In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss an email from a viewer who insinuates I do not talk about long-term or exclusive relationships enough in my video newsletters. However, the real problem is he still has not learned the basic fundamentals of what I teach, because he is cherry-picking information and looking for a quick fix, instead of trying to master my book’s fundamentals. He has a knowledge gap in his relationship game, because he obviously did not take the time to read my book the recommended ten to fifteen times, so his interactions with his girlfriend could become instinctual, instead of reactionary. His girlfriend, whom he is exclusive with, has recently been openly flirting with other men and telling him about it. He acts like he does not care and it’s not a big deal, but she is disrespecting their supposed commitment by inviting and encouraging other men to hit on her. He should have stood up for himself and communicated her behavior was inappropriate, unacceptable and rude. I tell him how he should handle this situation to measure her true integrity, determine if she is simply testing him and give himself the best possible chance to turn things around and take his power back so she is respectful of his boundaries. My comments are in (bold parenthesis like this below) in the body of his email:
I am a veteran of your work and have enjoyed your book and videos immensely. One area that I’d love to see you address more would be relationships that are more long-term/exclusive. (I do videos all the time on people struggling in long-term relationships. In those cases, I typically see men who simply stopped dating and courting their wife properly or became submissive and moved into their feminine.) I have been following your work for the past year and a half, and your tips, methods and candid guidance has been life changing on so many levels. (How many times have you read my book? The guys who struggle the most just haven’t taken the time to read it 10-15 times.) I have even re-watched many of the videos more than once just because I find them both inspirational and often times entertaining and confidence building. Thank you.
I have been dating the same woman for 9 months. We have developed and expressed love and affection for one another and are seeing one another exclusively. Like you’ve mentioned repeatedly in your videos, it’s imperative that one loves in such a way that both parties feel free. (It’s also imperative that you know what your outcome is. If you both want to be in a monogamous relationship, you should be congruent with that.) Early this evening, my significant other reached out to me by phone, missed me and left me a message on my cell after missing me on my landline. When I returned from work, I reached back out to her, and during our conversation, she informed me that she had a great day, a rare one at a job she hasn’t felt has been a good fit for her. (That tells me she’s not happy with her work. How does that affect her attitude and quality of life. If she’s doing something she really hates, it could be a source of friction in your relationship. Look at my article and video, “How To Communicate With Women Effectively,” for information on how to not try to solve her problems, but just listen.) However, she’d mentioned her newest assignment has her working with two new people she really likes, (When women are disloyal, this is how they replace a guy. They will introduce the new guy as somebody they’re just hanging out with), and then she went on to gush about a guy in New Jersey who’s a “brilliant scientist” and who’s very funny. (She’s talking enthusiastically about another man.) She went on to say she found herself teasing him, the way she teases and jokes with me, (She’s basically saying she’s flirting with him in a sexual way that lets him know she’s attracted), and she feels she’s becoming good at this. (You should ask her if she’d like it if you were flirting with other women.) My response was along the lines of treating her like the bratty little sister you always allude to, “Great, then I’ll spank you for both of us.” (Teasing and being playful is the first phase of the book. At this point you need to know relationship skills. You need to know more about communication and setting boundaries.) She cracked up, but when we got off of the phone, I felt a first-time tinge, questioning whether I should feel a little jealous that she was interacting with a co-worker similarly to how we interact. (This is what happens when you don’t read my book 10-15 times. You need to know the fundamentals so you are not in reactionary, fear-based mode and know how to respond accordingly.) Apparently, this employee flies to her location in Illinois twice a month, but is based in New Jersey.
I’m pretty certain you would suggest I don’t bring this up, (Not in this case dude. You’re exclusive), particularly since I’ve been the alpha male up to this point, I’m not insecure or controlling, and we give one another space to wonder about one another. However, I can’t deny that to the point she gushed, it felt a bit odd. (You’ve got to stand up for yourself. You need to read the book 10-15 times, because you’re using pickup and attraction skills when you’re in the relationship phase.) She’s not a game player, and it didn’t feel like a test. It felt sincere. What would you do Coach? (You need to communicate how you feel, and ask her if she wants to change the terms of the relationship or decide to remain exclusive. Let her know you feel her behavior is rude and disrespectful. You have to set healthy boundaries and stand up for yourself.)
If you have a question you would like me to consider answering in a future Video Coaching Newsletter, you can send it (3-4 paragraphs/500 words max) to this email address: Questions@UnderstandingRelationships.com
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From my heart to yours,
Author, Speaker, Peak Performance Coach, Entrepreneur
“The number one, most important thing to men in relationships is loyalty. Men have an innate tendency to seek out relationships based upon loyalty and expect their friends, family, lovers, and acquaintances to have their back. Many scientists believe this is due to the fact that during the Stone Age, if people didn’t have your back, you’d more than likely get eaten by animals! When a man cannot trust his teammates, this increases his fear and decreases his ability to remain in a peaceful and relaxed state, and therefore make efficient and superior decisions that lead to success in the shortest possible time, with the least amount of effort. In order to get what you want in life and be a superior negotiator, you must not tolerate people who constantly violate their commitments, your self, your boundaries or your dignity.” ~ Coach Corey Wayne
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