The Agony Of Defeat: A Hasty Uber Goodbye After A 1st Date

How to avoid the agony of defeat from a hasty Uber goodbye after a first date.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a viewer who says he always goes for the kiss at the end of his first dates. However, sometimes he says the woman already has an Uber waiting, says her car is ready and she dips with a hasty hug goodbye. His most recent first date did this and he asks if he should even ask her out again. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

Hi, I’m Coach Corey Wayne and this is my video coaching newsletter. And the topic of today’s newsletter is going to be, The Agony Of Defeat. A Hasty Uber Goodbye After A 1^st Date.

So this particular email is from a guy. He says he always goes for the kiss at the end of a first date, especially when he’s not sure if she’s interested or not. Because one of the reasons why it spells out to do this in The Book, and I’ve always found it’s a good policy. Is worst case what happens sometimes, and I had examples that I wrote in The Book where when I was younger, I had these experiences where I’d go out on a date and I didn’t see any real signs of attraction or interest.

And, you know, the whole time I’m wondering, “Is this even going anywhere? Does this girl really like me?” And I just couldn’t tell. And so in that case, you just spent a bunch of time together, spent some money taking her out and having a good time. And then you go for the kiss. And surprisingly, like one of the examples in My Book, I go for the kiss with this girl, and I was like, “I don’t think anything’s going to happen.”

And of course, she sucks the tongue out of the back of my throat and invites me to come upstairs. So obviously I obliged and we went upstairs. But the point being is, had I have not gone for the kiss in that moment, I would have walked away going, “We had a good time. I didn’t see any signs that she was interested.” And so over the next several days, I’m wondering, “Is this girl interested or not? Does she like me? Should I go out with her again?”

And then say I’d never gone for the kiss. And then I go on, you know, go out on a second date trying to figure out does this girl like me? And then I go for the kiss on the second date, and then you get the cheek and you’d be thinking, damn, two dates. A whole week of me thinking about this girl constantly, all that emotional and mental energy, and time that I’m thinking about her. And then I go for the kiss at the end of the second date, and then you get the cheek.

You’re like, “Man, I feel like a chump. If I’d have done that at the beginning or at the end of this first date, I wouldn’t have gone through all this emotional torture over the past week, and I wouldn’t have wasted my time going out with her, with a woman that just really had no romantic interest in me. I wouldn’t have spent the time or the money on her.” And so, because the reality is women that like you are going to kiss you back, and sometimes you’re going to be surprised.

Sometimes girls are nervous too. Sometimes what’s going to happen is that you think she’s interested, you go for the kiss and then you get to cheek. You never know. It’s always a good policy. But it’s also okay if you’re sure the girl is super into you. And you’re like, “I want to wait till the second date.” And then you go and you kiss her on the second date if you’re sure.

Me personally, I’m always going to go for the kiss on the first date because I want to, number one, I want to see what kind of a kisser she is. And number two, I want to make sure she’s really super into me. And obviously at this point in my life, I can tell. But especially for young guys like this, if you don’t have a lot of experience. And so this guy’s in this situation where he met a girl out there, just they had drinks. Drinks are over. She’s got her Uber waiting.

And so they walk out the door, and of course, you can tell, you know, when I go through the email there’s a little bit of stage fright. He’s thinking, “All these people are looking at me. What if I go for the kiss and she rejects me? I’m looking like a fool in front of everybody.” And so, that’s what kind of seems like what’s really going on. He’s worried about what everybody else thinks. But think about it from this perspective.

Do you really want to wait a whole week until the next date and spend time and money, and lose a week of emotional and mental energy thinking about this girl just to come to find out, you finally do go for the kiss on a second date and you get the cheek? That’s a lost week you can’t get back. Plus you can’t get back the money or the time. And just a simple kiss that just takes a couple of seconds to execute. And plus, in The Book there is the Kiss Test.

So you can follow the Kiss Test, because if you do that and you get the positive signs that are in the Kiss test, then you go for the kiss, she’ll kiss you back. So you don’t have to worry about rejection. That’s always like a good last minute way to go about it. And so let’s go through this and see what we can do to help this guy. When these kind of weird, awkward moments come along and how to avoid them.

And then one other thing I want to preface before I get into it, is one of the things that’s taught in The Book is that you have to remember, most women in the West, are going to sleep with a guy by the second or third date. And so ideally, like maybe this guy met her online. He doesn’t really know her. Maybe he only talked to her for a couple of minutes and then, made a date with her.

So there wasn’t much rapport, wasn’t much time to really get to know what she was like. And so, typically what happens, you go and you have a drink, maybe a wine bar or something like that, glass of wine or coffee. Tea if you’re not drinkers. Have good conversation, and if the conversation goes well, you can say, “Hey, there’s a really great French restaurant down the street, why don’t we go and grab a bite to eat?” If it’s going well.

But if it’s not, you can say, “Hey, it was great meeting you, good looking.” You know, “We should do this again sometime.” Or “Hey, you know, it’s been great. I gotta, I gotta run. You have a great night.” You know, if you don’t like the girl, you can dip out. But if things are going well, you can invite her to join you, and turn the wine bar into now, a little bit of a dinner. You go, you have dinner. Good conversation. If that goes real well, and she’s playing with her hair, she’s touching your arm.

It seems like she’s becoming even more attracted and open to you as the night goes on. And then you’re going to take her to a third venue. Maybe some place to throw some darts, shoot some pool, bowling, miniature golf, maybe listen to a band play. Not a place where it’s so loud you can’t even hear each other. But maybe a jazz band or a piano bar or something like that, where you can relax and chill and kind of wind down after the dinner.

The reason why it’s always good for like the third venue is a place where you can interact, like playing pool or throwing darts or throwing axes, or driving go carts around or playing miniature golf is that you can do things and you can tease her and interact with her, and it makes it easier for her to touch you, to punch your shoulder playfully when you mess with her, those kinds of things. And so, it facilitates physical contact and physical interaction.

And if you start making out and you’re all over her, she’s all over you, then you can try what’s called The Trial Close, which is in The Book. For those of you from sales are very familiar with it. You say, “Hey, why don’t we get out here and go back to my place and open a bottle of wine?” And so, you have to have the logistics of sex all planned out in advance if it goes well. But also, like in this case, they’re meeting for a drink. You go to a wine bar or some place to have a drink or whatever.

And if you’re not feeling it, if you know you don’t like the girl or whatever, you can get in and out of there with just a drink and say, “It was nice to meet you. See you later.” But if it goes well, you can invite her to a dinner. And so, that’s why it’s important to have venues planned out. And guys who are smart, like especially like if you live in a downtown area or where there’s a lot of bars, and restaurants and the area where you live and the apartments and the houses and stuff are all real close together in community.

You can kind of walk everywhere, or there’s just a short drive a couple blocks away to go to the next venue. It’s like having all these things planned out. Quite frankly, you get it all planned out, you know what the venue is like. You know how predictable it is. Plus, if you go there over and over, you get to know people. So you’re kind of like the mayor when you come in there. Everybody knows you by your name. That’s going to give your date a feeling of comfort because people know you.

It gives you social proof that you’re a good dude, especially if the cute girls that work there are coming up and hugging you. And “Hey, great to see you.” Guys are coming up shaking your hand, or the managers are coming over to say “Hi.” Whatever happens to be. So those things all help you. And so, when you go from venue to venue to venue it’s like you’re.

Because what do most guys do? They go on a date. Like in this case the guy went and had drinks and that was it. That was the end of the date. But here you’re going to three different places. So, it’s kind of like three different dates. Because you go to three different places and one night. And remember, women tend to sleep with a guy by the second or third date. So, it’s kind of like you’re compacting that experience.

Especially like in this case, they meet at a venue and you’re like, “Hey, let’s just quick car ride down the street, this really cool place.” And she may know it because she knows the area. “Oh, let’s go do that!” And then you drive there together. Now she’s getting in your car. She’s going with you. You get out. So, it’s like a second date, and then you go from there to the third place. It’s like a third date. By that point, you’re kissing.

You’re all over each other. It’s completely different than 99% of the guys that have treated her when they’ve taken her out in the past. So, it sets you apart, and it makes it much easier to get to the promised land. And so that’s the idea. So, there’s a couple little mistakes in here. After I just went through that little diatribe that you’ll notice this guy didn’t do. This is why I say you got to read The Book 10 to 15 times.

All these little things do you might not think are a big deal. They communicate a lot. And The Book is designed to put you in position to get what it is that you want as quickly as possible. Because in the courtship, a man’s job is just simply to create an opportunity for sex to happen. To hang out, to have fun while you’re hanging out, and to hook up when the signs are there. So let’s go through his email.

Viewer’s Email:

Hi Corey,

First of all, thank you so much for sharing your wisdom and knowledge with us struggling single men. I have learnt a lot from your book and your videos. I came across a situation the other day that I could imagine other guys have encountered as well, so I was wondering if you might be interested in addressing it.

Well you’re in luck.

Being a good student of yours, of course I always go for the kiss! My question is, how do I best handle situations where the girl ends the date in a way that makes kissing almost absolutely impossible?

So at the end of the day, you’re the leader. You’re supposed to have the first place scoped out, the second place and the third place. And what’s nice about that, especially when you live in the area, is once you get three good places like that, you can take all your future dates there. Because each one of those girls it’s a completely new date for her. But for you, it’s a known quantity.

Like I was saying earlier, you show up at these venues, you go to them often or not. And guess what? They’re going to see you come in there with a lot of different girls. And if there’s girls that you know there and they see, it’s like, “Damn, every time that dude comes in here, he’s with a different hot girl.” Then they’re going to start liking you more and start trying to get your attention.

And that’s helpful if you’re at a restaurant with a really pretty girl, and then one of the pretty servers comes over to talk to you, and women can tell. Women can tell when other women like you as well. And so that’s good for you. That’s good social proof. So you got to think of the logistics of things. You got to think of the logistics of sex. Because a lot of guys that first start applying what’s in My Book, they get on a first date, and they start following what’s in there, and they’re shocked at how well it works.

And then the girls ready to go home with them, but they’re like, “Oh shit, we’re like 45 minutes or an hour away from the house. Or my house. Or her house.” Or whatever. And so, you got to think about those things. And so, you want to think from the end, if things go so well, so easy and effortlessly that she’s ready to sleep with you after your three dates in one evening, then you want it to be some place that’s close. Like when I’ve lived in places like downtown areas, whether it’s Orlando or South Florida. That was nice.

Like one of the buildings I used to live in, had a wine bar downstairs and so all my first dates they would start there. And then there was a place, several places across the street. You can just walk across the street, and have a really nice dinner overlooking the lake. And then there was another place in the same area, the same block that you can shoot pool and throw darts. So it made it, you know, Bing, bam, boom. Bing, bang, boom as Bobby, as my friend Bobby would say. Bing, bang, boom. Rock out with your cock out. Makes it pretty easy to do that, and then takes all the guesswork out.

Then you’re just kind of on autopilot. You take the girl through the process, you hang out, you have fun while you’re hanging out, and then you hook up when the signs are there that she’s ready to hook up. So you got to do all that beforehand. And obviously this guy, it’s just clear that he didn’t do that. It looks like he made a date. They met for a drink and then she, “Poof” was out of there. And plus on top of that, you can tell he’s a little nervous about going for the kiss, and kissing a girl when there’s other people there.

Because you don’t want to waste your time or your money trying to take her out on a second date. And so he’s afraid what other people are going to think of him. He doesn’t go for the kiss when he wants to, which she obviously she can probably tell that. So that’s going to cause her to lose a little bit of attraction for you. And then now he’s got to wait the whole week and potentially spend time and money and then get the cheek. So do you want to look a little silly if you get rejected now?

Or would you want to be all torn up emotionally over the course of the next week until you see her again, and then get rejected at the end of that? You’re like, yeah, momentary feeling of being uncomfortable, or like a whole week and then plus the whole date. “Oh, God, I wonder if she’s going to kiss me at the end. I’m still not seeing any signs she’s interested.” I mean, you can imagine what’s going through a guy’s mind on the second date.

For example: My absolute least favorite way of how a first date ends is when the girl calls her Uber while we’re still at the restaurant/bar.

Well, again, if you have three places lined up, this should not be an issue. You should start out someplace to have drinks first. Especially if you’re meeting online and you haven’t met in person. You didn’t have a chance to talk to her or meet her in person when you first got her contact information. So, this way you go to like a wine bar, something really simple, and usually most wine bars, there’s a little bit of music.

Maybe they got one dude playing some music, but it’s not super loud. You got to be able to talk to and converse with each other. Not where the music is so loud you’re screaming at each other, and you can barely hear what each other is saying, even though you’re screaming at each other. That’s not a fun date. You want to be able to converse, you want to have some ambiance with the music, but you don’t want the music to get in the way of you being able to talk. And so, if things go well, I mean, what are you basically risking, one, two drinks?

And if things go well, you can say, “Hey, why don’t we go, and there’s a great place a steak place across the street we can walk over to and have some dinner.” But she’s like, “Oh, I got to go. I got this, I got that.” I was like, “All right, no problem. Well, maybe some other time.” And then you can walk her out. You can go for the kiss if you’re not sure. And sometimes women are like, borderline with you, and you’ll go for the kiss and you’ll tell it kind of catches them off guard.

And then they just kind of submit and they kiss you back. So, you never know it’s 50/50. Like I said, I got stories in The Book where I was like, I couldn’t tell. I didn’t think this girl was into me or not. And I go for the kiss. And she about sucked my face off and then invited me upstairs. So it’s like, if I hadn’t have done that, I would have gone home and gone, “Ooof shit, does this girl like…”

And I would have wasted a whole week. I wouldn’t have been able to concentrate on my work because I would have been, “Is she going to like me? Is she not going to like me?” Because the girl is really beautiful. And so, you’re trying to give yourself the best possible chance to succeed and get what you want, but also not waste time or money with women that don’t earn it or deserve it.

And so, his first mistake is not having other venues lined up and not really planning things out. So, it kind of looks like he’s already presupposed there’s no way he’s getting laid tonight anyways. So he didn’t bother lining up other things to do. So that’s part of the problem there.

Because then by the time I’ve paid the bill and we’ve gone outside, her car is already right there waiting. So, at that point all I get at best is a “Oh my driver is already here… thanks for the drinks. OK bye” with a hasty hug…

If you’re getting a hasty hug like that, it just seems like she wants to get the fuck out of there. In other words, she’s made up her mind. She’s not into you. But you could go for the kiss. Doesn’t mean you have to hug her. Just go for the kiss, and then you’ll know for sure. And then who cares what other people think?

Because you’re never going to see those people again. And why would you want to wait a whole week to get rejected? You know? It just doesn’t make any sense. So you might as well roll a dice. Rip the band aid off, find out whether she’s in or she’s out. But partly this is your fault because you didn’t really have anything else lined up to do.

This happened the other day on a first date, which otherwise had gone actually pretty well. But how it ended really had me frustrated, and now I’m debating if it’s even worth following up. Would you say that the way a girl ends a date is a safe indicator of her attraction?

It is one indicator. Remember, you got to be like Sherlock Holmes. You want to combine everything. Like in this case, what was she doing? What was she saying at dinner? Was she playing with her hair? Was she touching your arm? Was she leaning in? Was she giving you short answers?

Was she looking around like she can’t wait to get out of there? What was the vibe? Was she asking you questions about yourself? Did she seem excited, like she wanted to be there? Because a girl that really likes you and really wants to be there, they’re not going to be like, “Oh, hey, my Uber, I got to go.” So there’s that. I mean, that’s pretty obvious.

In other words, if she rushes into her car instead of giving me a proper good-bye, is it a clear sign that she’s not interested?

It looks like she’s not interested.

Or am I over-interpreting things?

Thank you for your time.

Bob

It’s possible you don’t know what you don’t know. That’s why it’s best to go for the kiss, get rejected, and then just never call her again. And the only way you’ll ever ask her out again is if she ends up reaching out to you. So, like in this particular case, it seems like she’s ready to get out of there. And so, therefore, you’re like, this girl is a low quality prospect.

“If you’re like in a rush to leave then I’m not really going to be in a rush to make another date with you.” So in this particular case, what I would do with this woman, I would wait two weeks. 14 days or more, and then call her up see if her attitudes change. See if the fact she hasn’t heard from you in two weeks has changed her attitude. You know, maybe she’s in a different headspace.

She could have gone out on a date with a guy the night before, or her ex called her and she’s thinking, “Wow, it’s going to work out with that guy.” And then two weeks later, you call her, and then whatever happened with him went sideways a few days after you had your date. And now her attitude is completely different when you call her, she’s like, “Oh, yeah, let’s get together.” And then you’ll notice she’d be completely different on the date.

Should be in a different headspace. But if you try to set a second date and she ghosts you, obviously she’s not interested. You delete the number, and you move on. But if you call and you ask her for a second date and she says yes, and then you go out on the date, but the same thing happens all over again. She can’t wait to get out of there.

Then you’re like, “Yeah, it looks like she’s just she’s out. She’s up for the free shit like all the people that are running across our border unimpeded. Mostly military age males. Not women and children. But even though that’s what the news says, “Oh, it’s just a bunch of hungry women and children. You got to take care of them, Corey.” It’s mostly military age males when you see the video, but unfortunately the media doesn’t report those things. So anyways, back to our regularly scheduled email here. Hope you enjoyed the little news break.

So like I said, the second date with this girl, I’d wait two weeks, call her up, try to get her out again, see what she’s like. And if you get the same thing, if you go for the kiss, she turns the head, then yeah, delete the number. And if she ever calls you after that, assume she wants to see you. And then in that case, you should be following what’s in 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back. I wouldn’t take her out. Pick her up. You’ve already taken her out on two dates, and you got the cheek.

And now you had assumed that you were never going to speak to her again. And say, a couple of weeks go by and she calls you. Well, I’d invite her over to make dinner at your house. And I wouldn’t agree to meet her out or pick her up or anything, because, again, you’ve already gone out twice. You spent a bunch of money having a nice date. You spent a bunch of time. She knows what you’re like. You’re obviously interested in romance.

And the last time you tried to kiss her, she gave you the cheek. So, I’m willing to give her a chance to win me over. I’m willing to give her a second chance, if you will. But I’m not going anywhere. I’m not driving anywhere. I’m not meeting her out, picking her up. It’s like if she wants to see me, she can come over and make dinner together.

Because if a woman is making plans with a guy in the evening to make dinner at his place, sex is on the table. Simple as that. And if she’s not interested in sex or romance in any way, and she just wants free shit, she won’t agree to come over. And then, “Hey, it’s been a long week. I’m just in the mood to hang at my place. If you don’t want to go out, if you don’t want to come over and make dinner together, then call me in a couple of weeks. Maybe I’ll be up for meeting you out then.”

But that’s how I would handle it with this girl. So again, wait two weeks, call her up, try to go out on another date. If it was me and I had gone out and say I went for the kiss and I got that, I was like, I never call her again. No way. But I would have gone for the kiss. And so, you kind of bitched out there. And so, you got to look at it that way. You didn’t have the logistics of sex lined up, so you’d already kind of presupposed you weren’t getting laid.

And so, that was kind of on you. And so, the vibe that you’re giving off when you’re thinking that way is one that lacks confidence. And if you’re barely holding on by your fingernails, if she’s just kind of like, “Ehh he’s kind of cute. Ehh, I guess I’d go out with him.” In other words, on a scale of 1 to 10, if her attraction is only a five, that’s kind of how it’s going to be. And you can’t really make too many mistakes or give off the vibe that you don’t have any confidence.

Because then she’ll be like, “Yeah, I’m just not feeling it. No chemistry, no spark.” But the fact that you do go for the kiss, and she kisses you back, might be enough for her to go, “Well, let’s see where it goes.” And then her interest goes up a little bit and then she’ll give you another chance.““`

So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen and book a coaching session with yours truly. Until next time, I will talk to you soon.