No Contact Success Story & What To Do Next

How to handle her breaking no contact to re-attract her.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email success story from a 36 year old viewer who got dumped by his ex-girlfriend when he lost his job and started acting needy and unattractive. 2 months later she broke no contact and suggested they should get together after the holidays. He asks what he should do next. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

Hi, I’m Coach Corey Wayne and this is my Video Coaching Newsletter. And the topic of today’s Newsletter is going to be, “No Contact Success Story & What To Do Next.”

Well this particular email is from a viewer. He’s 36 years old and he got dumped by his ex-girlfriend when it was just like a series of events. So he lost his job. He started acting needy and unattractive, and then she ends up breaking it off with him. And then so about two months later, she broke contact, which by this point it was around Christmas time of this past year, and she suggested that they should get together after the holidays.

However, he didn’t set a date and now he’s kind of scratching his head wondering, “Did I screw up?” So it’s a good email because a lot of guys, when they first come to me, they were dating somebody, or they were in a relationship with someone, or they had gotten out of friend zone with this girl they were in friend zone with for a long time, especially after reading My Book and realizing what they were doing that made themselves unattractive. So they stopped doing that. Then they started dating.

And then when they get really emotionally invested, they start displaying the unattractive qualities again, just because they don’t have emotional self-control yet. And it’s hard for them to regulate because of their emotions. Because they’ve never been with somebody, that they really have those kind of strong feelings for, for any extended period of time. And so a lot of guys, when they first find my work, I’d say probably 70, 80% of them are kind of in this situation.

They were dating a girl, and they were like, “Man, this could be my next girlfriend, future wife, whatever.” And then they get friend zoned or she’s not feeling it anymore, which is really difficult to accept because most of the time the guys don’t even see it coming. They’re shocked. They thought, “Hey, I thought, things are great!” So let’s go through this guy’s email.

Viewer Email:

Hi Corey, 

This isn’t my first time writing to you, but today, I’m reaching out with a more positive story. I’m a 36-year-old male, professionally successful, and I’ve generally been able to achieve what I want in life. In my 20s, I put a lot of effort into improving my dating life and had no trouble meeting women, but I struggled to maintain long-term relationships.

We’ve had lots of conversations with myself and the girls about this topic, and there’s a lot of instances that they’ve experienced over the course of their lives where they start dating a guy and he’s really good out of the gate. Usually for about 3 to 4 weeks things are good. And then when the guy’s emotions get engaged, then they start doing and saying really unattractive things. And within a few weeks after that, the girls are turned off and they end things with the guys.

But initially they were thinking, “Oh wow, this guy’s great. He’s perfect.” But once the guy gets emotionally invested, that’s when things tend to go sideways for the average dude that doesn’t know any better, or has never gotten to be with the kind of woman he really wanted. And now he’s dealing with all his fears, his insecurities, his doubts. And so he starts acting from a place of fear and doubt about himself, which is incredibly unattractive because the number one male strength characteristic that women love in men is confidence.

And so if you are confident in the beginning and then 3 to 4 weeks later, you’re the opposite of confident. You’re unsure of yourself. You’re indecisive, you’re fearful, you’re no longer the leader. You’re not the same guy you were just a few weeks before. And it makes the woman feel uncomfortable. It turns her stomach, causes her to lose attraction. She intellectually can know and think what a great guy you are, but the important thing is she’s not feeling the same thing she felt before.

And when it comes to women, the only thing that really matters is how they feel about you. And if their interest drops, if their attraction drops because you’re turning them off, you’re going to have to course correct and figure out what you’re doing and saying to turn them off, obviously, which is in The Book. And if you’re new, you can Read It For Free at UnderstandingRelationships.com, just subscribe to the email newsletter and it’ll open up right in your web browser.

For years, I thought the issue was with the women I was dating.

Like the dudes in the Red Pill Community think women are the problem. It’s always the woman, has nothing to do with them or how they’re showing up. It’s just modern women in general. Women vote with their feet. If they’re with you, they voted for you. And if they’re not, well, they weren’t attracted enough, usually because the guy is turning them off.

And if you don’t think it’s your fault, if you don’t think you’re the reason why you keep turning off women over and over and over again and you blame them, well, you can’t fix anything. Because again, if it’s not your fault, there’s nothing to fix. But the same thing keeps happening over and over again. Eventually, at some point, you realize, “Oh, I’m the problem.” It’s like I did when I was younger.

But I eventually realized the problem was with me. My behavior came across as needy, which caused them to pull away and leave with weird excuses.

Yeah, like again, the Podcast I’ve done with the girls, where we talk about this quite often, is because I want men to understand; like when I’m doing the Podcast with the girls I want men to see what the women are thinking and feeling when this happens to them, because every woman has had this happen, and usually it happens with most guys that they date because they’re acting effeminate and girly instead of masculine and confident and brave.

At the end of 2023, I came across your book and started applying your principles as much as I could. Some of the advice felt counterintuitive at first, but I followed it anyway.

Yeah, that’s where you run up against the societal programming and the brainwashing that happens to us when we consume traditional TV and media, because it’s not like it was when you look at stuff from like the 1940s and 50s. The men acted like men and women acted like women. The sexual polarity was natural. But it’s the exact opposite these days. The women are very masculine and stoic on TV.

The men are very beta and cowardly and effeminate and girly and unsure of themselves. Weak, pathetic, stupid, dumb, bumbling idiots, that kind of thing. If you see that enough and especially if you don’t have a good example set for you at home, you just think, “Well, this is the way us guys are supposed to act.” And then you behave that way and you just go around repulsing women. You might get 2 or 3 weeks in, but then it starts to go squirrely.

After a few bumps in the road, I met someone on Hinge in April.

So this would have been April of 2024. I assume.

She was very into me from the start, and by applying your principles, I managed to keep her interested with minimal effort. I allowed her to initiate most of the contact, and it worked well.

Well, what’s counter-intuitive is women are the natural pursuers, but us guys are taught, “Well. We have to pursue. We have to hunt.” It’s true. In the beginning, it’s our job to start the courtship off. But once a woman’s emotions get engaged, they kind of pick the ball up and run with it. And at that point, you can kind of just slowly back off and wait to hear from them and make the next date. When you do, and when you do that, you never have to worry about over pursuing or acting needy because you’re allowing her to come to you at her pace, which is natural for them.

Because if you’re confident, if you’re comfortable, if you’re calm, if you’re relaxed, the woman’s going to feel safe, to come, and to go. And when she’s away from you, live in her life or doing her things, then she misses you. And when she misses you enough, she reaches out. And when she reaches out, you assume she wants to see you, and you facilitate the next get together. Because it’s your job as the man to be the appointment setter and make the dates happen. To create the opportunity for sex to happen as I discussed in The Book.

However, in September, my life took a turn. Alongside some ongoing health issues, I lost my Design Director job.

And so now his mission and purpose, which, this is what gives us guys our lives meaning, it’s our life’s work. And all of a sudden your purpose and your mission is ripped away from you unexpectedly. It’s easy to feel lost and unsure of yourself and not so confident and not so much swagger, especially if it comes out of the blue. Maybe you get fired. Or like these days lots of people are getting laid off. I was talking to Chunky the other night, and a couple of his friends from high school just got laid off from their jobs from a big company. And I’ve got several accounts I follow on Twitter that are always posting the data on job losses and layoffs and downsizing and stuff, and it’s pretty obvious as the money supply contracts, it’s happening across the economy.

And if you don’t understand how the economy works or the monetary system when these things happen, it’s very disconcerting. And then when you get back in the job market now, you realize, and what people are finding, and the data backs this up, is that it’s taking a lot longer for people, especially people on unemployment, to find another job. Unlike just 2 or 3 years ago, where there were way more job openings than there were people looking for the jobs.

Around this time, she began to grow distant—texting less and showing less interest. By October, the signs were clear, but I made the mistake of not pulling back enough.

Yeah, so if he’s not working, in the back of his mind, he’s noticing, “Wow, her attraction is dropping.” He’s not at work. He’s not busy focusing on his mission and purpose like he had been. Probably smothers her, chases, calls, acts needy, is unsure of himself. Which just slowly turns her off.

By the end of the month, she ended things. Thanks to your videos and book, I handled the breakup calmly and confidently. I stayed positive and detached, told her I respected her decision, and said she could reach out if she ever changed her mind. Her response was surprising. She said, “Yes, that could be the beginning of something beautiful.” We even had a nice breakup sex after the conversation.

Well, that was nice.

I assumed I’d never hear from her again, but exactly two months later, on Christmas Day, she sent me the message attached. What confuses me is that she hasn’t responded since then. I’m unsure if she was testing the waters, genuinely missing me, or something else entirely.

So what typically happens in these cases if you’ve been broken up for several months, she’s probably talking to another guy. But if you keep in mind, again what The Girls have confirmed over and over, just on their own experiences. The average guy can get about 3 to 4 weeks. And so for the first 2 or 3 weeks, the woman’s really excited about a new dating prospect. But then week three, week four, she starts going, “Eh, something doesn’t feel right.” And then another 3 or 4 weeks after that, that’s when things go sideways.

So you’ve got about a 60 day cycle from where a woman meets a guy, thinks things are going to go really well, and they do for the initial first few weeks, but then by eight weeks later, she’s ready to dip. And so if you were dating a girl, then you broke up and she starts seeing somebody else and she gets all excited because that guy seems to be doing everything right in the beginning. But like most men, once his emotions get engaged, it starts to go squirrelly after 3 or 4 weeks.

Then oftentimes if you’re in a situation like this, this is where women will start to reach out and it seems like they want to get together again, but they don’t. And so you have to assume that maybe initially she’s testing the waters, especially if she won’t make a date right away. So say she reaches out after two months of No Contact, you try to set a date and then she gives you some excuse, or she’s wishy washy or tells you how, “busy she is, but maybe in a few weeks”, that kind of thing. Usually it means things are going sideways with the current guy she’s dating, but she’s not 100% sure she wants to end it, but she also wants to know if you’re potentially going to be available if the guy totally crashes and burns, which is what, again, usually happens, so.

Guys that are in the breakup, you got to think about that. The average dude can get about 3 to 4 weeks. So he’s good for about the first 3 to 4 weeks. And then the girl starts going “Oh something’s off.” But it’ll still take another 3 or 4 weeks after that to get to the point where she’s like, “Yeah, I’m definitely not feeling it.” But by that point usually as she’s slowly pulling away, the guy is really becoming obsessed and in love and dopey, and chasing after her, and he’ll just literally chase her out of his life, and then right back into yours. It’s just the way it goes.

I haven’t reached out since her message but wonder if I should have been more direct and asked her out, which I didn’t directly considering it’s the holiday season and we are both away.

Well, the other thing to consider is she’s the one that did the dumping. And so if she did the dumping, well, it’s her job to fix it. So if it’s her job to fix it and she doesn’t fix it, well, that’s on her. And so when you listen to this text exchange, it makes total sense, this guy actually did the right thing. But he started to second guess himself because he’s thinking, the holidays have passed. Because he wrote this email beginning of January and he was expecting to hear from her but it’s only been six days at this point in the timeline since he’s heard from her.

Jessica’s Message:

Hey Bob,

Merry Christmas. A jolly good time for you and your beloved one. Hope you are fine and can calm down a little and enjoy your holidays. I would love to meet up next year. It’s kind of sad to have absolutely no clue how you feel or what happened in the last weeks.

So that tells me that her interest is starting to creep back up. She’s hinting to see him.

Bob’s reply:

Hey,

Happy Christmas. Good to hear from you. Sure, it would be great to meet up. Let me know when you are next free in the new year and we can organize something.

So he says, “Hey, let me know what your schedule is basically.” And he hasn’t heard from her yet. So again, if you keep in mind, if they were in No Contact for two months and then after two months she breaks it. So maybe for the first few weeks she started talking to somebody else. So she’s probably spent the last 3 or 4 weeks dating this new guy. But when she actually reached out, it’s Christmas time. And, you know, this dude  had more time in with her than any new guy she was dating.

And so probably when she reached out, the new guy isn’t so awesome after all, because he’s starting to turn her off and if she’s ready to get together, she would have responded and told them when she was available. But she hasn’t done that yet. So that tells me that things aren’t completely done. But then again, he did say they’re both traveling, so it’s also possible. It’s like the “Illusion Of Action” is kicking in and he’s like, “I got to do something. It’s been six days and she hasn’t reached out.”

He just got to be patient. Because if she’s bringing it up, it’s her idea. Then we have to assume at some point that they will end up hanging out and getting together. You just got to continue to be a little more patient and hold out until she does reach out. Because she said “she wanted to see him.” He said, “let me know what your schedule is like.” So now the ball is in her court. So you got to give women the opportunity, the space, the time to either follow through on their plans and commitments or to flake out and disappear forever. So he let her know that he would like to see her and to let him know what her schedule is.

And so as of the last email this guy sent in, which was beginning of January, she hasn’t reached out. So if she hasn’t reached out, assume she’s probably still seeing the other guy and he hasn’t completely blown up on her. Or maybe she was still traveling. He didn’t say when they were going to be gone, but he did say that they were both out of town for Christmas. And so this text exchange happened on Christmas. And he sent in this email on January 1st. So that’s about 28 days ago. So if he’s got some news, I would imagine he’ll probably send it in. Or if he gets back together and things return to normal, I probably won’t hear from.

I’d love to hear your perspective on this and how best to handle the situation moving forward. Thank you for the guidance your work has provided me. It’s truly made a difference in my life.

Bob

And so at this point, all you can do is wait to hear from her. And so when you do say she does reach out, she might not bring up getting together, but you told her to let you know what her schedule is. So say in a month she reaches out. Is like, “Hey Bob, what are you up to?” Or just says, “Hey.” I would just respond, “Hey, you. I’d love to see you. What’s your schedule like?” Let her tell you. And then make dinner at your place just like 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back says, the Article and Video I did in the past, which is on my Website.

And just make the date. Have her come to your place, make dinner, hang out, have fun, hook up. When she leaves, say, “Call me later.” Let her do 100% of the calling, texting and pursuing. Again, it’s all laid out in the 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back Article and Video and just follow that. The setup is there for you. It looks like she’s starting to come back, but it really is going to depend on what happens potentially with this other guy. If things continue to go sideways, you’ll hear from her soon. If not, it might be delayed. You can’t get butthurt.

You can’t get perturbed by it. You should also be dating and meeting other women and trying to move on with your life. Because as a man, you should be action oriented, outcome oriented, and your outcome is you want somebody that’s single and ready to mingle. And even though this is your ex and you didn’t want to break up, she’s not jumping through her butt to try to set a date with you or let you know her availability. So we just have to assume it might never happen. Maybe this other guy that she’s seeing gets his shit together, but he fucks it up in three months.

That’s just kind of the way it goes. But again, typically just to go over it again, this is super important for you guys to understand is that most guys last about 3 or 4 weeks before they start turning a woman off, and then usually 3 or 4 weeks after that, they completely get ejected from her life. So kind of keep that timeline. You got about a typically a 60 day cycle from the time she starts seeing a new guy to where he basically fucks it up, and there’s a 97% chance the other dude is going to screw it up, turn her off, and then literally chase her back into your arms.

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