The difference between having a scarcity of romantic choices versus having unlimited choices, and how this affects the quality of your life and ability to reach your full potential.
In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss an email success story from a guy who started following my work several years ago. I discussed a previous email of his in a video coaching newsletter I did two years ago titled, “Impossible & Toxic Relationships.” In that email newsletter, he was dating a married woman for about a year who would not leave her husband. He finally walked away and never looked back.
Three months later, she left her husband and contacted him shortly thereafter. He started dating her again, but found out she was dating and cheating on him with other guys. He eventually walked away for good, and he details what he did and said afterward to attract his current girlfriend of a year. The relationship is easy and effortless, but after what he went through and overcame, he now knows for certain that he can have more. He is certain he has choices now and is no longer driven by scarcity, but has true freedom to explore who he really is, and who he wants to become. My comments are in (bold parenthesis like this below) in the body of his email.
I am the guy who you answered in one of your video coaching newsletters called “Impossible & Toxic Relationships.” I am writing back two years later to update you of the positive results of following your advice and my success story, so it serves as example or inspiration for other guys out there.
As you know, I was in love and dating a married woman for about a year. She wouldn’t leave her husband, and you told me to walk away and never look back. It’s what I did. Three months later, she divorced her husband and got in touch with me wanting to rekindle things. As I was still in love with her, I decided to try again. (Remember, people make their choices based on emotions, and they use logic and reason to to justify their purchase. Emotions are very strong, and obviously in this case, only a few months later, she’s finally okay to give you what you wanted, or so you thought.) Bad choice!After two months of dating, she wouldn’t commit and was going out with other guys behind my back. (Once a cheater, always a cheater. It doesn’t mean anything to her. All she cares about is getting her needs met. That’s just how she looks at the world, and she assumes everybody is just like her anyway. No matter what you tell someone like that, they’re going to believe what they believe. People act consistently with how they view themselves to be, whether that view is accurate or not.) Again, I walked away and never looked back.
I took the time to read your book over and over, focus on my goals, take care of myself and date other women. (Did you feel like dating other women after what had happened? Of course not, but you were emotionally wrapped up in this particular woman. Obviously, enough pain had happened in your life and in that interaction, because people do more to avoid pain than they do to gain pleasure, and you probably watched enough videos and had read enough of my book to realize, if it looks like a duck, it walks like a duck and it quacks like a fucking duck, it’s a duck. She’s a cheater, she’s a liar, she ain’t good relationship material.)It was difficult, of course, but I went through it. Everybody does. Five months later, she got in touch “just to wish me Merry Christmas,” yeah, right. You know how it is, we tend to think that people can change, so I gave us another chance, (You just hadn’t reached your pain threshold yet), just to confirm one month later that people just become a better version of themselves. She was sweet and respectful, but the moment we had the first fight, guess what! She slept with another guy. I’m shocked! Shocked I tell you!
With all the knowledge you brought me, I was much more confident on how to act with women and on myself, so it was not so difficult to walk away this time. But what is really amazing is that ON THE DAY I decided with all the cells of my body that I would find someone who shares the same values I have, I met my current girlfriend, a hot Japanese muse who is loyal, sweet, smart and caring. We’ve been in a relationship for almost a year now.(Notice how the universe kept testing you. You thought you were done with it, you were over it, you were walking away, and yet she came back and you gave her a chance two other times, and it ended the same way. If you ever did get back together with that girl, you’d be wasting your time and her time. It’s not like she’ll become a different person. She is who she is. You’ll get turned off for the same reasons.)
I am happy with her, but you know what, I know I can have more. (Like I talk about in my book, that’s what caused me to marry my first wife, that fear. She was the first real girlfriend I had and the first woman I had ever dated that really, truly loved me for me with all my flaws and faults. After all of the rejection I had been through, I thought in the back of my mind, what if I never find anyone else? What if it never gets any better than this? What if the next girl is worse? That’s what caused me, and many of those around me, to settle. But after a year, I realized, I can’t do this. I can’t live a lie.
Live your truth and be proud of it. And tune other people out, because at the end of the day, they don’t know what you know about yourself. They don’t know what’s in your heart, and it’s really none of their fucking business.)
It doesn’t matter if it’s with her or with someone else. What is really important is this feeling that you are awesome and you will find what you’re looking for, not only in love, but in all aspects of life.
Thank you so much for sharing your wisdom with us coach. And for all guys out there, read the book and follow it, decide you’re going to be a little better each day, and focus on what you want. Nothing is going to stop you. (Great success story. Thanks for sharing.)
From my heart to yours,
If you have a question you would like me to consider answering in a future Video Coaching Newsletter, you can send it (3-4 paragraphs/500 words max) to this email address: Questions@UnderstandingRelationships.com
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From my heart to yours,
Author, Speaker, Peak Performance Coach, Entrepreneur
“Most people in this world do not know how to get what they want in life. They tend to take whatever they can get, which is usually nothing or less than optimal. True freedom comes from knowing your value, learning the science of achievement and knowing that with enough time, you can get a better job, build a better business, attract a higher quality lover, better friends and even start over after losing everything. Having choices leads to certainty, peace, optimism and a compelling future. Not feeling like you have any choice leads to scarcity, fear and loss of hope. When you lose hope and positive expectation of a compelling future, you start dying little by little, piece by piece.” ~ Coach Corey Wayne
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