She’s Suddenly Too Busy To See Me. Now What?

What it means and what you should do if she has become too busy to see you.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a viewer who is new to my work and has been dating a woman he really likes for about three months. He says they became exclusive around month two. It was his idea. However, afterwards she backed away and said she wasn’t ready for a relationship and it was too soon.

Now every time he asks her out she is always too busy to see him. He asks what he should do now. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

This particular email is from a viewer who is new to my work and he’s been seeing a girl for about three months. He says they became exclusive around month two and it was his idea. Keep in mind, he’s new to my work. What’s happened is that recently he tried to set a date, and now all of a sudden, she’s too busy to see him. When he asked her to be his girlfriend, she said no.

This is a common mistake with most guys that don’t know any better. If you think about it, what do you typically see in movies and TV? Got to put a ring on her finger, got to lock her down, somebody else is going to come steal her unless you make her yours first. When you do that in real life, when you go out of your way, because when you ask most women, what do you do if a girl you really like just seems to be kind of confusing in her behavior? What do most women say? “Oh, tell her how you really feel. Tell her how much you really like her. Let her know you care,” and then you do that and then you get, “Oh, I’m confused. I’m not ready to be in a relationship yet.” You hear those kinds of things.

So this guy was going faster than this particular girl was. Usually most of us guys that behave this way are doing it out of neediness and insecurity, because deep down, we fear that we’re not going to be loved and because we fear that we won’t be loved, we try to force things we call too much, we text too much, we try to spend too much time with the person before they’re ready, we try to push them into a relationship before they’re ready. We only pay attention to our feelings, and we don’t even notice the fact that she’s not feeling it. So he’s tried twice now to get together with this girl, and she’s just too busy now. He’s like, “What do I do?”

It’s a really good email because you can see how the pendulum swings back the other way when you pursue too much. Now she’s all of a sudden too busy to even see you, and you try to multiple occasions to set dates and she won’t see you again. This is what I went through in my book and it’s learning to find the sweet spot between pursuing too much, which is definitely what this guy’s been doing and pursuing not enough.

What do you do when you’ve pursued too much? Like what happens when you back off? The quickest way to get somebody else’s attention is, as the book says, is to remove yours. So as he’s starting to remove his attention and back off and give her a week, he reached out, tried to set a date, she’s still too busy. For a guy who was trying to make this girl his girlfriend, and now all of a sudden she can’t make time to see him, that’s going to put you in a very fearful state, and it doesn’t feel good. This is the kind of thing that takes you away from your work, your purpose and your mission in life, because now you’re obsessing over this girl that you thought was going to become your girlfriend, and now all of a sudden, she’s too busy to see you.

Viewer’s Email:

Hi Corey,

I’ll keep this short and sweet. I’ve been searching for answers about my situation on YouTube but I can’t find any.

You got to read the book, dude. You can’t cherry pick a video. As I can tell, that’s already what you’re doing.You got to read the book 10 to 15 times. You got to learn the baseline fundamentals. You have to let women come to you at their pace. What you’re trying to do is force things to happen. You’re trying to force yourself into her life instead of letting her come to you. When you force yourself into her life, she feels smothered, she feels like she’s losing her freedom and she’s going to want space. Then they come up with excuses like, “Oh, I’m too busy. I got schoolwork. I got this, I got that,” and in reality, women know that time and space away from you oftentimes will cause their feelings to return.

So what’s happened when they feel smothered is they’ve lost attraction. They know you’re a great guy, you may look great on paper, but women don’t care about how great you look on paper. They only care about how they feel about you. In this particular case, she’s not feeling it. She’s not feeling like she wants to see you. So what does she do? She stalls, she tries to buy time, she doesn’t want to blow things up because things have been nice in the past. Her feelings have been stronger in the past, and she’s hopeful with a little time away from you that her feelings will return. However, if you don’t give her space, you’re smothering her and you’re interface too much, you’re going to get her to the point where she doesn’t feel any attraction and her feelings are mostly platonic, and then you end up getting friend zoned.

So it’s super important when you recognize, especially when a woman is too busy to see you, if they like you, they make time for you. If their attraction is low, they got excuses. So what’s going on now is she’s throwing roadblocks in the way of him trying to see her. Whereas before she was pretty excited to hang out, have fun and hook up. Now all of a sudden she can’t find time in her schedule, so she’s just trying to buy time to see if her feelings return. You have to give her that space because she’s not ready to blow things up and end it for good. She just knows her feelings have changed. Most women, typically they don’t understand why, but they do know that they need space. That’s what you see. She’s taking space. She didn’t tell you she needed space. The more you try to force her, because a lot of guys go, “What’s wrong? Things are going so well. Let’s talk about it,” or they’re like, “I gotta confront her. She needs to see me and spend time with me.” It’s bad, bad, bad way to go.

I’ve been seeing this girl for around three months and we became exclusive around month two.

Everything was going well we were seeing each other once sometimes twice a week however the past three weeks she’s been saying she’s “busy,” or making excuses as to why she can’t see me.

Well, if you take a step back and you look at that, what is the bottom line? She doesn’t want to see you. If she really likes you and she misses you terribly, she’ll make time in her schedule. If she won’t, it’s because her feelings and her attraction are low.

Before this had begun we already planned a trip together for a night away and in the hotel room I made the dreaded mistake of asking her to be my girlfriend and as you can probably guess she said no.

Yeah, so in that moment, what you really communicated to her was that you were way more into her than she was into you. She wasn’t feeling that she wanted to be in a relationship, and you’re already there. That’s the kind of thing is going to make most women back up and take a step back. They’ll become less available. They won’t be able to have time in their schedule for it. In this case, you’ll be busy or she’ll be busy, and all is she’s just stalling to see if her feelings return because she’s not at the point where she wants to end things, but she knows her feelings are going in the wrong direction.

I realize now I was being too needy and was very much in my feminine.

So you were acting like a girl. If you acted like a girl, you ruined the sexual polarity. Women are attracted to masculine, confident men, not insecure little girls. So when you act like an insecure little girl, of course she’s going to lose attraction for you. We’re attracted to the polar opposites in the other person. The same is true in gay and lesbian relationships. You got to have the strong sexual polarity, otherwise the feelings towards one another are more in the lines of being platonic feelings, and obviously guys are not interested in platonic romance, they want to bump uglies.

She says she really likes me and wants to continue seeing me…

So like I was saying earlier, she’s not ready to blow it up, but she also knows that something doesn’t feel right, and most women can’t put their finger on it. They just know that your behavior is not turning them on, it’s not attracting them, so they naturally want space so they can be present with their feelings and see what happens. When you don’t call, you don’t text and you just give them the space, then they start to miss you. If you’re constantly texting and trying to cajole them, manipulate them or push them to want to spend time with you, all that’s going to do is make them want to flee from you even more.

…But getting into a relationship would be too big of a jump too soon.

So you’re going way faster than she was. As I say all the time, guys have to go slightly slower than the woman does. This is what winds her up to the point where she’s grabbing you, pulling your clothes off and wanting you inside her and things of that nature. Most guys never get to see that side of women. It’s never happened to them before because they’re always chasing, pursuing, usually doing way too much. So in their cases, the women are just kind of going along with it. They don’t really get to see a woman passionately, deeply in love and desiring them.

I asked her on a date a week after to test her attraction levels and yet again she said she was busy with college work, how can resurrect this situation?

Again, the quickest way to get somebody else’s attention is to remove yours. As the book says, as 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back says, if you’ve asked on two separate consecutive occasions, when you reach out to her and you want to see her, and she says she’s too busy and she won’t make time, she hasn’t mentioned anything about rescheduling, then at that point, just stop asking altogether. Don’t call, don’t text for any reason, and one of two things will happen: She’ll either reach out and then try to set a date, or she’ll stop contacting you.

I was thinking of pulling back and waiting for her to initiate a date is this the right move?

Well, if you’ve reached out two weeks in a row and both times she tells you she’s busy and hasn’t mentioned anything about rescheduling, then never call or text her again for any reason. If she does reach out, try to set a date. If she gives you the same, “I’m busy,” then from that point forward, even when she does reach out, I wouldn’t mention getting together until she brings it up. If she sends you a meme just, like it back. If she sends you a text, send two or three replies max back and forth and say, “I got to run. Talk to you later,” and just leave the conversation. How would you treat her if you were tired of fucking her? Because that’s basically how she’s treating you. Like she’s tired of fucking you and she’s bored of you. Therefore she’s not really that into it.

You never try to keep somebody that doesn’t want to keep you. You got to match and mirror the action. I know at this point you’re way more into her than she’s into you. You’re probably worried as hell about the fact you might never see her again, and she might disappear from your life, and it’s like playing a game of chicken when you stop moving forward and you don’t call, you don’t text, and you’re thinking days are going by and you’re going, “Man, is she really just going to let me disappear from her life forever?” Sometimes they do, and that shows you how bad things got. That shows you how low their feelings were. Again, you never try to keep somebody that doesn’t want to keep you.

Thanks for taking the time to read this, it is much appreciated. (BTW your book is on the way to me. Hopefully next time I won’t mess up so bad)

Kind regards 

Bob

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