The most important trait women find attractive in men is confidence. Women want a man who is constantly striving to be his personal best. This is especially true when she depends upon him to provide for the family financially while she stays home and takes care of the kids.
If your woman senses you are lazy and not trying as hard as you could be to succeed in your business, career, take care of your body, be responsible with money, etc. this will cause her to question and not fully trust your masculine core. This causes her to feel insecure and like she cannot depend upon you. In other words, if she’s counting on you, she wants to be certain that you will get things handled. After all, masculine energy is all about purpose and drive and mission in life. Feminine energy is about experiencing life, being joyful, being playful and opening up to receive the strong masculine presence and love of her man. Feminine energy wants to be penetrated by a strong masculine alpha male presence.
If her man is not strong enough or does not come through on his commitments, then she must move into her masculine side to take care of things and pick up the slack because her man is falling down on his responsibilities. Women are most comfortable and happy when they can just be themselves, be a woman and feel like the man is going to take care of everything. When he does not, she becomes fearful and therefore will become bitchy, irritable and not very pleasant to be around. She won’t feel comfortable or safe with him because in essence he is causing her to act like a man to make up for his shortcomings.
Masculine energy takes the big problems or big emotional dramas and shrinks them down and resolves them. Feminine energy takes the little problems and makes them into a big deal. A confident man has no doubt that he can listen to her, understand her, get her to effectively communicate her needs and wants and feelings and take whatever action is necessary to resolve the situation and make it all better. Similar to the way her father fixes everything when she’s a little girl.
In the movie “Its a Wonderful Life” with Jimmy Stewart, there is a part in the movie where his little daughter’s rose petals have fallen off the rose she got at school. She is emotionally upset as she hands the flower to her daddy. Jimmy Stewart’s character acts like he is fixing the flower and simply puts the rose petals in his pocket. He hands her back the flower as if it’s all fixed and better. She smiles and becomes all sweet and loving to daddy because he fixed it and made it all better.
So if you want your woman to feel safe, comfortable and like she can trust your masculine core, you must take care of business. Say what you mean and mean what you say. Otherwise, you’re going to struggle unnecessarily.
The following is an e-mail I got from a reader whose girlfriend is losing interest in him because he has been weak and not taking care of things. My comments are (in bold brackets like this) in the body of his e-mail:
Good evening Corey,
Hope all is well. I want to share with you and your audience what I have learned over the past few days.
I have been dating a great girl for the past 6 months. Everything was going well or so I thought until things fell apart over the past few days (you must always pay attention to your woman’s actions and read her interest level daily as it is always in fluctuation depending on how much you are doing right and how much you are doing wrong).
I am fortunate enough that my girl told me where I made mistakes (women help you when they like you and have high interest level in you. They want you to succeed. If you don’t listen like most men, eventually they will tire of this and feel like you don’t care enough or are simply inept at doing whats right and leave for another man who does) and how these were red flags for her and then her friends and family confirmed them.
First, I am getting two businesses off the ground and money is starting to come in. However, to get debt relief, I had to file ch 7 so I don’t have my own place right now plus I have an older car that is dated and my wardrobe is limited right now. I am still paying alimony and starting a new romance. So, you can imagine the strain on my finances. Plus, my girl is struggling financially.
We traveled up north to meet her friends and family. There were several situations in front of her family and friends, where my girl paid a bar bill or we split a dinner bill (that’s not a bad thing but a good thing normally. However, if it was always a situation where you looked at her when the check came without offering to pay or contribute you would have come off as a guy who was just using her and taking advantage of her). This did not sit well with her family and friends. The one miscalculation is I planned the trip with airfare and rental car which I paid but had insufficient money for food and entertainment (if you fail to plan you plan to fail).
Their concern is that she should not waste her time with someone who has no money. We are both 50 and there is no margin for error (sounds like you two are birds of a feather).
My girl pointed out that I need to get a facelift with my wardrobe, car and that I should have my own place. I totally agree with her and I must say that I got complacent (every guy does it. However, if you get complacent and just go back to your old dysfunctional ways she will get rid of you for the same reasons as other women have in the past).
I told her that I would work on all of those things and I made a commitment to her that she would never have to worry again about finances that involved things we did together (since you have made that commitment to her, she will hold you to it. That is her test of your strength and integrity. If you fall down again in a few months she may dump you for good).
So, we’ll see if things work out. She wants to talk more and that is a good sign. She appreciated my making the commitment to her. (just continue to date and court her and stop cutting corners. Treat her right and she will treat you right. Re-read my book and book another coaching call with me soon.)
That is where things stand so stay tuned for the rest of the story.
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Author, Speaker, Peak Performance Coach, Entrepreneur
“I’ll take care of me for you, and you take care of you for me.”-Jim Rohn