Never Do This While In No Contact Or You Won’t Get Her Back

Why you should never creep her social media while in no contact or you won’t get her back.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a viewer who was dating a girl for 3 months. She broke things off saying she wasn’t in the right headspace, which was a nice way to say she lost respect and attraction for him and didn’t want a relationship with him. He basically chased her out of his life. He went into no contact, but continues watching her Instagram stories every day and she does the same. She recently liked one of his posts and he is confused on what it means. He wonders if he should reach out. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

Hi, I’m Coach Corey Wayne and this is my Video Coaching Newsletter. And the topic of today’s Newsletter is going to be, “Never Do This While In No Contact Or You Won’t Get Her Back.”

So this particular email is from a guy who’s not really following what no contact is. And this is understandable because he, like most guys, got dumped because he, in essence chased her out of his life because he pursued too much, tried to lock her down to a commitment. So I assume he’s probably a little new to my work. And so she pushes him away, and says she’s not in the right headspace to date, which is just a nice way of letting him down to say, “I’m just not in the headspace to date you and be in a serious relationship.”

Because he clearly communicated that he was way more into her than she was into him, and she just wasn’t in the same place. He was probably pushy. He called too much. He texted too much, especially when he noticed that she was kind of backing away. And so he goes into No Contact. But it’s kind of like selective No Contact. The idea with No Contact is you got to think in terms of like you’re at a negotiating table. You want sex and romance. She doesn’t want to be with you anymore, or sometimes she tries to friend zone you.

And the bottom line is what you want and what she wants is different. So as a man who loves and values himself, you’re not going to stick around trying to change your mind. You’re just going to say, “Hey, sorry you feel that way. Call me if you change your mind.” And then you walk away and you never look back. And you assume and you act from the place of, just like I talk about in 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back that you’re probably never going to see or speak to her again unless she reaches out first.

And so part of No Contact and part of what’s in 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back, which is laid out is, you don’t creep or Social Media. You don’t interact with their Social Media. No Contact means you don’t have any contact with her. And so this guy selectively employs No Contact. But every single time when she posts an Instagram Story, he’s watching it like immediately. And so she knows that you’re still creeping her Social Media even though she hasn’t heard from you.

And so recently he noticed that, you know, she does the same thing. She watches all his stories. And so you got to understand, I would assume this is common sense and common knowledge, but common sense is not really common. And so it shows who watches your stories.

And so if you’re in No Contact and she sees that every single time she posts something, you’re one of the first people to watch it. Well, you’re not really in No Contact. It’s like you’re just you’re one of the fans out there, like peeking, kind of peeking over the fence. “Hey, is she looking at my direction? Is she going to come back?”

And so you want her to feel what life is like without you. And if you’re constantly, as soon as she posts something, you’re all over it like white on rice, that’s not really No Contact. And so she recently liked one of his posts and he’s like, “Oh, what do I do?” So it’s a good email just to kind of go over some things to fine tune, because this is like one of the ways that guys kind of bullshit themselves into continuing to pursue. And what it does is it delays her coming back because in this particular case, she unilaterally ended things.

She broke it off. So therefore she messed it up. She’s got to fix it. And so you want her to feel what life is like without you. But if she’s talking to an ex-boyfriend or some other guy she may have been dating for longer who acted more masculine than you did, and you’re constantly creeping her social media, and she sees that, well, that gives her reassurance that you’re probably still interested and still hanging around and still wondering what she’s up to. Versus if you just completely disappeared.

There’s nothing wrong with continuing to follow each other but don’t interact with their social media. Don’t be following or don’t be watching every single Instagram story the moment she posts it, because she’s going to see that you want her to see that you’re just not around.

And it’s okay for her to watch your stories, because then, you know, she’s still paying attention to your social media posts. And so, again, you want her to feel what it’s like with you being completely gone, because it’s a scientific fact that women are more attracted to men whose feelings are unclear.

And the fact that as soon as she posts something, he’s watching it. Well, there’s nothing unclear about that. He’s still trying to see if there’s any kind of evidence that she’s talking about him, or thinking about him, or sad over him not being in her life. And what it does is it just pushes out the timeline. It delays her coming back because in essence, without whether he realizes it or not, he’s reassuring her that he’s still interested.

And you want her to be unsure of herself, and you want her to feel what it’s like to not have you in her life and to wonder, “Wow, has he gone forever? Did he meet somebody else? Did he move on? Is he not into me? What’s going on? Is he bored with my stories? Why haven’t I heard from him?”

But if you’re on there every single day, she knows you’re still interested. So it’s like sending a text every day. I mean, because she gets confirmation that you’re still paying attention to what she’s doing, and you want her to feel and to think, and plus, you should be moving on. You should assume you’re probably never, ever going to hear from her again.

Because if she’s breaking things off, you don’t stick around trying to change your mind. You just keep following your mission and your purpose. Because for your personal life, you want to meet somebody that’s ready, willing, able, and open to dating you. And granted, he chased her out of his life, but doing more of what got him rejected is not going to fix anything. So let’s go through his email.

Viewer Email:

Hey Coach,

Another No Contact question here and social media interactions. I was dating a girl for around 3 months when she broke things off saying she was not in the headspace for a relationship. I was respectful, accepted it and left it on the terms of ‘call me if you change your mind.’ In hindsight I realized that I may have been pushing the envelope a little too quickly in terms of commitment and potentially a relationship. However, this was also reciprocated in her behavior at times, she even brought up introducing me to her parents so as you can imagine has left me quite confused.

That’s why you got to read The Book, Dude. It is free to read in the members area of my website. All you got to do is subscribe to the email newsletter. As soon as you press enter, it’s going to open up in your screen and you got to start reading. Because you got to fill in your knowledge gap. You got to understand what you’re doing, what you’re saying that turned her off and caused you to chase her out of your life. Because if she does come back and you haven’t read The Book, nothing about your behavior or your approach has changed.

And so if she comes back and you’re still the same, what’s going to happen? You’re going to turn her off for the same exact reasons. So you just cannot do that. You’ve got to fill in your knowledge gap because what you want her to find, if she does come back, is a more attractive, wiser, calmer, more relaxed version of you that is only displaying your most attractive qualities instead of all of these unattractive qualities.

Because the problem is, he’s probably just watching videos trying to cherry pick and fix this and copy and paste something from a video, and he thinks that’s going to solve all his problems. But when he doesn’t become aware of what he’s doing and saying that turns her off, that causes her to break things off and say that she’s not in the right headspace. It’s like he doesn’t even know what he did to turn her off. He has an idea, but he’s got to learn The Book. He’s got to learn how to go from pickup to dating to relationship.

He doesn’t know these things, because if you’re applying what’s in The Book and your skills are getting better, and especially if you got 2 or 3 other women, maybe that you’ve met and you started dating, then that’s going to make you cockier. It’s going to give you a little bit more swagger, and it’s going to cause you to be less inclined to be soft, and to get pushed around, and to not stand up for yourself, your principles, your values, and the things that you believe in. Which is what women like about men.

They like it when you have an opinion about something. They like it when you don’t change your opinion to match hers. And so there’s lots of things that this guy is doing and he’s completely unaware that they’re unattractive. So it’s like there’s no shortcuts to success, dude, you’re not going to master this stuff by just cherry picking things in videos. It just doesn’t work. You might get some attainable success, you get laid, but a lot of guys that do that and they start getting laid, they think they got it all.

Or maybe they go through The Book once and then they never go back to it. And then when they get into a relationship, six, eight, ten, 12 months later is when they have real problems. And if you’re treating her improperly and training her how you’re going to show up, it’s a lot harder to undo that when you’re further down the road, especially when you start turning her off. And so he clearly doesn’t understand the subtle nuances of women being like cats.

So probably what happened is he started dating her, things were going well at first, and as he became more engaged, she started making more of an effort, and she started to feel that he was a little more into her than she was into him. And women like you way more if they think that they’re more into you than you are into them. And so what typically happens in these cases is the woman starts to back off like a cat, and then the guy thinks, “oh, I got to fix this. I got to solve this. She’s not as into me as she was. I got to talk to her. I got to confront her.

I got to ask her what’s wrong.” Instead of just not taking it personal. You can’t take a woman’s mood swings or her high and her low interest, because it’s going to vary day by day, and women care about how they feel about you. And if you get upset and you come unglued and you start calling, you start texting, you start asking, “hey, what’s wrong?” As soon as you feel her backing away a little bit, instead of just letting her be and letting her be present with her feelings.

And then a day or two later, or a couple days later, she comes back. But what happens is typically is the woman starts to back off, the guy starts to pursue more, and he literally chases her right out of his life. That’s what typically happens. It’s like the everybody does the same thing. I did the same thing when I, when I was younger, I didn’t know any better.

Anyway, it has been two months of No Contact and I have not reached out once. However, we both continue to follow each other on Instagram and look at each other’s stories constantly.

Stop that shit, Dude. That is not what No Contact is. She knows you’re constantly following her. She knows you’re still interested, and she probably would have come back sooner if you hadn’t been creeping her social media and giving her reassurance that you were still paying attention. You want her to feel like, “man, he’s gone. Did he meet somebody else? Did I did I piss him off? Did I ruin my chances?”

Because when she gets to experience life without you, when you were so abundant and all of a sudden you’re just completely gone, you completely disappear. Then she starts to doubt herself, and then she starts to wonder if she made the right decision or not. And then her feelings, as the weeks go by, start to creep back up on her. And the more she’s unsure of where she stands and unsure of your interests. The harder she works to get your attention. And so typically what’s going to happen like is what happens next here.

She has recently liked my most recently posted photo on Instagram and has left me in a state of confusion again. I have been tempted to reach out but know from your teachings this is not the correct response.

Yeah, as it says in 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back. This is what they start to do. Because remember, it’s a scientific fact that women are more attracted to men whose feelings are unclear. And so what typically happens is they look at your stories, you see the confirmation, they looked at your stories, and then you do nothing. You just notice that she’s paying attention. And then what happens? They start liking your posts. And then you do nothing. And then what happens? Maybe they “comment” on one of your posts and then you just “like” their post comment. That’s it.

Because what you’re trying to do is get to a place because this is what women do. They kind of come back and dip their toe in the water a little bit and see what happens. And so then say they say something about one of your posts and you just “heart it”, or you “like it”, then she knows you’re not mad. You’re not pissed, but you don’t do anything with that. You’re just “liking” her post and that. That’s unclear. That’s vague. It’s like, “what does that mean?”

You want her to be the confused one here. Because then what happens is what you want her to do is contact you directly through your text, through your phone. Or maybe WhatsApp or Social Media or something like that. The point is, is that you want her to either call or text you directly, or send you a message through a message app, not just somebody commenting on a post. You want her addressing you.

Because then if she reaches out and is like, “hey, how you been? Hey. What’s up? How are you? I’ve been thinking about you.” You just say, “hey, it’s really great to hear from you. I’d love to see you when you’re free to get together.” And then you invite her over to your place to make dinner. All this stuff is laid out in 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back.

But this guy is just selectively ignoring parts of it just so he can try to get some kind of Intel on what her mindset is, and that’s why he’s watching her stories. You want her to be the one that’s confused and unsure. So it does look like she’s starting to come back because again, this is all laid out in 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back. And so if he hadn’t been watching her stories like he was, he might have already been on a date with her. She might have already come over to his house, and they could have made dinner together.

But because he’s constantly reassuring her that he’s still interested, it spreads out the timeline and makes it longer. And so you can imagine two months here, this guy’s thinking about her every day. He’s probably not talking to other girls. She’s not even paying attention to him because he’s so focused on getting her back, which is again, this is not the proper way to go about it.

I want your advice on how best to proceed. I think I already know what your answer will be but would appreciate a response regardless.

Bob

Again, this is all laid out in 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back. It’s an article and video on my Website. It’s probably at least ten years old, I wrote it. The principles are going to be the same now, as in 100 years. Maybe the communication device is going to be a little different, but it’s the same mindset because it’s what triggers her feelings and her emotions and causes her to doubt herself and makes her start to think, “Man, I really screwed up with this guy. I shouldn’t have pushed him away.”

Because her feelings start to change when you’re no longer in her life, and then she reaches out. You assume she wants to see you and you’re not going to meet her out. You’re not going to pick her up. You’re not going to go on dates. You’re simply going to be willing to invite her over to make dinner at your place in the evening. Because when you do that, you’re communicating that you’re interested in sex and romance.

Because women know if they come over to your house in the evening to make dinner together. Sex is on the table. That’s a romantic date. It’s not a platonic, “Hey, let’s meet for lunch.” Or “Let’s meet for coffee and chat.” It’s none of that bullshit. And this way it prevents you from giving attention and validation and keeping yourself stuck in friend zone if that’s all the girl is looking for. It forces her to shit or get off the pot because if she agrees to come over and make dinner at your place and sex and romance is on the table, as long as you don’t talk her out of it. And so it’s a real simple situation.

And I mean, long story short, is his behavior and what he’s doing is just delayed her feelings creeping back up on her. And so, like I said, if he had just been total radio silence and not been watching her posts and the fact that she’s been watching his, he probably would have already had her come over and they’ve been hooking up again. But like I said, you got to keep your game tight and you got to read The Book.

You got to learn it. Because again, if she comes back and you haven’t read The Book you’re going to start making all the same mistakes, and you’re going to turn her off for the same exact reasons, and you’re going to chase her right back out of your life for the same reasons that you did the first time around. So you got this time you got to spend it learning, filling in your knowledge gap and ideally practicing with other women.

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