In this video coaching newsletter I discuss two different emails from two different viewers. The first email is from a viewer who is still struggling with the end of his marriage and letting go of the past. He often is finding himself contemplating the reasons to live and keep moving forward. The second email is from a guy who is not happy with his life. He is worried that at thirty years old, he is just too old to create the life and lifestyle he really wants. He has some limiting beliefs that are in conflict with his goals, which are making it impossible to take action and move towards what he wants. My comments are in (bold parenthesis like this below) in the bodies of their emails.
First Viewer’s Email:
Thank you for all you’ve done my life coach. I came back from a deployment to the Middle East without a wife and after leaving, but you’ve helped me get my life back together. (Thank you for your service.) Alas, here I sit in a dark room on my own. I’ve met a wonderful girl with a wonderful family, but nothing takes the pain away… the pain from losing the life I had, the wife and son I had.
(What causes human beings to suffer? Not accepting reality as it is. The family you had is gone, and you have not accepted your reality. You can’t go back in time, and you can’t undo what has been done. What happened happened, and it couldn’t have happened any other way. The idea is to learn from it and grow from it. Now you have a space in your life to find somebody new, and you have.It sounds like you need to take the time to be alone with yourself and give yourself permission to feel shitty or sad, depressed, lonely, angry or whatever it happens to be. You have to feel all of your emotions, especially the negative ones, in order to heal them, so they dissolve. It’s going to hurt and it’s going to suck, but sometimes you just have to embrace the suck, because life ain’t always sunshine and roses. You have to feel that emotion in order for it to dissolve and move through your nervous system, because when you run from those feelings, they get stored as muscle tension.
If you’ve been in combat, you’ve probably got some emotions you’ve kind of pushed down and haven’t had the time to talk about or experience, so you could do that with a vet support group, getting around other vets and just talking about your experiences. When you talk about things, as unpleasant as they are, you feel those emotions. And when you share the same kinds of emotions with other people who have gone through the same thing you have, you feel better. When you feel it, you heal it. You’ve got to get into those nasty feelings, in order to get out of them. Don’t judge them, and don’t wish them away, because what you resist will persist, but what you look at and embrace will disappear.)
I contemplate the reasons to live, but I’m alone. I trek life in pain, cursed by the memories of an innocent life. What should I do?
(What is your outcome in life? Focus on what you like to do. Focus and practice on the things you enjoy. As a man, you have to focus on your mission and your purpose in life, something that is exciting and emotionally compelling to you. Focus on getting a little better each and every day, and just be okay with the fact your marriage ended. It’s over, but the good news is, now you have a great space in your life to create something new. Be excited about that. At the end of the day, what gets us up and motivates us to do anything in life is we have an emotionally compelling reason for it.
Set a great example for your son. Set a great example of a dad who moved on after a divorce, found somebody new and found reasons to become excited, because someday when your son grows up, he’s going to have troubles of his own. He’s going to need you to hold his hand and help him to get through it. Start with a clean slate each day. How you get from where you are right now to where you want to be is going to be based on the action you take.)
Second Viewer’s Email:
I originally found your work a few years ago when I had an issue with a girl that you answered in a video newsletter. Well, this isn’t about a girl anymore. I’m simply not happy with my life. (We all have to have a purpose. You’ve got to have a reason why you get up every day, and you have to have something that you look forward to, something you’re trying to create or improve.)
I’m almost 30, and I don’t feel like I have any direction or goals that I’m aiming for. (You’re just lacking another idea. Typically, what most people do is, deep down, they know what they really want to move towards, but the story that they tell themselves about why they can’t have it or they’re too old, or this and that, is what keeps them from making it happen. That’s why it’s so important to focus on your outcome. What is your vision for your life?)I’m in sales, and while I do okay money wise, It’s kind of flip flop. I also don’t enjoy what I do anymore, but family members always say, ‘come on, you’re making money, you have a steady job, why leave it?’ (You know why they tell you that? It’s because it’s their story. It’s not your fucking story.)
I want to leave it, I just don’t know what else I’d do. Go back to school? (The only reason you should go to school is if the degree you’re going to get from going back to school or the skills you’re going to learn are a necessary prerequisite for what you want to do.)
That’s my ultimate goal, but I feel like I’m too old. (When I was 34 years old I didn’t have the same internal enthusiasm for what I was doing as I used to, and it was really disconcerting to me. I asked myself, if I had to start all over and do something else, would I want to do something completely different? And just like that, the first thing that popped into my mind was mentoring, coaching and helping people. It was so obvious. I had been studying self help my whole life. I was already a coach without realizing it.
What is a coach? Well, as Vince Lombardi said, “Coaching is teaching.” I started teaching the things that I had learned and applied in my own life that worked. And the book on “How To Be A 3% Man” was just the first book in a series that I was going to write. It took me four and a half years to figure out my business model, but I was willing to suffer to get to where I am now, because I loved it, because I had a compelling reason. Eventually it all paid off, and it was all because I practiced the things that I enjoy. You have to participate in your own rescue. Nobody’s going to do it for you.)
I want to go for a one-year certificate and start working in a field I actually enjoy. Is that possible? (It’s one fucking year. Of course it’s possible. But you should only do that if it’s necessary to go work in a field that you love and you enjoy. Your life and your purpose will continue to evolve, and you will get paid for it. That’s what happens when you focus on mastering skills and adding value to other people.)
Am I too old? What if I start school and quit, because I feel like I can’t handle it, (The only reason why you would quit school is because you’re just not into it. If you really love something and on a scale of one to ten it’s a ten, you will find a fucking way. You will figure it out. And if it’s not something you love, you’ll find an excuse to give up and quit), or I graduate, but don’t find a job in that particular field? (That’s ridiculous. Look at my article and video “How To Get Any Job You Want,” and follow what it teaches. It’s one of the Essential Fundamentals on my YouTube channel and also on my website. It’s just a matter of time and following up properly. I also did the articles, “How To Ensure Your Resume Gets You Hired,” and “How To Get A Good Job In A Bad Economy.” Follow that protocol, and so what if it takes you six months. Keep your courage up, go to school part-time or at night school or weekends, get the certificate for something you really want or enjoy, and still keep working your sales job.Sometimes you have to do what you hate, in order to do what you love. Once you get a new job lined up, then you can leave your sales job. That’s the smart way to do it, because you want to enjoy your life and your lifestyle, and now you’ll have a compelling vision for your life, a compelling reason to get up every day. You have something to look forward to, something you’re trying to create.)
Also, I’d have to lower the amount of time I work while in school, and that might be difficult, because I need money to support myself obviously. (Live like a college student if you have to.)
I’m not happy when I wake up. I’m not excited about each day. I’m not depressed, but I feel like my life is just going by. (Yeah, if you’re not doing anything to get from where you are to where you want to be, you’re going to feel like, what’s the purpose? You’ve got to have a reason to get up every day. Have a vision that’s exciting and compelling to you. Having an emotionally compelling vision will move you to take action.)
I’m doing what I have to in order to survive, ya know? This also affects my dating life, because of the vibe I’m probably giving off to women. (Absolutely, but if you’re going to school part-time and you’re excited about it, it makes that shitty job bearable, because you have something you’re looking forward to.)
What advice would you have on this particular topic? I plan on booking a paid phone coaching session with you, so you can help get my life in order.
If you have a question you would like me to consider answering in a future Video Coaching Newsletter, you can send it (3-4 paragraphs/500 words max) to this email address: Questions@UnderstandingRelationships.com
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From my heart to yours,
Author, Speaker, Peak Performance Coach, Entrepreneur
“Everyone has a purpose in life. Everyone has a unique combination of innate skills, gifts, talents, hobbies and interests. The more time you spend practicing what you enjoy the most, the more your purpose will come into focus and become clearer to you. The more you enjoy what you are doing, the less it will feel like work to you, and the harder you will work at doing it. The more you work at what you love, the better you will become at it. Practice, time and repetition are the builder of skills. The more valuable and skilled you become, the more you can charge others for your time, competency and value proposition. Master your value proposition to others and you’ll also master your financial destiny.” ~ Coach Corey Wayne
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