She Should Make Your Dick Hard, Not Your Life

Why a woman should be a complement to a man’s life by making his dick hard instead of his life.

In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss two different emails from two different viewers I’ve recently done phone sessions with. The first email is from a viewer whose previous email I answered in “Matching & Mirroring Her Actions: Takeaway Gone Wrong?” His girlfriend is insecure and constantly seeks attention and validation outside their relationship from other men and behaves like she is still single.

The second email is from a viewer who got involved with a structured and inflexible woman. He didn’t learn the book and has been throwing quotes from it at her, using them as one-liners to fix things, which just makes him look weird and awkward. Both emails illustrate the importance of dating women who are easygoing and easy to get along with, instead of being difficult, immature, inflexible and unreasonable. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the bodies of their emails.

I saw a video, I think it was on Twitter, last week. There were a bunch of women talking about relationships, and this one girl said something that was really awesome. She said, “It’s a woman’s job to make her man’s dick hard, not his life.” A lot of women go through life making their man’s life extremely difficult. The guy’s out working all day, she’s at home raising the kids. She’s mad about something, and she’s looking forward to when he gets home, so she can just lay into him and be upset about whatever she happens to be upset about.

And so, instead of him coming home to his beautiful, lovely, feminine, submissive wife, who jumps into his arms and is happy to see him, she’s been waiting all day, stewing, because she wants to yell at him about not taking out the trash or some other kind of infraction. Or she’s caught a little bit of the feminism virus, and she wants to be a boss girl and boss him around.

Both of these guys have difficult situations. The first guy, I actually answered his email in a video a few weeks ago. It was called “Matching & Mirroring Her Actions: Takeaway Gone Wrong?” And after that, he ended up booking a phone session so we could discuss it further. The problem that he’s got going on is that his girlfriend, it’s obvious she’s pretty insecure. She kind of behaves like somebody that’s single, and it just doesn’t seem to click with her about constantly inviting attention from other men and giving out her number.

They’ll be hanging out together, and then some random dude pops up on her phone, messaging her, and she has not been going out of her way to let these guys know, “Hey, I’m in a relationship. I have a boyfriend now.” It’s like she’s inviting that attention. Plus, she’s got two other exes from years past that are still in the picture. It’s just constant – constant irritation, constant other dudes. And she has no self awareness, she’s kind of naive. But if we look at her actions, he’s set and enforced these boundaries, but she’s continually violating them. And so, after our phone session, something else happened.

And the second email is from a guy who is dating a girl, and apparently she’s kind of religious. He sent a picture of her, and I look at the picture and I just see a resting bitch face and a Karen. That’s what I see. And she’s very difficult. This particular guy, he works strange hours and he only has one day a week where he doesn’t have to work, doesn’t have to do anything. So, he’s working six days a week. And what I’ve talked about many times over the years is you want a girl that’s easygoing, easy to get along with, submissive, kind. And this girl is the opposite of that and she’s being very difficult.

One of the things she’s constantly trying to get him to do is meet him for breakfast for a date, and he just worked late the night before. He’s got like, no hours, and she’s dogmatically, constantly trying to get this guy to meet for breakfast or brunch, instead of going and having a date in the evening that can obviously end in sex at his place or hers. He’s made some mistakes, because he doesn’t know the book that well.

He tends to regurgitate things that he read in the book or concepts in the book as if it’s a line to regurgitate back to her. And she just looks at him like, “What? That’s kind of weird.” And even in the responses that he sends in their text exchange, he does it again. Even after we went over this in his phone session, he continued to just throw things at her that he remembered from the book, just because he doesn’t know the information that well.

But overall, neither of these two girls are making the lives easy for the guys that they’re involved with. They’re just being difficult. With the first guy, he’s set boundaries, and she’s just continually violating them. She’s just flabbergasted, you know, she gets upset, and gets butt hurt, and gets mad, and her response is, “you’re being unreasonable.”

She asked him to be exclusive with her, and yet she’s constantly meeting new guys and giving out her number. And then when they’re hanging out on a date in the evening, these dudes are messaging her in the middle of the night. And after a while, it gets kind of annoying because it’s just constant. “Oh, this is the last one.” And then a few weeks later, there will be some other dude, “Oh, well I just met him, and he’s being nice.”

So, the bottom line is you want to have women that are easygoing, easy to get along with, flexible. You don’t want somebody that makes you walk on eggshells. And with the second email, you can tell that’s what the guy is doing. She’s very structured and she wants things her way, and it’s kind of like a ‘her way or the highway’ type of thing. And again, just like the title says, you want a woman to make your dick hard, not your life.

Already, both of these women, early on, are making things difficult for the guys that they’re involved with. I look at this and I’m like, I wouldn’t want anything to do with either one of these two girls. But my job as a coach is to help these guys get what they want. But they’ve also got to see reality, because if things are this difficult early on, just imagine what it’s like when you’re married and you’ve got kids.

Especially the second one, you could see her just getting mad and butt hurt. And you’ll see in her text response that she’s upset at him, and she lets him know that she’s upset in her texting. You can just see, a girl like that will get mad and just say, “Oh, I’m not going to sleep with him now. I’m going to punish him. I’m going to cut off his access to the box.” And there are millions and millions of dudes out there that that’s their reality. And the goal is you want a woman that’s a complement to your life, not somebody that’s just a drag.

First Viewer’s Email:

Hi Corey,

I recently had a phone session after this Matching and Mirroring episode about me. My girlfriend who I became exclusive with after 3 weeks of knowing each other.

That’s another thing, he got exclusive after three weeks.

We’ve been together just over 2 months in total, and she tends to lie a lot.

You can’t fix that. This was part of the theme that we were on the phone session last week with, is it’s just little lies here and there. That gets annoying, and you shouldn’t be with somebody that’s dishonest. That’s just a deal breaker right there. Because if she lies about the little things and you’re catching her in those, what things are you missing? What things is she lying about that you’re not catching onto? You don’t want to be a guy that sleeps with one eye open the rest of your life.

She said that if road bumps happened between us, she would never run to one of her male orbiters to vent and have a shoulder to cry on.

That’s what she says. Well, let’s look at what her actions are.

However, that’s exactly what she did. I found out when I saw a text come in from this dork she talks to about 60 to 70% of the time, and I’m sick of it.

Yeah, because they’ve had, I think, six or seven different conversations about this same topic over last year, and it just keeps happening. It keeps coming up. It’s always another dude. Some of the guys she’s cut out of her life, but it seems like there’s always another one coming into her life. And she gets mad at him and upset every time he calls her out on it. It’s like she doesn’t seem to see anything wrong with it.

And I was pointing that out in the phone session. I was like, you’ve got a conflict in values right there. And if she’s not willing to submit and go along with your value system, she’s not the right girl. You can’t you can’t fix her or shoehorn her into your life. Trying to put the square peg in a round hole, it’s a bad way to go.

I called her out on it. I told her where she fucked up, and she got annoyed, and started shutting down on me, and just came up with excuses, and getting mad at me, and saying I’m attacking her.

Which is what she typically does. He brings it up and she’s like, “Oh, you’re attacking me.” He’s just setting healthy boundaries. He doesn’t want to be in an exclusive relationship with a girl who’s constantly meeting new guys and giving out her number. And then the guys are texting her, thinking they’ve got a shot, and she just doesn’t see that there’s anything wrong with that.

No dude wants to deal with that. Can you imagine being married or living with a girl like this? You’re sitting there having dinner with with your kids, and then random dudes that she just met that she gave her number out to are messaging her. Because when a woman does that, the guys think, “Hey, I’ve got a chance with her.

We’ve had talks about respecting boundaries over 6 times, due to her fucking up some way with talking and texting with multiple guys and 2 exes that she’s known for years. I’ve caught her in little lies and I’ve witnessed multiple disloyal acts against our relationship.

I want to dump her, but she has been capable of changing when I asked her to stop talking to a couple of different guys. However, the 2 she talks to currently are “really good friends” in her words. And she says that nothing is happening and she will not lose them.  I’m sick of it. Please help. 

Bob

I mean, if she’s not going to respect your boundaries, I went over this in the phone session. It’s like, you either are going to accept that she’s constantly going to be giving out her number to other guys, because it doesn’t appear that anything is changing. And it looks like, even after we had our phone session, it happened again. It’s the same issue over and over and over again.

And so, after two months, it doesn’t appear from her actions that she has any intention of changing it, because she reacts the same way. He brings it up, and she gets mad at him and gets pissy. “Okay. Alright, I’ll stop talking to that guy. Ugh, you’re so jealous. You’re attacking me.” It’s like, six, seven times of that, she ain’t getting the message and she ain’t changing, obviously.

So, his choices are to either put up with it, and she’ll probably cheat on him, or to move on. Or treat her just like a friends with benefits and say, “I don’t want to be exclusive with you anymore. You’re constantly behaving as if you’re single, so let’s just be friends with benefits. I’m not going to be exclusive with you.” And definitely wear a raincoat if you’re going to stay with the girl.

This is not somebody that’s going to make being in a relationship with her easy. It’s like, she’s locked you down and you’ve got a commitment, yet she still behaves as if it’s okay to give out her number and flirt with other dudes behind your back, or actually in front of you in this case, because it often happens when they’re together.

So, let’s go through the second guy’s email. And this is the one I was saying kind of looks like a Karen in the picture that she sent. She’s got like a resting bitch face. And she’s a pretty girl, so she’s probably a little jaded or her parents probably spoiled her, especially her dad, and it probably turned her into a little bit of a tyrant and she’s used to always getting her way.

And so, my impression of her is that she’s just a structured girl, and this is why you don’t get involved with structured women, because they’re extremely difficult. Men want a woman that’s a complement to their lives, not a woman that they’re constantly fighting with over control. And so, you’ll see this girl is pretty dogmatic about trying to get this guy, instead of having a date in the evening where it gives them time to relax and be rested and have a nice date, she wants him to meet her first thing in the morning when he’s had barely any sleep.

Typically, as we know from “3% Man,” if a girl is constantly trying to get you to go to lunch and breakfast, it gets in the way of the seduction. It’s a way that women keep guys compliant with being stuck in the friend zone. If you’re interested in sex and romance, you don’t go to breakfast and lunch as a date. Unless, of course, maybe she spent the night before. Then you get up and you go to breakfast or lunch the next morning. That’s totally normal. But this girl, numerous times, she is just very dogmatic and difficult, and she’s anything but submissive and easygoing, easy to get along with. It’s like, she wants it her way or the highway.

Second Viewer’s Email:

Good evening, Corey, 

We had a phone coaching session this past Tuesday, and I took your advice in calling her, (she never replied to her last text).

So, what had happened was she had messaged him a couple of weeks before, and I think he was trying to set a date, and she just gave him some kind of BS response. I think she was trying to get him to agree to breakfast or lunch when he was trying to make a date in the evening, the only day that this guy’s got off now. And so, instead of doing something that evening and so he can sleep in and get some rest, she wants him to get up early and jump through his butt so he can have breakfast with her.

And so, when he got the text back, he just didn’t reply, and I said, “Well, you don’t just ignore somebody.” And so, he hadn’t heard anything. He figured he she would text back in a few weeks, or a few days, or whatever, and two weeks went by. And so, when I talked to him, he hadn’t spoken to her in two weeks. And I said, “Well, you should at least call her and try one more time to make a date with her.”

Although I got a hold of her the following day, we could not agree to meet up.

So, again, easygoing, easy to get along with. That’s what you’re looking for. Women who are like, “Oh, hell yeah, I’d love to go. Oh, it’s so great to hear from you. I thought something happened. I haven’t heard from you in a couple of weeks.” That’s what you’re looking for. A girl that’s like, “Oh, it’s so nice to hear from you. I thought something happened. I thought maybe you didn’t like me anymore,” or “I thought maybe you met somebody else,” or whatever.

That’s what you want to hear, like in this case, when he hadn’t spoken to her in a couple of weeks. And so, instead of her being excited to hear from him, and you’ll see in the text exchange here, she’s kind of angry and pissed off at him. This is how the structured woman acts, and this is why you avoid them.

I told my brother, father, and a close friend about the texting exchange, and they unanimously believe I am an idiot for not accepting her breakfast or lunch proposal.

The other thing is, he’s asking people that don’t have a clue what they’re doing to give him dating advice. And plus, on top of that, he’s telling everybody in his inner circle his personal business. These are not discussions you should be having with committee, because this stuff is going to get around. What do you think is going to happen if you start dating this girl, and now she’s coming around, and your close friend, your dad, your brother know all the intimate details of your relationship? And they’re probably telling their girlfriends or their wives or your mother all these dirty, nitty gritty details as well.

And so, now your girl comes over and then somebody is trying to be “helpful” and they’re going to say things that are going to make you look weak or make you look bad. And then she’s going to wonder, “Why is it everybody in your family knows all of our personal business?” This is why I say read the book 10 to 15 times. This was the guy’s problem. He’s been following me for several years, but just did a half-assed job, cherry picked, thumbed through the book once or twice and doesn’t really know what he’s doing.

They insist I call and apologize to her and agree to meet her for breakfast tomorrow. My friend’s rationale is that this girl is a traditional Catholic and this current approach is futile and contrary to her beliefs.

Well, she’s trying to get this guy to meet for breakfast or lunch because there’s going to be no kissy-poo, it could strictly be platonic and she controls how things go. Again, this is why you date. This is part of the vetting process. Is she flexible? Is she easygoing, easy to get along with? If he asks her for a date in the evening, he’s like, “I work all week. I worked late. For me to get up early, first thing in the morning and meet you for breakfast?”

And so, he’s responding with some of the, “Oh, you’re trying to friendzone me. I’m not interested in friendship.” It’s like, he’s regurgitating things out of the book instead of understanding the philosophy and just politely declining and saying, “Hey, I’m working late the night before. I’m not going to be getting up at 8:00 in the morning to meet you for breakfast. I’d love to see you, but I’ve got to get some sleep.” But yet she’s like, “It’s got to be my way or the highway! I’m a boss girl.”

They are not 3% men, so I am solely following your advice in how to regain her attention and get her back in my life.

“And regain her attention.” You’re seeking her approval and attention. That is part of the problem.

Below is a transcript of the texting exchange. Approximately 2 hours after our session, I called her and she did not pick up the phone.

She saw it was him and she let it go to voicemail. I guess he didn’t leave her a message. She didn’t text back. He didn’t text her anything. So, the fact that she lets the phone go to voicemail and doesn’t call or text back, “Hey, sorry I missed your call,” that’s not a good sign. That’s a sign of low interest and low respect.

The next day, I texted her…

Bob: “I haven’t heard from you in a while, so I wanted to give you a call. Hope all is well and love to see you.”

So, remember, what you’re looking for is, “Hell, yeah. I’d love to see you! Hell, yeah, I’d love to go out with you! Oh, it’s so great to hear from you. I thought something happened. I thought maybe you lost my number.” That’s what you’re hoping, right? So, instead, what do you get? You’ve got to think of the Karen, in the Karen voice…

Karen: “Hi Bob. Don’t really feel like talking over the phone, sorry. All is well, and I hope the same for you! I’m just not sure what you’re looking to get out of this. As I have said, I’d love to get to know you better and hang out more, but I am not someone you can randomly call if you happen to have a free Sunday night every two weeks and then disappear. Not a huge deal, but I am just not that type! So, if you’re too busy or not too interested in dating right now, that’s too bad, but I get it!

Oh, man. It’s like, delete number, delete, delete, delete. That’s what I would’ve been doing. But I know this guy likes her. It’s like, man, I would not want to put up with that.

Bob: “That’s a shame because I love hearing your sexy voice. After hearing your perspective, it sounds like we’re on the same page but we both had a misunderstanding. IDK when you are free, but we should get definitely get together and clear it up.”

Karen: “Are you working this weekend? Do you want to get breakfast on Saturday or Sunday?

She knows his schedule. She knows he’s always working. That’s why he doesn’t want to do breakfast or lunch, so he can get some sleep. But she’s insistent on being a pain in the ass, a structured girl. She’s trying to get her way. “You’re going to meet me for breakfast, or not at all, Mister.”

Bob: “Are you busy tonight? Because I am off. You really do love breakfast, don’t you? Ha-ha.”

Karen: “Yes, I’m busy tonight! And yes, I love breakfast. Let me know if you are up for it.”

It’s like talking to another dude, an angry dude at that. It’s like, where’s the upside? Wow.

Bob: “Of course, I am up for it! Grab a bottle of wine and come over Sunday evening so we can talk about things. In the morning, we can go out for breakfast and go on a hike before work. Sound good?

His demeanor is like, “Hey, this is cool.” He’s easygoing, “Let’s just get together.” No big deal, right? Notice how Karen responds…

Karen: “I haven’t heard from you in weeks, I don’t really feel like spending the night with you right now. I’d love to see you for breakfast or lunch though if you are interested in talking things over and maybe patching up.”

Bob: “You went out of town and your texts tapered off. I figured an ex was in the picture after you brought it up one night. I would love to continue if you are still interested. However, I will not agree to breakfast or lunch as those are not dates.”

Bob

See, he did this several times before and, and when he was in person he would say something similar to that. And she looked at him like, what? Because he started talking about, “Oh, you’re trying to friendzone me.” The stuff is in the book to explain what’s going on. And all he would have had to have said is, as I’ve told you before, “I work late. I work six days a week. And for me to get up on a Sunday morning to go to breakfast or a brunch, it’s just too early. I’ve got to get some sleep. I’d love to see you, but I want to see you when I’m well rested. Are you available Sunday evening?”

So, I would imagine after he sent that last response, he probably heard nothing from her. She probably just ignored him because she’s used to getting her way, she’s a boss girl, and she’ll probably be a future cat lady, unless this guy is crazy enough to want to continue interacting with her. I just wouldn’t want to put up with that. I wouldn’t want to put up with somebody that is so difficult. And so, you can see from her text, she’s not being easygoing, easy to get along with. She’s being a difficult pain in the ass.

And this is just the very beginning. Can you imagine being in a relationship with this? “I want to salt on the right side, Bob. You mixed up the salt. You put the salt on the left side and not the right side. And the bath towels in the bathroom, they’re not even. They need to be even in level across. You left your dirty clothes in the bathroom after you took a shower. I’m tired of picking up after you. You need to do that. You need to do what I say! You’ve got to take out the garbage. I’ve told you several times you have a mowed the lawn.” Why? Why, bro?

You’re young, you’ve got your whole life ahead of you. You’ve got the book. Hopefully, you’ll learn it and read it 10 to 15 times, instead of jumping through your butt trying to please this angry, structured girl. Easygoing, easy to get along with. There’s nothing in here that tells me this girl’s easygoing, easy to get along with. But if you’re a glutton for punishment, hey, that’s your life.

The text exchange kind of ended there, so I would assume, after that last one, “However, I would not agree to breakfast or lunch as those are not dates.” I wouldn’t have said it like that, but I mean, that’s what she keeps going for. She wanted breakfast or lunch, no hanky panky in the evening. It’s like, why? Why jump through your butt trying to please a girl? There’s nothing submissive about her.

If she’s a religious girl like she claimed, it says right in the Bible, be submissive to your man. Instead, it’s like she caught the feminism virus. It’s like she’s a woke idiot, the way she’s behaving. I wouldn’t want to put up with it, but if you want to jump through your butt to please this girl, you’ll be walking on eggshells for the rest of your life. That is not exciting or fun in any way, shape or form.

Again, as the title says, you want a woman that will make your dick hard, not your life hard. And both of these girls are making these guys’ lives difficult. Again, the girls I wrote about in my book were easygoing, easy to get along with. It’s like, life is hard enough, dudes. Do yourself a favor and do not waste your time with girls like this.

So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen on any page and book a coaching session with yours truly.