What it potentially means when your girlfriend asks for a break before going on a Las Vegas trip with her girlfriends.
In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss an email from a guy who says he has read my book, How To Be A 3% Man, over thirty times. He has been in a relationship with his dream girlfriend for over a year. However, recently he noticed things were a little off with her.
He asked her what she was thinking and feeling. She felt overwhelmed and smothered and asked for a break. She said they would talk after she got back from a trip to Las Vegas. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.
Hey Coach Corey,
Your book and videos have helped me a ton, and I’ve read your book more than I can even keep track of, more than 30 times at least.
Well, the idea with reading it 10 to 15 times is you get to know it so well, you don’t have to think about it anymore. The idea is to weed out the undesirable women from your life, so you don’t get into a relationship with somebody that just doesn’t value loyalty, monogamy, exclusivity, somebody you can’t trust.
For a lot of guys, the first woman that they get into a relationship with who really knocks their socks off, the longer they’re together, at some point they’re going to become complacent. When you’re dating a woman that you’re really into, your emotions are overwhelming. And it oftentimes overrides those little red flags because you think, “Man, it feels so good. There’s no way she could be a bad person. I’ve been waiting so long to get to be with somebody like this. There’s no way that it’s going to go sideways.”
You look past a lot of things, and that’s how you get burned. The way I look at it, it’s the universe’s way, it sends you somebody to just burn all your illusions down about life and relationships, because you’ve got a blind spot. You’ve got a knowledge gap you’ve got to fill in. And it makes you stronger and less gullible. The goal is to become a better, more well-rounded person as you go through life.
I listen to it almost every day and always watch the videos. Everything you teach is spot on, and I continually work on myself trying to unlearn what I have learned. I’ve been in a relationship with my dream girl for over a year. Recently, I noticed something not being right, so I asked, “What’s the matter? Tell me what’s in your heart. You seem upset, talk to me.”
Good, high quality question. Obviously, if you’ve read the book thirty times, you recognize that.
She responded with, “I think I just need a break. Two long weekends on long road trips may be just too much for me. There’s a reason why I’ve been single as long as I have. I don’t do well with commitments and long relationships. Feeling overwhelmed and suffocated – not that you did anything to make me feel this way.”
Okay. It’s kind of the same line where woman says, “It’s not you, it’s me.” He’s been in a relationship with his dream girl for the past year, so obviously, based on her actions and especially what she’s saying, it definitely sounds like she’s not in love, like he’s way more into her than she is in him. Maybe he got complacent, but these are not the actions of a woman that’s head over heels in love with you. These are the actions of a woman who’s kind of over it.
“It just happens when I spend so much time with someone.”
The fact that she’s feeling overwhelmed and suffocated, obviously, that tells me he’s more into her than she is in him and he’s trying too hard. It’s probably because he can feel she’s slipping away, and he’s probably noticed it for a while. It wasn’t just something that came out of the blue. But when things have been really good for a long time and then they start to slip, it happens over many months. You’re like “No, I’ve got this. I read the damn book thirty times.” But you delude yourself. You had the weakness, you had the blind spot, the part that you have to work on, the part that is, quite frankly, why she came into your life in the first place.
The way I look at it is, even when bad things happen, there’s a lesson. What’s the gift in this? What can I learn from this? How can I become stronger? How can I become better the next time around? This is how we have to look at all things in life, because the goal is to get better, to improve, to become a better human being. Because if you become a better human being, will you help to make everybody else around you a better human being, including your kids if you’re a parent, or the kids of your friends. Literally everybody that you spend time with gets influenced by you becoming a better human being.
I responded by saying, “Okay. Well, just give me a call if you change your mind.” Twenty-four hours later, she responded with, “I know that was shitty of me to send that text. We can talk when I get home from Vegas.”
So, you say, what does that mean? We can’t be sure, but it’s probably not good. But I don’t want to say, because we don’t have enough evidence. But like I said, it’s not looking good. I mean, it looks like she wanted to go hang out with her girlfriends and, who knows, maybe there’s another dude that’s going to be there or be on the trip, or she just wants the possibility to get her freak on. And if nothing happens, then she’ll come back to you and go, “Okay. Well, let’s just get back together and everything will be wonderful.”
I have no clue how to respond back to her at this point. I’m at a loss. I’m going to wait, match and mirror her response time, but I was hoping for any advice on how to respond.
Honestly, I wouldn’t respond at all to that. Your girlfriend just said, “Yeah, I know it was shitty of me to blow you off. And, oh, by the way, I’m going to Vegas and I’m probably going get my brains fucked out by some other guy, but just wait around.” A lot of women will do this. They’ll tell the guy, “Well, I would still want to be exclusive. I just want to take a break,” so if anything happens, they can say, “Well, technically, we were on a break. I wasn’t cheating, we were on a break.”
She asked him to be exclusive because she wanted the opportunity to jump back into the relationship, but she didn’t want him going out and exploring things with other women, in essence, doing the same thing she’s doing. Like I said, women don’t dump or take breaks from guys they’re in love with. She’s feeling smothered, she wants to get away, “Hey, I’m going to Vegas and let’s take a break.” Well, if it walks like a duck, if it talks like a duck, if it sounds like a duck, it’s probably a duck.
But if I were you, I mean, if you’re on a break, hey, you’re a free agent, brother. Enjoy the weekend. While she’s probably getting her insides rearranged by Chad Thundercock in Las Vegas, you get to hang out, have fun and hook up with other ladies. I know you’re probably not feeling like that, but based on the actions and what she said, it’s pretty obvious what’s going on.
And so, how how would you respond when she gets back? I wouldn’t be saying too much of anything. Just don’t text, don’t call. She says, “I’ll get in touch when I get back from Vegas.” I wouldn’t even respond to that. It doesn’t warrant a response at all. I would just wait to hear from her, let her get back in town, and let her reach out to you.
Now you’re in the “7 Principles To Get An Ex Back” protocol. Therefore, if she wants to talk, you’re not going to go meet her for coffee, or pick her up, or take her out, or go to her house. If she wants to see you, she can bring a bottle of wine, come on over and hang out at your house. You can make dinner together and just say, “So, what’s new?” and see what she has to say.
Let her do all of the talking. Ask questions like, “What does that mean?” And then at some point the conversation, maybe after you guys have had sex or hooked up again, you can say, “Well, typically, when a woman says ‘I need a break’ and then goes to Las Vegas, it means she wants to be able to hook up with somebody else. Maybe she has somebody else in mind, or she’s hoping to meet somebody when she’s there and have totally unattached sex.”
If it was me, I’d be saying, “The way I look at it is you wanted a hall pass to go date and sleep with other guys.” And it doesn’t matter what she says. It’s like, “Well, if you were in love with me and appreciated our relationship, you wouldn’t be telling me you wanted a break before you went to Las Vegas.” Because if she comes back, “Oh, I’m sorry. I want to get back together. I want everything to go right back to the way it was,” it’s just like, “That’s not going to happen. I’m going to take my time. You’re going to have to earn exclusivity with me again.”
I wouldn’t just jump right back into a relationship with her, because that’s not good, dude. It’s obvious that you got complacent along the way, or maybe you’re dating a woman that belongs to the streets. I don’t know. This is why you date and test drive for a couple of years before you get married, because when you’ve been together for a long time, everybody gets complacent after many months, many years together. It’s going to happen.
And so, this is how she behaves when she feels really comfortable. Like I said, her actions communicate that she is either going to hook up, has the intention to hook up or is hoping to hook up with somebody else. Women just don’t say “I need a break” before they go on a trip to Las Vegas, unless they’re wanting to get their freak on. That’s just the way it is.
And it’ll be interesting what happens when you have this conversation with her, how she behaves. Does she get upset? Does she get defensive? Does she get angry? Or is she just very matter of fact, calm and apologetic? Is she believable? Like I said, for me, if that happened, I would doubt everything that she said. I’d be highly skeptical of this woman. She just hasn’t earned it, doesn’t warrant it. She fucked up big time.
So, it’s up to her to fix things. She’s got to earn another chance with you, not the other way around. At least for the next three dates, she’s got to come over, hang out, have fun and hook up at your place. You’re not taking her out, you’re not picking her up. You’re not going anywhere, you’re not doing anything. You’ll just give her, “It’s been a long week. I’m just in the mood to hang. If you don’t want to come over, give me a call in a week or two, and maybe we’ll get together then.”
Because she just basically told you that you’re the low man on the totem pole, so to speak. If you’re the low man on her totem pole, well, guess what? She’s all the way at the bottom of yours, as well. No pun intended. But hey, she did it. This was her idea, this is what she wanted, so there’s consequences for that. She’s not going to get you back as her exclusive boyfriend after that kind of conversation. After a year together? It’s like, no, I don’t think so.
This is the kind of thing, as much as it hurts, I would not be so eager to jump back into a relationship with her, because all the red flags and red lights are going off now. So, she’s going to really have to jump through her butt and really go out of her way to convince you that she deserves another chance, because it ain’t looking good. But like I said, we don’t know. We have to see what happens when she comes back. See what she has to say. But again, it has to be on your terms. She’s got to come to your place. That’s the important thing.
So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge that you’d like to get my help with, personal or professional, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen and book a coaching session with yours truly.
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“Women don’t dump or ask for a break from men they are in love with. Women ask for a break when they want to date, hook up with or explore romantic options with other men. If a woman asks for a break before going on a trip to Las Vegas with her girlfriends, it typically means she wants a hall pass to sleep with other men. Taking a break is a temporary, but often permanent, pause in all relationship commitments and being monogamous. Never agree to remain exclusive with anyone who wants to take a break, because it results in becoming a backup romantic partner, while they explore the possibility of romance with someone else.” ~ Coach Corey Wayne
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