Pursuing 50% Leads To Loss Of Attraction, Respect & Elicits Platonic Feelings

Why you should never pursue a woman 50% of the time if you want to keep her attracted.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a 27 year old viewer who got dumped by his girlfriend of 7 months because he started over pursuing her and initiating contact too much. Despite reading 3% Man, 15 times, he started violating its principles. She lost attraction and respect for him and her feelings became mostly platonic towards him. He wonders if there’s any chance she will come back. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

Hi, I’m Coach Corey Wayne, and this is my Video Coaching Newsletter. And the topic of today’s Newsletter is going to be, “Pursuing 50% Leads To Loss Of Attraction, Respect & Elicits Platonic Feelings.”

Well, this particular email is from a guy. He’s 27. He’s been following me, I think he said for about 18 months, and he did a good job of reading the book. He says he read it 15 times or listened to the Audiobook about 15 times. And then in September of last year, which would be 2024, he met a girl. Everything went textbook, he said, it was like his dream woman. So everything was great. They became exclusive after six weeks of dating. I mean, he just followed everything textbook.

And then somewhere along the way, he says he was part of a community for a bit. I don’t know, maybe he left out one of the words, or maybe he’s talking about the Red Pill Community or some other Pill Community, but his girlfriend said he just became kind of an arrogant jerk. And then on top of that, he started going against the principles in the book, especially the pursuing. And he says he got to the point where he was 50/50. And it doesn’t matter what kind, whether heterosexual, gay, lesbian relationships, when it’s 50/50, you’re going to get friend zoned at some point, the relationship is going to end.

Because it elicits platonic feelings in the woman or the feminine essence towards the masculine essence. It’s a bad way to go. And so he violated one of the major principles in The Book, to the point where his girlfriend basically said that she no longer saw him as the right guy for her, or the one, or the guy that she should marry. And so she dumped him, and now he’s trying to wonder or figure out, “is there any chance that she is going to come back?”

And so it’s a good email to learn from because the guy did great following The Book, but then he got away from it and started acting unmasculine, over pursuing, always being available. He said he had too much time on his on his hands basically. So she lost respect, she lost attraction and he basically caused her to feel platonic feelings towards him. So now he’s licking his wounds and he’s wondering, is there a chance she’s going to come back or not? Because obviously he’s in No Contact.

So let’s go through his email.

Viewer Email:

Hello Corey,

I wanted to start off by saying thank you for all you do. I am a 27 year old law student living in Boston, and I have been following you for about 18 months. I have gone through the audible version of 3% Man over 15 times. It helped me land my dream woman, one who was mature, strong and independent.

We became a couple after 6 weeks of dating. I met her early September of last year. She dumped me this past Saturday. In hindsight I realize she dumped me in large part because I began to over pursue. On top of that I likely said things that made me come off arrogant at times (I was part of the community for a bit).

So I assume he’s probably talking about the Red Pill Community, which I see a lot of guys get involved in that. Even Chunky at one point when he was in high school, he got involved in the Red Pill and girls went from loving him and always thinking he was a great dude, to just thinking he was an arrogant asshole and they wanted nothing to do with him. As soon as he got away from that, got back into his book, thanks to, obviously his father has been a lifelong friend of mine. Everything completely turned around for him. And so I’ve been seeing this for years, is because I’ve had clients that had a good, solid marriage.

They started watching Red Pill stuff, and the guys that they’re following are saying, you should go and cheat on your wife and have other girls on the side. They start doing that, and then they’re in a real serious situation of potentially losing their wife, losing their family and significant portions of their net worth. Totally unnecessarily, because they basically listen to some Red Pill retard who didn’t know his asshole from a hole in the ground.

As you say, be humble or you will be humbled.

Well, that’s actually a Jocko Willink quote, and it is absolutely true. Even in the Bible it says, Pride cometh before the fall” or something along being too prideful, you’re going to get humbled.

When I met her, I was busy, driven, motivated and centered. I had just landed a new job, and I was studying 20 hours a week. I had a mission and a purpose, performing well as a paralegal and striving to excel in my classes. My recently ex-girlfriend worked with organ donation, which is an extremely demanding job that required her to have an unpredictable schedule. On top of that she was putting in extra hours in pursuit of a promotion. When I first met her, she volunteered her phone number and asked me out for the second date.

Obviously, that’s a pretty high interest.

At the time she saw a future with me, she told me this explicitly several times. She was initiating dates, asking me to spend the night, and sending me notes. But as my semester ended and exams were done I had too much extra free time. Without my paying attention I began breaking one of the core fundamental principles of letting the girl come to you at her own pace. I began to initiate probably 50% of the time.

And so when I talk about initiating, or contact initiating, what it means is all conversation threads are closed. You’re not waiting for her to return a message. She’s not waiting for you to return a message. And if you obviously are familiar with The Book, the guys do have to start the courtship or initiate the pursuit. But typically when you’re dealing with normal and healthy women, you get 2 or 3 weeks into the courtship and usually especially after you’ve slept together, because most women tend to, in the West, are going to sleep with a guy by the second or third date, typically.

And so when that happens, the woman starts initiating contact, because as guys, we’re just trying to take measured steps, one date per week, trying not to smother her. Just take our time. Because we’re also vetting her as well. Because when you’re patient and you take your time like that, if the girl is a lunatic or she’s incredibly insecure, she’ll get mad and pissed off at you right away. But a woman who’s easygoing, easy to get along with, has a good attitude, will just be happy to hear from you and love it when you invite her out on a date, when she starts to contact you first. And so with most women, once you’re together and you’re several weeks into the courtship, are going to allow you to get away with 95& to 100% of the pursuing being on their part.

And they like you more that way. They have time and space away from you to wonder about you, to think about you. And when the tension builds, when they haven’t heard from you or talked to you in a long enough period of time and their feelings creep up, that’s when they reach out to you. And so when you do that, you let them come to you at their pace. You never worried about smothering them, and you’re not chasing them out of your life. But any time, like I talked about when a guy starts to pursue more than 20 to 30% of the time in The Book, and especially once it exceeds 70%, he starts communicating these more into her than she is into him, which typically causes the woman to back off a little bit because now she becomes unsure of her feelings.

Then when she does that, he starts to pursue more because “the illusion of action” kicks in, and he feels like he’s got to do something to fix or to get her to feel the way she used to feel. And what’s really going on is he’s starting to smother her. He’s coming off as needy and clingy, and he literally chases her right out of his life, to the point where she doesn’t even want to see him or be around him, be touched by him, sleep with him, be intimate with him. And it’s just a bad way to go. If a woman is always chasing you, you don’t have to worry about getting dumped. And they do that naturally. Has nothing to do with a game or manipulation.

If a woman feels safe and comfortable with you and she really cares for you. She’s going to be stuck to you like a sucker fish. She’s going to want to be around you all the time. She’s going to want your attention all the fucking time, to the point where it’s going to get a little annoying because girls can be annoying that way. But if you have a good girl, you’ll be happy to hear from her and happy to have her at your side. And so what happens when a guy starts to pursue more, especially when it gets to 50/50, she never really gets enough time away from him to build that sexual tension, to build the anticipation, to really miss him and to reach out to him because he’s always kind of interrupting that.

I use the analogy, it’s like baking a cake in the oven. It’s like you put a cake in the oven and every five minutes you open the door going, hey, is it done yet? You let all the heat out, all the sexual anticipation, and then the process starts all over and you do that enough. You’re going to end up ruining the cake. You’re going to ruin the sexual anticipation and you’ll elicit platonic feelings in her towards you. It’s as predictable as the Sun coming up in the East and setting in the West. This is just the way women are. Because as men, we’re supposed to be focused on our mission and our purpose in life. And it’s the women that get our attention and get us to pull away from what we’re doing and then give her our love, our time, our presence to fill her up with our strength emotionally and mentally, spiritually and physically.

I got away with it initially.

When he said he began to initiate 50% of the time.

With her even telling me she loved the fact I wanted to spend time with her. I thought I could get away with it because once I spent the night she would ask me to come over for dinner and to spend the night again. This had become routine. I was becoming too available and eager to see her. This past week after not hearing from her, I initiated again, asking her if she was being called in and was available this weekend. She was, and when I saw her, I knew something was off.

So she backed off completely. He didn’t hear from her all week, which is unusual for girls in love with you. She’s not going to go a whole week without contacting you, and if she does something like that, she’s either mad or she’s lost attraction. And in this case, we know it was a loss of attraction. Remember, this is the one that was numerous times, as he said, was telling him that she felt they were going to have a future together. She saw him as the one for her, at least when she said that that’s what she was feeling. But as you see, things quickly unraveled.

That is when she said, “I have been thinking about my future, and I don’t see you as the man I am going to marry, but I love you as a boyfriend”. She broke up with me. 

Corey I am fighting back tears as I write this email because I violated a fundamental and I paid the price. I want her back. But even if I never hear from her again, I will never violate that principle again when I know better.

It’s always better if a woman thinks that she likes you more than you like her. If you had a room full of 100 women and you said that statement, you get a strong reaction from a lot of them will disagree with it, maybe even the majority of them. But at the end of the day, if you look at who they actually stay with and who they actually date, it’s the guys that are a challenge. It’s the guys that they have to work to get their attention. They just like it more that way, even when they claim they don’t. You have to look at how a woman responds based upon how she feels.

That’s the most important thing to understand. A woman only cares about how she feels about you now. What a great guy you are. Or in this particular case, he was being a good, attentive boyfriend and reaching out more and wanting to spend time with her. Initially she liked it, but it didn’t stop. He didn’t back off. He kept pursuing to the point where all of a sudden he doesn’t hear from her for the whole week, which was unusual. Then he reaches out, he’s like, hey, what’s up? And then she basically says, yeah, I don’t really feel that way about you anymore, and I don’t see a future with you because it all has to do with her. Feelings have changed.

So what happened was, is he kept pursuing and pursuing and pursuing. And as he said, he got away from it, got away with it initially, but her feelings just continued to go down to the point. Again, when it’s 50/50, then it elicits platonic feelings. And so she goes from being attracted and interested in sex and romance and family and the whole nine yards and a future together to just feeling like he’s just a friend, a great guy, just kind of too nice. As she said she loves him as a boyfriend, but she doesn’t see him as the man that she’s going to marry. So everything changed because her feelings changed. Because his behavior changed.

She went from seeking his attention to validation. And then after the semester ended, he became stuck to her like a sucker fish. In other words, he started acting like a woman. And as he acted like a woman, it ruined the sexual polarity. And as she withdrew, he pursued more without realizing it, as he said, until it was too late to where in her mind, in her heart her feelings were gone, and she doesn’t expect them to come back. That’s why no contact is the best form of action. You should be following the script and the article and video I did many years ago, 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back.

And from this point forward, you got to let her do 100% of the contact initiation, and then you just make dates. And just like 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back says, first three dates in a row, she’s got to come to your house. And as long as you hang out and have fun and hook up all three times, then you can meet her out and pick her up after that. But you got to let her do all the pursuit and all the contact initiation, and over time, her feelings will creep back up and she’ll ask you to once again be in a relationship, just like you said in the very beginning of his email, when they started dating, she was all over him.

She was doing all the pursuing, and as soon as he stopped, as soon as he started pursuing her, when he had too much time on his hands, when the semester was over, he literally chased her right out of his life, to the point where she lost all of her feelings and attraction for him, and she felt like there was no future. That it wasn’t fixable. It wasn’t going to go anywhere. So I appreciate you sending the email in. I feel sorry for what you’re going through, but, you know, you did it to yourself. You know, it’s all I can do as a Coach is gently lead and point these things out. But you got to get better. You got to do better.

And these are the kinds of things when you screw up and you experience a lot of pain, you recognize that that’s you got to correct it. Because if you don’t correct it and you do it again with the next girl or if she comes back. I’ve done countless emails over the years where guys do exactly this. They back, off they go, no contact. She starts coming back. They start hanging out, having fun and hooking up. And then after a few weeks, the guy tries to speed the courtship up a little bit, and then so he starts initiating again, and then he’ll literally chase her right back out. I just did an email about a week or two ago.

A guy did exactly that followed 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back. As soon as she comes back, he re-engages his pursuit and starts the same process all over again, and he literally chased her right back out of his life for the second time. So again, the stuff is in the book. It’s tried and tested over two decades, so you can ignore reality, but you can’t ignore the consequences of ignoring reality.

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