She Dumped Me & Said She Had A Crush On Someone Else

What it means when she dumps you & says she has a crush on someone else.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a viewer who got dumped by his girlfriend after almost 4 years together. He originally read 3% Man, 12 times and followed the book closely. Then he got away from the book & started violating its principles. He became needy & made her the center of his life. She started hanging out with new friends and partying a lot. She dumped him & said she had a crush on someone else. Now she’s breaking no contact & saying she’s not over him yet, but he’s not making dates and asks what he should do. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

Hi, I’m Coach Corey Wayne and this is my Video Coaching Newsletter. And the topic of today’s Newsletter is going to be, “She Dumped Me & Said She Had A Crush On Someone Else.”

But then she starts breaking No Contact, says, she’s not over, not making dates. What should he do? So this particular guy, he was with his girlfriend for about three and a half years. He said originally he read the book 12 times, but over time, he says he completely started violating the rules and the principles and totally got away from the book to the point where he was acting needy. He started chasing after his girlfriend, and I guess she started hanging out with people from school, and going out and partying all night.

And then eventually she dumped him. He goes No Contact because she’s been pulling back for like the last six months. And now she’s reaching back out multiple times, but he’s not setting dates. And so for those of you that are in a situation like this where you got dumped, you didn’t want to be dumped, you go No Contact. You’re supposed to be following what’s in 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back, the Article and Video I did many years ago. And so the whole purpose of going No Contact is because a deal is not available.

In other words, you want sex in romance, she wants friendship, blue balls. Or like in this case, she just kind of rode off into the sunset. And then on top of that, says she’s got a crush on somebody else, which that’s not something you want to hear after three and a half years. So it’s pretty clear she lined up this other crush in her partying and hanging out with her new group of friends.

Because it’s one of the things you see if women are going to start to cheat or start to stray if they’re not happy in their relationship, then they make new friends or new girlfriends, and they start hanging out with those new girlfriends, and then they tend to get squirrely. And once he noticed she was kind of fading away, he started over pursuing. He also said he basically made her the center of his life. He just completely got away from what was in the book. And so it’s clear she lost attraction and respect for him. And it’s just a messy situation.

It’s like one of those situations where the girl reaches out, but as you’ll see, he’s so pissed off and butthurt he’s not making any dates, he’s making her wait. And so if this is what you want, if you want to start seeing her again when she breaks No Contact, you invite her over to make dinner at your place.

You don’t meet her out. You don’t pick her up. You don’t meet up on neutral ground. She’s got to come to your place in the evening to make dinner together. And if she’s not, you withdraw the offer again. That’s all laid out in 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back. So let’s go through his email. What the question is, when all this stuff has happened and she’s told you she has a crush on somebody else, do you really even want her back?

Even if she starts pulling away from the other guy. Because the trust has already kind of been broken even though they weren’t together. It’s pretty clear she was lining this guy up while they were still together.

So it doesn’t look too good for her, and like, she has good character.

Viewer Email:

Dear Coach,

I’ve been in a relationship for three and a half years, in the beginning I applied your teachings to a T, and I’ve read the book 12 times. I did (almost) everything correctly and she pursued and even love-bombed me, she was bending over backwards for me.

Well, that’s what high interest does. She’s trying to seek his approval and his attention. He’s a challenge. She has to work to win him over. And obviously at some point that power flipped.

Not too long after I got too flexible with the rules, and we started living together almost immediately.

It’s ideally better to date for 1 or 2 years before you move in and cohabitate,

I realize this was a mistake on my part. We had a long honeymoon phase of two and a half years without any problems. Since the past 6 months she started pulling back, she had made new friends from study and started drinking a lot.

It’s almost like she became a free agent. She knew she wasn’t happy in the relationship, and she’s looking for the exits at that point.

This caused me to chase her and tell her “we don’t have enough quality time” this was needy behavior. I should’ve focused on my own life instead of making her the center of my universe, I should’ve been the sun, not make her the sun.

Yep. It’s true. But what’s done is done. This is why I say the best way to go about learning the book is to read it ten, 12, 15 times until you know it backwards and forwards. And then once a year, once every six months, you go through it just to keep it fresh. When you just completely get away from the videos and the books, you got to remember you’re consuming traditional media.

You’re watching movies and TV shows and participating in a culture that, in essence, brainwashes us men to act like girls, and girls to act like men. And so that’s what slowly happened. He kind of went back to sleep, went back to his old ways. Because whatever you observe, you participate in. And so the only thing he was observing was dysfunctional archetypes presented in the movies and the TV shows that he was consuming.

She always had a bit of trouble opening up emotionally due to youth trauma, but it has been extra difficult these past six months, and as you teach, as soon as women pull back and you over pursue, they pull back even more.

Well, at that point, you’re not even acting in accordance with what’s in the book. You’re just the complete opposite, acting like a total beta male, especially if you made her the center of your life. You turned her into the man in the relationship, and then you became the woman. So even pulling back in that case is not going to help to the degree that you need to, because you’re just not acting masculine. You’re not acting like a man at all anymore.

There are a couple of instances in the past 6 months where I did apply some of your teachings and they had significant effect. Situation number one. She was acting bitchy, and I just walked out, I wasn’t in the mood; this resorted in her calling me 15 times in an hour.

Yeah, it’s very powerful. If a woman is nice to you, she gets the gift of your company. And if she’s an ass, she gets the gift of missing you. It’s pretty simple.

Number two. One time we were having quite some issues, and I told her to go to her parents for a week, this led to her sexting me and telling me “I love you” again.

But these are just like small instances. He’s overall not really changing his behavior.

However, during these past 6 months she has overstepped my boundaries, wouldn’t communicate about what time she would approximately come home when she was out drinking while I had stuff to do early in the morning, this led to frustrations.

So yeah, she’s staying out all hours of the day and night. You’re living together. This is your girlfriend. It’s pretty clear she’s behaving like she’s a single free agent. And she’s out in the town with her new girlfriends, clearly trying to meet somebody else. And that’s the kind of thing where you’re like, “hey, you staying out all night. You’re acting like you’re a free agent. If that’s what you want, you should probably move your stuff and your parents house, and then you can go be a free agent and we can just go to being friends of benefits.”

“You can date who you want, sleep with who you want. I’ll date and sleep with who I want. I’m not going to be in a relationship and live with somebody who’s staying out all hours of the day and night. I’m not going to be committed to you, and you’re clearly acting like you’re single.” So it should have happened, but it should have never gotten to that point. But what’s done is done. However, during these past six months, obviously this led to frustrations. As he said.

I tried to express my needs and open her up emotionally even suggesting her to get therapy, this caused her to flee even more.

It just sounds like he’s cherry picking stuff from videos, telling her to go to therapy. He doesn’t really know. He’s like bamboozled at this point.

When she broke up with me she gave me all sorts of BS reasons like “I don’t feel like moving that far to your place anymore” and even said she had a crush on someone else.

What she’s really saying is, her interest was so low that she didn’t feel like driving to where he was. In other words, he just wasn’t worth it in her eyes. She didn’t feel the same. He didn’t act like the same guy that she fell in love with. And that dude had kind of disappeared a long time ago.

I immediately remembered what you said and went for the “I’m not interested in friends” line, I went No Contact, the first week she tried to come over three times to do “laundry” here. She lives 50 minutes away and can do laundry close by her place and had other BS excuses to drop by.

Well, again, that’s why you go “No Contact.” She realizes you’re moving on with your life, and she doesn’t like the idea of you moving on. Because despite what else may be going on with this other guy that she has a crush on, with the amount of time you guys had together, she’s more emotionally bonded to you than him. Somebody over there, “Grrr’ing” and puppies are sleeping under my chair.

She lives 50 minutes away and can do laundry close by her place), and had other BS excuses to drop by. Suddenly I didn’t live to far anymore and this was only half a week in No Contact. I simply rejected them because I was too much in my feelings still.

Well, again, that’s why you go “No Contact.” You put your foot down, you’re like, “this is it. I’m not interested in anything platonic. Call me if you change your mind.” And then she reaches out. And then he doesn’t set a date because he’s mad.

Two days ago she sends me a crying pic with her holding a plushy that I bought her saying, “I am not over you yet and I’m having a hard time”, as she is moving her stuff out next week I didn’t want to set a date yet, however I do want her back.

Well, your actions don’t communicate. You want her back. Your actions communicate that you’re pissed off. So you need to correct that behavior. I mean, if she’s reaching out, that’s the whole point of “No Contact” is so she could reach out. And she keeps reaching out and you’re not doing anything.

What would be my plan moving forward? P.S. currently re-reading the book again.

Well, make dates. I mean, she’s reached out multiple times and you refuse to make dates for her. She even wanted to come over and you wouldn’t set a date. It’s like, what do you think is going to happen if you keep doing that? Eventually she’ll realize you’ve moved on, and then she’ll disappear and she’ll stop reaching out. So you got to get back to the book, dude, you completely gotten away from it. And these things are just so glaringly obvious that she wants to see you. But then again, it’s like, where’s the trust at this point?

She broke up with you, moved out, or at least she’s staying with somebody else, hasn’t moved all of her stuff out, and now she’s kind of trying to come back and you say you want her back, but then you don’t make dates. And, like, if it was me in this situation, she’s behaving this way. It’s like, “you made your choice. We can be friends with benefits, but I’m not interested in getting back in a relationship with you because you violated my trust.

It’s like love cannot exist where there’s no trust. We can be fuck buddies, friends with benefits, sex playmates. But I’m not going to be your boyfriend again. Not after the way you treated me. But we can get together and have some fun until I meet somebody that I get serious with and vice versa.” That’s what I would do if I were you. If she’s reaching out, make dates. Follow us in 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back.

The book is not going to help you if you continually do the opposite. But again, you got to really question why would you even want to get back together with a woman who treated you this way? I mean, she dicked you down pretty good. It looks like she left you to go fuck somebody else. And probably that’s not going well now. And that’s why she’s starting to come back. She realizes the other guy that she was, or guys that she was hooking up with. I mean, you don’t have any idea what she was doing because this went on for a long time and she acted single.

And so more than likely, she was getting dicked down by probably several dudes. So it’s like, why would you even want to entertain getting back together with her? She rubbed other men in your face. But again, if you want to be fuck buddies, friends with benefits, that’s about all that she qualifies for now, I wouldn’t want to get her back if I were you. Just after what’s happened, because then all you’re doing is teaching her that she can basically get bored, lose interest, and go fuck other guys, and then still come back to you and you’ll take her back no matter what.

That’s kind of pathetic. So fuck buddy, friends with benefits, sex playmates. Not girlfriend or wife material at all. Especially with the way you guys live together. It’s like. Hello? She made her choice. She went to go out and party with these new friends she made. So she wrecked her relationship. But you can still have some fun sex. I definitely would wear a raincoat if I were you. Practice safe sex.

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