Should I Break No Contact After She Friend Zoned Me Since It Was My Fault?

Why you shouldn’t break no contact after she friend zoned you even if it was your fault.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a viewer who got friend zoned after coming on too strong with a girl he really liked. He declined her offer of friend zone and blue balls, but told her to get in touch if she ever changed her mind. He hasn’t heard from her in two weeks. Now he wants to break no contact because he’s looking for excuses to contact her and apologize for his unattractive beta male like behavior in hopes that she will forgive his weakness and incompetence.

He’s looking to prove himself and that he has now changed and knows how to be attractive to her so she gets turned on again. It’s the illusion of action. Why you never try to keep someone who doesn’t want to keep you. Why you need to be strong enough to keep your word to her if you walked away in order to have a chance at attracting her back. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

Obviously the short answer is no. This guy has come across my work recently and so he’s read 3% Man, and he’s starting to realize and recognize the mistakes that he’s made with this particular woman that he went out with a couple of times, pedestalizing her a little bit, got a little too dopey, a little too soft, too nice, acted too much like the nice guy, instead of Chad Thundercock, if you will.

So she friend zoned him and so he turned her down on friend zone. Now he hasn’t heard from her in two weeks. Now he’s thinking, “Oh, I want to call and tell her how I’ve changed and how I know how to be attractive and how I’m more masculine to prove to her that I can be the right guy for her,” which is the complete wrong mindset. This is what I refer to in the book as the illusion of action. He hasn’t heard from her in two weeks. Now he’s like, “I got to do something to get her attention.”

The reality is, the strongest negotiating position is being able to walk away and most importantly, mean it. So he walked away, but now he doesn’t really mean it. If you tell a woman to get in touch, if she changes her mind when she’s friend zoned you, and then a couple of days later, you reach out, that communicates that you didn’t have the balls to hold out. In other words, she pushed you too far and you should have been willing to walk forever and never look back. Instead, you get a couple days out and you’re like, “Oh, I think I’ll reach out to her.” It’s the wrong way to go. It communicates the wrong thing. You’re basically trying to bullshit yourself into doing more of the same smothering type of behavior that got you friend zone in the first place.

Men who love and value themselves when a woman says, “Yeah, just an interested in something platonic,” be like, “No, I’m not into that. Call me if you change your mind,” and you’re willing to never speak to her or see her as long as you live, unless she changes her mind. That’s like going in and trying to negotiate a deal on a car, and you’re like, “All I got is $20,000.” “Well, we want 25 for the car.” “I only got 20.” “The car price is 25. We’ll find somebody that’ll pay that price.” It’s like,”OK. I don’t think it’s worth 25, but I’ll pay 20. I’ll pay cash today. I’ll get a loan today.” Whatever, “But I’m not paying 25 for that car.” “Well, let us know if you change your mind.” “OK well, all I got is $20,000 and I’m not paying more than $20,000 for that car, but call me if you change your mind,” and then you walk away and you never look back.

If two or three days later, you call up and you go, “Hey, you still got that car?” They’re gonna be like, “We got him. He wasn’t really serious about walking away. He’s just playing games. We just hold out enough and he’ll give us our price.” It’s kind of the same thing with women. If she needs to feel that, “Oh, shit. I lost this guy. Maybe I screwed up. Maybe he really was a good guy. Maybe I misjudged him. Maybe I did something wrong. Maybe he met somebody else. Maybe he met a girl who’s prettier.” That’s what you want her thinking. If you just wait a couple of weeks and then just reach back out, she knows you’re a bitch. She knows you don’t have the balls to walk away because you’re just desperate to have any kind of attention. Even if it’s blue balls attention, you’re desperate for it.

So with that in mind, we’re going to go through his email. Before we get into that, I wanted to tell you about our Members Only content that’s available on YouTube, Spotify and my website. In the video description, right underneath this video, if you’re watching on YouTube, there is a link to take you to your platform sign-up page of choice to sign up for the Members Only content. So we have exclusive several video coaching newsletters, just like the one you’re seeing now that are Members Only. We have the 3% Man study group with Chunky and the girls where we pick apart 3% Man page by page to give you another tool. Plus we have the exclusive Members Only content, interviews and podcasts that I don’t release publicly sometimes because there’s just stuff I can’t say publicly. We also have the Full Viewer Questions podcast because you guys been asking like, “Where can you watch all of the questions that you answer when you’re doing the podcast instead of just the individual ones?” So we have those as well.

Again, the links are right underneath the video description. If you’re watching this on YouTube, it’ll take you to your platform of choice and on my website you also get the email analysis. So with that said, let’s go to our regularly scheduled email. For those of you that do sign up or are going to sign up, we thank you for your support.

Viewer’s Email:

Hi Corey,

I wanted to thank you for your dedicated work! I have been reading 3% Man seven times by now and was able to re-attract an ex based on your principles. Granted, things didn’t work out in the end, but nonetheless your material was priceless!

I have a quick question on the topic of getting friend-zoned. I have read your book and watched a number of videos from you on the topic, and going no contact after establishing clear boundaries with the girl and telling her that I am not interested in just being friends. After analyzing the recent situation I was in, where I got the, “Let’s just be friends” speech from a girl I was really into, I noticed that I was coming on way too strong and didn’t employ the proper patience and cool…

So you acted like a jack-in-the-box, you lost your shit and became the opposite of calm. Masculinity is calm. Women love guys that are confident and competent. When you lose your cool, it freaks women out. It scares them. They don’t feel safe with you and they don’t trust you. They don’t trust opening up and letting you penetrate them because they don’t feel safe risking a pregnancy with you. It’s just something that biologically, instinctually is there to help prevent them from mating with and producing children from men who have weak genes, basically from beta males. That’s why it happens. So don’t act like the beta male that can’t get laid.

…Which is why she lost attraction for me or didn’t feel comfortable anymore. I did as you suggested in your videos, told her I wasn’t into just being friends, and that it would be better if we did not stay in touch. I’d love to hear from her, and she can let me know if she ever changed her mind.

That’s all you can do. You have walked away from the table of negotiation. A deal was not possible. You said,” I’m interested in sex and romance,” she says, “All I can offer you is friendship and blue balls.” If you’ve ever seen that, was it the pawn shop thing? “That’s all I can offer you. Friendship and blue balls. How about that?” Like, no, “Call me if you change your mind.”

The strongest negotiating position is being able to walk away and most importantly, mean it. You have to mean it. That means you will never, ever speak to this girl as long as you live, unless she reaches out to you. If there’s any kind of attraction or any kind of interest, she’s going to get to the point where she’s not going to like the idea of the fact that you guys haven’t talked and she hasn’t heard from you. That’s a fact of life.

If she doesn’t give a shit, you’ll never hear from her again and you know where you stand. If she cares, she’ll reach back out. She doesn’t, you’ll never hear from her. If you have a chance, she’ll reach back out. If her feelings creep back up, she’ll reach back out. If you keep chasing after her, after you’ve already been friend zoned, that shows that you don’t have the balls to walk away. That shows through your actions, because she’s clearly told you friendship only, if you keep contacting her and chasing her, that communicates to her that you are acquiescing to her demands of friendship only. Therefore, you’ve agreed to it and she’ll hang out with you and let you spend money on her, but you’ll get a peck on the cheek and blue balls for your trouble. You want her to submit to you. If you go back to her, you’re submitting to her frame. If you walk away and she comes back, she submits to yours.

The thing is that, since I was the one to fuck up the attraction (By coming on too strong), it is kind of hard for me to see it as her loss and putting the ball completely in her court.

She didn’t give you a chance, dude. She didn’t give you a chance to learn what a great dude you were. So it’s her loss.

Scarcity creates value, and this is discussed at length in 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back. When a woman says friendship and blue balls, you don’t stick around trying to change her mind. You just go to the next girl. That’s what an alpha does. An alpha wants to be with somebody who wants to be with him. You never try to keep somebody that doesn’t want to keep you. What you’re doing is, because you really like this girl, you’re looking for excuses to try to keep chasing her and coming on too strong. Which is what exactly led to you getting friend zoned. So no doing more of the same thing. Coming on too strong and chasing her is not going to change her mind.

Would it, in this situation, be proper to acknowledge my mistake to her and apologize for pressuring her?

What do you want to call her up and say? “Yeah, I’m sorry for acting like a beta male bitch. I’m sorry for kissing your ass. I’m sorry for putting you on a pedestal and treating you like a celebrity. I’m sorry for drooling all over you. I’m sorry for acting like a bitch. I’m sorry for being incompetent. I’m sorry for not knowing how attraction worked. I’m sorry for not knowing how to turn you on and instead only turn you off, but will you please, Your Highness, give me another chance?” That’s not going to work. Come on.

Women are attracted to confidence. Confident guys move on. Cowards continue chasing after what’s easy. She’ll love the attention of validation, but you’re not getting anywhere near that chocha. Did you get the chocha? You did not get the chocha.

Or should I just stick it out in no contact and stick to it?

Again, this is all laid out in 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back. I’ve been doing this for decades. You already tried it your way. You already did the opposite of what I teach, and where did it get you? Blue balls!

The last I heard from her was a few days after our last date, which is two weeks ago. That’s where I established the no contact and told her to hit me up if she ever changed her mind, but I will see her again in a month, where we will spend a whole week together with common friends on a trip. I am not sure how to play this one, any input would be much appreciated.

Kind regards,

Bob

Well, it would behoove you to get through the book as many times as possible between now and then, and go out on some other dates with some other girls and maybe get laid a few times, because when you show up on this trip, you’re not going to go over to her, you’re not going to go out of your way. If you see her and she sees you, you can wave and then go about your business. She wants to come over to you, she can come over and talk to you, but you’re not going to go out of your way to talk to her. Let her come to you.

If you’ve gotten laid a few times and gone out on several other dates, and you put the audio-book on two-speed and you follow along with a digital or physical copy, when you’re listening to the audio-book, you can get through the whole thing in like four hours. So by the time you finally show up, your game should have hopefully gotten cleaned up. Maybe you got the barrels blown out a little bit with some hot beef injections with some other ladies.

If you’re hooking up with some other ladies and you go on this friend trip, you’ll be getting texts from these other ladies, and it’ll be a lot easier to be cockier and have swagger and be confident. If this girl likes you, if she’s attracted to you, you’re going to be looking for the signs that she’s attracted to you that are laid out in the book. She will come find you on this trip. She will come over and sit next to you if she starts playing with her hair and hanging out with you. You can grab her hand and say, “Hey, let’s go over here. Let’s go sit in the beach. Let’s go have a drink in the beach,” or whatever, and take her with you and hang out, have fun, hook up. Create an opportunity on the spot. If she comes near you, you slowly reciprocate and escalate to ultimately end up in the bedroom. You got a month, so you need to get prepared, dude.

You got to do better. You got to trust what’s in the book. What would really help you is if you read the book and you applied it with some other women, because that will help build your confidence. Right now, if you just show up and you don’t talk to anybody else, you don’t go on any other dates, you haven’t improved anything, you haven’t gotten better at anything, you haven’t gotten more confident, your charm hasn’t gotten better, you’re not cockier, you don’t have more swagger, you’ll show up and be the same beta male that got friend zoned that you were the first time around. So you want to show up at this event and be a the best version of you, a different version of you, a version of you that she is going not only her but other women potentially at this event will be attracted to.

So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen and book a coaching session with yours truly. Until next time, I will talk to you soon.