Should I Ask Her Out Again?

How to know if you should ask her out again if she rejected you previously.

In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss an email from a viewer who first found my work about six years ago. He only read my book, How To Be A 3% Man, once at that time. He was quickly dating three women but chased them all away after a few months because he wasn’t a serious student. Then he got into the toxic red pill community and became bitter towards women, and his success vanished.

Now, he is back studying my work and asks about his latest encounter on a date in which he acknowledges and details his mistakes. He asks my opinion. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

What’s interesting is he started following me, I guess, about six years ago, read my first book, How To Be A 3% Man, once, and he’s like, “I’ve got this. I don’t need to read this thing 10 to 15 times. I’m different. I’m special.” He said he was dating three or four different women, but because he never really learned after going through the book that first time, he got cocky and full of himself. He said, within a few months, they were all gone out of his life.

And then he got involved in the toxic red pill community, as he says, became bitter and pissed off at women, and his success basically evaporated. And so, now he’s back studying my work again, but you can see, obviously, he’s pretty rusty. And you can still see some of the effects of the red pill community, and there’s so much nonsense in it. There are some good things. I do think Rollo Tomassi’s book, The Rational Male, is a good book to read. But, you know, I see this all the time, every day, in my comments, in the emails that we get, and even in a lot of my phone sessions. It’s like, guys who get involved in that stuff, they’re not solution-oriented.

All they end up focusing on is how all women suck, or all single moms suck, and all this other fucking ridiculous nonsense. Well, what happens if a woman is married and she’s a great woman, but her husband dies or something? Or her husband ups and leaves and cheats on her? Oh, she’s a ratchet then? These are a bunch of fucking soy boy beta males for the most part in the red pill community. They’re absolutely useless, and they’re not doing anything to help guys. It’s like the polar opposite of the feminist movement.

And if you want to see the ratchetness of the feminist movement, just go to my TikTok and read some of the comments from these crazy, pierced, tatted up, green, purple, crazy haired type of women in their reactions on my TikTok videos. So, it’s like the red pill community is pretty much like that as well. I always see it. Every time I mention this, I’ll see people in the comments defending it, “Oh, it’s not like that. It teaches men to focus on their selves.” It’s like, there’s no solutions. There are no solutions in their book. All they do is just talk about, “Oh, this is women’s true nature, and they all suck.” It’s useless.

The overwhelming majority of people I see in my comments, they’re just dickheads. They’re dickheads in the comments, and so, we’re constantly blocking them. Every time I have a woman, or one of the girls that works for me, or female friends of mine on, it’s like they think, “Oh, a woman, let me abuse her and insult her and say the worst, nastiest things that I can, and then I’ll feel good about myself as a man because I belittled a woman.” It’s like, if you do that shit, you’re going to get fucking blocked. I want nothing to do with people like that. I like nice people who are nice to me, and I like nice clients. And if you’re an asshole, please unsubscribe, and go away, and go hang out in the red pill community and have a circle jerk with the rest of the fucking incels.

Viewer’s Email:

Dear Coach,

I hope all is well with you. You previously replied to an email of mine, ( I am the first mailer from “Is She Flakey, Not Interested or Testing Me?”), before Christmas and it gave me a lot of help. While things didn’t work out with that woman, (she never contacted me), I felt better in knowing that I had the strength not to chase and act weak.

It does feel good to walk away – especially when you start doing it and you’ve never done that before in your life – from women who don’t treat you the way you want to be treated, or when you recognize that they’re just not reciprocating on the level that you want and deserve. That’s part of self-love. Self-love says, hey, I’ve extended my invitations, I’ve given the gift of my time, and it’s just not being reciprocated at the level that I want. So, let me go find somebody who is excited to see me.

I first found your work about 6 years ago, and at the time, read your book How To Be A 3% Man on your website once.  I thought I knew it all, (wrong) I had immediate success and dated 3-4 women simultaneously. Slowly but surely, I fucked each up over a number of months, one by one, by still being weak and uncentered.

That’s why I say, you’ve got to read the book 10 to 15 times.

Following this, I fell into the grasp of the toxic red-pill.

I see guys going, “Oh, that’s just the black pill. It’s not the red pill, Coach. You don’t know what you’re talking about.” It’s like, okay. I’ve been doing this a long time, a lot longer than these fucking dudes before the red pill community even came around.

I stopped dating and became resentful of women. The silver lining is that during this time, I put myself through college and earned a Bachelor’s Degree, a Higher Diploma, and now have a fantastic IT job with a great future.

Well, congratulations on investing in yourself.

Last month, I rediscovered your work and listened to your audiobook, which I purchased on Audible as often as I could. I began dating again but was very much out of practice. I sometimes enjoy conversing with women on dates so much that I share too much.

Well, the important thing, and this is right out of “How to Win Friends and Influence People,” is you want the other person doing 70-80%, even 90% of the talking, and then you ask questions. And this helps you remain mysterious. So, she goes out on a date and hardly knows anything about you. It’s a scientific fact that women are more attracted to men whose feelings are unclear, and this facilitates this. Because if she doesn’t know much about you, she’s got to go out with you again to find out about you.

But if you’re doing all the talking on a date, then she’s going to feel like you’re selfish and uninterested in who she is, and just interested in getting in her pants. And if she’s hot, she knows she’s hot. She doesn’t need you to tell her. She likes the fact that you think she’s hot, but also, more importantly, that you’re interested in who she is as a human being and actually want to listen to what she has to say.

Even though we have lots in common and a mutual attraction, this gives off the nice guy vibe. I have had women constantly tell me they hate games, drama and guys being hot and cold.

Women love games, because they play them all the time, and they all do it, even though most of them will say, “No, I don’t.” And that’s part of the fun with the videos I do with the girls is, I’ll ask these questions and I just let them speak and give their answer. And many of them I love dearly, because they’re very close to me, but the idea is to illustrate the stuff I talk about in the book.

That’s why it just constantly illustrates why you don’t ask women for advice. Because, I mean, even watching Jennifer go through and do some of these videos with me, and she knows my work pretty well, but when I ask her questions, she responds just like a woman responds, doesn’t think about it, and then she’ll catch herself in it, and we always get a good laugh out of that.

But as soon as I make my intentions known, (big mistake), they go cold, as there is no challenge.

Well, the other thing is, if you understand how women are on dates, what they’re trying to figure out is, are you good for her? Are you good to date? Does she like you? And when you’re super into a girl and you vomit all your feelings everywhere, she’s thinking, “This guy doesn’t even know me yet. How could he possibly feel that way?” Those guys that behave that way tend to become controlling, and too aggressive, and pursue and chase too much.

I went on a date recently with a beautiful woman who fit my ideal woman list of wants. Small, slim, blonde, never married, no kids and a personality. We chatted online briefly over a day, and I sent her my number. She WhatsApp’d me that night after midnight. I didn’t reply until after 6pm the next day because of work, sent a few messages back/forth, (5-6), but I didn’t set a date because I’d no time in the week coming up. She sent me memes again later that night, but I just sent one back and said goodnight. She replied goodnight back.

I left it a week and initiated contact and set a date after a short text exchange. About 2 hours before the date, she texted asking, could we change the time by 30 minutes as she was rushing. I hadn’t left home yet, so I said we could but if she was busy, we should just do it “some other time.” Her reply was “No, I’m on the way and will only be 15 minutes later than expected.”

In the end, she met up, (Saturday night). I made her laugh and smile, had a good time and we had lots in common, (honestly, a perfect fit), but didn’t physically escalate, like an idiot.

Well, you’ve been out of practice, because you’ve been in the toxic red pill community looking for a thousand reasons to be pissed off and to hate women, because that’s all these guys do. I’ve watched their videos, and all they do is bitch and complain about women and how modern women suck. And then you look at the women that they talk to and talk about, and it’s like, well, that’s not the whole entire dating pool, but okay. It becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.

I knew this, so on the walk downtown to our cars, I leaned against her, rubbed off her, etc., trying to make up for it.

Yeah, now you’re acting like a chick. You should be letting her do that to you.

She didn’t distance herself. I went for the kiss anyway, got lips but no tongue, (she did lean in).

And this is why you’ve got to follow what’s in the book, dude.

She said, “Nice to meet you.” I took this as a blow off, so said “Bye” and turned to walk away.

Probably with a little anger and irritation in you, which you became upset, you became butthurt. And that’s not a good way to go, my man.

Before I’d even walked, she said, “I didn’t mean it like that.”

So, he took it as like, “Oh, it’s the end. She doesn’t like me. I’m out of here.”

So, I thought, may as well try again. She was rooting through her bag asking me if I had a good time. I replied “Of course.” She moved, so no second opportunity came.

Yeah, because she was turned off by that point.

I drove home and saw that she texted asking if I’d gotten home safe. I didn’t reply yet. About 45 minutes later, she texts again, “Thanks for the date.” I replied a while later saying I’d gotten home, (stupid), had a great time, (worse), thought she was cool, (it gets better), I’d love to see her again, (ffs), and to give me a call to arrange, (bleh). She read this the next morning and didn’t reply, (great).

So, the important thing is, if you’re on WhatsApp doing this and it’s sending read receipts, it looks like you’re purposely ignoring her and jerking her around. So, he doesn’t say that. Maybe you just saw it on your Windows lock screen, the messages popped up, so you were able to read what she wrote. But don’t ever go into WhatsApp or Facebook, or even if you have your text read receipts on. And so, if you read somebody’s text and it says “read” to the person and then you don’t ever reply for a while, then it looks like you’re purposely ignoring them and purposely playing games.

So, I bring that up a lot because a lot of guys don’t think about that and and they do it. You’ve got to understand what you’re doing, especially because he made that comment, a lot of women complained about games. Well, if you’re doing that with you’re texting exchange, it looks like you’re playing games and it’s irritating. It pisses them off.

I was shitting it because I felt “Let’s be friends” coming.

So, look at this guy’s mindset. He’s already assuming the worst, “It’s not going to happen. She doesn’t like me.” Just like when he got butthurt, he just said “bye” and turned around to leave. “I didn’t mean it like that.” So, you’ve got to relax, dude. He’s got to think from the end. Assume all women like you and want you, even though that’s not going to be the case, but just assume that and come from that place. Unless or until they make it very clear that they’re not interested in you. Then you can walk away, but don’t get butthurt. Smile and go, “Hey, call me if you change your mind.”

I shouldn’t have put the ball in her court, but it was too late, so I should have waited it out. Stupidly, I text her a meme on Wednesday and got some laughing emoji’s back. I didn’t even expect a reply.

Again, continuously going, “Oh, she’s not going to like me. She doesn’t want me. She hasn’t even replied. Oh, she did reply. Look at that, wow.”

I knew this was a bad call, so I immediately went on Amazon and bought the paperback which arrived on Friday.

Finally! Finally, he gets the book to get back to that. He said that was just in the last couple of days.

I had planned to leave it a week, since I last sent that meme message to ask her out again. However, I have read the book in full twice while listening to the audiobook on double speed since Friday afternoon, which takes 3 hours or so, and today I am reading for a 3rd time. I think ANY contact would go against my previous words. Even to ask her out, she might say yes, but it wouldn’t be the same as if she reached out and wanted it. She has lots of male attention and this is tempting me to initiate again.

So, what I would do is I would wait two weeks. Two weeks of radio silence and then reach out again. Say her name is Jessica, “Hey, Jessica. I hope you’re doing great. I’d love to see you again. What’s your schedule like? When are you free to get together?” something along those lines. See what happens and then make a date.

My initial response to her post-date texts should have been along the lines of “Had a good time, talk soon. Enjoy the rest of your weekend.” Then let her wait to contact her during the week around the time I did text.

I would have texted that back, but then just waited until the following week and then texted her again to try to set a date.

I got too excited, made a poor choice and showed too much interest and eagerness to tell her I was up for seeing her again. I was no challenge.

It doesn’t mean it’s the end of the world. I mean, the reality is you can make mistakes if the girl really likes you. It seems like she went out of her way to say, “Hey, I am interested,” but you automatically assumed you weren’t worthy. I mean, she did reply to the meme text. So, like I said, I’d wait two weeks after the meme text, the last time you texted her, because you want to give her some space and see if she’ll reach out to you first. I would wait a full two weeks from the meme text and then message her and see if she’ll make a date with you.

But you’ve got to look at your mindset, here. Your mindset assumes the worst. “There’s no way she’s going to like me!” That’s part of the problem in getting involved in the red pill community, “All women are the same,” and “They all suck,” and “They only want the Chads,” or this or that, or whatever nonsense they’re pushing. Which, if you read their books, there’s no solutions. There’s no how to get a girl on a date, how to raise your attraction, how to seduce her, there’s none of that in there. It’s just a bunch of reasons why they suck.

The moral of the story is, read the freaking book. I will hit 15 times! There is no substitute for reading the book.

Well, it only took six years, but at least you finally came around.

I should have physically escalated, no doubt!

Part of the problem is you are doubting yourself. That’s your mindset, and that’s the story you’re telling yourself, and so, you’re saying and you’re communicating things that are going, “I’m not worthy, I’m not worthy. I know you’re going to reject me at any moment, but hopefully I get to enjoy every second until you reject me.”

Eventually, women are going to catch on to that, because you’re constantly communicating you have no confidence. And the number one, most important thing than women like is confidence in a guy. If you’re constantly communicating directly or indirectly that you have no confidence, eventually she’s going to go, “Yeah, you’re right, I don’t want to go out with you again.”

But all I had to do was accept the kiss, walk and play it cool and it probably would have been okay for a second date. Am I right to never contact again?

No, I would wait two weeks after the meme thing. Because maybe she’s in a different headspace and time has passed, and she’s going to wonder “What happened to that guy?” Because she did reply the last time you texted her. So, again, I would wait two full weeks, because you want to see if she’ll reach out to you.

I feel calling her and asking her out would be weak, as I left the ball in her court initially.

Yeah, but you still sent her a meme after that, so that kind of doesn’t really matter.

Any help would be appreciated Coach, and I hope this email can encourage viewers to not cherry pick info from your great work.

Many thanks,

Bob

I say it all the time, but people don’t listen. But at least after six years, you finally came around. It only took six years.

So, for those of you that haven’t read “How To Be A 3% Man” yet, or “Mastering Yourself,” or the latest, “Quotes, Ruminations & Contemplations,” you can read all three of these books for free at UnderstandingRelationships.com. Just subscribe to the email newsletter. It’s available in audiobook, paperback, hardcover and digital everywhere.

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“The greatest gift you can give anyone is the gift of your time. You should only ask women out on two separate occasions max. Why? You want to only spend your valuable and limited time with women who are excited to see you, not those who struggle to make time for you. If she likes you, she will make time for you. If her interest is low, she will make excuses saying how busy she is. Therefore, give her the gift of missing you permanently.” ~ Coach Corey Wayne

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