Why you should never get caught up in a woman’s ever-changing emotions.
In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss an email from a viewer who started dating and hooking up with a woman who bounced from her boyfriend to him after they broke up. Things were good for several weeks, then she started complaining that she never took time “to find herself” after her breakup before dating him.
He became caught up in her ever-changing emotions and feelings, and then she tried to friend zone him, despite the fact she is still attracted to him. He’s confused by her behavior and doesn’t know what to do. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.
He misread the situation and what to do and how to respond, but it’s a really simple problem to have. The thing you’ve got to take into consideration, as I talk about in How To Be A 3% Man, is this woman’s right out of a relationship with a breakup. And so, her emotions are going to be all over the place. They’re going to be backwards and forwards, hot one day, cold the next. You can’t take it personally. You’ve got to be very tactful in how you handle things.
The guys in the red pill community would call this maintaining your “masculine frame.” I talk about it in my work as remaining centered, meaning you decided ahead of time to be happy. You’re looking for reasons to be happy. You’re going through life looking for reasons to crack jokes, to have fun, to make light of all situations, because you want to have a good time. And it doesn’t matter if you encounter grumpy people or not, or if your girl is grumpy or whatever, because again, you decide. This is your world, this is your kingdom, and you’re going to be happy even if somebody else wants to be grumpy, because it’s much more fun to be happy than to be grumpy.
I just started reading your book and understanding things I did wrong in my previous relationship. To make things short, I met this girl when she was with her ex, and I could tell that she was super into me. Although she didn’t want to flirt at the time, we ended up flirting. She ended things with him and told me she wanted time to be single and that we could be exclusive.
Okay, so you’re committed, but officially she’s telling everybody she’s single. So, she wants to lock you down, but she can tell everybody she’s single. That’s the kind of thing where you go, “Yeah, I don’t know about that. If we’re not going to tell people that we’re together, then technically, we’re still single. How is that fair for me to go around being exclusive to you, but you’re telling everybody that you’re single and ready to mingle? That doesn’t sound right.”
I said okay and things went on. Two weeks later, she told me she didn’t like the idea that we weren’t together in a relationship, since we were pretty much talking every day and seeing each other every day.
So, what this woman did is she replaced the intimacy that she had with her ex-boyfriend with this guy. She literally went from one dude to the next, or monkey branched from one guy to the next. And typically, women that behave that way are usually very insecure and can’t stand the thought of being single for very long.
We would always hook up every time we met. Fast forward 2 months, and things stayed the same. She would call and text constantly and come over.
So far, so good.
We would hook up every time. One weekend, she went and hung out with her friends, and she started acting distant.
This goes back to the kitty cat analogy. So, the kitty cat does something unexpected and he’s like, “Something’s wrong. I’ve got to fix this.”
I asked her what was on her mind, and she told me that she felt like she never had time to find herself and that we jumped into the relationship too soon.
I’d be like, “Babe, this is what you wanted, because I’m so amazing. You had to make me all yours. You wanted me all to yourself. You wanted to be exclusive. Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free? I was willing to give you the milk for free, but you wanted everything.”
I told her that if she needed to take time to herself to figure out her emotions, we could go that route.
That’s a good response.
She told me she wanted to tell her friends that she was single but exclusive to me.
And I told her that if we are going to go that route, we might as well just break up…
Come on, man. Hang out, have fun, hook up. Simple as that.
…and it defeats the purpose since we would still be acting like we are in a relationship together without the title. She agreed and we stayed together.
His bluff worked. I personally wouldn’t have done that, but hey, it worked out. At least then it did. But there’s more.
The next week, she was still reaching out and coming to see me as if she didn’t want the space.
Yeah, so here is what really matters. You look at what a woman does, not what she says. So, what’s happening is she’s feeling like, “Ahhh! I’m trapped, I’m smothered. I’m in a relationship. I have no time to myself.” Remember, women tend to take little things and blow them up like it’s the end of the world. And men go, “Oh, it’s just this little thing, babe. We’ve got this. Not a big deal. I’ve got it handled. Don’t you worry.”
And so, when she’s like, “I didn’t get any time to work on myself or fix myself,” you’re like, “It’s okay, babe. Read a self-help book over the weekend and call me on Monday.” It’s not a big deal unless you make it a big deal, because you must love in such a way that the person you love feels free.
She can get all wrapped up in her emotions and go, “Oh my God!” and you can be like, “Hey, how are you doing? Not a big deal. I’ve got all the answers. It’s okay, babe. I’ve got you. It’s good. Go hang out with your girlfriends. Call me later. I’ll be okay.”
The following weekend she went back out with her friends while I was at a bachelor party, and all communication stopped.
I asked her why she stopped texting.
So, in other words, they were probably in a text exchange and she left him on read. And now, he’s gotten perturbed and mad and upset. Wrong, wrong, wrong, Padawan.
And she replied that we were both hanging out with our friends. I backed away completely and let her come to me the following week, which she thanked me for.
You’re getting too perturbed and you’re getting out of your frame, if you will. You’re becoming uncensored and unglued. Not good.
That following Friday she ended things saying she never had time for herself and she felt like she needed to be single for a while to figure out her life.
So, more than likely, he started pursuing and smothered her a little bit. You cannot do that. You have to let women like this, in these situations, come to you at their pace. They should be doing all of the calling, texting and pursuing like she did in the beginning. But he caught feelings, probably, and the illusion of action kicked in, and he thought, “I’ve got to do something to make her like me more.”
And when she became distant, he’s like, “I’ve got to do something to make her like me more like she did before,” instead of hang out, have fun, hook up. Easygoing, easy to get along with, no strings attached, no drama, no worries, slow and steady like the river that never grows stale. No hurry, no rush.
She said she wanted to remain friends.
“Friends with benefits? Great idea. I love that. That’s amazing. By the way, why don’t you come over and bring me some soup and a six-pack of beer, and we’ll carry on with our friends with benefits.” When a woman says “friends,” always come back with, “I like friends with benefits. I like how you think. I can totally do that.” She’s like, “No, no, just friends.” And you say, “You mean platonic? No sex? Nah, that doesn’t work for me. Friends with benefits, I’m totally in, babe. But friends only? What, do you want to give me blue balls? I don’t think so. I’m going to be calling one of my other girlfriends.”
I said that I still want to be with her romantically, and that if she changed her mind to give me a call. Well, 2 days later I crashed my car and I called her, (I know, it was a mistake).
Yeah, if you had just held out, she probably would have gotten in touch.
But she answered and came and picked me up an hour away. On the car ride home, she put my hand on her thigh and I could tell she was still into me.
Well, duh. You didn’t wait long enough.
I messed up and started talking to her about the relationship…
What does the formula from the book say? Hang out, have fun and hook up. It doesn’t say hang out, have fun, talk about relationship when you’ve been friendzoned.
…and asking her to rethink her decision, (being a needy bitch).
Well, at least you’re honest, and I appreciate the fact that you recognize that you acted like a needy bitch.
When we got to my apartment, she said she wanted to spend the night.
She was all ready for the hot beef injection, obviously.
But she stated it wouldn’t be good for us.
“Babe, you don’t want to stay the night now? It will be great for us. What are you talking about? You’re going to wake up with a big smile on your face. The sheets are going to be all sticky and gooey, and we’ll make love in the morning. And you’ll make me breakfast in bed, and then you’ll fetch my slippers, because it’s a little cold and when my feet hit the floor, you don’t want your man’s feet to get cold.”
That’s how you respond to those things, with goofiness and silliness, because it’s kind of a test. “Oh, it wouldn’t be good for us.” “Baby, it would be great for us. I’m going to give you so many orgasms tonight, you’re not going to be able to handle it. You’re going to be walking like a duck for the next week.”
I was respecting her boundaries she set in the car to not kiss or make a move, but she was still rubbing her hands all over my body and said she was conflicted inside.
“You know what, I think we should just take each other’s clothes off, and you can work out all those convictions you have on the inside, and I’ll put something on the inside of you.”
I don’t doubt that there could be another guy in the picture as well, but this woman has been brutally honest with me throughout our relationship, and she would never hide her phone and would hand me her phone when she went to the bathroom.
Hang out, have fun, hook up. There’s nothing on there about a relationship, bro. Your job is to simply create the next opportunity for sex to happen. And be kind of naughty. I mean, she’s still into you, but you’re trying to lock her down. And so, what I would do is nothing. Wait to hear from her and say, “Hey babe, awesome to hear from you. I want to see you. Get your cute little ass over here. Let’s make dinner together at my place.” Hang out, have fun and hook up. Pretty simple.
Let her talk about the relationship, and then you just simply hang out, have fun and hook up. It’s not complicated, but you’re complicating it and you’re you’re totally creating problems for yourself unnecessarily. It’s such an easy thing to finish. But if I were you, since you’re not together and you’re technically a free agent, I’d be seeing what else is out there, because maybe you find somebody better.
Maybe you find a woman that doesn’t have an ex in the background. Maybe you find a woman who grew up in a much more stable home, and she’s been single for the last six months or a year until the right guy comes along. And then you wouldn’t have to worry about these kinds of things with a woman being hot and cold that just got out of a relationship. But that’s just my opinion. I know you’re involved with this girl, but like I said, that’s what I would do if I were you.
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Author, Speaker, Peak Performance Coach, Entrepreneur
“Women are much more nurturing, empathetic and in touch with their feelings and emotions than men are. When they share how they are feeling, it only applies to how they are feeling in that moment. Men often make the mistake of equating a woman’s feelings and emotions in the past to what she is feeling in the present. Superior men know not to get caught up in a woman’s changing moods, emotions or feelings, because like the weather, they are never the same but always changing. Happiness and having a good attitude are a conscious choice. Choose wisely and act accordingly.” ~ Coach Corey Wayne
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