Should You Want Your Ex Back?

Oct 3, 2011 by Coach Corey Wayne

It’s perfectly normal to want your ex back several weeks or even several months after a breakup. The question is… is it really wise?

As time goes by after a breakup, we tend to look at our previous relationship through rose colored glasses. It can be really tough and lonely at times when you are single, trying to move on and waiting to meet your next great love. It’s usually toughest when you are alone. You think about how soft her skin was, how tender her lips were and how sensual her hard nipples felt against your chest as you made love.

You replay your breakup over and over again in your mind hoping for some different outcome than the single life reality you now find yourself in. You ask yourself, what could I have done differently? Were things really so bad that we needed to break up? Maybe things would be different if we had another chance?

Fear takes over. What if I don’t find someone better? What if I never find anybody else to love me better than she did? Will I be single forever? Did I do the right thing? Should I seriously reconsider getting back together with her again? Etc.

Every relationship is an opportunity to grow and help each other become more. The purpose of all relationships is that you go there to give. I have found that the best time to be in a relationship for either a man or a woman is to get into one only when you are ready. Only after you have done the necessary work on yourself to become a better and happier human being. You must find a way to be happy, fulfilled and excited about your life when you are all alone and single. You really want to be in a place where you love being alone. You love hanging out by yourself. You can go to a movie all by yourself without any friends or girlfriends next to you and feel totally comfortable sitting by yourself. I am talking about being able to have an outrageous time all by yourself. You want to meet someone new and fall in love, but you are content, peaceful and relaxed in the acceptance of the fact you are currently single. You have the mindset that it will happen when it happens. You crave it passionately, but you do not need it. You want it, but you are okay with not having it.

When two happy, whole and complete individuals are brought together seemingly by chance or magical synchronicity, they are able to share their completeness and love with one another instead of being needy and trying to find someone to “complete you”. When you look for someone to complete you, you are basically communicating to the world that you feel like you are lacking something that only another possesses. If you’re not happy being single, then you’ll never be happy in a relationship long-term. You must find a way to create or be in the process of creating the life of your dreams whether or not you are single. You pursue your dreams because you have a passion for them. Not because you want your dreams or the things you have in your life to be the reason why someone wants you. Those kind of people will love you for your stuff, but not for you. If your stuff goes away, so well they. That’s something to think about.

The following is an e-mail I got from a reader. My comments are (in bold brackets like this) in the body of his e-mail:

Dear Coach Corey,

My previous relationship ended badly around July (Men who understand women do not have relationships that ended “badly”. They have relationships that ended with love.), and since I have changed my phone number and lost complete contact. She writes me on Facebook last week and says she still has some of my old stuff and pictures what do I want her to do with them. I told her she can do whatever she wants with them I just don’t want them back. And then she replies “ok I’ll keep them thank you”..

I still have feelings for her and care for her a lot. What can it mean after she wrote me and said she’ll hold onto my old stuff? (It depends on what your old stuff consists of. Clothes? Worthless junk? Maybe she is just going to keep the pictures because she wants to have the memories. Most of the time when people break up and they later look back on their former relationship, they will mostly remember the good times. As time fades, they usually develop a more favorable view of their old relationship. She may have simply moved on and was just being courteous about returning your stuff. From what you wrote, it sounds like she may have been talking about your pictures only. If she was talking about everything which included old clothes of yours and stuff that really wasn’t of any useful value to her, she could be holding onto them in hopes that you may want to see her again. By holding onto them, she may be holding out hope that you come back. I can’t tell for sure based upon the limited information you have supplied.).

DJ

(Since you mention that you still have feelings for her and care about her a lot, I am going to assume the reason you are asking me this is because you are wondering if there is a chance you could get back together with her. There is always a chance, however, what turned you both off about each other is still there. If you go back, the same things will usually turn you off again. It’s scary to break up with someone who things were so good with at times, but not ideally what you really wanted, and resolve to stay single until you find what you really want, or grow as a man in order to become the person you want to attract. Like attracts like. If you need to spend some time working on yourself to become a better man, spend the time and do the work first before you get into your next relationship. That way you can show up as an even better version of yourself than you were before and keep that new girl attracted instead of turning her off when you meet her. If you really want a chance with this girl again, then simply shoot her a message and ask her if she would like to meet you out for a drink? If she’s open to it, she will say yes. If she says no, then simply reply, “shoot me a message if you change your mind.“ Keep it simple. If she does want to meet you out for a drink, then treat it like your very first date. You can download the Amazon Kindle version of my book to your Smartphone, PC, Mac or iPad in under 60 seconds for only $9.99 by CLICKING HERE to learn how to meet and date the type of women you’ve always wanted and have effortless relationships. You need to read my book 10 to 15 times in order to learn the material so well that you could give a seminar on it. That will give you the basics and fundamentals of how to successfully approach and handle all of your interactions and relationships with women. I would also suggest that you book a phone coaching session with me by clicking here.).

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“They will never forget you til somebody new comes along.”-From the Eagles hit song “New Kid In Town”

Published on October 3, 2011

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