She Lost Feelings. Will She Come Back?

How to know if your girl will come back after she lost feelings and you broke up.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a viewer from Norway. He’s been following me for four years, but never read the book and cherry picked videos. He asked his girlfriend to move in but he was clueless that her interest was low and they broke up instead.

He saw her with another guy who was supposedly just a friend and now wonders if she will come back. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

This particular email is from a viewer from Norway. He’s been following me for about four years, but he’s a cherry picker. I don’t think he’s even got around to reading the book yet. So he was cherry picking and he was focused on getting his girlfriend to move in, but because he never bothered to read the book and he was a cherry picker, he got attainable success. He was getting laid, he was hanging out, having fun and hooking up, but his girl never really fell deeply, head over heels in love with him and he had no idea because again, he never read the book. He just tried to cherry pick the videos.

So he was talking about it before, I guess their summer break, because I guess he’s a senior in college, so after they got back from summer break and before it, he was mentioning moving in again. He’s the one bringing this up instead of her. They get back to school and he knows she was kind of distant, and he asked her to move in again. Then instead of moving in, they ended up breaking up, and recently he saw her walking around campus with some guy who “He’s just a friend,” and now he’s wondering, “Is she going to come back?”

So first things first dude, you got to read the book. You just can’t get around that. You’ve been following me for four fucking years and you still ain’t read the book. You’re in college, you’re a student and you’re reading books in college. If you don’t read the books, you don’t pass the class, you fail, and here you are taking one of the most important classes you can take in life, which is how to get and keep the women you want, and you’re too fucking lazy to read the book and now your girlfriend is hanging out with a dude that she told you that you don’t have to worry about. “He’s just a friend,” and now you’re single. How does the rejection feel? Because it sucks.

I say it all the time. You got to read the book. The videos are based on the premise that you understand the baseline fundamentals that are in the book. That’s another reason why I also tell you you got to read it 10 to 15 times, but you never read it because you you just didn’t take it seriously. Now you’re single and now some other dude is shagging your girl and that’s on you. How does that feel? I would think that sucks. Unfortunately for most guys, it’s not until they’re in the pain of rejection like this guy is experiencing, that they start to go, “You know, maybe I should have listened to that dude.” So let’s see what we can do to maybe potentially turn this around.

Again, you’re not going to be successful at turning it around if you don’t take the time to learn the book because you couldn’t even tell that she wasn’t in love with you anymore. You had no idea, because the interest level table, it’s in the “It’s All In The Numbers” chapter, it’s all laid out, he never read that, so he doesn’t know. He didn’t know what to look for because again, he never read the book. That’s on him. Besides, the book is free to read in the Membership Area.

Viewer Email:

Hi Coach,

I’m a 22-year-old university student from Norway. I’ve been following you for about four years, mostly watching videos.

Well, you’re a shitty student. So you flunked the class and you lost your girl. How does that feel?

My girlfriend and I broke up six weeks ago. She said she lost feelings for me.

In other words, you talked her out of liking you, and you had no idea it was happening because you were a cherry picker.

We were together for two and a half years, and our relationship was very good.

He thinks it was very good.

We were best friends and always supported each other.

Uhh, I would say that’s kind of a little delusional, because if that were a true statement, she wouldn’t have blown you off and broke up with you.

After six months, we both studied in the same city, but didn’t move in together because it didn’t feel right at the time.

Fast forward to the breakup: Before summer 2024, we’d been together for two years. I thought it was time to discuss moving in together.

Again, this is something that the woman should be bringing up. It’s detailed in the book, but you never read it, so you didn’t know.

She seemed on board, but we agreed to wait until after summer.

If she was really on board, she would have been like, “Hell yeah!” Instead, she didn’t, and since he was only focused on his interests in her, he ignored the fact that she wasn’t like, “Hell yeah, that’s a great idea! I was been waiting for you to ask me,” but he had no idea because he couldn’t. He can’t tell how she feels about him because he didn’t read the book. He doesn’t know.

You got a knowledge gap you got to fill in. If you don’t fix it now, the next girl is going to dump you and reject you for exactly the same reason. So maybe two girlfriends from now, you’ll finally listen instead of being a cherry picker. I know I’m being harsh, but somebody’s got to, because how do you like feeling rejected and seeing your girl walking around on campus with somebody else? You’re ready to move in with her, and now she’s fucking somebody else.

During the summer, we worked different hours and had outside commitments, so we didn’t spend as much time together.

So he probably wasn’t dating and courting her properly. Again, he was clueless and he couldn’t see that her interest was dropping because he didn’t know what to look for.

When we returned after summer, things seemed fine. But when I brought up moving in together again, she said the thought of it stressed her.

The only reason the thought stressed her is because she’s just not feeling it. She’s not that into you. She doesn’t even like you that much.

My reaction was to try and fix things, so I stayed with her for a week. However, I could tell her interest had dropped. She wasn’t kissing or hugging me as much.

Yeah, because you’re acting like the chick in the relationship.

After a weekend at home, I asked her for a talk.

“We need to talk.” So you’re going to talk her into loving you again? That’s not how it works, dude.

I expressed how I felt…

Women don’t care how you feel about them. They only care about how they feel about you, and you’ve seen too many movies thinking that you’ll just vomit your feelings and that will solve everything. It’s cute in movies, but it doesn’t work in the real world. What you got is a woman who’s got low interest in you because you act too much like a girl and not enough like a man, but since you never read the book, you don’t know what you’re doing wrong and you still don’t know what you’re doing wrong.

…And asked again about moving in together.

Man, it says right in the book. It’s the woman’s job to bring up the relationship, moving in together, getting married. If you were doing everything right according to the book, she would have already moved in with you. There doesn’t need to be a conversation.

What happens is, as a woman falls in love with you, she wants to be with you all the fucking time. She’ll be stuck to you like a sucker fish. I know you’ve heard me say that in videos if you’ve been watching me for four years, but again you were cherry picking, so you dismissed it and ignored it and weren’t really paying attention. They slowly start leaving things at your house. Then there’s paint and they start having their own drawer with their panties and their bras in it, they got pants, they got blouses, shirts and dresses hanging up in your closet, they have extra pairs of shoes, your bathroom counter gets smaller and smaller because her hair dryer, curling iron, makeup brushes or mascara, all of her other makeup and stuff, tampons, birth control, all that stuff slowly ends up in your bathroom over time, just because every time she comes over, she brings a little bit more stuff. So she’s always got things there because in the weekend you go out on a date Friday night, she just stays with you the whole weekend and she’s got her shit there so she doesn’t have to go back home because she doesn’t want to miss any time away from you.

That’s how it happens, but you’ve been following me all this time and you’ve probably heard me say this before about what happens, but again you were focused on your feelings. You were all up in your feelings like a girl and you weren’t paying attention to reality. You were projecting your high interest and ignoring that she had low interest.

She then told me she didn’t love me anymore. I asked if we should take a break or continue…

You asked her to make a decision. “Hey, should we break up or continue?” Why would you say that? If you want to stay together, you don’t say that. You just take that as constructive criticism and feedback and go, “You know what? My girlfriend of two and a half years has told me she’s not in love with me anymore. I should probably pull my head out of my ass and listen to that shaved head prick on YouTube and read the damn book and fill in my knowledge gap so I can get her to fall in love with me, and she’ll just naturally move in with me over time,” but he makes it easy on her.

…But she said it was better to break up, as she didn’t want me waiting around for her. She said if she changed her mind, she would let me know. We hugged, cried, and I admitted I didn’t know what to do without her (I know, it sounds a bit desperate).

No, you just sound like a clueless kid that doesn’t follow instructions and you didn’t listen. I mean, countless times I say you got to read the book. You got to learn the book. That’s the manual. That’s the coaching manual that these videos are based on. You can’t just go to class, listen to some lectures and then expect to walk in and ace the test, unless you’re super smart. That just doesn’t happen in the real world. So you half-assed it. You cherry picked videos and now you got your heart broken.

The next day, I texted her that I didn’t want to be just friends, but if she changed her mind, she should call me.

So now you’re pursuing even after you got dumped.

Since the breakup, we’ve had no contact, but about two weeks later, she started liking pictures on my Instagram account and still follows my mom. She’s part of a training group I follow, and for about three weeks, she wore my hoodie there. She also started studying at my university building. She doesn’t usually study here.

Well, maybe she’s hoping to bump into you or see what you’re doing, or see if you’re with another girl because she’s hanging out with another guy.

However, we didn’t bump into each other. One week ago, I noticed she started hanging out more with a guy she was friends with when we were together.

Well, there’s your replacement. She always had him in the background.

My gut says it might be more than platonic, but I’m not sure.

Well, she’s probably fucking him now.

They’ve gone on hikes together, maybe just the two of them but they have gone on hikes with others before, and she’s been at his place, but she still goes home at night.

What, is she sharing her location still?

I’m confused. Could her wearing my hoodie and liking my pictures be a way to see how I react or try to get me to reach out?

Maybe it’s your inaction that will be attractive because she’s getting to experience life without you at all.

Did I miss my chance?

Well, you should have followed instructions four years ago when you started following me, and I told you to read the book 10 to 15 times, and then once or twice a year. Ideally every six months, you should go through and review it, but you didn’t listen. You were a shitty student and you failed the class. You flunked, so you have to repeat the semester.

We’ve been six weeks without contact. Do you think there’s a chance she’ll reach out, or should I make the first move?

Hope you’re doing well!

Bob

You should absolutely not make the first move. The strongest negotiating position is being able to walk away and mean it. You’re going to be following what’s in 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back. The fact that six weeks has gone by and you haven’t heard from her, and then you’ve seen her around campus with this other dude? She’s fucking him and she’s focused on him, and she’s not focused on you because she spent enough time with you to learn what you’re like and realize that your game sucks, you can’t read her, you don’t know what’s going on and you act like a little beta male, so you got dumped. That’s on you. All I can do is gently lead, but if you’re not going to listen, the rest of us can watch this email and listen to it and go, “Holy shit, that was obvious. I’m definitely not going to do that,” because by going through these, most people will see this and go, “Oh wow, that’s what not to do. Here’s what I should do instead. This is what the book says.”

At this point, you have to assume it’s over and you’ll probably never, ever hear from her again. The best thing to do is be reading the book and meeting and dating as many new women as possible. If she sees you around campus with a couple of hot girls, she might come back, but at that point, you might not even want her back because if you read the book, you’ll have more choices and more options.

Dude, you’re in college. This is the only time in your life that you’re going to be surrounded by this many hot, single women that are your age. They’re away from home and they’re open to experimenting because they don’t live with mom and dad anymore, and you’re just wasting your life thinking about this girl who’s clearly moved on and is fucking somebody else. That thing is going to give you the best chance to potentially get her back, is if you start dating and fucking other women at school and have some choices and have some other options. If you’re fucking two or three other girls and she comes back, you might not really care, but if you do hear from her, invite her over to make dinner at your place and just follow what’s in 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back. It’s an article and video I did years ago. I think it’s 10 or 12 years old at this point.

A hundred years from now, that will apply. The communication devices or methods might change, but the mindset is still going to be the same because that’s what affects women and causes them to feel attraction for you, because in her mind, you’ve turned her off. She doesn’t think you’re very desirable, but if she sees and hears about you dating and fucking many different women at school, all she has to do is see you with one other hot girl and you’re all over each other. Then she’ll probably reach out, and she still may reach out in a couple of months, but if you don’t read the book, you don’t fill in your knowledge gap and you don’t date anybody else, nothing has changed in your behavior. So if she does come back, she’s going to find that you’re exactly the same and you’ll just reinforce to her that she made the right decision by dumping you and moving on with somebody else. If she comes back or she gets in touch and you’re cockier, you have more swagger, you’re more playful, you’re less inclined to be soft and squishy, and you have other women that you’re dating and sleeping with, you’ll be in a non-hungry state.

Plus if you read the book, your game will be tight instead of sucking ass like it does. So you cherry picked videos and that was enough to get you laid and get your foot in the door, but you never bothered reading and learning the book, so you have this huge knowledge gap and over time, you just turned her off and were too clueless to even realize that she wasn’t even into you. She hasn’t been into you for a long time, and you just had no idea because you were focused on how you felt about her. Then when she broke it off, you thought telling her your feelings was going to make a difference, because that’s what they do in movies all the time. That’s cute movies, but it doesn’t work in the real world.

Women only care about how they feel about you, so do yourself a favor. You’re 22 fucking years old. You have an all-you-can-eat pussy buffet all around you at school, and you’re not taking advantage of it. That is a crime against humanity. If I was your age and had a book like this and all these videos, I’d be wrecking shop in college, but you’re gonna miss out because there’s never, ever going to be another time in your life where you’re surrounded by this many hot, single fit, horny women that are away from home for the first time that are looking to date, experiment, do threesomes, anything and everything you can think of. So take advantage of it, dude. Don’t sit around waiting on this chick to come back. It’s been almost two months and it looks like you’re in your last year of college. Dude, you got to take advantage of it. The year is half over at this point. So you got the spring semester, then you got summer and then your college experience is done, unless you’re staying doing a master’s degree or whatever.

Bro like, come on. It’s like you have an all-you-can-eat pussy buffet every fucking day, and you’re just sitting on the sidelines with your thumb up your ass. Come on, you’re 22, dude. You got your whole life ahead of you. Take advantage of it, read the book, learn the material and clean up and then maybe someday you can send me a nice email with all the success stories and all the fun that you had in your last year in college, because after you got kicked in the nuts by yours truly, you pulled your head out of your ass and realized that you should have listened to me a long time ago, but you can make up for lost time. Again, it looks like you got one semester left, so take advantage of it, dude. Don’t wait.

So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen on any page, and book a coaching session with yours truly. Until next time, I will talk to you soon.