She Did 100% Of The Pursuing From The Start. Then Stopped. Should I Reach Out?

What you can do if she was doing 100% of the pursuing but then stopped reaching out.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a viewer who met a hot Brazilian from work. They went out on twice and hooked up on the 2^nd date. A few days later he reached out, set the 3^rd date and then she stood him up and ghosted him over Christmas. She reached out after Christmas and he set another date. She said she had a fever 3 hours after she was supposed to meet up with him and stood him up for the 2^nd time. He asks what happened. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

Hi, I’m Coach Corey Wayne and this is my Video Coaching Newsletter. And the topic of today’s Newsletter is going to be, “She Did 100% Of The Pursuing From The Start. Then Stopped. Should I Reach Out?”

Well this particular email is from a guy, apparently there’s a lot of hot Brazilians that work at his new job. And I guess his mom also works there which can be beneficial because she knows all these pretty girls, and is obviously trying to set her son up it sounds like. And so one girl made it really known, I guess his future boss said, “hey, that girl likes you.” So he gets her number, takes his phone out, hands it to her with the screen open to where you put a contact in. She put her contact in. Texted herself his number from his phone. And then she started reaching out to him.

So it made it pretty easy to set a date. And so she started doing 100% of the pursuing from the beginning. All he really had to do was exchange numbers. And this is one of the many reasons why, when you’re following what’s in 3% Man, you wait a few days. A girl who’s super into you might start texting you automatically, and then if she does that, that means she’s usually really into you. And if the girl starts out doing 100% of the calling, texting, and pursuing from the time you exchange numbers, you just make dates when you hear from her.

It makes it really easy. Now, most women that’ll start after the second third date, usually after you guys have slept together. So I would put her initial interest probably at a seven or an eight on a scale of 1 to 10, to borrow from The Attraction Table that’s in The Book, the chapter, “It’s All In The Numbers.” So he had that going for him. So he has one date, they end up making out for a bit, and then she reaches out and says she really liked him, wants to see him again. He made a second date. They ended up hooking up on the second date. And then he wanted to see her before the Christmas holidays.

So three days later he reached out to her. She made a date, and then just never showed up. And he didn’t hear from her for several days. She just basically ghosted him for like eight, ten days, whatever it was. And then she finally reached. I think it was about after ten days. He made another date to get together with her, three hours after she’s supposed to get together with him. “Oh, sorry. I had a fever all day. I just woke up.” So she stood him up twice, blew him off twice. And because what happened was this guy, as soon as he slept with her, he wanted to see her again.

He said, you know, “I got to see her once more before she goes away for the Christmas holidays.” Whereas the first two dates getting together was her idea. So she kept those dates. And if a woman is making it that easy. I mean, as it says in The Book, if she’s willing to do the pursuing your fallback position is once a week, you’ll reach out, if you know, say she’s reaching out a bunch and all of a sudden stops, you’ll wait a full week. Just give her the opportunity. Because women are like cats. Maybe she’s waiting every 2 to 3 days to reach out, and all of a sudden 5 or 6 days go by and then she reaches out.

It’s kind of like a game of chicken. But if you get anxious and you’re overeager and you can only hold out for 2 or 3 days, what guys notice when they’re doing that is that if they start reaching out more, then the girl actually starts reaching out less and she becomes less available, which is exactly what was going on here. If it had been me and you got the Christmas holidays coming up, you know she’s going out of town. I wouldn’t have even reached out. I would have just let her keep doing 100% of the pursuing.

So that’s one thing that this guy made the mistake of that I would have done differently. Because once you start being overeager like that and trying to make dates, then oftentimes you get squirrelly behavior. Plus, if you weren’t really good in bed and it wasn’t that great, that could be understandable why she would just all of a sudden just not show up, not call, not text, leave you hanging for ten days. Because if she’s always chasing you, you don’t have to worry about getting dumped. And this woman started chasing him literally from the time she got his number.

So why mess that up? So that just tells me he got a little overanxious. He’s like, “oh, I haven’t heard from her in three days. I want to see her for Christmas. Got to speed this courtship along a little faster.” And she just blows him off for ten days. Sounds counterintuitive. It’s obviously rude that she did that. But if you just fucked her brains out and she had a good time, usually she’s not going to ghost you for ten days. If the sex was mediocre or just, eh, then that’s understandable that she might just dip on you.

Viewer Email:

Good day Sir,

I recently dipped my toe in the Brazilian pool. 

Come on in. The water’s fine.

I’m 43, she’s 26 and she’s only been in the States for a little over a year. I met her at a Christmas party early December, hosted by the company that I will begin working for in about a week. It’s a real estate gig and littered with Brazilian women and the majority of them are related.

Well, that makes it interesting. I guess you got to keep it all in the family.

I should add that my mother also works for this company, so she knows all of these women and has introduced most of them to me in the past.

Well, that can be advantageous when you got mom on your side.

At the party, she (we’ll call her J) approached me and introduced herself and gave me a hug. 

She’s already touching you. Probably likes you. And your mom said good things and she probably doesn’t, or at least back then, she didn’t want to disappoint your mom.

Later, my future boss asked me what I thought about J, and I told him that I thought she was attractive, He said, “well, she likes you” and then called her over to us and she greeted me with another hug.

See, you got mom, you got your boss hooking you up. That’s great. You got social proof. Makes it pretty easy. The doors just open right up.

As he briefly chatted with her,  I pulled out my phone, unlocked it and went to “new contact”. I handed it to her and she added her number and then called her own phone.  She handed it back and said I should text her. I nodded with a smirk and that was it.

And so normally something like that happens. Say you’re meeting on a Friday or Saturday. Probably Monday, Tuesday, you’ll reach out. Now, there’s a number of reasons you’re giving extra time, because I would assume you’re going to be busy like most people are on the weekends if you’re a busy professional. And so you don’t know her, so you’re in the vetting process, but you’re doing this for a number of reasons why you’re waiting.

You want to find out if she’s lunatic, if she’s insecure, if she gets butthurt easily, she might be pissed off when you text her or call her on Tuesday or Wednesday, whatever it happens to be. Then that’s not a good sign. Do you really want to go out with a girl that’s already pissed off after a couple of days because you didn’t call her the very next day? But a girl with an easygoing, easy to get along with kind of attitude is going to be like, “oh, I’m so glad to hear from you.”

And also in this case, since she got his number and he’s introduced by everybody, his mom and his boss. Well, now that she’s got the number, it creates the conditions where she potentially can reach out to him first. Most guys never get this because they’re usually within 24 hours, 48 hours at the most, they’re reaching out to the girl. So again, it’s very advantageous.

And so what you’re trying to do is be slower to make a date happen to the point where it kind of builds the anticipation at her end, or her going, “is he going to call me? Is he going to text me? What happened to him? Did he not really like me? I thought he liked me. It seems like the boss and the mom spoke highly of him. It’s like, why isn’t he calling me?” Those things all make her like you more. And you haven’t even done anything yet. And so it’s very advantageous if you’re smart to wait a few days because you want to see how she handles it.

You’re trying to find out if she’s easygoing, easy to get along with, or if she’s insecure and gets pissed off quickly. And if she’s insecure and gets pissed off quickly, then, you know, to avoid dating her altogether. But if she’s got a good attitude and she’s happy to hear from you, she’ll keep the date. And if she really likes you, she won’t wait to hear from you. She’ll reach out to you first to make it easy to make a date together.

She must have left the party, but later around midnight, I got a text from her saying we should schedule something soon. 

Makes it pretty easy. She obviously likes him. And again, this is why you give out your number and you wait a few days, because she may contact you. And if she contacts you first, and then you make your first date and it goes well, she’ll contact you for the second date. And then it just makes it easy from the very get go she’s doing all the pursuing. If you’re a high value, high status male, this is what your experience is going to be like. The hot single girls are going to be working overtime to try to win you over. It’s the best place to be.

So when you act in accordance with what’s in The Book, it makes it really easy for you to appear, even though you may not be as if you’re the guy that all the girls are after. And it screens out the lunatics and the jackasses and the Karens and the girls that get butthurt and upset and are insecure. Because you want your life to be drama free.

I made a date for the next day and took her to a local theme park. It was effortless. She would bump into me, grabbed my hand, and couldn’t stop touching me. Afterwards, I took her to a restaurant, and then went to take her home. 

Well, he should have taken her to three total places, because maybe the bumping uglies could have happened that night. But he did like what most guys do. Took her one place, then took her home. The reason you do three places in one night is because each place, each time you go somewhere together, it’s like a new date. And most women sleep with a guy by the second or third date anyways, so it can speed up the seduction process when you get good at this stuff. But it’s not the end of the world. It’s a guideline. The idea is I’m trying to stack the deck in your favor. If you don’t want to take advantage of everything that’s there, then that’s on you.

I opened the car door for her and I guess I didn’t shut it completely, so when I got into the driver’s side, I was prompted on the dash. As I leaned across her to shut her door from the inside, she kissed my ear. Needless to say, we made out for awhile.

She obviously really liked him.

I didn’t call her after the date and she reached out two days later saying she wanted to see me again soon.

See? See how easy that is? She’s just opening the doors. All you gotta do is walk through them.

We set a date for four days later, and no calling or texting in between days. The second date was another success, and we ended the night back at my house and sealed the intimacy deal. I even got a high five as we lay there lol. We ended the night with her giving me a back massage.

Well, back massages are always appreciated.

I felt like I was at some exotic sex resort and I paid for the supreme package deal. But alas, here I am emailing you and here’ s where I can’t tell if I fucked up.

Well, if she’s doing all the pursuing from the very beginning, why would you want to interrupt her fun? Why steal her fun? Bro. She’s making it super easy. So there’s really no reason for you to be reaching out. If your first two dates happen because she reached out to you first, well, the third date will probably happen when she reaches out to you first. And especially if you know that she’s going away for Christmas and you know when she’s coming back, you might not talk or see each other for a few weeks. Maybe she reaches out, maybe she doesn’t.

Three days later, I texted her to try to set a date before she left for the holidays.

So there’s a little neediness, a little desperation. “Oh, I got to get one more in before she leaves.” And so this date is not her idea. It’s your idea. And if she really wanted to see you. She would have gotten back to you. Just imagine for a moment that you hadn’t reached out to her. Christmas holidays go by. She hasn’t heard from you. She’s thinking about you. And then when she gets back in town, she reaches out.

Or maybe when she’s out of town, she reaches out. But, it’s kind of counterproductive when you’ve already been out twice, then you start pursuing her. It’s just unnecessary. It’s probably a little neediness, a little desperation, wanting to try to see her again before she leaves because he’s going, “oh my God. I don’t want to not see her for a couple of weeks. I got to make this happen quickly.” The Illusion Of Action kicked in.

She seemed enthusiastic, and even offered to stay the night with me the evening before she traveled up North.  The day that we had agreed to had come and ghosted. 

Wasn’t her idea. Now, obviously that was rude, but a girl who you fucked her brains out properly is not going to ghost you. A girl who was like, “Eh. Sex is okay.” Yeah, that’s usually what happens. Plus, you’re chasing after her. And on top of that, you don’t know what she’s got going on. Maybe the reason why she was super aggressive is things had gone sideways with the guy she really liked.

And now all of a sudden, he’s back in the picture. And so you’re texting her after three days. That’s why she puts you off. She probably is like, “yeah, I got him. After he got a taste of my pussy, I got him wrapped around my little finger.” So obviously she ghosts him. Doesn’t show up for their third date.

In fact, I didn’t hear from her in 10 days. She reached out to tell me “Merry Christmas” even though it was the 26^th. 

Well, if she had stood me up for that date and she said, “Merry Christmas.” All I would have done was I would have “hearted” the message. Why? Well, the late, great Doc Love, his attitude towards that was, One chance, per girl, per lifetime.” A woman stands you up on a date, that’s it. She’s out forever. You never give her another chance. Because if you take her back, you let her get away with disrespecting you and blowing you off and standing you up. So in that case, if you’re like, well, that’s like the ultimate disrespect.

You work together. Your boss introduced you, your mother knows her, and she thinks it’s okay just to ignore you for ten days. That’s kind of stupid on her part, but at the end of the day, her interest wasn’t as high as it was, and he was the one reaching out to her. And on top of that, he just completely ignored the fact that she disrespected him. So if it was me in this situation and she says “Merry Christmas”, I would have “hearted” the message, and that had been it.

I wished her the same and used the opportunity set another date.

So that’s where you went wrong. Again, is you’re trying to set another date when she’s reaching out to you after she stood you up like it’s no big deal. So what you communicated was that it’s okay to blow you off and jerk you around, and you’ll just keep coming back for a second and third helping. So, in other words, you communicated you were soft, you were a pussy. You weren’t courageous and brave.

She offered to meet me the following night at 5. The next evening, I messaged her at 5:02 and she immediately read it, but she didn’t respond until 3 hours later saying she had a fever.

Yeah, sure she did.

I responded with, “I understand, get to feeling better” and have walked away again.  

Well, you didn’t really walk away, dude. You kept chasing. So what happened was you changed your approach from letting her do all the pursuing till you got a little scared that she was slipping away and you started pursuing her, and she stood you up twice and there’s no consequences. So in this case, if she reaches out in the future, she says something without inviting you to get together. Just “heart” her message. Don’t engage her in conversation because she’s disrespected you twice.

The only way I would ever get together on a date with this girl again is if she mentions it or brings it up first, and in that case, I’d be following what’s in 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back. Make her come to your place three dates in a row. Hang out, have fun, and hook up all three times. And if she does and she keeps her plans with you, then you can meet her out and pick her up. But I would let this woman do 100% of the calling, texting and pursuing. Even if she complains that you never reach out. I would not do it because again, she disrespected you, and you just let her know that it’s totally okay to waste your time. And that’s why she did it twice.

I’ve heard you mention your relationship you had with a Brazilian woman, so maybe you can answer if this is how their culture is.

Nope. It has nothing to do with my relationship. I don’t understand what the connection is you think there is between how my interactions with my Brazilian ex girlfriend and this girl? This is not even remotely close. She would have never, ever done anything like this to me.

Or is she a hell of an actress? 

No. You acted like a bitch, so she treated you like a bitch. Probably, if you have sex, then the girl doesn’t show up for the next date. Probably because the sex wasn’t that good.

I typically toss a person like this out of my circle but I’m trying to give her the benefit of the doubt and taking into consideration the timing of the holidays. 

Well, again, you’re acting like your time is worthless so therefore, if you don’t value your time, well, she’s not either.

My mother is being teased at work by the other Brazilian women with comments like “We’re going to be related soon!”  So she’s obviously talking about our dates to her family/friends, and I’d presume it’s positive if they’re joking about it.  It’s only been three weeks, but honestly, I’m at a loss. I know the cat analogy so I’m going with that. There’s no Illusion Of Action on my behalf.

Bullshit. You tried to make the third date instead of letting her come to you. That was The Illusion Of Action.

And it’s no skin off my back.

Well, obviously it is, because you took time to write this email.

To never hear from her again.  I’m just curious to what could possibly be the obstacle in this situation. Any words of wisdom?

Thanks!

Bob

Well, this woman started out doing 100% of the pursuing, and you interrupted that by pursuing her, and so she blew you off for your date. Left you hanging for ten days. Re-engaged. And what did you do? Instead of just “hearting” her message, you’re begging her to blow you off again. Which she did exactly that. She read your message. And then, because I saw the text, he sent the text exchanges, but it’s kind of messed up. So it’s kind of hard to follow all of them, because there are a lot of pages, I’m just not going to go through that many pages.

But what happened was she read it and then blew them off for three hours and then says, “oh, I’m sorry, I had a fever.” I was like, so she’s kind of a bullshitter. Because if it was me, I’d probably be paying attention to some of the other Brazilian women in there at work or the other girls. I would never, ever ask this girl out again. She has to bring it up first. And if she does, she’s got to come to you. You should follow what’s in 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back. But because of the way she’s treated you, I would never reach out to this girl just because of the way she’s treated you.

She stood you up twice, blew you off twice, and you couldn’t wait to try to set another date with her. So that’s the problem, it’s, you know, you got to set healthy boundaries when you get disrespected and you get blown off and ghosted. And then she shows up ten days later and says, Merry Christmas the day after Christmas just heart the message. That’s not somebody you’re trying to re-engage with or go out with on a date because she disrespected you. So if you were tired of fucking her, if you didn’t like how she treated you, if your time is valuable and a girl stands you up for a date and then shows up ten days later and says, Merry Christmas, and you’re just like, “okay, it’s all fine.”

Well, that’s how you communicate that you’re a bitch and your time is worthless because you don’t even value it. And if you don’t value your time, well, she’s not going to either, which she clearly doesn’t. So again, if she reaches out, “heart” her messages, if she sends you a meme, “heart” it. That’s it. Don’t reply back with, you know, I mean, if she’s asking you a question, you can reply back. If she’s just saying something nice that doesn’t require an answer, just “heart” the message and that’s it. If she wants to see you, she can bring it up first. And if she does, invite her over for dinner.

And if she’s the one inviting you out to do something or to see you and you invite her over for dinner, she’ll probably keep that. But the margin of error in these situations, it’s a little unusual for a woman that’s this close. Meaning your boss introduced it to you. She knows your mother. Your mother knows all these other Brazilian girls, and they’re all like related. And she’s treating you like dirt. It’s like, uh, this kind of woman it would be a fuck buddy, friends with benefits, sex playmate. She’s just rude as hell. But there’s probably been a thousand other dudes before you.

Maybe not that many, but a lot that have done the same thing. And so men in society have just trained her that it’s okay to jerk a guy around, because they’ll probably keep putting up with it, and you just continue to validate that premise. And it’s like part of standing up for yourself and loving and valuing yourself is that when somebody doesn’t show up for your date like that and they ghost you for ten days, and then they show up ten days later and say, Merry Christmas, heart the message, and that’s it. Don’t give them anything else. Make them work for it. Women like a guy that’s a challenge anyway.

Because if you look at it, it’s like this girl is just going to waste my time. You know, I work with her for her to do that. Again, Doc Love is ruthless about that. He’s like, “one chance per girl, per lifetime.” But I know that the thirst is real. And you’re like, man, that Brazilian pussy was pretty nice. I like to get some of that again. Well, that’s on you. You got to change your approach too, because it ain’t working. Don’t chase a girl who starts out doing 100% of the pursuing, because oftentimes that’s what you see.

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