How you should handle dating and seducing the structured woman.
In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss an email success story from a twenty-two year old guy who met a woman on his college campus who took his breath away. They talked for about twenty minutes, and then he got her number and set a date a few days later.
The date went amazing, but she refused to kiss him at the end. He took it as a challenge and set a second date a few weeks later, and she still refused to kiss him. What he did next was textbook How To Be A 3% Man, how he ended up having a third date and successfully seducing her then. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.
He follows for the most part, with one exception, what I talk about in How To Be A 3% Man on how to deal with shy and structured women. Because what you want with a woman who’s following a set of rules, maybe she’s extra religious. Like in this particular case, this woman happened to be extremely religious, and so she’s following a set of rules. What you want with the structured woman, as the man, you want her to do what you want to do. In other words, you want her to feel safe and comfortable enough to submit to you and follow your lead and throw all of the rules out the window.
But if you don’t do that and you keep trying to date her, with most structured women, it’s just going to be difficult. It’s going to be a pain in the butt. It’s like, everything is an ordeal. Because ideally, the best relationships — just like, think about your best friendships in your life — they’re easy, they’re effortless. They’re a source of ease and delight, easygoing, easy to get along with. You have similar goals, similar values. You never run out of things to talk about. Things just flow naturally.
And that’s what you want, especially in your intimate relationships, because you’re going to spend most of your time in your intimate relationships. And if you’ve got somebody that’s always acting inauthentic because they’re following a set of rules, things have got to be a certain way, it never feels natural. And after awhile, it gets really old and really frustrating.
I’d like to share my success story about winning the heart of the woman of my dreams! My name is Bob, and I’ve been a fan of yours for just over a year now. I’ve read 3% Man 9 times and Mastering Yourself twice.
Pretty good, and it’s all within a year. That’s very good. Good job. So, he’s a good student. What do I always say about the great success stories? They’re really good students. They follow the instructions. They read the book 10 to 15 times. When I do phone sessions, and guys are making mistakes and doing the wrong things — assuming they’re with a good, normal, healthy woman and not a lunatic — nine times out of ten it’s because he really hasn’t read the book, or he half-assed it, or he read it a couple of times a few years ago when they got together. He started seducing her successfully. Things were going along great for several months. So, he felt like, “I don’t need to read the book 10 or 15 times. I’ve got this.”
And then two to three years later, when they’ve gotten lazy and complacent, they start going back through the book — obviously we’re talking about my first book, “How To Be A 3% Man” — and then recognizing, “Oh, wow! I really got off the path.” And then obviously it’s an emergency, and it’s a lot harder to try to turn things around, when the reality is just being a poor student has consequences.
I mean, think about it. When you’re in college like this particular guy is, in a lot of classes you can’t half-ass it. You’ve got to study and you’ve got to pay attention and you’ve got to put the time in. Otherwise, you’re going to fail a class. And it’s no different when it comes to what I teach in “How To Be A 3% Man.” If you’re a good student, you’re going to get good, easy and effortless, consistent results. If you’re kind of a ‘half-assing it’ student, the guy who likes to prepare the night before the final exam, it’s not going to go well. It’s going to be rocky, instead of smooth and easy and effortless.
You never know when a smokeshow like this is just going to walk into your life. And if you’re unprepared and you screw it up, I mean, with a class, you can always take the class over next semester. But when a great woman comes along, the kind of one that you might only meet a handful of times in a decade, where you just click and everything is easy and effortless, you’re going to be thinking about her just about every day until you meet somebody else that makes you feel the same way.
They sting and they hurt, and they’re meant to sting and they’re meant to hurt, because that pain is what causes you to recognize that, “My approach ain’t working. I’ve experienced a lot of pain, therefore, I need to move in a new direction.”
I’m 22 and in first year of university, which has been fantastic for meeting and dating beautiful women.
Well, you’re never going to be around more beautiful, single, attractive women your age than when you’re in college. And it’s great for establishing a group of friends and meeting a social circle, especially if you meet people in your major. Like, when I was in Construction Management, I met a lot of dudes I became friends with, and even after we all graduated, we kept in touch. Some of us worked together, and it was great for a lot of connections that I made. And some of the connections I made in college, which I wrote about in my second book, “Mastering Yourself,” those connections that I made in college were invaluable because the people that I got to know enabled me to get the jobs that I wanted.
The job that I had at Centex Rooney, I went to school with the CEO’s son, so I met him in class. We used to hang out and drink beers together. I got to know the Marketing Manager because he also was a part-time professor. And I also got to know the scheduling manager, who was also one of my professors. So, I had three top level executives in the company that I had contacts through. Either I took classes from them, or I literally in one case even knew the CEO’s son. It’s like, that’s helpful. It’s helpful for your career when you make those kinds of connections and everybody likes each other, because if the people like you, they’re more inclined to give you a job and give you an opportunity.
So, with certain degrees, college is a great thing, but for a lot of these useless degrees that people are getting today, people don’t even think about, “What kind of a job am I going to get when I get out of college? How much money is this going to pay me, versus just learning things on YouTube or reading books on my own?” And if you’re getting a college degree and it’s not going to guarantee you a significant salary doing something you really love and you really enjoy, you’re wasting your money. And it’s just asinine stupidity to go into debt for hundreds of thousands of dollars for a degree that is barely going to make you thirty thousand dollars a year starting out. It’s just a waste.
I met my now girlfriend in March. She walked past my table outside the library wearing totally hot bright blue jeans which accentuated her curves and wavy red hair. What a smoke-show!
That’s wonderful when that happens. Some women, when they walk by, it’s like, “Woah!” That puts a spring in your step, lights you up on the inside. It’s like, “Wow, there is a God.”
Naturally, I had to call out “Hey! Nice Blue,” resulting in her turning around and shouting “Me?”
“Beauty needs a witness,” as Zan Perrion said, which I think is absolutely true. He saw beauty in his world, and he had to call it out and notice it. Feminine energy grows through praise, after all — when it’s authentic, when it’s a real compliment meant to light her up. Because you want her to know what you think is beautiful about her, versus throwing a line out about how she looks because you’re hoping it’s going to get a reaction and cause her to like you.
When it comes from the heart, when it’s authentic and real and there’s no attachment to it, it’s beautiful the effect that it has on women. But you have to deliver it authentically, because if it’s not, women we can tell, they can feel it and they won’t have a good reaction.
I beckoned her over to my table and asked her where she got them from. She seemed shy, but was open to talking, and I continued asking her questions while returning hers with short, funny answers. We talked for around 20 minutes, with her laughing and leaning further into the table as I slowly leaned back opposite her. She then realized she was late for class, so I jumped onto the opportunity to ask for her number and said “Hey, you and I should get together. What’s your number?”
That’s a great line, “We should get together sometime.” You should memorize that one. That’s a great way to phrase it.
We swapped phones, and she puts her number in and even takes a picture of herself for the contact photo! (That takes confidence.)
And it also shows she wanted you to remember her, because she could tell you were taken by her beauty. Not many guys have the balls to call over a pretty girl and notice what they like about her.
Fast forward a few days, and I call her on Thursday afternoon. She openly said she was shocked that someone called her and agreed eagerly to meeting up in the park the following Friday.
I see some of these millennial guys or these younger guys going, “Oh, Coach, we only text in my generation.” It’s like, yeah right. That’s your excuse. So, here’s a guy calling a girl, because that shows confidence. That’s an unusual thing, to actually call a woman. They’re like, “Wow!” I’ve had so many younger women that I’ve met over the last ten to twelve years tell me they were stunned. It’s like, it never happened to them. I’m thinking, really? Every guy texts because that’s easy. It’s easier to text. It lowers the pain or the sting of rejection. That’s why if you’ve got confidence, you’re going to call a girl. You want to hear her voice.
Of course, I did not contact her until that date, and we met in the park with a hug and she said that I am handsome and she’s glad I asked her out.
Obviously, high interest there. High mutual interest, that’s the important thing. She was really into him, because she came over and talked to him because she liked him. Now, if she wasn’t interested, she would have turned around and said, “Thanks!” and kept on moving. Or if he had motioned her over and she was like, “I’ve got to get class,” she would be not interested. But at least he lit her up, and she’ll be thinking about him the rest of the day, and the fact he had the balls to light her up. And she’s like, “Wow, I actually encountered a man. It doesn’t happen very often.”
We talked lots and walked around the town. She grabbed my hand when crossing a road and would follow me as I zigzagged across the footpath as you did in the book.
So, I talk about this in “How To Be A 3% Man.” As you’re walking down the street — and I had fun when I was really learning this stuff. It was amusing to me, because you can walk, and if you just kind of zigzag and you weave, you notice the woman’s bumping into you. It’s like, you kind of move away a little bit. It’s because it’s totally subconscious. It shows how much she likes you. She literally bumps into you as you walk down the street. And literally, you’re all over the place. It’s kind of funny.
When she started getting closer to me, I leaned forward and told her, “I find you intoxicating to look at.”
Another authentic… I wouldn’t say it’s a line, it’s noticing her beauty.
She went bright red and speechless for a few minutes, but was smiling ear to ear.
Probably because it’s the first time in her young life that a man has ever said something like that to her and had not expected anything return. It’s really, literally a gift from his heart, and so she felt it. Notice how the authenticity melts her. She turned bright red and speechless for a few minutes.
That’s why if you’re in a busy place and you see a chick and you’re like, “You’ve got a fucking unbelievable body!” It’s like, “What?” Most women will be shocked. They’ve never heard it. And they want you to say it again. You know they heard you. They want hear it again, because it’s so rare to get a real, authentic compliment from a man. Usually when a guy gives a compliment, he’s creepy about it and trying to get something from her, or trying to disguise his interest.
I think she eventually squeaked out, “I like you too.” LOL! She then pulled out a box of chocolates, which she had bought to give to me as a present!
Well, that’s nice. I like that — girls that come bearing gifts on a first date.
We then went to get food at my favorite local place, where I leaned in to kiss her. To my amusement, she leaned back and said “I’m sorry, I really like you and I really want to kiss you, but I’ve never kissed anyone before and want it to be special.”
So, maybe she’s a little inexperienced, maybe. Maybe.
I just smirked at her and said, “No worries, lets enjoy our meal.” I walked her back to her car, where she leaned in and said, “I cant wait to see you again.” I replied something like, “I’ll call you to organize something next week.” With a hug, she left.
No kissy poo. So, we’re dealing with what looks like a pretty structured girl.
Learning what you’ve taught has allowed me to at least make out with a girl that I take out, but her reaction and denial was so unusual that I took it as a challenge to improve my game and get what I desired.
Well, as I talk about in the book, me personally, I would never call a girl like that again, because I’m not interested in validating that kind of behavior. I’m not interested in validating a girl who doesn’t want to kiss me, who wants to kiss me. And the only reason I would go out with her again or give her another opportunity is if she reached out. If she really liked me, she’d reach out and want to know where I went. But if she didn’t, I’d probably never hear from her again.
I organized our second date for bowling and pool a few weeks later.
So, this guy did it a little differently. He took the challenge. He’s like, “I’m pretty sure this girl likes me. Let me see if I can get her to kiss me on the second date.” And so, you’ll see what happens and why the rules that I have in there work great.
Even though she wouldn’t kiss me, she made a bet that whoever won pool would get a kiss on the cheek. I won, and she obliged.
Ooh, a kiss on the cheek. How exciting.
She called me a few weeks later to invite me on a date that she wanted to organize.
So, what happened is after the second date of getting no kiss, he’s like, “That’s it. I’m not calling this girl again. I gave her two dates, and all I got was a kiss on the cheek. I’m not down with that. I don’t care what the reasons are. I gave her two chances.” A 3% man will be like, “Nah. I’ll give it another shot, but she’s going to have to work for it.” That’s your attitude.
If you have plenty of choices and plenty of options, and you know you’re a catch and you’re good looking dude because you take care of yourself and you work out, just being in shape and fit when close to 75% of Americans are obese or overweight, you’re going to look good. Better than almost every dude out there. That’s a sad reality. Our society has become supersized and soft.
She took me up to the local mountain for “dinner and stargazing,” which turns out was just a ruse to get me to kiss her. “I want you to be my boyfriend,” she said to me after the meal, which I replied, “Sounds delightful, but can I think about it?”
Good answer, good answer. Don’t give it up so easily. Besides, it’s pretty soon and a girl that says that is either really insecure or really selective and doesn’t have a lot of experience.
She looked a bit unhappy at that response, which cracked me up, and I gave her my answer with her first kiss.
Well, at least she kissed you. But you notice everything changed because it was her idea. So, in her mind, the rules are “No kissy poo until we’re boyfriend and girlfriend.” But it doesn’t end there. On this same evening in question…
We went on multiple dates since then, and one to the local fair with rides and dinner. We met out with my classmates later for dinner, which was hilarious as my female friend at the time kept throwing playful barbs at me. Without realizing it, my girlfriend started defending me and firing barbs back at the friend. During the meal she kept giving me the “bedroom” eyes, which was accompanied by the footsies under the table.
I took her home for her to stay the night, where she said, “Just because I’m in your bed doesn’t mean we are having sex.”
Okay, never heard that before. So, what that really means is, “I’m going to fuck your brains out as long as you don’t talk me out of it.”
I smirked and said “Okay, but you have to keep your hands off me.”
We get into bed and I started the two steps forward, once step back principle.
This is really super important. I’ve done a lot of phone sessions with guys over the years, and part of the problem, they didn’t read the book 10 or 15 times and they got into this situation where a woman says something like that, and then they take the delay as a permanent denial, instead of just, “Hey, slow your roll. It’s going a little too fast. Just slow down, pump the brakes a little bit, bro.” It’s in the bag. That’s the way James Bond is like. He just smirks, “Yeah, whatever. You’ll be naked, you’ll be naked in the bugs later.” You know what the bugs is? That’s where her feet are behind her head, and it looks like Bugs Bunny.
We end up having crazy bedroom Olympics that night.
It’s important to note that she’s both heavily religious and stated that she would only get into bed with someone she loves, yet she contradicted herself the next morning when she said that she could not help herself around me.
She’s super infatuated, I would say. Her interest is an eight at this this particular juncture in our story.
A month of dating later and she told me she is falling in love with me.
That’s about nine. She’s hitting a nine.
And now as of two months, we made it clear that we both love each other.
Cheers. But you saw what happened. He just walked away after the second date. I would have walked away after the first, but that’s just me. Because if the girl really likes you and she’s not really hardcore into her rules, she’ll reach back out and she’ll be more flexible, which is what you want. Flexible and submissive is what you’re looking for, not a hard-ass, crazy feminist with freaky ass hair and all kinds of weird tattoos and piercings to make herself as unattractive as possible. “I don’t need men. I’m independent. I’ve got lots of dogs and cats.”
She is extremely affectionate, intimate and a giver. Both our love languages are touch, time and words of affirmation, which makes it easy to give her the love she deserves. She playfully challenges me, and when I pass, she starts laughing and jumps into my arms.
She lives 45 minutes out of town but does not hesitate to come visit me and jumps my bones whenever we are together.
You better go to church. Naughty people.
She grabs my arm whenever we walk together and can’t keep her hands off me in public.
Oh, you poor thing.
She’s everything that’s on my list, Coach. (And we even share your green juice occasionally.) I’m grateful to have found your work.
To the green juice gods! The gods of the green juice, we salute you. And maybe you guys haven’t seen the “30 Day Challenge” videos I’ve been doing with Gracie and Chunky, as we take them through doing Corey’s Green Juice, Corey’s Green Alkaline Smoothies, the nut mix I talk about, obviously, in “Mastering Yourself.” The pH Salts, apples and eventually the colon cleansing — the ass blast, as we like to call it. So, you see the progression. And especially the ones over the weekend, which are towards the latter part of when we were doing the 30 Day Challenge, and you can hear how it changed them, how it affected their energy level, their skin especially, because they both had problems with acne.
Now that everybody’s on summer break, I think Gracie has kind of fallen off the wagon. So has Chunky a little bit, by the way. He’s like, “My shirts are getting a little tighter again.” It’s like, “Get your fucking ass in the gym, bro.” It’s hard. It’s easy to get off the path. It’s hard to stay on it, but the coach is still going strong.
So, if you’ve got a question or challenge you’d like to get my help with, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen and book coaching session with yours truly.
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From my heart to yours,
Author, Speaker, Peak Performance Coach, Entrepreneur
“Shy and structured women tend to follow a set of rules and hoops that they make men jump through in order to date and seduce them successfully. It’s one thing to be religious, shy, structured and follow a set of rules to ensure that someone is really into you before escalating things physically, but continually following a set of unnatural rules turns people into inauthentic robots that makes everything unnecessarily difficult, instead of easy and effortless. Great relationships, when your goals and values are totally aligned, just like great friendships are rare, divinely orchestrated and full of ease and delight. Developing and working on yourself to become the best version of you, so you can be a great teammate until the right person or people come along, is the path that all smart, self-actualizing people take to reach their full potential. Impatience never commands success, because great things take time and are worth the effort and time invested.” ~ Coach Corey Wayne
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