How to create attraction and facilitate being pursued versus being strung along if you have become romantically involved with a woman who is on the rebound after a recent breakup.
In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss an email from a viewer who became romantically involved with a woman who is the younger sister of his best friend’s wife. She started pursuing him after she broke up with her boyfriend of two years. Hugging, kissing and heavy petting started happening right away. One night she was all over him after having a little too much to drink, and he decided to not have sex with her because it didn’t feel right. After that night, he noticed that even though she still reached out to him first, she seemed to lose physical attraction and interest in him.
A few months later, and after his aunt told him that he was stuck in friends zone, he found my work. He told her he wasn’t interested in being friends, and it’s now been a month since he heard from her. He’s moved on and recently met a new woman, but obviously is still not over her. He asks my opinion. My comments are in (bold parenthesis like this below) in the body of his email.
I’ve got a potential video newsletter idea for you, as what I’m about to share is my latest growing experience before discovering your work.
(I like that you label it a growing experience, because that’s what it is. It makes you better. When you fuck up, the idea is to learn from your fuck-ups. When you make enough mistakes and you learn from them, you become proficient.)
Back in April I began spending time with my best friend’s wife’s younger sister. She is 21, myself 28. We live less than 10 minutes apart.
(That’s pretty convenient.)
She initiated contact from the start and even asked me to get together for our first hike.
(Obviously, she really was digging you.)
We eventually started hugging, kissing and heavy petting.
(That usually leads to the indoor Olympics, unless you’re not a smooth seducer. In my book, I detail the process you want to take a woman through, including how you want to handle last minute resistance.)
However, on one evening she was intoxicated, and I stopped myself from doing the horizontal shuffle, because at the time it did not feel right.
(You had already been together, you had already fooled around a little bit, and she had been drinking. When you get together with a woman like that and you hesitate or you think you’ve got to wait or hold out, eventually she starts to realize, this guy doesn’t know what he’s doing. He’s got no game. Then her attraction level drops.)
Between her being who she was and me being sober, I took the safe route. Also, I later found out she had completely ended a 2-year relationship just days before first talking to me.
(The other thing you’ve got to consider in that situation is, there’s a chance that the ex is not going to be completely gone, so your game needs to be pretty fucking tight. When you act like this when the girl is potentially on the rebound, she’ll probably go back to the ex-boyfriend or maybe some other guy whose game’s just better than yours. You just can’t make a lot of mistakes with women in this situation.)
Following that night, her intimacy towards me lessened, and I began to feel like a rebound.
(What happened is, she started perceiving you as a friend and no longer a lover, because she was ready to get her freak on. She just realized, dude’s got no game, no experience and probably doesn’t get to this place very often with girls. Women know a guy who gets it and one who doesn’t. They can tell.)
We had a phone-ship the entire 3 months we were involved.
(The phone is for setting dates, not getting to know somebody. You have to sell yourself in person, not over the phone. You obviously talked her out of liking you, and she probably has the idea that she just thinks of you as a friend. Obviously, she knew you liked her, but with any dude who’s going to fool around with a girl and not have sex with her, then be okay with talking on the phone for three months but never getting together, she’s just going to lose all feelings of attraction.)
And even though feelings for her had been developing and she was pulling away slowly but surely, I stuck around. I never actually pursued her, she texted me every day as if she wanted me in the background.
(Yeah, she was just checking to make sure you were there. If she was hooking up with her boyfriend again, whatever he wasn’t giving her, she was getting from you. That’s why he got the sex and her body, and you got blue balls. Not a good trade my friend.)
Although I planned and implemented a fun birthday surprise for her, I realized the highway to the friend zone was inevitable.
(Dude, you were already in the friend zone. If she was reaching out, I would have said, “Hey, why don’t you grab a bottle of wine, come over and let’s hang out.” Your job as a man is to create an opportunity for sex to happen. To hang out, to have fun and to hook up, not be the white knight that’s going to save her from her bad relationship and be her shoulder to cry on, because then you just become her emotional tampon. She uses you, then throws you away and feels no remorse.)
It got to the point where we were no longer kissing or holding hands, let alone showing infection of any kind. But she still messaged me every day and wanted to hike.
(You definitely should review my article and video, “7 Principles To Get An Ex Back.” The problem was, you kept going out and did nothing but one platonic thing after another. It’s like you were waiting on her to tell you how to be a man, and eventually she figured you’d be okay in friend zone.)
I became her gay male girlfriend without even knowing it. It took my close aunt to give me some brutal honesty and advise me of what to do. I found your book the same day, and 24 hours later, I told her I can’t be just her friend, but told her if she ever wanted something more, you know where to find me. I walked away and MEANT it. Almost 4 weeks have gone by and no contact whatsoever.
(Well, at least you had the balls to walk away.)
My question to you is would this be considered her stringing me along?
(I would say, you put yourself in friend zone by your behavior. You should have just been hanging out, having fun and hooking up, and you never really would have had to pursue this woman ever. All you would have had to do is create the next opportunity for sex to happen. She’d have been all over you, and the ex-boyfriend probably would have been out of the picture. Instead, you talked her out of liking you, and you stuck yourself firmly in friend zone.)
Or was she pursuing me, but proceeding with caution?
(Come on man. She was into you, but you’ve got to give off the lover vibe consistently.)
I had been exuding weak behavior and not taking action like the leader I am.
(She could sense that. She could sense your hesitation, your indecisiveness, and your lack of confidence. A woman wants to be penetrated by your strength. You’re not going to penetrate a woman when you’re acting like a floppy cock.)
Thank you for helping me rediscover my masculinity, because I’ve had success with new women since this experience, but I find seeking console in you couldn’t hurt.
Thank you for reading,
(If you ever hear from her again, I would assume she wants to see you, and invite her to your place to make dinner together. Hang out, have fun and hook up. Don’t go pick her up, don’t go meet her out. The longest distance you should be willing to travel to see her is the distance it takes to go from wherever you are in your house to the front door to let her in when she comes over.
If she says let’s meet out, just say “No, I’m just in the mood to hang at my place and have a nice, quiet romantic evening. If you’re not up for that, give me a call in two to three weeks, and maybe I’ll be up for meeting you out then.” When she reaches out two times in a row, you ask her to come over to make dinner together, and she shoots you down both times, then from that point forward, you’re going to keep your phone calls to 2-3 minutes max. If she starts texting you, you’re only going to send 2-3 replies max, you’re going to end the phone call, and you’re always going to end your text exchange with this, “Hey, it was really great hearing from you, but I’ve got to run. Keep in touch.”
If you go to “7 Principles To Get An Ex Back,” it’s all detailed there. You need to get familiar with it, because she may come back. It’s totally possible as long as you’re able to hold out, get on with your life and never look back. In the meantime, you can be dating, hooking up with new girls and getting experience, so if she does come back into the picture, you are prepared. You’re either going to re-attract her into your life, or you’re going to find somebody better by applying the things in my book. Either way, you win.)
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Author, Speaker, Peak Performance Coach, Entrepreneur
“Sexual attraction is not a choice. People typically know within three seconds of meeting someone for the first time if they find them attractive or not. When a guy meets a woman he has mutual attraction with, he should facilitate getting together, having fun and initiating romance. If he hesitates, thinks he needs to wait, talks too much and tries to hide his interest, she will lose interest and place him in friends-zone due to his lack of initiative, confidence and his giving off the friendship vibe instead of the lover vibe. Women love men who are direct, decisive and get right to the point, as these are masculine strength traits all alpha males display.” ~ Coach Corey Wayne
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