Some things you should consider if you plan on dating or trying to date women from work, so you don’t cross the line and do things that are inappropriate, which could lead to you getting accused of sexual harassment at work.
In this video-coaching newsletter, I discuss an email from a viewer who says a woman he took to lunch has recently accused him of sexual harassment at work. He met this woman on her first day with the company, and he says he wanted to take her out before any other guy from the office had the chance to date her first. She was reluctant and turned him down, but he persisted and she relented. At lunch he ordered drinks, but she declined hers, so he drank both. He kissed her when they got back to the office, and he assumed the date went well. He stopped by her desk at the end of the day to try and arrange a dinner date, but she was gone.
The next morning when he got to work he went by her desk again, but she was not there. A few hours later, he got an email from Human Resources saying he was being accused of sexual harassment. He tried explaining himself to HR, but they suspended him for a week, pending conclusion of their investigation. He comes off in his email as arrogant, entitled, condescending and contemptuous of women. I discuss where he went wrong, how he should have handled things differently and what he should do now, in case he loses his job due to his inappropriate behavior. My comments are in (bold parenthesis like this below) in the body of his email.
First off, let me tell you that I’m a big fan of your videos. I have begun applying them to my daily dating life, and it’s recently triggered a crisis at work where I am being accused of sexual harassment by a coworker. (It sounds like you just showed up recently, and you’re trying to cherry pick information, but watching the videos is no substitution for reading the book. The videos are based on knowing the fundamentals in the book so you can fine tune and tweak your approach.) I was hoping that you could give me your opinion of what happened, and whether or not this chick is overreacting, which I think she is, or if I did something wrong. (The good news is, you’re open to criticism either way.)
Okay, so here’s the story: I work with this chick who’s this hot, busty redhead with a great ass too. She’s new to the company, and just started this past Thursday. The moment I saw her I said to myself, “I need to fuck her.” (Any time you say ‘I need’ something, it’s a statement of lack. You sound like a guy who has a scarcity mentality, instead of having abundance in life. Also, you’re focused on getting laid instead of spending time with an amazing woman. This tells me you’ve been spending too much time in the some of the dark places of the pickup and seduction community. The types of things you can learn from those guys can lead to short term success. They are attainable, but not sustainable long term.) The next day, she was wearing a low cut, pink blouse and a skirt that did a great job of showing off her amazing body. Great makeup job. Obviously she was looking for attention from the men in the office, (If you ask enough women, they typically will tell you, the real reason they get all dressed up is to get attention from other women. They are competitive like that, and other women appreciate nails, hair and fashion. If you observe how women interact with one another, you will learn a few things), and I knew I had to get my foot in the door first, before the other assholes in the office took their shot at her. (Why rush?)
So around lunch time, I walked over to her and I confidently looked her up and down and showed her that I appreciated her body, and then stared into her eyes with my masculine gaze and invited her to have lunch with me at a restaurant across the street. (You just sized her up like a piece of meat. You have to keep in mind, you’re in the work environment.) She said that she was busy, so I teased her, “Do you really want to start off here with the reputation as the cold fish of the office?” (The idea is to extend an invitation to and only spend time with women who are really enthusiastic about going out with you. You need to talk and get to know her.) She said “Maybe another time,” (She was obviously not that interested), to which I replied with a cocky, confident smile, “Sorry babe, but I want to take you out to lunch today, and I’m not the kind of guy who takes no for an answer.” (That’s definitely not the kind of thing you want to say to a woman at work, especially if she just started working there.) I was being dominant and assertive, and it worked. She broke her gaze from me and looked down, a sign of submission, and agreed to accompany me on our first date.
At the restaurant, we talked and I was humorous and charming. Like a confident James Bond type, I went ahead and ordered cocktails for us both. (Drinking on the job dude? Come on man.) Once the drinks arrived, she said that she didn’t want to drink alcohol during the day, but since I already ordered them, I just went ahead and drank both. As we ate, I escalated my physical interaction with her. (As I teach in my book, the idea is to look for the signs. You want to create the conditions to where a woman starts to pursue you first. You’re looking at your own attraction level and ignoring the fact that it doesn’t seem like there’s much reciprocation.) First, I started with a little footsie. She was playing hard to get, because she kept moving her foot away when I touched her, (Come on man. You are totally pursuing her, which is the exact opposite of what I teach. You never have to worry about getting rejected when a woman is pursuing you), but I enjoyed the chase. (I don’t teach men to chase women.) Eventually, I got her to give up, and soon I was rubbing my foot on hers and up her ankle and a little bit on her gorgeous calves. I got a bit bold, maybe because of the drinks, and moved to her side of the booth to share a dessert that I ordered for her. I leaned in and whispered sweet romantic comments into her ear, and I used it as an excuse to, at the same time, touch her arm or shoulder. She must have liked it, because she didn’t stop me until I began feeling up her thigh and getting around her panty line. At that this point she playfully pushed me away a bit, and so I left her body alone, because I didn’t want to push my luck, and plus we were in public, so I understand why she would be shy. (The idea is to look and have some sensory acuity of what’s going on here, but you were all over her so you didn’t give her chance.)
I paid the check and we went back to the office. As we were waiting at the crosswalk, I was behind her, and I said sensually, as I stared at her ass, “I have the best view in the whole city right here.” She turned around and said, “I can’t believe you just said that.” She was probably a bit shy, because there were other people at the crosswalk too, (You’re rationalizing things), but I wasn’t embarrassed at all, and I just cockily replied, “You know you like it.” (You’ve totally crossed over into the bad pickup artist category.) In the elevator, we were alone, so I knew she wouldn’t worry about other people, so I decided it was the perfect time to go for the kiss. I grabbed her strongly but gently by her upper arms and positioned her right in front and across from me. (You’re trying to force this whole thing dude. This is the opposite of what I teach in my book.) I stared her in the eyes and said, “I am going to kiss you now.” She didn’t say anything, she just stared at me with a shocked and submissive look on her face, so I laid one on her and we locked lips for good five or six seconds before I finally let her go. The elevator stopped at her floor, and before she left, she asked me what my name was, so I know that she was clearly interested in me, and that it was a good sign that our date went well.
I thought things went very well, and so I decided to drop by at the end of work to ask her out to dinner and hopefully end things at my place to seal the deal, but when I got there, I guess she had already left work for the day. (My book teaches, one date per week.) The next day, the first thing I did was check in on her, but she wasn’t in the office. (More pursuing. That’s creepy dude.) Around 10 am, I received an email from HR saying that I was being accused of “sexual harassment” by this chick and had to meet with the HR rep later that day. I was so angry, and I told that bitch in HR that I must be in Wonderland, because everything was so backwards. (Now you’re playing the victim.) What kind of la-la land is it where it’s “sexual harassment” to take a hot woman out on a date? The girl never told me “no” or acted like she was didn’t want me. (She turned you down when you asked her out, but you kept asking.) Obviously, she was liking things. (Again, another assumption on your part. You weren’t at all looking for signs of reciprocation on her part. You were totally arrogant.) The only thing I can think of is that another co-worker must have seen us on the street or in the restaurant, and she didn’t want to be seen as the office slut, so she made an excuse that I was harassing her or some bullshit. (I’d say, more than likely it was a combination of things. At the end of the day, this is totally inappropriate dude.) The HR rep must also just hate men in general, because she’s been behind getting other women to accuse the guys at my company of sexual harassment, and so, of course she didn’t accept my side of the story. (You should re-read what you’ve put in this email, and think about what you’ve said and done.) I’ve been put on one week of unpaid leave, while they do an “investigation.”
I feel like I’m in some bizarro alternate universe. Please Coach, tell me that I’m not insane (I don’t know if you’re insane or not, but obviously your behavior totally crossed the line. You’re doing things some of the really shallow people in the pickup and seduction community teach), and that this accusation is total bullshit. And if you could possibly write an email or call my HR rep and speak on my behalf, I’d appreciate it too. (Well, that’s not going to happen dude. This is your bed. You’re going to have to lie in it.)Anyway, thanks for reading this email. I know it was a bit longer than you get usually, but the situation is urgent, and I needed to give you all the details. Thanks, and keep up the good work. (At this point, based on the fact they already suspended you, it’s not looking good for you. If I were you, I would take a look at my article and video, “How To Get Any Job You Want,” because you might want to line up some other job interviews. Big corporations always err on the side of caution, and the guy usually loses, because if you stay and it happens again, they will get sued for enabling and allowing the harassment to continue. It’s not worth the financial risk to them. You can’t do this kind of shit in a work environment. You should look at this as a learning experience. When you fuck up in life, you will learn from it. I highly recommend you read my book and follow the material in there.)
“Men should only date women who express enthusiasm and excitement when they extend their invitation for a date. Men should be gracious and chivalrous instead of obnoxious and forceful if women decline their invitations. This is especially true when it comes to the work environment. The reality is, in today’s corporate culture, if a man is accused of sexual harassment, he almost always will lose, even if he did nothing wrong. The lowest risk way to ask a woman out from work is to invite her to join you and other coworkers for drinks, dinner or social functions after hours. Then you can talk with her in a neutral environment and look for signs of attraction, such as her touching you, sitting so close she is bumping into you, playing with her hair, exposing her neck, etc., before you kiss her, get her number, ask her for a date or invite her to join you elsewhere so the two of you can be alone. Always know your downside risk when it comes to dating or asking out women from work. Never risk more than you are willing or can afford to lose.” ~ Coach Corey Wayne
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