She Wanted Me When I Was In A Relationship. Now That I’m Single, She Doesn’t. Why?

Why a woman who wanted you when you were taken doesn’t when you’re now single.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a viewer who had a girlfriend while one of his female coworkers was trying to get him to cheat with her. Her fooled around, but wouldn’t sleep with her. Eventually he ended his relationship. Now that he’s single she is telling him she’s not ready for a relationship because she needs to get over her ex. He wonders if he should wait for her to be ready to date and asks my opinion. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

Hi, I’m Coach Corey Wayne and this is my Video Coaching Newsletter. And the topic of today’s Newsletter is going to be, “She Wanted Me When I Was In A Relationship. Now That I’m Single, She Doesn’t. Why?”

So this particular email is from a viewer. So this guy had a girlfriend and one of his female coworkers was interested in him. He says they had developed like a really good friendship while they were working together, and she was constantly trying to get him to cheat on his girlfriend with her. And he says he only went as far as third base. So in essence, was physically cheating, even though he might not have given her the old meat missile in the end.

And so they fooled around. This went on for quite a period of time, and eventually he ended his relationship. And now that he’s single, she’s going, “I’m not ready for a relationship.” Because she needs to get over her ex. And now he’s going, “Should I just wait a little longer for her to be single? And then we’ll live happily ever After or what?” And then he asked my opinion. So his first mistake is getting involved with somebody when he’s in a relationship.

Because if he fools around with her, but he won’t go all the way. Is that really a high character, man? Is that somebody that honors his commitments? No. So he’s obviously acting out of integrity instead of being in integrity. In other words, doing the right thing. He wasn’t doing the right thing. So when you’re not doing the right thing, how can you expect a woman to trust your masculine core, even though she’s the one trying to get you to cheat?

And on top of that, he interacted with her for so long in a platonic way that by the time he finally became single, she had developed a perception of him that was less than attractive. In other words, she wasn’t attracted to him as she was in the beginning, because obviously his vibe is now changed. He’s no longer unattainable. He’s no longer mysterious.

He’s no longer hard to get. Now he’s pretty easy, and he thinks he’s just going to go from being in a relationship with this other girl and partially cheating on her with this woman, to now he’s like ready to not even go through a dating phase, just go right into a relationship.

And so what happened was she was constantly trying to earn his attention and his affection, and he wasn’t willing to give in. And then his life situation changed, and now he’s ready to give her everything that he thought she wanted. But he went from being a challenge and being hard to get, to now, he’s too easy, to available, in essence, kind of became the gay male girlfriend over time.

Viewer Email:

3% Man is an excellent book. it really opened my eyes, I purchased the paperback and audible versions. Long story short a woman I got to know was nonstop pursuing me at my old dealership job in the midst of a complicated ending with my ex of 8 years due to cheating.

So I don’t know if that means he was cheating or the ex was cheating on him. The thing we got to understand about cheating is, like attracts like. People that like the same things tend to like each other. And cheaters tend to be attracted to other people that lie and cheat. And so even though I haven’t gone through the whole email yet, we know because I just let you guys know that he, in essence, was cheating on his girlfriend with this woman.

So I don’t know if it ended because of that or because his girlfriend was cheating on him with some other dude. But the bottom line is there was infidelity. There was disloyalty. And as a man, it’s your job, really, to set the standard and hold people accountable. And when you do things like that, you’re just showing that you’re a person of low character, and character is destiny. And the bottom line is, statistically, 95% of the relationships that start from cheating end and cheating.

Because liars and cheaters just tend to assume that everybody is like them, and they typically really don’t change who they are. So it’s just a bad way to go. It’s better to be an honorable person. Especially down in South Florida. There is a city called Hialeah. I’ve talked about this many times. And if you turn on the evening news, if anybody lives in South Florida, I mean, you know what I’m talking about. It’s every just about every single night there’s a murder suicide from something like this.

There’s a woman, she starts an affair with, somebody she met at work. Then she’s planning on leaving her husband. The husband finds out, and then you get a murder suicide happening. And the people in law enforcement, friends of mine that work in law enforcement down here, some of the guys I trained with, it’s like I see them at the gun range sometimes, and they’re like, we had another Hialeah divorce last night. And it’s kind of like the running joke. You know, it’s sad and it’s tragic, but it’s just constant.

And it’s a horrible way to go. So if you’re going to do that, I mean, you’re literally playing with your life because you never know, especially if you’re trying to rip off some other dude’s girl. What is the mental condition of the person that she was involved with? Because down here in South Florida, especially in the Latin culture, they don’t appreciate that too much. And things go bad, really bad really quickly. So it’s just it’s a horrible thing and it’s just not a good way to operate as a man.

I worked in service she was a sales manager in the tower. And She was cheated on by her ex of 10 years.

So there’s cheating going on all around. She was cheated on and she’s getting involved with a guy trying to encourage him to cheat on his girl. So we’re basically dealing with people that kind of have low character, and it’s like, dude, you got to do better. This is not a good way to go through life. You’re just playing with your life. No piece of ass is worth that. I’m sorry. No matter how hot she is, if she’s willing to cheat on you, she’ll cheat on him.

And so, that’s just again, like attracts like. Cheaters tend to attract other cheaters. And when you get involved and you behave this way, you’re attracting other disloyal people into your life. It’s just not a good way to go. Plus, if you’re going to raise children and have a family, what are the values you think you’re passing on to them? Do you want them? Do you want your kids to grow up and get cheated on or be liars and cheaters? I wouldn’t think so.

We developed an amazing friendship, and it progressed rapidly. She kept trying to get me to cheat with her as she knew I still had a girlfriend, but we were falling apart. She wanted me at her house overnight, but I wouldn’t until my other relationship was over. Her and I had already technically been to 3rd base.

Again. That should have never happened. Dude, you shouldn’t have been over at the house. You could have hung out at the office, maybe done things in group settings, maybe gone to lunch. But, I mean, it’s just disloyal behavior. If you’re somebody that doesn’t want your significant other to doubt you or to doubt your loyalty. You shouldn’t be behaving this way. But again, I’m assuming the way he phrased this letter, that his girlfriend was also cheating on him, and that’s ultimately why it ended.

And so all three of the people involved in here are just completely disloyal. They don’t see anything wrong with it because they’ve seen too many Disney movies. Because what do you typically see in the movies? You’ll see that there’ll be this guy, he’s single, he’s sad, he’s lonely. He meets this girl he really clicks with, but she’s got a boyfriend or a husband or whatever, and she’s really unhappy. He doesn’t treat her well. Maybe he’s cheating on her, that kind of thing. And then they start having an affair.

She leaves the boyfriend. The boyfriend wants her back. They get back together. The guy gets dumped. He’s sad and lonely again. And then, of course, at some point, the girl in the movie realizes. “Oh, the love of my life. I’ve got to be with him.” And then she leaves the horrible boyfriend that she was with that was cheating on her that she got back together with. And then in the movies, they ride off, and she rides off into the sunset with the guy that she started cheating with, and they live happily ever after, and have a wonderful family and everything’s great.

Well, that’s not how things work in the real world. That’s a Disney fantasy. And in the real world it literally can cost you your life again. Anybody that lives down South Florida and they watch the evening news from time to time, it seems like just about every night there’s a Hialeah divorce going on. It’s just pretty crazy. It’s not worth it. What is there? 8.5 billion people in the world, and half of them are women. It’s like really? So technically they’ve been to third base.

And she was trying to seduce me again, I was getting nonstop pictures from her, she cooked food for me, the whole 9 yards.

So in essence was kind of dating her, but not going all the way with her.

Ex and I split, the girl in question said she still partly loved her ex but feels love for me as well.

Now that he’s freed up and he’s ready to give her everything that she supposedly wanted, she’s like, “oh, I’m not really over my ex now.”

We have excellent chemistry and still talk to each other daily casually. I made clear that I wanted more.

Well, obviously she knows that. So what you should do is you shouldn’t call or text her or reach out to her for any reason. You never try to keep somebody that doesn’t want to keep you. You should be following what’s in 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back. And so she’s basically telling you that she’s not ready, she’s not over her ex. And your attitude should be, “you know what, maybe the timing is just wrong for us. Take the time to heal. And when you’re ready, get in touch. And if I’m available, we can go out on a date.”

Just phrase it just like that. Let her do 100% of the calling, texting and pursuing. Don’t reach out to her at all. Because more than likely, once you became freed up, what did you start doing? You probably started calling her more. Texting more. As you said. “Oh, we still talk daily. Casually.” More than likely, he’s probably doing most of it, or 50/50. When a woman’s telling you, “I’m not over my ex, I need time, I need space.” You stop all forward movement. You go into No Contact. You don’t reach out to her for any reason. She has to do 100% of it.

Because obviously, when you were unattainable, because you had a girlfriend, you were a challenge to her. And you were difficult to get together with and spend time with because again, you had a girlfriend, so you just weren’t available. And now that you’re totally available, you’re pursuing too much and giving her too much of your attention, and you’re ignoring the fact that she’s lost interest and attraction and backed away, and then you’re trying to make up for that by pursuing her more.

And what you’re noticing is you’re getting even less interest from her. So at this point, you don’t call don’t text for any reason, only respond to her if she reaches out. Assume she wants to see you and then invite her over to your place to make dinner together. Hang out. Have fun. Hook up. You should be following what’s in 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back at this point, and let her do all the calling, texting, and pursuing. And just assume when she reaches out, she wants to see you.

And if she comes over three dates in a row and you hang out, you have fun, you hook up, then you can meet her out, you can take her out. But you got to let her do all the calling, texting and pursuing from here on out. Because this girl was all over you when you were difficult and a challenge. And now that you’re available and you’re over pursuing, she’s like, “Oh, I’m not over my ex yet. I need time.” And so something else. Another wrinkle.

Her father died a few months ago and she is hurting and distant but I’m still there for her and I try to make her laugh with crude humor she likes and talk to her about her day even though she’s in pain.

Yeah, you basically became the gay male girlfriend and that’s just not going to work. That’s why you need to stop moving forward. Stop trying to be the nice guy. Stop trying to be there for her. You’re interested in sex and romance and she’s going, “Oh, I need time to get over it.” So you just let her be. Let her have the space. She reaches out, invite her over if she won’t come over. Again, 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back has all the objections that she could possibly give you and your responses for them.

Because she has to come to you at this point. And if she does that, and you let her come to you and you start hooking up, if she comes over three different dates in a row and you hook up all three times, then you can start taking her out on dates. But you got to let her come to you at her pace. And this is a good example of why, especially guys that are new to my work and they’re reading my Book and they’re learning and they’re single. This is why it’s better that they have 2 or 3 different women that they’re dating, because if they do, they’re not going to be as available and as easy.

Plus, it gives them time to learn what’s in The Book. And if you got three different women to practice with, you’re going to get better a lot quicker than having one girl like this that you’re already Goo Goo  Gaga over, and thinking that you’re going to live some kind of Disney fantasy with her. And so it will help you become more of a challenge. It’ll give you more swagger, it’ll make you cockier. And then when you get to a point like I have gotten to, when you really master this stuff, you’re not going to really date as much. You’re going to be very selective.

And when you meet a girl that knocks your socks off, you’re not going to come unglued. You’re still going to take measured steps, you’re not going to be in a rush, and you’re going to do everything perfect. But when you’re new to this stuff and you haven’t experienced it, you haven’t been in a relationship with a woman who’s head over heels in love with you and who you feel the same way with, and you’ve gotten past that wall of fear that all of us guys have to get past to where we kind of get over that neediness and that attachment that we tend to get and that worrying that she’s going to be into us.

You get to a place of calm, peace where you’re okay with not hearing from her, where you don’t worry any longer because you’ve seen the same patterns over and over so many times with other women that you’ve interacted with, that even if you feel the urge to reach out more than you know you should, you won’t. And then a few days later, or a few hours later, or whatever it happens to be, the girl reaches out and eventually women get to the point where they’re so predictable you could set your watch to it.

But that takes time, and it takes a lot of practice, and the best way to do that is to have multiple women that you’re meeting and dating. Because if you got just one girl that you’re really into, as you can see with this guy, you get too dopey and you pursue too much, and she can feel that you’re more into her than she’s into you. And the reality is, women like you more if it’s the other way around. Women like you a lot more. If they think they’re way more into you than you are into them.

That’s why she was all over this guy, like white on rice, when he had a girlfriend. And she was trying to get him to cheat. Now that he’s single and available, his whole life is on hold, waiting for her to give him the green light. Instead of being focused on spending his time with women who are single and ready to mingle. You never try to keep somebody that doesn’t want to keep you. You don’t want to be wasting your time with a girl that’s sitting on the fence. You want a girl who would literally jump fences to be with you, and she’s not willing to do that, and you have to recognize that.

And so if she’s not excited to see you and she’s not making herself available and she says, “Oh, I need time, or my father or this or that.” You’ve just got to let her be. Give her the space. Don’t pursue her at all. In this particular case, just wait to hear from her and then make dates. And say she reaches out. Because again, this is covered in 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back, but assume she reaches out two times in a row.

And each time you try to make a dinner date and she gives you some excuse why she can’t come over, but yet she wants to chit chat and just say, “Well, I’d love to see you. I got some stuff I’m working on right now. I can’t really talk. But, you know, when you’re ready to get together, let me know. I gotta run. I’ll talk to you later.” Then get off the phone. Don’t sit there and be the emotional tampon on the phone. Because then you’re acquiescing to basically acting like the gay male girlfriend still, and you’re going to stay stuck there.

I was there as much as I could be for her, but I gave her space. she told me she needs to heal and is still interested in me but needs to fix herself.

What she’s really saying is, I have a low interest and I don’t really want to see you, but she doesn’t want to tell you to completely go away and there’s no chance anything will ever happen. All she knows is that her interest and her feelings are low right now, and so therefore, they’re not high enough to where she wants to actually see you. And so any pursuing of a woman who wants space and doesn’t want to see you is counterproductive. It’s actually going to turn her off. It’s still over pursuing.

Because the self-loving thing to do is if a girl doesn’t want to spend time with you for whatever reason. Low interest. She’s going through a difficult time. Just had a breakup. Whatever happens to be, you, don’t keep pursuing somebody that’s not excited and doesn’t show enthusiasm, and won’t make it easy to make dates with you. You’ll just go spend your time with somebody else. Because you have choices and you have options.

But if you only have one girl now, like this guy does, and you’re just beginning to try to learn what’s in The Book, you’re going to really struggle. It’s going to be hard. And I got plenty of examples in The Book when I was really starting to learn and master this stuff and how well it worked to have another woman.

She still keeps dates with me and talks with me even though she doesn’t like conversations right now.

So that tells me he’s reaching out to her, trying to have a conversation. She’s bored, doesn’t really want to talk, and he thinks continuing to pursue is going to somehow make her like him more. And it’s the opposite.

I knew her for over a year and I have strong feelings for her; How else can I be there for her and turn things around?

Again, Dude. Stop. Just stop with the gay male girlfriend stuff. You don’t need to be there for her, your job, as The Book says, is to create an opportunity for sex to happen. Hang out. Have fun, and when you’re hanging out and having fun together, and the signs are there that she’s ready to be touched, ready to be kissed, ready to be seduced, then seduce her. You’re still pursuing too much.

You’re trying to shoehorn yourself into her life, even though she’s basically saying, “Hey, leave me alone. Let me come to you.” And you’re just not doing that. And that’s another reason why I say, read The Book 10 to 15 times. You can’t just thumb through it once and watch videos and think you’re going to get this stuff because you’re still making a lot of mistakes.

She told me she isn’t looking for a relationship right now with anyone and needs to heal, my gut is telling me to wait a bit.

Your gut should be telling you to just completely stop all forward movement. Let her do 100% of the calling, texting, and pursuing from here on out. Because any more pursuing by you is counterproductive, and it actually gets in the way of her feelings going back up to where she’ll actually want to be with you in person and hook up. So that’s what I would do if I were you.

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