She Asked For Space. I Didn’t Give It To Her. Now She Says Leave Me Alone!

Why you must give a woman space and failure to do so ruins your chances.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a viewer who didn’t have his life together and couldn’t handle dating a beautiful woman. He became needy, neurotic and couldn’t exercise any self control. He kept over pursuing to the point he got dumped. She asked for space, but he couldn’t help himself and kept pursuing and contacting her. Now she said for him to leave her alone. He asks what to do now. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

Hi, I’m Coach Corey Wayne and this is my Video Coaching Newsletter. And the topic of today’s Newsletter is going to be, “She Asked For Space. I Didn’t Give It To Her. Now She Says Leave Me Alone!”

Well, this particular email is from a guy who says he didn’t have his life together when he started dating this particular woman, and he basically couldn’t handle dating a woman that knocked his socks off. So he didn’t have his life in order. He wasn’t balanced. He wasn’t calm. He wasn’t totally centered in his purpose and his mission. And then on top of that, he started dating a woman that knocked his socks off. And he says he became needy, he became neurotic.

The guy couldn’t exercise any self control to the point where she basically broke things off, said, “don’t call me, give me some space. I need some time to figure out my feelings.” And he just couldn’t help himself. He kept calling. He’d wait a few weeks, he’d hold out for maybe 3 or 4 weeks sometimes, and then he’d reach back out. Then she’d get pissed at him for reaching out. And the whole reason why she broke up with him is because he couldn’t keep his word. In other words, she couldn’t trust his masculine core.

He would say one thing and then do another. She’d say, “I need space.” He’d say, “sure, I’ll give it to you.” And then he wouldn’t give it to her. And when you behave this way, women are not going to feel safe with you. And on top of that, you know, the whole year, I guess or so that they dated, he was constantly blowing his top, getting upset, getting mad, having arguments, and just constantly communicating that he didn’t have his shit together emotionally. Because masculinity is calm. And he wasn’t calm. He was totally uncentered all the time. She broke up with him, asked for space.

He didn’t give it to her. So he continued to prove to her over and over and over and over again that he was not calm. He was not centered, he couldn’t keep his word. In other words, he just wasn’t a competent man. He displayed incompetence and a total lack of confidence. And if you do that enough times, you’re going to drive a woman’s feelings away to the point where they lose all respect, all attraction for you.

And now, in this case, “she’s like, leave me the hell alone.” So it’s a good email to see what happens when a guy really takes it to the extreme and he just won’t stop pursuing a girl. It just gets the point where she’s so disgusted with him, she doesn’t even want to interact with him anymore. This is a good email on what not to do.

Viewer Email:

Hi Coach,

Long story short we dated/were friends with benefits for over a year. I didn’t have my act together, but she was always due to leave for Barcelona in March 2024 for several months to finish her masters. I knew this in summer 2023.

So you can imagine he’s worrying about that date,” Oh, I got to get her. I got to keep her. How do I get her to like me?” Acting like a girl, basically. Instead of a man who’s like, “well, of course she’s going to stick around. Of course she’ll be back.” He had no confidence, no competence.

She left and essentially ended it saying we need time for ourselves and that I had to work on many issues.

If I was a betting man, if I was talking to her, she’d say, I felt like I was losing myself being with this guy. Because of his neurotic and his needy behavior, she always felt like she’s walking on eggshells and having to jump through her butt to not get him upset, to cause him to not come totally unglued.

It’s true, I was the main fuck up. Hurt like a bitch but I took it and focused on myself. Got work, started training, reading your book multiple times and watching your videos because she highlighted my weaknesses. 

A good woman will point out all of your flaws, your faults when you’re not keeping your word, when you’re not living up to your full potential, she’ll cut right to the fucking bone. And you got to be able to take it. Not get butthurt, not get upset. Just look at it and go, “okay, well, yeah, I guess I do need to improve. So I’m going to work on that and I’ll handle it.” That’s what men just do. They don’t get mad. They don’t get butthurt. They don’t argue. They just go, well, “maybe there’s a reason why she says I make her feel this way.”

After about three weeks I got in contact because I saw she was keeping my voice notes on iMessage, which I now know is wrong.

Yeah. She said, “I need space.” And then you didn’t give it to her. You held out for three whole weeks, and what was going on is you’re freaking out inside because you fear losing her. So what do you do? You reached out not because you miss her or you want to talk to her. You’re reaching out and going, “oh, does mommy still like me? Does she still care?”

So you’re reaching out to look for attention and validation. And again, that’s a feminine thing to do. It’s not masculine at all. Because any high status, high value man is going to have the attitude of, “Hey, if I don’t take you all the way, then go.” But good love is hard to find. If I don’t do it for you, then go find somebody else. If you think you can do better than me, then go. But “good love is hard to find”, like Tom Petty said.

But she took it well, but said she needed time.

Again she reiterates, “leave me the fuck alone.”

I then reached out again at the end of April because I figured she’d be finishing her master’s by then.

When a woman says, “I need space. Give me some time.” You don’t keep calling and badgering her. “Are you ready? Are you ready to talk to me yet mommy? Mommy, can I get an attaboy? Mommy, am I a good boy? Huh. Huh. Huh. Huh. Pat me on the head.”

At that point she was two weeks out from finish. Managed to her on a video call.

So he’s just, “Mommy, please pay attention to me. I’ve changed. Let me prove it to you.” Which is totally unmasculine. It’s basically the vibe that he’s given off. This is what happens when a guy does not get enough strokes as a kid. Mommy and daddy doesn’t say, “I love you” enough or “I’m proud of you.” He grows up incredibly insecure and he needs reassurance.

And women like guys that are confident. And if you constantly need reassurance that they like you that’s the opposite of confidence. That’s an insecure little boy. Women don’t want an insecure little boy they have to teach how to be a man. They want a man to already know how to be a man so they can follow his lead. Instead, you’re showing up, basically treating her like your mommy.

Managed to her on a video call and we had three phone calls hours long and I could see she loved seeing a newer me.

Again. Just the whole mindset, “I got to prove myself to her.” So again she’d asked for space. He keeps calling. He called her three times and he’s going, “oh, this is working great!” But probably she’s just going along with it to be nice. But after a while she starts to get irritated again.

I could also see she’s been working hard. But in all 3 calls she brought up questions about us, whereas I tried to keep it fun. Eventually, just before her handing in the masters, I tried clearing up her questions but over pursued and she essentially told me leave her alone.  

So he just kept badgering her. She was nice to him and eventually she’s like, this is disgusting. Again, you’re treating her like your mommy.

I did. After four days, she called me pissed and said, “is there anything you want to say?” I said no and long and short she got pissed like never before and said “I don’t want to see you, don’t want to hear from you. Done. All you had to do was give me a few more weeks”. 

So she’s being rude. She’s doesn’t respect you. She’s not attracted to you. She’s saying, leave me the hell alone. I don’t want to hear from you. But did he listen?

I did, but phoned her friend and asked for her address so I could send her an accountability letter.

God. When a woman says I need space, you don’t go, “Oh, let me send her a letter. Now, let me badger her friends.” You’re just constantly communicating that you have no self control. This is why you got dumped. And you’re continuing to display no self control.

Naturally her friend fed that back to her, and she phoned me again the next day.

Oh, I can imagine. Now she’s probably really pissed.

Pissed, but also kind of endeared that I’m still fighting. We had a five hour conversation but as we spoke more and more she completely loosened up and said “baby why did you behave this way? You know I love you.”

And the reason being is because he’s treating her like his mommy. She cares for him, she knows he’s a good guy, but he just has no self control so she can’t respect him as a man. She’s not going to trust this guy. She’s not going to follow him. She’s not going to trust him to handle his purpose and his mission. She can’t even count on him just to give her a little fucking space. All he had to do is just, “Alright well, call me when you miss me.” And just let her fucking be. And he couldn’t do it.

She said. “But the way you’ve behaved.” Oh, let me finish, this is still the girl voice. He had his end quote in the wrong place.

“Baby why did you behave this way? You know I love you but the way you’ve behaved isn’t the man I fell in love with.”

So in other words, he was confident at first.

“At this point we are now in two and a half months of not seeing one another.” She wanted to see me and stated this, but I over pursued around her most stressful period. She also mentioned a trip away in June together to India/Pakistan for three weeks as she was finally coming back to London on July 1^st to start working here. Said it’s either that or she goes to Bali to meet her brother who is also there as she wanted to mend their relationship. Even mentioned us moving in together when she comes back if everything was okay.

In other words, if you finally start acting like a man consistently, we could even move in together.

And that her mum liked me even more for some reason.

But what does he do?

I phoned her two days later after and said, “Still need a travel buddy?”

Mommy, do you like me? Did I wait long enough?

She said I’ll think about it.

When a woman says, “I’ll think about it”, it means “no.”

But we had the nicest conversation ever for three hours, flirting, talking about our issues which was brought up by her. But she said she couldn’t talk loudly because her house mates were next door and essentially told her to block me.

So even her roommates are like, “who is this douchebag? You got to block that guy. He’s like a stalker.” It’s amazing you didn’t get blocked at this point.

Haha they never liked me. Anyway, after this call my battery runs out.

Meanwhile, you know, he’s like thinking, “oh, I’m making progress here.” It’s like.

Two hours later I get a message “Speaking to you always leaves me all over the place. I can’t hide my feelings, but I know for a fact I still need & want space. Despite the talks we had which I loved! I am asking you the last time to please leave me. It was my mistake to respond all the time and give you crumbs I shouldn’t have. I understood that today.”

So in other words, the only reason she was talking to him is she was trying to be nice, but all the while internally she’s feeling disgusted by him.

“It won’t happen anymore. I am sorry I just couldn’t help myself, you mean a lot to me. If you really love me Bob, let me go and let me allow to come back if I want to. And then you can decide if you still want to try! If not or you found someone else, I would fully understand & be more than happy for you.”

So in other words, she’s like, “hopefully you meet somebody else and you leave me the fuck alone.”

“You deserve happiness more than anyone. Letting you go is super hard for me, but I know it’s for the best and not the right time. If we try it probably I want to be all in, fully which I can’t right now. You did so much and showed me that you want & opened up. But now please be man enough to relax and trust.” 

I said I do love her and so I’ll give her the space.

She said please do otherwise she can’t take me seriously anymore.

Yeah. She’s like, doesn’t trust his masculine core at all. Nothing really has changed between how she feels about him and how he behaves. He’s not done anything to show that he can be the guy he was in the beginning. Which he was definitely not behaving this way in the beginning. That’s why she liked him.

And that there should be trust and space if we want this to work. That was two weeks ago now.  I put up a story on a Saturday at 3 A.M. and she saw it within a minute, and put up a story herself in a random place a minute later. So, this tells me she’s indirectly speaking to me.

Bro.

What do I do now to get my woman back Coach?

Um. Follow what’s in “7 Principles To Get An Ex Back.” Follow what’s in 3% Man. She’s asked for space countless times, and you’ve really fucking pissed her off. You have to let her go. Let her be. Let her go through whatever process she needs to go through. Maybe she reaches out to you, maybe she doesn’t. But if you keep badgering her, she eventually is going to block you. If you were pulling this crap in the United States and you guys lived in the same city, you would have a restraining order against you by now.

And if you violate that, then you go to jail. So pull your head out of your ass. Stop trying to make her, your mommy and your therapist, and your emotional support human, and leave her the fuck alone. She’s asked you multiple times, she’s been very gracious with you, but she’s also gotten pissed off because she’s tired of your bullshit. All she wants you to do is leave her alone. Maybe that’s forever. Maybe in a couple of months she reaches out. But I promise you, if you keep badgering her, she’s going to be so disgusted.

And then all of a sudden, you’re going to find out she’s dating and fucking somebody else and runs off with some other guy, and then completely ghosts you and won’t even respond to you. So you have to let her be. You have to let her do 100% of the calling, texting, and pursuing. From now on, you have to let her do the contact initiation.

Will she come back? Flip a coin? It’s pretty obvious, though, that you really have pissed her off. And even her friends and her roommates or flat mates that she lives with are like, “Block that douchebag.” So if you keep badgering her, eventually her feelings are going to be so low that she will block you and she’ll feel good that you’re out of her life because you don’t make her feel safe.

I’ve gone No Contact properly this time.

Well, No Contact means No Contact. It means unless she reaches out, you’re never, ever going to speak again as long as you live. That’s what No Contact really means, dude. You try chasing and pursuing and being needy and neurotic and blowing up her phone and constantly messaging her and having long hours long conversations continually. And it got you nowhere other than causing her to lose more respect and more attraction for you. And on top of it, now she’s really fucking pissed off at you.

But wonder whether I should expect her to reach out whether I should treat this a full and final break up and move on? 

Well, you should treat it as a full and final breakup because she’s in another country. She’s like, “fuck off, don’t contact me. I might contact you, I might not. Like I said, maybe you got about a 40, 45% that she chance that she contacts you. It’s probably not even 50/50 at this point.

I tried speaking to other women but not ready yet. Would love to even get you on a call for your insight or a response in general? What next? I done a lot of work on me in three months. I get attention everywhere now it’s crazy but she is still the only girl I want. 

Please help me Coach! 

Kind regards,

Bob

You’re obsessed with the fantasy of what you want. Other women, dating and sleeping with other women, and seeing that you actually have other choices, you might find in a couple of months that you really don’t want this other girl back. But I promise you, if you keep badgering her, you’re never going to get her back. And what will end up happening is she will just block you everywhere and ride off into the sunset, and she’ll feel good about her decision.

And all the people that are surrounding her will be like, “you made the right decision. It’s a good thing you blocked that guy. He was not a good person. He probably wouldn’t have become a stalker. He was dangerous.” When you behave this way, you don’t make women feel safe, because you’re doing nothing but displaying a total lack of confidence and competence as a man.

So go and start dating and hooking up with some other girls, and get yourself some choices and some options, and get yourself some experience applying what’s in The Book with other women so if she does reach out in a few months, which I wouldn’t count on it.

But if she does, she’s going to find a more confident, competent guy. That’s not going to lose his shit all the time and over pursue. And even if she does come back, you got to let her do all the contact initiation and then you just make dates that can lead to sex at your place. That’s it. You cannot pursue a woman and continue to do what you’ve done after she’s begged you for space.

And she was more than nice and more than gracious because, quite frankly, most women would have blocked your ass a long time ago. And if you were in the States, they probably would have had a restraining order on your ass by now. So you need to knock it off, dude, if you want to have any chance of getting her back.

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