In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss an email success story from a guy who shares how he properly applied the no contact rule to re-attract a woman he pushed away by being needy and smothering. He says the week before it ended, she told him that she needed space. This only made matters worse, as he tried to force things and became more needy, which pushed her away even further. Then she dumped him. He was already starting to watch my videos, read my articles and book before she dumped him. He shares what he did and said upon being dumped and details the process he went through over the next few months as she has slowly started coming back and pursuing him. My comments are in (bold parenthesis like this below) in the body of his email.
Hey Coach,Thanks for your content, and thanks to at least some if not all of your advice, I’ve successfully initiated no contact and have her on the way back. (I try to read a bunch of email situations, because everybody is at different phases in what they’re trying to accomplish. My job as a coach is to give you the gifts, the skills, the tools and the fundamentals, and help you fine tune your approach, so you can achieve your outcomes.)
Short story is, we were dating for a little over 2 months. Things were great, we were exclusively seeing each other, sex was out of this world from the get go and she seemed perfect. She was busy with school, work, and has two kids. She wasn’t sure she was ready for a relationship and ultimately broke it off with me.
(When a woman says, I’m not ready for a relationship, or when you start hearing things like that, she’s basically saying, slow down, you’re making me feel like I’m losing my freedom, you make me feel like you’re smothering me. It’s like chasing after a cat. If you chase a cat, the cat hauls ass. If you ignore the cat and you just live your life, the cat eventually tends to come back, look at you for a bit, then hop in your lap and start purring.)
The week before she ended it, I got the dreaded ‘I need some space’ talk. Desperate, I found your content and started reading and watching your videos. I had already fucked up by becoming needy that last week, but I think I found you in time to salvage some of my pride. When she did break up with me, I said, “Okay, I respect your decision. If you ever change your mind, give me a call,” and left it at that. She sent me a text message on the night of the breakup saying, she did care for me, but the timing wasn’t right. I didn’t respond.(It really doesn’t require a response because you already told her. You were trying to give her the gift of your time and spend time with her romantically, and she was like, well, the timing’s just not right. So in other words, if you look at it from a negotiation perspective, you’re saying, “I’m not down with this. I want sex and romance like we’ve had,” and she’s coming back with terms that are not what you’re looking for. So you walked away, and you never looked back. In that particular case, there was no point in responding to that.)
So I started dating, using some of your techniques. I hooked up with a few girls over the next 2-3 weeks. I got to the point where I stopped thinking about her, and then on day 30 of No Contact, and Valentine’s Day of all days, she sends me a text: “I don’t know if you’re mad at me, but I hope you’re doing well. I just wanted to say hi.” (Scarcity creates value. She hadn’t heard from you, she got the space she wanted, you were living your life, her attraction level started to creep back up on her, and she started wondering about you. She started looking at the past through rose-colored glasses. Because so much time had passed that you were needy and pushed her away, those emotions kind of dissipated, and on Valentine’s Day she was thinking about that and didn’t have anybody obviously. She started missing you.)
I let that sit for almost 24 hours (That’s good. You don’t ignore somebody when they reach out after you walked away, but respond within 24 hours. What I talk about in my book is, if it’s after 7:00 at night, text her or call her back the next day), and I responded with, “Hi. You wanted space. I’m doing great thanks!” She almost immediately responded with, “I am so glad you responded. I have been thinking about you a lot lately, and I am glad you’re good.”
Again, I let that sit for almost a day and responded with, “Would love to see you again. Let me know when you’re free to get together, you could grab a bottle of wine, come over and we’ll catch up.” (That’s pretty good. It’s textbook — right out of my article and video “7 Principles To Get An Ex Back.” At this point, she’s got to earn another chance with you. That’s why you have her come to you. When she values you and she wants another chance, she’ll do that.)It seemed like before the message even sent she responded with “I would love that!!” (High level of attraction there.) She came over a few nights later, and we fucked all night. She’s a texter, and I think I got sucked into that game initially. Now, I do text her throughout the day, but it’s mainly a sounding board for her, my responses aren’t dry, they’re flirty and funny and I limit the content. (In other words, you always leave her wanting more. Like your favorite TV show, there’s always a cliffhanger at the end. Why do they leave some kind of unresolved thing at the end of the episode? It builds tension, and that tension only gets released when you tune in next week for the next episode.)
I used to ‘force’ the conversation if there was a break in her texting, and now I just let it sit, (because women are like cats), until she fires it up again. It’s great. She is chasing, and I’m giving her space. She told me how ‘safe’ she feels with me. To. The. T.
Good deal, thanks so much. (Good job dude for properly applying “7 Principles To Get An Ex Back.”)
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From my heart to yours,
Author, Speaker, Peak Performance Coach, Entrepreneur
“What is neediness? It’s fear driven behavior due to a false limiting belief about oneself. When someone does not feel like they are good enough or that they won’t be loved, they try to force themselves into the other person’s life. This naturally causes the other person to feel like they are losing their freedom. They will then withdraw from interacting with them and often flee. Freedom to be oneself is our natural divine state. All human beings resent the loss or potential loss of their freedom. By giving other people the space to stay or go without attachment, we create the conditions for them to willingly choose us or attract someone else that will. Control is an illusion that leads to dissolution of what or whom we seek to control.” ~ Coach Corey Wayne
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