She Won’t Commit After 11 Months Because She’s Afraid She Will Cheat On Me!

What it means if she won’t commit because she’s afraid she will cheat.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a viewer who has been dating a woman for 11 months who won’t commit because she’s afraid she will cheat on him. He keeps waiting around on her but is now starting to consider dating other women. He’s seeing reality as better than it really is. She clearly doesn’t value or respect him and her attraction is low. He asks my opinion. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

Hi, I’m Coach Corey Wayne and this is my Video Coaching Newsletter. And the topic of today’s Newsletter is going to be, “She Won’t Commit After 11 Months Because She’s Afraid She Will Cheat On Me!”.

So this particular email, this guy’s been dating a woman for about 11 months, she won’t commit. And he heard second hand through some of their mutual friends that she basically is afraid as soon as she becomes exclusive with him that she’s gonna cheat on him. So therefore she doesn’t want to be exclusive. So it’s been 11 months, it’s pretty clear from the way she treats him, and especially how she talks about him when he’s not around, she doesn’t really value him or respect him, and her attraction is clearly low.

So remember, you never want to keep somebody or try to keep somebody doesn’t want to keep you. And especially when you hear things like this through the grapevine, despite all that, he’s still thinking, “Oh, I can use this book to fix her.” But I don’t know how well he’s actually applying it, but if I look at her actions and the things she’s saying, her attraction is low, her respect is low. It may be because he spent a lot of time interacting with her before he came across my work and displayed a lot of weak, unattractive behavior.

So it’s really hard to undo her perception of him at this particular point. So the idea is you’ve got to see reality as it is not better than it is or worse than it is, but as it is. And it sure looks like he’s seeing reality as better than it is, and he’s projecting his fantasy of what he wants her to be under, and he’s kind of ignoring reality.

Viewer Email:

Hi Coach,

I’ve been casually dating a woman for 11 months now, February, 2025. Both in early 30s. From the beginning, she has said she is recovering from a two year unhealthy relationship, ended 10 months prior to our first meeting. We had and instant connection.

So if a woman tells you something like that, she’s basically saying, “Hey, I’m a little screwed up from my last relationship.” That shouldn’t be, it should not cause you to kick into your White Knight. “Hey, I can save her. I’m gonna fix her. I’m gonna show her what a good guy I am, and how men can be good and undo all the bad things that happen in the past.” You’re looking for somebody that’s ready, willing, able and open to dating you without any ghosts of relationship past or working on healing, trauma or whatever happens to be.

She should take care of herself first and get to a happy place to where she be a good person to date and be in a relationship with. But it’s pretty troubling the things that he’s hearing second hand through their mutual friends. But despite that, he’s like, “I can work with it.” Even though he probably should not.

We had and instant connection, hooked up on the first night, and continue to hookup every time we see one another. However, I caved and screwed up and asked her to be exclusive in July. She got scared, broke things off. And while we didn’t speak for three weeks, I got her back to casually dating via “7 principles to get an ex back.” 

Well, just the fact that you were like, “Oh, I got her back” instead of, “She convinced me to give her another chance.” That tells me your mindset is the opposite of what the article and video I did, 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back says. Because just that mindset in itself kind of makes it clear as to why she’s not head over heels in love with him. Because whatever degree that he’s applying things, I don’t know if he’s actually read the book or he’s just cherry picking from videos. She’s just not that into him.

And if you’re not going to take the time to learn why that is by going through the book and learning what creates attraction and what turns women off, you’re typically going to just continue to make the same mistakes and create the same problems and create the same distance. And then when this fizzles out and then somebody else comes along, you’ll make the same exact mistakes because again, you don’t even know you’re making mistakes that make you look unattractive.

Ever since August, I’ve only reached out to her first twice, and let her do the pursuing, but nothing has moved forward. I’ve never brought up exclusivity again, and tell her how, “we should just focus on having fun.” 

So the fact that you’re telling her, “we should just focus on having fun”, sounds like that she’s hinted or talked about, “Where is this going?” And then you’re redirecting it, “Hey, let’s just focus on having a good time.” So again, it just looks like you’re cherry picking. You’re trying to you’re looking for the quick fix. And that’s not going to give you sustainable success.

She’ll tell me all the things she loves about me. Kindness, confidence, frugalness, and then with a mutual “girl” friend of ours, will secretly tell her my frugalness bothers her, and she wants a man like her father. Her father is rich, though, I don’t struggle either.

Well, at the end of the day, you coming off as being frugal, she seems to have got the perception that you’re cheap or you’re broke or you don’t have a lot of money. That’s just, again, based on what she’s saying. And the fact she’s repeating these things to her girlfriends.

However, in that same sentence, she will tell the friend how much she loves me, and yet can’t commit since she’s scared she “will have a wandering eye with other men if I commit with him.”

So what that tells me her interest isn’t high enough in you in order for her to want to commit to you. That’s just a fact of life. So despite you representing like you’re doing things right and she’s doing all the reaching out, if you haven’t taken the time to read and learn the book, there’s still a lot of mistakes you’re making and you’re completely unaware of it. Because if you’re applying what’s in the book, she should have been head over heels in love with you by now and wanting to be your girlfriend. But it hasn’t happened.

As a matter of fact, if you look at how she talks about you when you’re not around, it’s almost like she’s just kind of going along with it and she’s just not that into you. It’s good for now until she finds somebody else. So you’re not really stirring deep passion in her towards you. Because again, I don’t know how long you’ve been following me. Maybe 5 or 6 months, but it just doesn’t look like you’ve read the book and filled in your knowledge gaps.

So you’re still making the same mistakes, or most of the same mistakes you were making when you met her that’s causing her not to fall in love with you. Some guys think if she does all the reaching out, then that’s all they’ve got to do. But if they’re still saying and doing things that are unattractive when they’re together, that it really counteracts the fact that she’s doing all the reaching out.

That one stung. I straight up told her a few weeks ago I love hanging out with her, but if another woman comes along who I like and wants to commit to me, I won’t say no.

Well, that’s what you should be doing at this point. But again, you really should have read the book to fill in your knowledge gap so you can figure out what you’re still doing and saying that turns her off. Because when the next girl comes along, you’re going to turn her off for exactly the same reasons, and she’s going to have lukewarm interest in you instead of deep passion, where she can’t live without you. This just shows me that you care way more about her than she does about you, and you’re unaware of it, but you’re starting to become aware of it because of the second hand information you’re getting through your mutual girlfriend.

So you clearly think you’re doing great, but, when you get the feedback from the friend and the way she talks about you when she’s not around you, it’s pretty clear you’re not that important to her. You’re just like, good for now. So and again, that just shows me that you’re still doing and saying things when you’re interacting with her that’s turning her off, and making you look less attractive. In other words, there’s no fear of loss in her towards you. And the fact that she doesn’t want to commit just shows that she feels she can do better than you. And she’s dated other guys that she was more into than she’s into you.

She accepted this with tears in her eyes. I can confirm she isn’t & hasn’t been seeing any other men ever since we met via mutual friends. What should I do Coach?

How about read the book and follow instructions and try to be a good student, instead of half-assing it and cherry picking videos. Because you’re clearly doing and saying things that are turning this girl off and preventing her from falling deeply in love with you. And at the end of the day, your whole email is focused on, “Hey, why aren’t we exclusive yet?”

Do I end this, or keep dating her casually while prioritizing other women which may cause her to make a decision?

Well, you’re not going to prioritize or date other women because you’re trying to cause her to make a decision. What you really need to be doing is reading the book and applying what’s in the book with other women, so you can get better so you can tighten your game up because clearly it’s not there. And again, I say it pretty much every video. The videos are based on the assumption that you read the book, and the videos are designed to help you fine tune your real world situation, and the principles taught in the book to that situation.

But if you don’t read the book and you’re just trying to cherry pick because you’re lazy, because quite frankly, most guys are. I know how it is. I know the way you think is that, “Where’s the magic paragraph that’ll just quickly help me solve what I need to solve, and I can get right back to living my life, and then it’ll solve this issue.” But it’s not like that. It’s a holistic approach. The book covers pickup, to transitioning into casual dating. And then from casual dating to an exclusive relationship. And so again, just because she’s reaching out doesn’t mean you can do and say all kinds of unattractive things while you’re together.

Because again, I can look at her actions and the things that she says, and this girl’s just not that into you. And you don’t understand why because again, you haven’t taken the time with the book. And it’s free to read the Members Area the Website. So you’ve got nothing to lose. If you go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, put your name and email and create a password, the book will open up right in your web browser. So you’ve got to take the time, because if you don’t, the next girl that you get with you’re going to create the same issues.

She’s going to have lukewarm interest in you as well. Now, it’s possible this girl’s a total screwball, but from what you’ve shared here, and because really, all I have to do is look at what she’s saying and doing, and that tells me everything about how you’re showing up. And you’re not showing up consistently masculine enough, and you don’t understand that. And you’re not noticing it and you’re not aware of it.

I love this girl a lot, and we live in the same apartment community which makes things harder. She is emotionally messed up to an extent due to that prior relationship, and while I know you don’t care for these terms, she’s definitely “fearful avoidant” as she does some of the same things I used to do before I worked through that attachment style.

I would appreciate your expertise on this so much.

Thanks Coach

Well again, attachment styles have nothing to do with what creates attraction. Most guys that I see that get into attachment styles, they use it as an excuse to point the finger at the girl and go, “Oh look, it’s her attachment issue. I don’t have to do anything to change my behavior.” So I’m pointing out to you that you’re being lazy and you’re cherry picking, and this girl’s opinion and attraction and feelings toward you have basically not changed over the course of the 11 months that you’ve been seeing her. And so what I see happening, if you keep going the way you’re going and keep focusing on her, what I expect to see is that eventually she’ll meet somebody else and dip.

And tell you she’s not feeling it. There’s no chemistry, there’s no spark. So if it was me, I would be reading the book and I’d be dating other women and just treat her as one of the girls in your practice squad. And when you find somebody that’s better, that makes more of an effort, then you can get serious with her. You already told her, you’ve already warned her. But again, you’ve got to clean up your behavior and you’ve got to fill in your knowledge gap so you cut out all this unattractive behavior and if you do that, and plus you have other women in your life that you’re practicing with, your skills will get better, and she’ll naturally become more attracted to you and more aggressive in trying to lock you down.

But the fact that the one big, huge red flag here that shows that her character is probably shitty is the fact that she’s thinking that she’ll just cheat on you with somebody else that comes along. In other words, if she becomes exclusive with you, she did it because she’s not really feeling it, and then she’ll meet another guy that she’ll like more and feel more attraction to, and she’ll go and sleep with him because character is destiny, and she doesn’t see that as that big a deal. So it looks to me like she kind of revealed that she’s a liar and a cheater and not somebody that’s really loyal.

But, you know, you’re focused on locking this girl down to a commitment. You’re kind of ignoring the fact she’s not that into you. And number two, she looks like she’s a woman of low character. So, if it was me, I’d be dating other women. I wouldn’t tell her about it. She doesn’t need to know. I let her do 100% of the reaching out. Hang out, have fun, hook up, apply what’s in the book, and let the best girl win you over. But quite frankly, the fact that this girl worries that she would cheat on you, that shows she probably has a pattern of that. And a commitment doesn’t mean jack shit to her.

In other words, if her feelings become engaged with another man, whether she’s in a relationship with you or not, she knows her own character and she’ll just go and sleep with them. Because she’s driven by her emotions and her feelings, and her words don’t mean jack shit. So if it was me, I’d be looking at this girl as like a booty call, fuck buddy, friends with benefits, sex playmate, somebody to practice the book with until you meet a woman who shares the same goals and values as you do. And then you won’t have to deal with any of this crap here with her low character.

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