She Says She’s In Love With Me, But Needs Time & Space To Process Her Feelings

What it means when she says she’s in love but needs time & space to process her feelings.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a viewer who says he’s read 3% Man, 6 times and watched hundreds of my videos. He got dumped by his girlfriend a few weeks ago. He wants her back, but she says she needs time and space away from him to process her feelings. He’s unsure of what to do. He thinks he should go no contact, but he doesn’t want to be a cold fish. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

Hi, I’m Coach Corey Wayne and this is my video coaching newsletter. And the topic of today’s newsletter is going to be, “She Says She’s In Love With Me, But Needs Time & Space To Process Her Feelings.”

So this particular email from a guy, he says he’s read 3% Man six times and he’s watched hundreds of my videos, and he says he got dumped by his girlfriend a few weeks ago. He wants her back, but obviously she’s saying she needs time and space to process her feelings. And so, he really didn’t do a good job of learning what was in The Book. He even admits that he wasn’t able to fully sustain what was in The Book, just because he had all these other issues going on with his divorce, and co-parenting with his ex.

And so, there are times when they’re not getting along and you can tell he’s just not calm. Masculinity is calm. And so, every time they have friction, he gets upset, doesn’t handle things right. I’m guessing more than likely, he probably was really into the work when he first started studying it and reading The Book then. And then he met this girl, got into a relationship and then blew it off because things were going so well in the beginning. I see that same pattern over and over again. Guys think their initial success like, “this is easy as pie. I got this.”

And then they stop reading The Book. They don’t bother going through the 10 to 15 times, and where it really bites them in the ass is when they get further down the road in a relationship. Because they didn’t take the time to learn that information, because they feel it didn’t apply to them at the time. And so, when it that wisdom is needed, they don’t have it and then things spiral out of control. Then after the fact, they’re licking their wounds like this guy is now going, “I want her back.” So let’s go through his email.

Viewer’s Email:

Hey Coach,

I’ve read 3% Man 6 times and watched hundreds of your videos. Right after my divorce a year and a half ago I started dating an incredible woman. Following your work to the T early on. Because of trying to figure out coparenting and work through my baggage, we’ve had some issues, also because she was coming out of a party girl phase.

That sounds like a little bit of a red flag there. What kind of a party girl phase was she going through? Is there a missing father? Is she just randomly hooking up with other dudes? Is she a loyal person? Is she family oriented? Is this somebody that would be a good stepmom to your kids? These are things that you should be thinking about at this point in the courtship, not just having the attitude of, “oh, I hope she likes me, or what can I do to get her to like me?” Because when you come from that perspective, it’s like you’ve already decided she’s won the race. And then your ability to remain objective and see her as she is and vet her properly, pretty much goes out the window.

I should have dumped her a number of times but didn’t because I knew I wasn’t perfect either.

So everybody knows in the beginning he shouldn’t be with her, but he does it anyway.

Because I was in my own crap, I knew I couldn’t sustain fully all your teachings because it hadn’t become who I authentically was.

Well, if you only read The Book six times a year or two ago before you get into a relationship, I see that a lot. Guys will really spend a lot of time reading, learning The Book, and they’re like, “okay, I think I got it.” And then they’ll go out and practice, get into a relationship. But they never go back to it. Especially when they’re dating somebody. And it’s not until they get far down the road that they realize that they just didn’t spend the time that they needed to with the material, and it bites them in the ass.

But I’ve dealt with the past and I’m in a great place but we’ve got some bad patterns and got in a fight a couple weeks ago.

Well, men who understand women don’t argue with them.

And she had been talking about how me having kids and being tied to the city we are in, and her concerns about me being friends with my ex wife and worried that our patterns won’t change.

Well, if you got kids with your ex-wife, she’s going to have to understand that you’re going to have to have a relationship with the ex-wife. It’s absurd to think otherwise, and she’s going to have to accept that. And if she can’t? She is open. And can go find somebody else. If she thinks she can do better, then she should go. That should be your attitude. Because your children and your family need to come first.

And a woman who’s not excited to become your biggest cheerleader and fan, and think of it as an honor to co-parent your kids with your ex. I mean, women should have the attitude that it’s their duty to make sure all the little ones around them are loved, supported, and encouraged to reach their full potential. Whether it’s their own kids, their step kids, or their nieces and nephews, or just their neighbor’s kids. You should be a good parent no matter what, whether they’re your kids or not. Somebody’s got to be there to put the guardrails on.

So when we got in a fight she took the opportunity to end it.

Oftentimes what women will do is they’ll pick a fight and then you’ll have this big blow up fight or fight. You’re like, “it’s not a big deal. It’s just one of many that we’ve had.” And all of a sudden that’s just the straw that broke the camel’s back. And the guy ends up walking away from it, going, “wow, I wish I hadn’t gotten angry. I wish I hadn’t argued because we still be together.” It’s like, “no, that was just the excuse to blow it up at that point.”

We’ve talked a number of times since about the good in the relationship, how this is devastating to us both, how much she loves me, and what we both need to change for this to work. Every time I’ve reiterated that I don’t want to be just friends and only contact me if she’s interested in more and every time she tells me how much she loves me and thinks it would be possible with some growth from her. The couple times we’ve seen each other we’ve made out, but not hooked up because it’s been a talk about the relationship and if it’s salvageable and she needs to not feel pressured.

So that tells me you’re pressuring her and you’re probably pursuing. You’re probably smothering her. And when a woman says, “I need time and space” that means you’re chasing after her. So despite the fact what is presented in the email, women all say the same things. And when women want space, it’s because they feel smothered. They don’t feel free.

And as Thích Nhất Hạnh said, “you must love in such a way that the person you love feels free.” And so, he’s chasing, he’s pursuing even though he got dumped. Because as 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back says, and this is what happens when you don’t learn the material. He should have backed off completely and said, “well, I don’t agree with your decision to break things off.

If you’re just going to unilaterally end the relationship and ride off into the sunset, then well, I’m sorry to see you go. I’m sorry you feel that way. I’m sorry you don’t feel that what we have is worth fixing things or working things out. So call me if you change your mind. Wish you all the best. Thanks for the memories.” And then you never call or text her again for any reason. You don’t keep pursuing and chasing after somebody that’s said that they don’t want you anymore. And it looks like.

I mean, I could tell just even though he kind of paints this email, I could tell based on her reaction and what she says, that he’s chasing and smothering her. Which, again, is the opposite of what he should be doing and what The Book teaches. You never try to keep somebody that doesn’t want to keep you. And so, he’s chasing after a girl after he got dumped. And that’s why he got to get stuck in limbo land. It’s not really advancing forward, and it’s not going anywhere. And so, getting together to have a talk or a serious conversation, what happens? And as 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back discusses.

As she’s left and you say, “hey, call me if you change your mind.” And if she reaches out, you assume she changed her mind and wants to see you. So you invite her over to make dinner at your place, hang out, have fun, hook up. It doesn’t say hang out, create a bunch of drama and talk about serious subjects and be a mental and emotional drag and then hook up. That’s not how it works. But it looks like he turned it into a therapy session with her and confronting her about things he was upset about probably not paying enough attention to him.

So at the end of the day, he’s acting like a girl, chasing her attention, her validation, trying to get her to pay attention to him and give him another chance when in reality she’s the one who fucked things up. She’s got to be the one to fix it. You can’t chase and force a woman to fix things when she dumps you and disappears. All it’s going to do is reinforce that she made the right decision by leaving you, because you’re continuing to act like an insecure girl by chasing her.

Next time we see each other I’ll make a move though.

She really has to figure out if this is what she wants so she can commit on her own and be fully in.

That’s why you shouldn’t be chasing. Again, you got to follow what’s in The Book, dude. If you’re going to do the opposite, it’s not going to help you.

That’s been the big issue the last year and a half and at the root of both our mistakes.

So when a woman is constantly, “oh, I can’t figure out what I want again.” That’s what Overpursuing does. In other words, she’s acting more masculine and stoic as a man than you are. And women want a guy to be more masculine than they are. And he’s done the opposite. He doesn’t see that. But again, this is what happens.

He read The Book six times at least, so he claims. Then at some point he met this girl and started dating her. But it’s obvious he never went back to The Book and so he never really learned it. And all he really did was continue to repeat the same patterns and be the same way he was before he even came across my work.

She reaches out to say she misses me almost every other day and she’s been more honest and communicative than ever, but still can’t decide if she wants to make the life changes to be together and is still scared of us repeating past patterns.

This tells me that he’s just being her emotional tampon. Instead of making a date and inviting her over to make dinner together, he sits there on the phone for hours on end, being her emotional tampon. Again, this is the opposite of what I teach. And so, this should not be surprising at all that you’re not getting anywhere and you’re just months and months are going by and she’s going, “gee, I don’t know. I’m not sure. I don’t know if I can fully commit.” And he’s focused on a relationship and locking her down again.

This is a complete opposite of what The Book teaches you to do. This is why it’s obviously not working. You have to let women come to you at their pace, especially once they’ve dumped you. And guys often will do this. They read The Book, they learn it. They do well in the very beginning, but they never go back to it. And then when she backs off, they chase and they pursue and they try to force things, and it just keeps them stuck in limbo and having blue balls.

And in reality, when she reaches out, you should assume she wants to see you invite her over to make dinner together, and if she doesn’t want to come over to do that, you’re going to ask two consecutive times in a row. And if she still. “Oh, I’m not sure I need.” I was like, “great. Well, figure it out. Get back to me. I got to run. Talk to you later.” You don’t sit there and be her emotional tampon on the phone. Your job is to create an opportunity for sex to happen. Not to be her therapist on the phone or to be her emotional tampon. And that’s what you’re doing. Again, you’re violating every principle in The Book by this behavior.

I don’t know if no contact is best, from now on she is going to have to initiate all contact for sure.

Well, that should have happened the moment she broke it off with you. But it seems like you’re starting to recognize that your approach is not working. But this should have happened many months ago. You’ve made things way worse by continuing to chase somebody that basically blew you off and didn’t want to date you.

What do I do when she reaches out for support or to share intimate details of her life?

The phone is for setting dates, bro. Especially when you’re broken up. It tells you in 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back, make the date. Don’t sit there and chit chat on the phone for hours on end. And again, you’re violating those principles. So I don’t understand why you’re surprised that she’s not behaving the way you want her to.

She’s in love with me.

No she’s not. She may tell you that she loves you, but doesn’t mean she’s in love with you. If she was in love with you, she’d be coming over to your house and fucking your brains out, and you’d be making dates in the evening that can lead to sex at your place. You don’t go meet her out. You don’t go pick her up. You don’t chase after her. If she reaches out, you assume she wants to see you and invite her over to make dinner together.

And if she wants to chit chat on the phone, just say, “let’s get together in person and talk about it. I don’t want to sit here and chit chat on the phone. This is not going anywhere. If you want to see me, come over. If not, then call me when you change your mind.” Don’t sit there on the phone all the time. You have to recognize this is not getting you anywhere.

She’s in love with me and needs space to think and process and I don’t want to be a cold fish by ignoring her.

I don’t teach to ignore her, but you don’t. You shouldn’t be chasing after a woman who can’t make up her mind. It’s like you’re clearly still trying to force her to make a decision and to jump back into a relationship. And we got to remember is it takes time for a woman to fall in love. It took time for her to fall out of love with you. And it takes time for her to fall back in love. And what you’re trying to do is to go from her not being in love with you. You’re taking her, “I love you’s” as “oh, she feels the same way.

And she’ll just come over and we’ll resume the relationship.” It doesn’t work that way. You have to let her come back to you. At her pace, she reaches out. You assume she wants to see you. You make the date, and then you get off the phone and she’s like, well, I really want to talk. I was like, “great, we’ll get your cute little ass over here and let’s talk about it over a bottle of wine.” “Oh, I don’t know. I gotta think I need space.” It’s like, “great. If you need space, go take your space. And then when you had enough space and you missed me terribly, then get in touch.” Don’t sit there and be on the phone and act like an emotional tampon. Again, this is right out of The Book.

It’s to the point that I’ve suggested meeting up but for valid work reasons she hasn’t been able to have me swing by her house (work from home.)

Why are you trying to go by her house, dude? Seriously, you got dumped. She fucked it up. She has to fix it. Therefore she must come to you. This is exactly what’s detailed in 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back. But you’re clearly not listening to anything I teach. I don’t know if you’ve actually even read The Book six times. It doesn’t sound like it.

Do I try to make a date soon next time, tell her I want to hear about what’s going on? Do I quit bringing up getting together and just minimally answer her bids for connection?

I caused the fight and she did the breaking up. I’ve apologized.

Thanks for everything Coach.

Bob

Again, your job in the courtship is to create an opportunity for sex to happen, and you’re fucking up because you’re not following instructions and you’re being lazy and you’re half assed in it. It’s surprising, after all the time you’ve been following me and all these videos you’re watching, that you think that this is the appropriate response. This is literally the exact opposite of what I tell you to do. I tell you explicitly, over and over, not to behave this way. Make the date. Get off the phone. Invite her to your place to make dinner together. She ended it. She must come to you.

She must submit to what it is that you want. So you don’t go to her. You don’t go to lunch. You don’t go pick her up. You don’t go have a talk in her living room. If she wants to come over, hang out, have fun, and hook up. It’s a simple formula. If she wants to talk about the past and the relationship, you’re happy to listen to it. But as a man, your job is just to create the opportunity for sex to happen. And instead you’re trying to have one serious conversation after another and be her emotional tampon.

And all you’re doing is creating the conditions where you’re her back up plan while she looks for somebody else. And months and months will go by then all of a sudden you’ll find out that she’s fucking Chad Thunder Cock. And now your opportunity has passed. So you need to pull your head out of your ass, dude. Read the article and video 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back and actually follow what it says, because you are literally doing the complete opposite of everything that I teach. You’re violating every principle in The Book.

And her behavior, the way she’s acting is as predictable as the sun coming up in the East and setting in the West. So if you haven’t already, if you are watching this video on YouTube, underneath in the description, there are links to my Website, to Spotify, and to YouTube where you can join our Members Only Content. And so, what we’re currently doing is I’m publishing six paid members, additional six paid Members Only Video Coaching Newsletters per week.

We’ve got the 3% Man Study Group with Caroline and the rest of The Girls and Chunky. We’ve also are starting next week, we’ll be publishing the first episode of the Mastering Yourself Study Group, where we go through each book in detail, page by page, in a Study Group format. So it gives you another tool to learn both those Books. All The Girls have read it. Chunky’s read it. So we’re going through it page by page as another teaching aid for you guys to really help you learn what is in The Book.

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