The importance and necessity of standing up for your woman to abusive family members, your kids or other people and why it ruins attraction.
In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss an email from a viewer who has been following my work for about eight years. I did a phone session with him back in 2014. Recently, he says that his wife was close to being done with him after about six years, because on numerous occasions he failed to stand up for her to other people, some of them his own family members, who were being rude and abusive to his wife.
This is a great example of how failure to do so causes a loss of attraction and respect and also causes women to not feel safe and comfortable trusting a man’s masculine core when he doesn’t. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.
This is a really interesting email, because I’ve only had probably a handful of these kinds of emails over the years. I can’t remember the name of it, it’s probably six, eight, nine years ago, I had another one, a guy whose church pastor was kind of being a jerk to his fiancee, and it wasn’t clicking with him what the problem was. And because this pastor was just being a jerk to his wife and he wasn’t standing up to the pastor and putting him in his place, his wife didn’t feel safe and comfortable. And therefore, she was thinking about calling the wedding off. She just didn’t want to get married there, because she didn’t like the pastor.
And so, when he told me what was going on, I was like, you need to go put the pastor in his place and you need to speak up for your wife on his behalf, because she doesn’t feel safe and comfortable. If you’re going to sit there and allow other people to abuse your woman, she’s not going to like it. And so, this particular guy, he obviously had the same kind of problem and it just didn’t click. He didn’t realize what he was doing wrong.
In order for a woman to be feminine and submissive and trust your leadership and feel safe and comfortable enough to let you lead, she’s going to defer to you for her safety and her comfort. And this is not just physical safety and comfort. It’s also emotional and mental abuse from other people. And so, you’ll see, this guy had a bunch of it going on for a bunch of different people, and he finally realized what the problem was. Because his wife was able to actually get through. She even sent him an article on the particular topic.
Been a big fan of your work for 8 years. Read your 2 books a lot.
So, obviously he’s talking about “How To Be A 3% Man,” the first book, and “Mastering Yourself,” the second book, You can read them both for free at UnderstandingRelationships.com, just subscribe to the email newsletter.
Did a phone coaching session with you and then later you responded with a great video called, “Come Have Your Way With Me!” Your work has been so helpful to me over the years. I also just gave you a $50 donation hoping you will take the time to read this.
Well, donations are always appreciated. You can go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, and at the bottom of your screen you can press the Donate button if you’re so inclined.
I have been in AA for most of my life, working hard to be the best version of myself I could be. I use the principals daily. Anyway, I never learned these things you teach from them. It’s like a blind spot everywhere. So, you taught me to be a man and be a confident person and get some great dates. I did settle down with Jessica and have a pretty great life, a bunch of good kids, and an awesome woodworking business.
I just realized recently that I still was missing something in my life. I didn’t stick up for my wife. I didn’t see how it is important.
Well, if you’re the head of the household, dude, that’s part of your duties. You just can’t sit there. You shouldn’t do this with anybody. You don’t let other people abuse you, you don’t let other people abuse your kids, and you certainly don’t let other people abuse your wife. That’s a beta male move.
I attached an article my wife gave me while we were on the ropes after 6 years, really on the ropes. She was close to done with me. This has blown my mind. It’s not because I am a pleaser to her. It’s not because I stopped dating her, or was not confident or healthy, or that I wasn’t successful in business. I just didn’t understand how or why I needed to stick up for her when my mom criticized her.
Yeah, dude, I don’t know where you got that it’s okay to let other people abuse your woman, but you certainly didn’t learn that shit from me. I mean, that’s kind of common sense. You don’t allow people to be abusive. You can’t just stand there and let it happen.
Or when my kids ignored her.
It sounds like they’ve got a blended marriage, and some of his kids are being an ass to her. And if you tolerate that now, you’re allowing the children to divide the two of you. Because the number one most important thing has to be your relationship with your wife. You can’t allow kids, your boss, your employer, your neighbors, your mother or anybody to come between the two of you or interfere in that. I mean, that’s just kind of common sense.
Or when my manager put her in her place. Or when a neighbor was a jerk. Literally, that’s all I didn’t do.
Well, that’s a major problem, dude. If she’s going to trust your masculine core to be the leader, you’ve got to stand up for her. You don’t just sit there and let people berate her and abuse her in front of you and just sit there like a schmuck and watch it happen to her. It’s like, come on, man, seriously.
You don’t seem to have any videos on example stories on being one with your girl.
Like I said, it’s not a common problem I get questions about, but I have had a few over the years, like one being the church pastor. But I have no idea what the title of that video was or article, because it’s six or eight years old at least. Actually, I think I did mention that example in the 2016 version of “How To Be A 3% Man.” So maybe you read an older version or something, but I actually believe I included it in there, or at least I was talking about it in the book.
Like examples of “if you don’t treat her good, you are not treating me good” and stick up for her. I always think and say, “Babe, we are tough enough.”
So, in other words, when you say something like that, “Hey, it’s okay to allow other people to abuse us, because we’re tough. We’ll just let it roll off us,” you’re allowing the two of you to be abused by other people, and you’re not standing up for yourself or her in those examples.
“These people don’t matter. Let them be. Be confident in who you are baby. Don’t worry about them.”
Yeah, that shit’s not going to fly, bro. That just ain’t gonna to work. You’re completely making your woman feel helpless, like you won’t defend her. And on top of that, when she calls you out for it, you’re like, “Hey, it’s fine. It’s okay.” That’s not okay, dude. It’s never okay to allow other people to abuse you, or your girl, or your family, or your kids.
Would you mind reading the attached article?
I don’t ever open attachments from the Internet, just for viruses. I always have a lot of people trying to hack me and my website and steal my social media, so I don’t mess with any of that stuff.
Would you mind speaking to this? Maybe you have, but I did try to find some videos.
Well, like I said, the latest edition of the book, which was updated in 2016 for the audio book, I’m pretty sure that example about the pastor was in there.
It is so much a nice guy dilemma, at least for me. I am almost not able to understand this article. I know it sounds impossible, but it’s so understated in my circle of life. But I see it now a little. But my wife is crying out for help. How do I do this? I am just learning. And I hope to get it from the man that brought me this far.
Thanks for your hard work. If it will cost some more cash, let me know, because it’s worth it.
Okay, so let’s take some examples. Let’s say your mom is just being an absolute cunt to your wife. There’s no other way to describe it. She’s just being a bitch to her. I would look right at her and say, “Mom, don’t talk to my wife like that. You’re being abusive, you’re being rude and disrespectful, and you’re in our home and you need to be nice and sweet. We can talk, we can work things out, but don’t talk to her like that.”
And if your kids are ignoring her, just say, “Don’t ignore her like that. You need to treat her with respect.” But when you do nothing and you allow it to continue like she’s supposed to stand up for herself, these are your children. They’re not her children. She’s obviously a stepmother to them, but you can’t allow that. You can’t allow your kids to get away with that, because now you’re allowing your kids to drive a wedge between the two of you. So, that’s not acceptable.
If your manager is being rude to your wife, I don’t know what was going on with your wife or what she was doing, but you said the manager kind of put her in a place. Maybe he was just a dick to her or whatever, but if you’re your wife hadn’t done anything to warrant that, you should have just said, “Hey, I’d appreciate it if you don’t talk to my wife like that. That’s kind of rude and abusive and disrespectful.” I don’t care who I’m working for. I don’t give a shit if it was a business partner or a friend or family member. It’s like, that’s just not going to fly. You’re not going to talk like that to my girl, especially in front of me. I don’t care who he is. I’ll go find another fucking job. That’s my attitude towards those things, because I will, and I have in the past.
So, as a self-reliant human being, you’ve got to take 100% responsibility for all aspects of your life. And like I said, in the case with the church pastor, I’m pretty sure that one was in the book. But what the guy did was that he went back to the pastor and he’s like, “Hey, my wife’s really upset. She’s at the point now where she doesn’t even feel comfortable with you doing our vows. And I want my future wife to be happy and my family to be happy. We’ve got all of this money on the line, and so what I need you to do is to sit down with my wife and apologize for being a jerk to her.”
And once he sat down and he had this conversation with the pastor, the pastor realized what he did and he obviously felt remorseful about it. And so, he went and apologized to the guy’s fiancee. She felt happy. She felt safe and comfortable because he stood up for her. And not only did he stand up for her, but he resolved it. He handled the problem. That’s what masculine energy is. It’s about handling the problem. There are problems coming up, and you just try to sweep it under the rug. So, again, that’s not something you learned from me. Maybe that’s the way you were, but that’s not what my book teaches. I would never say or insinuate anything like that.
You’re the head of the household, dude. It’s up to you to defend your woman to other people, because that’s how she feels safe and comfortable trusting you to be the leader. Because when you allow her to be abused in front of you by other people and you just sit there like a little bitch and you don’t do anything about it, now you’re forcing her into her masculine energy, because you’re not man enough to do that for her. So, if you’re going to be the leader of the household, this is part of your realm of responsibilities that you’re going to need to handle.
And I’m sure some of the beta males that have followed me are going to be bitching — the guys that have got mommy issues, that hate women. Because we blocked a bunch of people on one of the Instagram posts the other day. Some of these guys get in the red pill community and they read some of the books in there, and it’s like, these guys are fucked up. They’re learning from people that are fucked up, and they just absolutely hate women. They look at women as a disposable commodity, when the problem is they’re trying to turn hoes into housewives and they do a shitty job at prequalifying the women that they date. They’re just, “All women are like this”. It’s like, no, they suck at prequalifying the women that they date. That’s their problem. And they want to blame other people for it.
But like I said, you just can’t allow this shit to happen. You are the king of your castle. And if anybody comes into your castle to abuse your tribe, you need to nip that shit in the bud, you need to resolve it, and you need to solve it. That’s your responsibility. If you don’t like it, that’s part of being a man, dude. If you don’t like it, well, then obviously you shouldn’t be in a relationship with a woman if you can’t handle that. If that’s too much, don’t do it, dude.
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Author, Speaker, Peak Performance Coach, Entrepreneur
“If you have friends, family members, your church pastor or other people who are rude or abusive towards your woman and you don’t stand up to them on her behalf, she will lose attraction and interest. Why? If you allow jerks and other feral humans to be rude and abusive towards your woman, she won’t trust your masculine core. She will no longer feel safe and comfortable around you and will move into her masculine energy to make up for your lack of masculinity. If you can’t protect your woman from physical, mental or emotional abuse from other people, she won’t feel like you are man enough to keep her safe.” ~ Coach Corey Wayne
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