Punishing Your Lover

May 2, 2015 by Coach Corey Wayne

young man ignoring his girlfriend getting worked upWhy it’s not a good idea to punish your lover if they reject your romantic advances by ignoring them or holding back when they don’t do what you expect or react the way you think they should.

In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss an email from a viewer who has been having some problems exercising emotional self control with a woman he has been dating for about three months. He says that everything seemed to be going well up until recently. She was doing 90% of the chasing and was always happy to hear from him. The last time they were together, he says she was testing him a lot. He became annoyed by this, but ignored the way she was behaving and just continued to be sweet to her. This caused her to test him even more.

He became frustrated and left without them hooking up like they usually did. She texted him a few days later. He punished her by taking two days to respond; she ignored his text. Eleven days later, he texted her again and asked her when she was free to get together. She told him that she was not free and did not think she would be. She basically blew him off for good. He asks my opinion.

Hey Corey,

I’d just like to say that I love your work, and it’s changed my outlook and approach on dating. I started following your work in December 2014, because I was trying to get a girl back. I’ve since walked away from that girl, and I’m finding myself in a pickle.

I’ve been dating a few new girls lately, and this one girl in particular, who I met in January. She has been doing 90% of the chasing, and was always happy to hear from me. (At this point, she should be doing 100% of the texting and pursuing.) Cheerful young couple making massage at home The last time I saw her, she was testing me a lot, and I didn’t respond in the loving joking way I should have. I acted mildly annoyed, brushed it off and was extra sweet to her, because she was always showing me affection and being sweet to me in the past. (But she could sense you were annoyed. When they can sense that, they will test you, because they see weakness.) That caused her to test me even more. Every time we hang out, she rips my clothes off, is wanting sex and desiring me. This time, I was giving her a massage, and she tested me again. It annoyed me, so I rolled over, and starting watching TV. I tried to initiate kissing, and she told me I was annoying her. I was kind of pissed, and we didn’t hook up. (You totally came unglued.) Anyway, she texted me a few days later, and I took two days to reply to her message. (That’s not cool. You’re punishing her.) It’s been eleven days since, and she hasn’t replied.

I showed no self-control, was fearful and impatient. I texted her, and asked her when she was free to get together. Her response was, “I don’t think I will be, actually. Sorry.” I told her no worries, wished her a good week, and to get back to me when she is free. Needless to say, I’m going to read your book a few more times and need to follow it! I’m kicking myself. (That’s a painful lesson, but there were probably other things you were doing wrong.)

Best regards,

Bob

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Corey Wayne
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“Sometimes, when things are going really well in a relationship, women will screw things up and mess with a guy just to make things interesting, test his strength and see how he handles himself. If the man is centered and has emotional self-control, he will not be diminished by her testing and will be his usual playful and charming self. However, if he gets upset, annoyed, comes unglued and allows her testing to diminish and un-center him, she will back away and test him more as she no longer trusts his masculine core. That is why it is essential for men to have a strong sense of self, a purpose and a mission they are pursuing with a passion and fearlessness in life, and never be seeking anyone’s approval. Women test when they sense weakness. When a man is focused on giving instead of needing, he will easily pass a woman’s tests of his strength.” ~ Coach Corey Wayne

Published on May 2, 2015

Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. Corey
    I understand the principles of your philosophy, passing the shit tests, but when i see some of your videos i cant help but feel that allowing verbal and emotional abuse can easily be misunderstood as being a man and accepting it, but is it ok for her to do this shit, and over.
    what’s the difference. is it a fine line or is it obvious?
    California and the east coast has an over abundance of spoiled selfish divas.

    In a short time it’s negging effects can be very disturbing on any mans self esteem and confidence, if not addressed
    The ability to set boundaries that need to be held and maintained. , it is called respect and valuing both persons.
    As i see it part of the equation is developing your pick up skills so she understands you have other options , she needs to feel this as well. so she knows if she dumps you oh well fuck her too, cause you got the skills to get another.
    Where am I missing something.
    the fine line is it?
    Richard Ochoa

  2. This is such a great video. I can relate to punishing your lover and how all it does is cause a loss of attraction for the girl. My only question is if I’ve punished my girl to the point where there is no communication and we’re both out there dating. What’s a guy to do other than apologize and date other women, or give an ultimatum, or be a man and walk away?

  3. hi corey .. you know your stuff but i find it impossible to think u have all grounds and all women covered … tho i think you have most of them . ok well I’ve slept with over 500 women i find it quite easy to get em n to bed . i have a take what i want attitude and don’t really care after . i met this girl i do care awardst and i think that girls that go out all the time make the worst housewives … u ever heard u can’t make a hoe a housewife . so I’m confused why women always wanna hit the tiles these days i wanna settle down but i don’t like that women act like this i find it a turn off and i want a woman who spends the night s waiting for me . is there anyway i can spot these type of chicks so i don’t meet some skank and end up in a 10 year relationship with a chick who’s suckin dick with random guys .. thanks corey .

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