Should I Accept FWB When I Really Want Her Back?

Why keeping things casual when you want her back is the best way to get her back.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a viewer who says he’s been a student of my work for years and read 3% Man over 10 times. However, his actions don’t match his claims. He got dumped and wanted his girlfriend back. She only offered casual FWB and it seems like he declined because he listened to incompetent people giving him advice. He asks my opinion. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

Hi, I’m Coach Corey Wayne and this is my Video Coaching Newsletter. And the topic of today’s Newsletter is going to be, “Should I Accept FWB When I Really Want Her Back?”.

Well, as I discuss in 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back and you know, the reality is probably about 80% of the dudes that start following my work and watch my videos and eventually get around to reading 3% Man is they were dating somebody they really loved, really cared about, or were trying to date her and they got rejected, or they got friend zoned, or they got dumped and they didn’t want to get dumped.

And as 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back says, the philosophy and the mindset is, if she screwed it up by ending the relationship. In other words, most of the time the guy wants to stay together and the woman doesn’t, and so she doesn’t really give him a choice. Oftentimes, they’ve just displayed too much unattractive behavior or they weren’t getting along, whatever happens to be. And that’s why she dips.

So if she dips and she ends it she must fix it, she must earn another chance with you not the other way around. If she fucked it up, she’s gotta fix it. Plain and simple. So, therefore and as 3% Man says, a man’s job in the courtship is to create an opportunity for sex to happen, to hang out, have fun while you’re hanging out and hook up. And as far as being exclusive or being in a relationship, that’s the woman’s department.

When a man starts talking about that and trying to lock a woman down, that’s when he starts acting like a woman. And when he acts like a woman, it’s going to ruin the sexual polarity. And she’s going to start saying things like, “I’m confused. I’m not sure where I’m able to be. There’s something missing. I should like you more by now. We should be further along. I should be feeling different emotions. There’s no chemistry.

There’s no spark. There’s something missing. I need some space.” They hear that kind of thing. So this guy says he’s been a student of my work for years, and he claims to have read 3% Man over ten times. However, when I read what he’s done, it doesn’t really sound like it. In other words, his discussion of his understanding of my work and then when we look at his actual actions, his mindset is literally the opposite of it.

So maybe he’s just a cherry picker. He’s puffing himself up a little bit. You know, because at the end of the day, we’re guys, we’re egocentric. We don’t want to admit that we screwed things up. And so a lot of times I’ll have guys send me emails and they’ll start out the email telling me what a ladies man they are. And they’ve always been good with women, but this one girl just threw him for a loop.

And then you read all this stuff they’re doing and saying, you’re like, that guy got no game. So this is a real short email. But it’s a good point because a lot of guys have first come to me are in the same boat that this dude is in. So if a woman has dumped you, and usually the other thing that’s going on is the guy kept chasing and pursuing Even after he got dumped, sometimes he just gets completely ghosted. Or she’s just maybe she’s seeing somebody else that she met right after she broke up.

Or maybe she lined up a new dude. So at the end of the day, you don’t try to keep somebody that doesn’t want to keep you. You tell her, “Hey. Well, you got my number. If you change your mind, hit me up. And if I’m still free, we can go on a date.” That’s it. So that’s why you go No Contact. Because you want sex and romance. She wants nothing. And so therefore, you’re not going to try to change your mind. You’re just going to go find somebody else.

That’s what a man is going to do who has choices and who has options. A beta male is going to hang out and beg and plead and try to convince her, and mow her lawn and rotate the tires on her car and do all kinds of favors for her, thinking he’s going to somehow get back in her good graces and she’s going to want to sleep with him. But what ends up happening is that he just by staying in her life, makes it really easy for her to move on.

And then when he acts like a chump for a period of time, then he sees her go and sleep with other guys and become serious with him, and get into a relationship. He’s gonna be like, “Man. I wasted six months of my life hoping to get another chance and I got nowhere.” So if you apply what’s in 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back, it’s going to give you the best possible chance to get another chance. Or should I say, for her to try to earn another chance with you.

And so that means she’s got to do all the calling, texting and pursuing, and then you just simply make dates. You’re not trying to get her back. You’re not trying to lock her down. Even when you get back together. Say you invite her over for dinner and you haven’t seen or spoken to her a month or two. You’re not meeting her out. You’re not picking her up. You’re not going to coffee. You’re not going to group dates. You’re not doing lunch. You’re not going over to her house. She’s got to come to your house.

We want to see her do things on your terms. Because, again, she’s supposed to be the one groveling. She’s supposed to be the one earning another chance with you because she ruined the relationship. She ended it. You’re willing to give her another chance, but she’s got to show you through her actions that she’s serious, she means it, she’s remorseful, and that shit ain’t going to happen ever again. So you’ve got to let her come to you at her pace because it’ll be her idea.

I see many times guys will make mistakes when they get in this situation. The girl starts coming back, and then they go right back to pursuing. And then what happens is the first couple of weeks she’s hot and heavy, and then she starts fading away again, and the next thing he knows, he’s doing all the pursuing. And then once again, “Oh, I’m not feeling it. Let’s just be friends.”

Or she just leaves him hanging or ghosts him once again, this is why she’s got to do all the reaching out. And if she complains, “Oh, you never call, you never text.” It’s like, “Well, you ended the relationship. And so therefore I’m willing to give you another chance, but you’re going to have to show me that you’re serious about it. So if you’re complaining that we don’t talk enough or I don’t call or text you, it’s again, you broke us up.

I wanted to stay together. So I’m willing to give you another chance. But you gotta show me something. And complaining. I don’t want to hear it. I want a woman who’s easygoing, who’s easy to get along with, who’s nice to me. And you weren’t nice to me with what you did. So, I mean, you’re lucky that I’m even giving you a chance, but I’m willing to do it.” That should be your mindset. That should be your attitude. You should be trying to kiss her ass and jumping through your butt.

Viewer Email:

Hey Corey,

I’ve been a student of yours for years and read 3% man many times, at least 12-13. I got my ex back and we slept together 3 times at my place, and I thought things were going great until she dropped the bomb on me that she just wanted to be casual after everything we had been through.

Well, all relationships start out as casual. There’s no way that you’ve been following me for several years and read this book 12 to 13 times, and you just wrote what you wrote there. You clearly don’t understand what’s in the book. There’s no way. So maybe you’re embellishing a little bit, or maybe you just kind of thumbed through it, or maybe you’re one of those guys that listen to the audio book while you’re driving and yelling at people that cut you off, or the jackasses that drive slow in the left lane or whatever it happens to be.

Oh, sounds like Momo’s going to barf again. So. But at the end of the day, you’ve got to let women come to you at their pace. If they screwed it up they have got to fix it. All relationships start as casual. Hanging out, having fun, and hooking up. As the book says, your job is to create the opportunity for sex to happen. It’s not to get into a relationship. If the ex comes back, it’s not to talk about what happened. It’s just to create an opportunity for sex. Hang out, have fun, and hook up.

If she wants to talk about the past, she’ll bring it up. So saying, “We need to talk. We need to get together. We need to be serious. We need to have a discussion on a relationship.” None of that’s going to help. You want her to come over and make dinner at your place like 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back lays out? Get her laughing. Having a good time you don’t even need to talk about in the past. It’s just like another date. It’s like your first date was.

You’re interested in hooking up. Hang out, have fun hanging out. And when the signs are there that she’s ready to be touched, ready to be kissed, ready to be seduced, then you make your move. It’s very simple, very easy. Takes all the stress out of it, and it makes her do the effort and do the work. And as her interest goes back up, she’ll call you more, she’ll text you more, and you just simply make dates. If she comes over three dates in a row and you hang out and you have fun, you hook up all three dates, then you can meet her out and pick her up.

But you still got to let her do all the contact initiation, and you just make dates. When she’s ready to be exclusive, she’ll bring it up. Until then, you can do whatever the fuck you want. Hang out, have fun, hook up. She’s one of the girls in your rotation. Because, again, she’s supposed to be earning another chance with you, not the other way around. And when you have that kind of a mindset, it makes it a lot easier to do everything right or do most things right than things you do that are wrong.

We had dated for almost 8 months including our first breakup which only lasted 4 days.

You know, again, when you tell me you’ve been following me for years and you read the book 12 to 13 times and you’re getting dumped multiple times, you don’t know the book. Again, if you listen to the book as background noise, it’s like, yeah, you’re not really focused. The best way to really learn this material is put the audiobook on 2X and then follow along in a digital or a physical copy of the book. So you’re hearing the words as they’re being spoken. You’re sitting in your office. You’re sitting in your house somewhere where it’s quiet.

There’s no distractions. You don’t have dogs barfing when you’re trying to listen to the audiobook. Those kinds of things. You want to focus your brain and your eyes and your ears on the material. If you’re driving in your car, you’re constantly getting distracted and daydreaming. Same thing if you’re in the gym working out, you’re like, “Wow, that girl’s hot over there.” And now you’re not. The audiobook is still going.

You’re not even listening to it. Same thing if you’re doing errands in your house and you’re listening to the audiobook through your Sonos system, half the time you’re checked out and not really paying attention. You’re just not going to absorb the material. So you need to take this serious. So you learn the material because again, this guy claims he’s been following me for many years, and maybe he has.

Maybe he’s just embellishing a little bit. But if he’s one of those guys that just listens to the audiobook occasionally and as background noise, he’s not really he’s not really absorbing the information. And that’s why when I read his email, it looks like he just found my work yesterday.

We had dated for almost 8 months including our first breakup which only lasted 4 days. Should I have accepted her casual terms if I really wanted to get her back?

Well, again, what is your mindset that the 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back says should be? It’s her job to earn another chance with you. So why are you even talking about getting her back? She should be earning another chance with you. You are nice enough to entertain her and invite her over to make dinner at your place and hang out and have fun and hook up. If she says she just wants things casual, you say, “Hey, no problem, I’m totally down.” And she’s like, “Well, I’m dating other people.”

It’s like, “Well, I’m dating other girls. And you’ve just got to understand if one of them really strikes my fancy and she’s aggressive and hot and heavy for me, and she wants to get serious and she’s a good woman, you know, I’ll end up getting serious with her, and you’ll lose me to her. So as long as we’re cool, I don’t want any butthurt feelings if that happens.”

Because you want to have the attitude of if again, if she’s earning another chance with you. It’s like you can take it or leave it. Casual, I don’t have a problem with that. Again, because it’s not your job to lock her down. It’s not your job to get into a relationship. When she’s emotionally ready, she’ll bring it up. If you push for it, she will bounce on you.

I felt like agreeing to that.

In other words, just being casual.

Would have been disrespectful to myself.

How? How so? Why buy the cow when you’re getting the milk for free? She dumped you, so she’s supposed to be earning another chance with you and you’re getting the milk for free. It’s like, who cares? You can be dating and hooking up with her while you’re looking to see if there are better options out there with a woman who’s not going to dump you twice in eight months.

We didn’t break up in a loving way the second time and I feel like I’ve lost her forever now, but I am trying to learn from this. Should you just let someone you love go do things like that even if you don’t want a casual relationship?

Yeah, well, again, you’re thinking like a woman. You’re thinking, “How can I lock her down?” This is the opposite of what I teach. You claim to have been following me for years, and you claim to read the book 12 to 13 times. The fact that you even wrote a sentence like that is like you either were a terrible student, or you haven’t actually been following me for that long and didn’t actually go through the book. Again, I get lots of emails and quite often guys will bullshit me. But when I look at their actions and what they’re doing or what the woman’s doing, I can see right through the bullshit.

So you’re not as good of a student as you thought you were. And again, if you’re getting dumped twice in eight months, it’s like you don’t know the book. You don’t understand it. You may think you do, but if I just look at the fact that you got dumped. Women don’t dump men they’re in love with. They dump men they lost respect and attraction for. I know it’s harsh, and I know I’m being harsh, but I’m not here to blow sunshine up your ass. Because you need a harsh dose of reality.

Because you need to change your approach, you need to change your mindset because it’s not correct. And it won’t work. It’s clearly not working for you. So again, the difference that makes a difference is indifference. And so she’s like, “Oh, I just want to be casual.” Like “I’m totally cool with that.” It’s like, “So you’re dating other dudes?” And if she’s like, “Yeah.” I was like, “Great, well, I’m dating other girls. But you’ve got to understand, if some like I said earlier, if somebody strikes my fancy and she wants to get serious and she treats me really good, she comes from a good family, I’m going to get serious with her and you’re going to lose me.

So I’m just telling you that up front in case it happens. I don’t want any butthurt feelings down the road. I don’t want any waterworks. Or you’re the love my life. I don’t want to deal with that. So if we’re going to be adults about this and just be casual friends with benefits, which I’m totally cool with and I’m totally awesome with. Great. But understand I’m dating other women and if and you may lose me to one of them.”

My reasoning here is that maybe by agreeing to that she would have decided to want exclusivity again at some point. I know that in the end, you shouldn’t keep someone who doesn’t want to keep you but wanted your input on if I made a mistake by not at least trying to date her that way.

Well, again, you’re not really trying to date her. You’re giving her an opportunity to win you over again. So, like 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back says she’s got to come to your house three dates in a row. That means she’s called you, she’s texted you, she’s initiated contact. You initiate zero contact when you’ve been dumped. And then you just make dates. And she comes over three dates in a row and you hook up all three times. Then after that, when she reaches out, you can meet her out and pick her up and go out on dates.

But at the end of the day, if you were just starting to date her, That’s exactly what you’d be doing. You’d be dating her casually. You wouldn’t be trying to lock her down. You get to the point where she starts reaching out to you a couple times a week. You don’t have to pursue anymore. You just wait to hear from her and then make the next date. Then that way, things move at her pace. Sometimes you might see each other 2 to 3 times a week, sometimes 1 or 2. And then sometimes 4 or 5. It just depends.

You can’t get butthurt or upset. Either way, you’re just happy to hang out and hear from her. Women are designed and they innately and naturally will pursue the man. If you create the conditions like the book lays out. You’re literally giving what women, what they want and what they crave, even if they deny it. Because all we have to do is look at their actions. That’s how they operate. It’s a woman’s job to enchant you and to get your attention, and to get your eyes and your ears and your mind off of other things and get it on her so she can pull you into her secret worlds, and you can plow her strawberry fields forever.

I’ve heard that can blow up in people’s faces.

Like you’ve heard that from who? It’s like, dude, I’ve been teaching this shit for 20 years, and it’s countless success stories, countless emails that I’ve done. Doing what you’re doing doesn’t work. There’s tons of emails where guys did exactly what you’re doing and it doesn’t work. So you basically said we either have to be in a relationship or that’s it. And again, if she’s earning another chance with you, it doesn’t matter what she does. Practice safe sex. Who fucking cares? She dumped you.

You should look at it as like, what an idiot. She dumped the best guy that ever came along in her life. She’s gonna regret it someday. She’s gonna regret it and beg to get me back. And if I’m still single, I might agree. But there’s also a good chance that she ends up losing me to somebody else and spends the rest of her life crying the blues that she lost the best man that ever happened to her because she didn’t treat him properly.

At any rate I know I’m better off without her because she’s shown me she’s not wife material.

Thanks for your input,

Bob

Then like, what does it really matter. If she’s not wife material then why are you entertaining even getting into a relationship with her? Why would you tell her unless she’s willing to be exclusive you don’t want to date her? So it’s like you’re saying one thing and then doing another. You’re talking out of both sides of your mouth. So it’s like. It looks like there’s a lot of cope in your email, but at the end of the day, I wouldn’t call, I wouldn’t text, I wouldn’t do anything. If she reaches out assume she wants to see you, invite her over, hang out, have fun, hook up.

And again, if she comes to your place three times in a row and you hook up all three times, then you can meet her out and pick her up and go out on regular dates. But she still has to initiate the contact. I mean, your situation is so easy to fix and it just looks like you, you blew it up because you listened to somebody that didn’t know what the fuck they were talking about.

And again, you claim to have been following me for all these years, and yet your email as short as it is just shows me your mindset and your approach is the opposite of what I teach. And so that’s why you’ve gone down in flames because you didn’t listen. So, is what you’re doing working? Obviously not. That’s why you need to change your approach.

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