to pursue her. So, they’re long distance. Obviously, they don’t live in the same city anymore.

And so, he’s like, “What do I do now?” So, this is an interesting case because it’s this is kind of like a boomerang. You know, for whatever reason, she had her views on the lock downs. He had his. She’s like, “No kissy poo, no nothing. I don’t want to get your cooties.” And he’s like, this girl is just wasting my time. I’m out of here. And he did the right thing and, you know, credit to him.

Viewer’s Email:

Hi Corey,

I emailed you in November 2020 and you answered me in one of your videos “Is She Playing Mind Games?”

I think he said it was the second email.

I am the middle letter you addressed, the guy who couldn’t get a kiss from the girl because of her COVID fears. I followed your advice and stopped seeing her.

Yeah, all he’s doing is getting blue balls hanging out with her. It was going nowhere.

I went about a year without contact then she started messaging me. Since that time, I’d move to a new town, so “setting up the date” when she reached out was difficult and I wasn’t interested in getting together after the no-kiss routine.

It’s like, Yeah, she’s in another city, no kiss routine. She’s, you know, one of those people that took the lock downs and COVID way too seriously. He’s like, “Pfft,” I mean, she’s in another city. And at this point, you walk; If the girl is not willing to treat you or interact with you the way you want.

It’s like the strongest negotiating position is being able to walk away and mean it. That means like, forever. That means you’ll never speak again unless she reaches out to you.

I did say if you’re ever in my town, I’d show you around. That’s it, all I said. I went another year and then she contacted me saying she’d take me up on the offer and come visit me. When she arrived, I had no expectations, but she told me the first night she wanted “to use my body for the week” on her vacation. I guess the COVID fears are over.

Well, yes. Reality and science caught up to all the bullshit that we were propagandized by.

This resulted in 9 days of continuous nightly sex (she extended her vacation for 2 extra days.)

Oh, a bonus.

I think it is the most days of continuous sex I’ve ever had in my life.

Well, congratulations. Congratulations on the gold medal that you have won in the indoor Olympics.

I say that not to brag (too much) but it was night and day from the girl that wouldn’t even kiss me. I think it all came from me simply walking, the power of inactivity as you say. (Though it took 3 years.)

This is why you don’t burn a bridge. I talk about this in 3%, Man. It’s like if you date enough and you meet enough women over the course of your life, you’re going to run into weird situations like this. And this woman’s got a mindset that just made it impossible to get together. And he’s like, “I’m not going to participate. I’m out here. Hey, call me if you change your mind.”

And in this case, it’s like literally three years from the last time he dated her till they actually showed up and fucked like rabbits. It’s like you see how powerful it is because no contact means that’s it forever. They’re never going to hear from you again as long as you both live, unless they reach out. The strongest negotiating position is being able to walk away, and most importantly, mean it. And he meant it.

That’s the good. The bad is I think I developed feelings for her and frankly I think she just wanted sex and to see a new town.

Well, if you were a good student of 3%, Man, you would know that your job in the courtship is just to create the next opportunity for sex to happen, to hang out, to have fun while you’re hanging out, and to hook up when the signs are there that she’s ready to be kissed and touched and seduced, like I talk about in the book. Pretty simple. So, locking her down to a commitment, trying to date her and all that stuff, it’s just not going to happen. You don’t do it. And because he walked away in the past, it would be counterproductive for him to start pursuing her.

Because when guys feel the impulse to do what this guy is feeling like he wants to do now, which is trying to force things and force more time together and force her back into his life, what happens is he ends up chasing her out of his life. And so, if a woman is chasing you and pursuing you, she’s not dumping you or getting rid of you or blowing you off. And she’s been doing all the pursuing since he dipped a couple of years ago or three years ago. And so, you have to let her come to you at her pace. If the sex was really mind blowing and out of this world and she really enjoyed it, she will be back.

Simple as that. So be congruent with that. You should be looking at this just like I discussed in 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back. She should be trying to earn another chance with you, not the other way around. You gave her a chance. You dated her a bunch, and all you got was, “Oh, don’t kiss me. I don’t want your cooties.” So, she’s got to go out of her way to show that she’s really interested and really wants to see you because like he’s saying, he’s like she may have just been down to hook up. Maybe she broke up with somebody and she was on the rebound. And then you go pursuing her and boom, she’ll go cold on you all over again.

She was really chatty via text the first two days after she left, but now I haven’t heard from her for about 4 days.

Oh, no. What are you going to do?

She’s put up pictures from her vacation on social media, but I’m somehow never in the pictures she posts. Hmmm….

Well, it’s obvious that you’re more into her than she’s into you. And that was part of your problem the first time around. Never try to keep somebody who doesn’t want to keep you. I mean, maybe it was just a booty call for her because she knew that you were down from the past and she’s trying to get over somebody else, and maybe she’s bouncing back and forth between him and you or other guys.

It doesn’t matter. She has to earn another chance with you, dude. Not the other way around. She needs to get your attention and validation. And you’re basically saying, “Corey, I want to start acting like a chick and pursuing her now.” It’s been four days. You haven’t heard from her. It’s like obviously it wasn’t that big a deal to her.

Logically, I should just be happy with the sex fun we had and move on to girls in my town, (right answer) but you know how it is.

It’s like, well, if you want to start acting unattractive and needy and desperate and chasing her, you’re going to get ghosted. That’s what’ll happen. You’ll get blue balls. You’ll start getting the cheek again. Then you’ll be the only one traveling to see her. And. But if you just take a step back and look at it and go. It took three years for her to finally come see me. And I plowed her beautiful fields for a week, and she had lots of orgasms and lots of fun.

And so, if it really meant something to her and she felt something, guess what? And the sex was really as good as you believe it was. She will be back. If she came to see you after three years of almost no contact, she will be back. And if not, you were just sex and a rebound. Either way, it’s like you had a good time.

I’m having to fight myself not to contact her. I got what I got (sex) by being willing to walk away, chasing her I suspect will be bad.

Yeah. You’re starting to pedestalize her and act dopey and get super interested in her and all up in your feelings and completely throw everything out the window that you learned. And if I was you, I’d be picking the book back up and finish reading it the 10 to 15 times and actually implementing it, because I could tell your mindset that the way you’re talking here, it’s fucked. This is you still got beta male mindset running through your brain.

She is still liking my posts and I’m sure she’d answer me if I wrote her, but I want to force myself not to over pursue.

You have to let her come to you at her pace. It took three years for her to get to this point, and you only really want to date and see her if she’s really into it and you want her interest going up. And if there is a chance that something’s going to happen between you more than just a week of sex, then her interest will go up and she will contact you again. And then just simply arrange the next get together. And then. Until then, let her be.

Her birthday is next week. Would it be too nice guy to send a card or even flowers? (Yeah, probably)

Yes, it would. As the book says, I can tell you’re not a very good student. It says you send presents and gifts and flowers to a girlfriend or a wife, not a girl that you fucked for a week. And you didn’t basically speak to her for three years. Again. It’s like, read the book, dude. You’re basically wanting to go right back to doing all the things that are going to turn women off.

Or just a “Happy Birthday” on messenger. Or ignore her completely.

I wouldn’t do anything. I wouldn’t do anything; you don’t owe her anything. She doesn’t owe you anything. And it’s normal after you just spent a week together for her to text you a bunch for the first two days and then just disappear for four. Because women are like cats. And so, they come and go. And at the end of the day, she’s long distance and you want to see that she’s really serious. Remember, this is the girl that turned her head and turned her cheek. She structured she’s following rules. But the only way you give those kinds of women another chance is if they come back and do all the pursuing. And she did a little bit.

But again, it may have just been a rebound for her to get over some guy that broke her heart. You just you don’t know what her motivations are, and you want to make sure she’s there because she really wants to be there. But she did say, I want to use your body for a week. She was like, “I miss you. I can’t wait to see you. I want to use your body and have sex.” She goes and get her brains fucked out for a week and then go back home and nobody’s going to know anything about what she did or where she was at other than people that she tells.

And the fact she ain’t posting pictures of you on her social media communicates that you’re not important to her. And you’re like, “Oh my, my feelings, I want to send her flowers and a birthday card.” You didn’t even make it to social media. She’s not your girlfriend. You don’t send flowers and a birthday card to a girl that spent a whole week with you at your house. And you fucked each other’s brains out. And there’s no mention on social media. That just shows you’re not that important to her. So, match and mirror that. Pretty simple.

I have a habit of doing things the way you prescribe, getting results, then screwing it up when I get emotionally attached to the girl.

It is like, exactly.

I’m both a success story and a cautionary tale in one. How should I handle the post-week-of-sex interactions with her. Back to no contact?

Thanks.

Bob

Just follow what’s in 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back and expect she’s got to earn another chance with you, not the other way around. Dude, it’s pretty simple. Follow what I teach or ignore it at your peril. There’s been plenty of emails and you have been burned enough, I would hope, by your over pursuing in the past when you get emotionally attached. But hey, if you want to get burned again, then yeah, blow up her phone, call her, send her gifts, send her flowers, write her cards, drool all over her, start acting dopey, stalk her social media, post pictures of her on your social media profile, when there’s no evidence of you on hers, it’s like you didn’t see how far that gets you. That’ll be great.

So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen and book a coaching session with yours truly.