Should I Take Her Back Or Should I Move On?

How to determine if you should take her back or move on and find someone new.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a 20 year old guy who lost his virginity and got his first girlfriend in the past year. She’s 21 and has a kid with her ex. He turned her off due to his inexperience, attracted her back with my work, but stopped reading 3% Man, once she came back. However, he has trouble exercising emotional self control, didn’t learn the book and has caused fights that led to them breaking up again. He asks if he should take her back or move on. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

Hi, I’m Coach Corey Wayne and this is my Video Coaching Newsletter. And the topic of today’s Newsletter is going to be, “Should I Take Her Back Or Should I Move On?”

Well, this particular email, this guy is 20 years old and he’s dating a girl who’s 21, 22 and has a kid with her ex. So she’s got a baby daddy. And so this guy was completely new to my work, just recently, in the past year. And so when he first met this girl, he was 19. She was 21, I guess they met at a previous job he worked at. And so he was a virgin. He didn’t have any experience.

So he was able to start dating her, lose his virginity, but he didn’t have any game and he quickly turned her off. And that’s when he came across my work. He started reading 3% Man, which if you’re new, you can Read 3% Man for Free at UnderstandingRelationships.com. Just subscribe to the free email Newsletter. And so he read The Book, started watching videos.

I think he said he just read it. Once he got her back, she came back and he started hooking up with her again and he’s like, “I got this.” Didn’t bother going back to The Book so he wasn’t able to maintain it. It blew apart again. And now he’s back in No Contact and he’s wondering, “Should I even take her back?”

So let’s go through his email.

Viewer Email:

Hey Coach,

I’m in No Contact with my ex, and here is why. We met at work in February of last year.

Which would have been 2024. So it was about a year ago.

And I took her out a couple weeks later. I was 19 and she was 21. I found out she was a single mom, but the dad took their kid every other weekend. We started hanging out a lot at my place after but didn’t have sex until April. I was a virgin, so I made the mistake of asking her for it and a bigger mistake of regretting it after.  A few weeks later, I took her to watch me graduate college. We stayed at a condo and had more sex there, and there weren’t any complaints.

Well, did you ask? Did you ask her, “Tell me what you like.”

I asked her to be my girlfriend on Mother’s Day, but now I realize that was a mistake.

So he was the one pushing the relationship. Again, he’s 19. What does he know? “Young, dumb, full of cum”, as we used to say when we were younger.

I just started seeing the kid before that. She started bringing him every time we hung out. A week later, she texted me one morning she couldn’t do this anymore.

And so typically what that means is her interest just plummeted to the point where she’s not feeling it. And so therefore, probably the last few times they were hanging out, she was going through the motions. She’s aware, obviously, that her feelings have totally changed and she’s turned off and not feeling it, but she’s not ready to blow it up until she’s certain of her feelings that they’re gone. And for most women, they don’t typically ever return.

Because when they dump a guy that behaves this way, usually the guy keeps coming. He agrees to being friends. He keeps pursuing, he keeps trying to get her out. And then eventually the woman meets somebody else, and then she rides off into the sunset and never speaks to that guy again, usually. So usually a woman’s feelings don’t creep back up on her, unless of course, she’s dealing with a 3% man or a 3% man who is becoming a 3% man, a grasshopper.

She didn’t want to talk about it or anything. I was confused and tried to reach out but got nothing. That’s when I discovered your work.

So she basically completely ghosted him. She didn’t want to talk about it. She’s just like, “I’m over it. Piss off. Get lost.” So he kind of probably badgered her and pursued until she just like, “this guy doesn’t get it.” And she just stopped replying. And that’s when he came across my work.

I followed the instructions on the 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back and she started coming up to me a couple of days later.

So I guess I assume at that time they were still working together.

Asking why I wasn’t talking to her anymore. I asked, what do you mean? She was playing dumb, and I said we should talk about it outside of work. We got dinner at Whataburger, and she looked very sad. On the other hand, I was trying to act cool.

Well, the idea is you want to be indifferent.

A few days later she started texting me late that she was sorry and missed me.

Because again, usually in these cases, the guys don’t go no contact. They just keep pursuing, pursuing, pursuing. But he was pursuing and then she just started ignoring him. And then so he walked away, the door shut in his face. So he walked away and she noticed it. She felt it. And her feelings started creeping back up on her.

The next day, I told her to come over, and she did. She missed out on seeing her friends, but I got to enjoy the Indoor Olympics with her while her son was asleep in the other room.

And so if you guys are dating a woman that has a kid and she likes you, this is what happens. She brings a kid over, puts them to sleep in the other room while you guys can bump uglies. There are other instances where the woman will bring the kid around and always have them there as like a blocker. So no hanky panky, no sex and romance can happen. So it’s important to notice how. Because I did an email newsletter a few weeks back, maybe a month or two ago, where a guy was talking about how he could never get the girl to go out on a date with him without the kid there, so any time he tried to make a move, she’s like, “oh, I got my son or I got my daughter, sorry, I can’t.”

But in this case, you know, she’s a single mom. She’s got to have the kid with her, but she doesn’t put her life on hold. And she obviously likes this guy, because she’s going over there and sleeping with him. Plus, he’s young. He’s probably full of piss and vinegar and lots of energy. He’s like a bunny rabbit. So he’s beating up her pelvis properly because obviously she keeps coming back for it. So good job bro.

I started reading your book after that. She wanted to be official in June, so I thought I was getting the hang of it.

Pride cometh before the fall. “I got this, Coach. I don’t need to read it 10 to 15 times. I’m a super genius. I’m like Elon Musk and his super geniuses.” No you’re not.

Unfortunately, I stopped after one read, and it bit me in the ass.

You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make it drink.

Over a few months, I started asking her to come see me, and there was pushback.

So what happened was he stopped paying attention to The Book. His game got sloppy. He got emotionally invested. He started focusing more on his feelings towards her and wasn’t really paying attention in her feelings towards him. And so slowly he started to pursue more as she started to back off. And it happens really slow until the next thing you know, you’re breaking up again.

And usually what happens is the guy starts to pursue more, he can feel her backing away. And for guys that don’t know any better, they usually get upset, they get perturbed. They get butthurt, they get angry, they get mad when she’s kind of distant. And so they try to have a talk with her to fix her low interest, instead of fixing their own behavior and acting more masculine again, so her attraction naturally returns.

She said she wanted time alone, but that confused me because I thought couples were supposed to want to spend time together.

The only thing a girl cares about is how she feels about you. And at that particular moment in time, you had turned her off again and chased her back out of your life, and the power had completely flipped. She was the one trying to lock you down. As soon as that happened, you were like, oh, I got this. Don’t need to go back to that damn Book. And then, as he said, it bit him in the ass. He didn’t bother learning the Relationship Stuff. He just learned The Pickup and Seduction probably didn’t really bother with the Dating Skills because he thought it didn’t matter. It didn’t apply to him.

She still wanted to talk on the phone though and I goofed up and did.

Well, that’s because you were basically being her emotional tampon, and she was doing it to keep her finger in the water and make sure you were still there, because at the end of the day, what she’s really looking for is a man who’s more masculine than she is.

Eventually, I realized that I had become too needy, and at one point, she told me she wanted me to act more like a man and not a boy.

There it is. So he’s acting like a child. She doesn’t want to teach you how to be a man. When she first came back, he was starting to read the book, and he was doing well because it was fresh in his mind. But since he never went back to it and a couple of months went by, he just kind of reverted back to his old behavior. So he turned her off for exactly the same reason that he turned her off the first time around.

She said that because I made her drive since she continued to ridicule my driving, so I thought that’s what she wanted.

So he’s also basically afraid of her. “Oh, I don’t want to upset her. I don’t want to piss off my girlfriend. So I’ll just let her drive me around like a little boy all the time, because I don’t want her to get mad at me.” Not a good way to go if you’re afraid of your girl. A lot of guys are. It’s going to dry her up drier than the Sahara Desert, my friend.

Come the holidays, her son’s birthday was around the corner. She told me a month before that she wanted me there, but the week before his day, changed her mind.

It’s a woman’s prerogative. So what that tells me is you continue to overpursue and act needy, act like a little boy. You’re squishy and kind of like a doormat. Too soft. And it just kept turning her off and she kept backing away. And you still, at least at that point in time, hadn’t gone back to The Book. You’ve got to learn the fundamentals. The Book’s not going to help you if you don’t read it.

In December, I got laid off.

And so if you lose your source of income, that’s going to typically fill you with fear and worry and doubt, and it’s going to be really hard to be confident and have swagger when you’re worried about how you’re going to pay your bills. So that just makes things even harder when you’re in a situation where you’re trying to re-attract somebody that you turned off, because then you get even more full of fear. And when you’re full of fear, you tend to pursue more and act needy, seeking your approval, that kind of thing. Sitting on the phone all the time, talking but not getting together, bumping uglies in person.

The next week, we were on the phone, and it turned out that when she was going to pick up her kid, she stayed with her kid’s dad’s family for a few hours to watch fireworks.

So again, if you’re going to date a woman that’s got a kid with another guy, these things are going to happen. Because at the end of the day, the baby daddy’s parents, they’re the grandparents and they want to see their grandchild. And so it’s absurd. But I mean, he’s 19 years old. He’s still basically, you’re 20, he’s still kind of a child himself. But the reality is, is everybody that’s related to the kid is going to want to spend time with them, including the father, including the grandparents.

And so sometimes to keep the peace, she’s going to hang out with him, and let the kids spend some time with the grandparents, aunts and uncles and those kinds of things. You’re just. If you give her a hard time about it, it’s going to create problems because the idea is you want her to think that you trust her implicitly, because if you’re worried about her going back to the ex and hooking up with him again, it’s much better if she thinks that you trust her completely. That way she’ll get sloppy and slip up, and then you can catch her in lies. You can catch her cheating. You can catch her doing things she shouldn’t be.

But if you’re constantly suspicious and you’re always worried about where you stand with her and you’re getting mad that she spends time around him, that’s unattractive, makes you look insecure. And what will happen is she’ll just stop telling you about these things. And if you’re trying to vet her for her character and you’re all over her ass and she’s just like, “You know what? I’m just not going to tell him because he doesn’t react too well anyways. So why create unnecessary drama? Because he can’t handle it.” So then she starts deceiving you and keeping things from you, and it just takes longer to figure out whether or not you got somebody that’s trustworthy or not. So you got to be smart about this.

I asked her to come over and she sounded excited, but I screwed up and started begging because of an argument I started.

Again, just totally immature. As The Book says, men who understand women don’t argue with them.

I told her I didn’t like her keeping other guys’ secrets, but her excuse was that if she gave someone her word, she wouldn’t tell anyone. She came over, but it wasn’t worth it.

I don’t know what that means.

The next morning, she said she was depressed, and she didn’t love me the way I loved her.

So in other words, I can tell you’re way more into me than I am into you. And the reality is, it’s a scientific fact women are more attracted to men whose feelings are unclear. It’s much better if the girl thinks that she’s way more into you than you are into her. And when she notices that you care way more about her than she does about you, they typically back off. Because again, the only thing that matters is how they feel about you. Not what a good dude you are or how great you are in bed. The only thing that matters is how they feel about you.

I was sad, but I wonder if I should since she was hanging out with her kid’s dad for that long and made the excuse of, “It’s for our son”.

Again, these things are going to happen, and if you’re going to date somebody that has kids with somebody else, they’re going to interact, they’re going to hang out. And it’s better if she thinks that you trust her. Because if she thinks you. Trust her and she’s a liar and a cheater, she’s going to slip up. And then you can catch her. But if she knows you don’t trust her, and she’s a liar and a cheater, she’s going to become really good at hiding things from you, and it’s going to be a lot harder and take a lot longer to figure out whether or not she’s a person of high character and she’s loyal or not. You got to think about these things.

When she was pissed at me for going to dinner with a bunch of guys and one girl she didn’t like in August. I didn’t consider that girl to be a problem since she was across the room, and I have no feelings for her which I have communicated with my ex. She misses me because she posted on TikTok, and if she reaches out, I will follow the principles in 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back.

And so if she does reach back out, you’ll invite her over, hang out, have fun, hook up. The most important thing about this particular situation, because we really don’t know enough, because he never dated her long enough, consistently enough, and wasn’t in a real relationship with her long enough to really vet her character. Plus he’s new. This is the first girl he’s ever been with, first girlfriend he’s ever had, and he has to get his behavior under control. He has to learn to exercise emotional self-control.

And so it’s clear that he’s arguing with her. He’s getting butthurt, he’s getting jealous over the ex and causing problems and causing drama for her. Instead of being easygoing, easy to get along with, and having a drama free life. He’s creating drama that’s going to cause her to hide things from him. And then when you’re trying to vet somebody, that’s not a good thing to be doing. Because you could be the best guy in the world, the best boyfriend in the world. But if you’re with somebody who’s just disloyal and a liar and a cheater, there’s nothing you can do.

You want to find out whether or not you can trust him as quickly as possible. So you can dip and move on. But the more you give her a hard time, the more she’s just going to hide things from you, and it’ll take you a lot longer to figure it out. And usually you figure it out when you’re way down the road. God forbid you have a kid with her or you’re living together. It’s just a lot harder to disengage when you’re much further down the line. So it’s much better to find out early on what the character is of the person that you’re dating.

If she does, when should I make it clear I don’t want her hanging out with him more than exchanging their son and not keeping other men’s secrets? 

Bob

Well, I’m not really sure about the keeping other men secrets, but women typically are not good at keeping secrets. I saw there was an article years ago and it said, like the average woman can keep a secret for something like two minutes or something like that; 45 seconds, I can’t remember. It was a real short period of time. It was like minutes. You know, there’s like, she’s got to tell somebody. So if you want a woman to keep something secret, it’s probably best to not tell her, because they’re going to find somebody to open their mouth to. So you getting on her, “You can only exchange your son. You cannot hang out with him. More than five minutes to exchange your son.”

That’s not going to work, dude. She’s going to see him. She’s going to see his parents, probably. She’s going to probably see the aunt and uncles. Sometimes when she drops the kid off or he gets picked up instead of picking the kid up from her ex’s place, he might be going, or she might be going to his parents house, or the aunt and uncles. Maybe somebody’s got a birthday party, and the more you give her a hard time about it, the more you’re going to ruin attraction and cause her to lose respect, and the more she’s going to keep things from you. So it’s just better that you back the fuck off and stop giving her a hard time about this.

Because again, she’s got a baby with this guy or a child with this guy, and his family is going, typically, if they’re good people, are going to love their niece or their nephew, their grandkid/ granddaughter, and they’re going to want to spend time with them. So it’s absolutely absurd and it’s childish for you to be thinking this way, because if you don’t like that, then don’t date somebody that’s got kids with somebody else. But if you’re going to date somebody that’s got kids with somebody else, they’re going to be involved in their lives, and sometimes they’re going to spend some time hanging out.

You just want to know, is that relationship completely over? There’s no chance of them hooking up again. It’s dunces. That’s what you got to find out. And so it’s just better. Again, if she thinks that you trust her. So if she reaches out again, as The Book says, your job is to create an opportunity for sex to happen, not to lock her down, not to get into a relationship, not to spring this serious conversation on her and tell her she’s not allowed to spend time around her ex when they have a child together or his family. That’s ridiculous. That’s just not going to happen, it’s not going to happen.

If you don’t like that, then don’t date somebody that’s got kids with somebody else. Those are your choices. But you’ve got to clean up your behavior. Because when you behave this way, when you act needy, neurotic, controlling, unmasculine like this, you’re going to turn every girl off. And so as long as this girl is reaching back out, just create the next opportunity for sex to happen. Learn The Book, learn the Relationship Skills. Because this experience with this girl will give you a lot of good practice that you’re going to need.

Now, whether or not she’s a good person to be with long term, we don’t know that we don’t know enough about it, but it would be better for you at your young age to get the experience and have a real relationship with her, and vet her character to see if she’s a good person long term. She might not be. But I promise you, if you keep riding her ass like this, she’s either going to dip permanently or you’re going to keep making up and breaking up, and she’s going to become better at hiding things.

And it just means it’s going to take you longer to figure out whether or not she’s a trustworthy person or not. So just back off, chill out. Just create the next opportunity for sex to happen. When she reaches out, hang out, have fun, hook up. And if there’s certain things that are inappropriate when she’s asking you to be exclusive again, just tell her what you expect. But you being worried that she’s going to sleep with her ex-boyfriend or husband or whatever he was to her, the baby daddy, it’s just not helpful the way you’re going about it.

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