The cure for women jerking you around when you’re trying to make dates, so they make dates that they keep and look forward to.
In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss two different emails from two different viewers. The first email is from a viewer who has listened to my book twelve times, but is not really applying what the book teaches. As a result, he is doing and saying things that make him look weak and beta. He shares his text exchange with a woman he tried setting a date with, but who leaves him hanging and continually jerks him around. I point out where he went wrong, looked weak and what to do instead.
The second email is from a guy who met a woman on the dating app Bumble, but she is inconsistent, difficult and evasive when he tries setting dates. He does a great job of standing up to her and not falling for her BS. I point out why she is acting this way and how to handle women like her, so you can avoid most of their testing and wasting your time like this good student of my work is doing successfully.
First Viewer’s Email:
This is Bob. I am a big fan of yours, I listened to your book 12 times and started the 13th time. I love it every time I listen to it, and I have seen lots of your YouTube videos too. Thanks for helping guys like me all over the world. Coach, my question is that I like a girl, and she is very pretty. I know her aunt, and few months ago I gave my number to her aunt to give it to her, because I don’t see the girl too much.
Well, more than likely you saw her, but you kind of bitched out. If you’re going to her aunt, you’re trying to avoid rejection in person, so that’s not making you look very confident. So right off the bat, you’re displaying weakness. The book, “How To Be A 3% Man” is only helpful if you read it and apply it. Knowledge only becomes potential power when applied.
But no response came from the girl for next few months, and I never asked her aunt any kind of questions about her. I was like, if she is interested she will call me, or otherwise, I will find someone else because of your coaching.
Well, that’s the right attitude, so that part you got correct. But then again, you made yourself look weak. It’s better to do it in person. Be bold, take risks young man.
But a few days ago, the girl came with her cousin to my gas station where I work, and her cousin gave me her number on a napkin which said, “Call Me” with a heart. So, after work I called her, but she didn’t pick up, so I texted her. Then she said, can you please text me because she is busy with her friends right now. I said alright.
As I talk about in “How To Be A 3% Man,” it’s very masculine to call versus texting. You will look more confident. Then you can hear the tone of her voice, and it’s a lot easier to react. And it’s even better if you FaceTime, because you can see her face, her body language and her physiology. It’s a lot better than through text, because nine times out of ten, if you’re trying to be funny through text, you’ll probably say something that’s a little inappropriate. If you’re trying to be funny and cocky, it may not come off right, so you don’t want to sandbag your success unnecessarily.
We exchanged few texts, and then I asked her out, but no response came from her.
These are signs. Like I always talk about, dating is like a game of tennis. You texted her, and she didn’t reply back when you asked her out on a date.
Then I texted her the next day, and then she started texting again.
This girl is testing you and seeing what you’re made of. She’s kind of jerking you around and playing games, and you’re falling for it because you really don’t know any better.
I am sending you the text. Can you let me know where I made mistakes or what should I do from here, because I am confused.
Thanks Coach, I really appreciate it.
Bob: Hey Jessica, this is Bob. Call me when you are free.
Jessica: Lol, hey Bob. Can you just text me? I’m busy right now.
Bob: Sure, no problem. How you doing today?
I would have said, “What are you guys up to today? instead of “How are you doing today.” That’s kind of boring.
Jessica: I’m good, just going to get some food with friends now. What are you doing?
Bob: Awesome, just reached the gym. Going to work out.
Jessica: Ooh, sounds fun.
Bob: Yes it is, I like it. Did you work today?
Jessica: Lol, no I was off today, but I’m at iHop now eating. [Laughing emoji]
Bob: It seems like you are in love with iHop, Lol. What days are you off normally?
Jessica: Lol, Mondays and Tuesdays right now.
Bob: Do you like Mexican food?
Jessica: Duh, Lol.
Bob: Awesome, you wanna go to Real Hacienda on Tuesday night at 8:00pm?
So she left you hanging. Remember, it’s like a game of tennis. You kind of made yourself look weak. You called, then texted. You’re kind of double texting there, not really giving her a chance to reply. A lot of women will do that. Guys get impatient and send multiple texts. That makes them look a little needy. And she’s being kind of rude if you think about it if she hasn’t replied in a day. Sometimes they’ll wait a week or two just to see what you do, because they’ve got multiple guys hitting on them.
Bob: Hey Jessica, I was just wondering if you are alright and reached home safely yesterday, because I didn’t get any text from you after the last text.
Jessica: Hey, I’m okay Lol. I just suck at texting.
Bob: Its all good Lol. We all suck at something. What’s the best way to communicate with you, any options Lol.
Jessica: Lol, I don’t know, in person I guess.
Bob: Well, that’s the best option in my opinion too and the best part is I can look at one of the best creations made by God.
You’re laying it on a little thick there dude. The bottom line is, you already texted her, and she knows you like her.
Jessica: Ha-ha oh my gosh you’re so funny. Thank you, that’s so sweet.
Bob: Well, I was serious about the creation, Lol. You are a shy girl though.
Jessica: Lol, what do you mean by that exactly?
Bob: Well, the way I saw you talk at the gas station and now texting, I just feel that you feel shy talking to me. I was just asking if you are shy, and we need to meet somewhere. Maybe we can choose your favorite place where you feel a little comfortable and don’t feel too shy.
You’re kind of making assumptions here. What’s really going on is, she’s just tweaking your balls.
Jessica: Lol, I like that idea, have you ever been to J. Gumbos?
Bob: Not yet, but we can.
Jessica: It’s really good, Lol. Or we could go somewhere we could get a drink too.
Bob: Which is the best place you feel really comfortable?
Remember, be direct decisive and get right to the point. Extend an invitation, and invite her to join you. Now you’re going, “Where would you like to go your highness?” And notice what she does.
Jessica: Lol, I don’t know. What do you like?
So in other words, she’s hitting the ball back and basically saying, “Make a decision. You’re supposed to be the man.”
Bob: Everything, Lol. Well, what we can do is first go to J. Gumbos, and then we will see how it goes from there.
Jessica: LMAO, no, I want to go somewhere else. [laughing emoji]
She’s kind of seeing what you’re made of. She’s changing the plans, jerking you around because she’s got the impression that you’re just going to wilt. All she has to do is try to intimidate you a little bit, and you’re going to back down.
Bob: Well, I can go anywhere. How about you tell me options you feel comfortable with, and then we will decide.
Now you’re asking her to be the man and make all the choices and decisions instead of inviting her. And what happens next? Nothing. She completely left you hanging. There’s really not a lot to do in this exchange. You’ve got to be patient and let her reach back out to you. But I wouldn’t be saying things like that. I would say, “Unless you’ve got a better idea, let’s plan on J. Gumbos. How about Tuesday at 8:00?” and see what she says.
Remember, if she’s really excited to see you and really likes you, has high interest, she’ll make definite plans. This girl obviously has really low interest. It was obvious she was willing to interact with you, but because her attraction was low, you really can’t make a lot of mistakes in the text exchange. That’s why she kind of left you hanging. So the key is, let it be at this point. You’re waiting for her to respond, and if she does, nail her down. Be direct, decisive, and get to the point.
So to summarize, what you’ve got here is a woman with low interest, but she was willing to give you a shot. She asked you to make a decision, and then you didn’t. Then you made a decision, and she said, “I don’t want to go there. I want to go somewhere else.” Then you said, “Whatever you want to do.” It just comes off as very beta in your response, and that’s why she left you hanging. You really couldn’t make too many mistakes with her before she blew you off. She may reach out.
Second Viewer’s Email:
I met her on Bumble. She is so hot and was really cool on chat, so on a Wednesday I asked for her availability. She gave me a maybe date for the weekend, so I left it for another time.
Remember, as I talk about in “How To Be A 3% Man,” if she’s not willing to make definite plans, you withdraw the offer and say, “Well, let’s just do it another time.” If she’s really interested, then she’ll make plans with you. It’s just a test of your strength, especially if she’s got lots of options and she’s really hot. If she’s on a dating app like Bumble, she’s probably got thirty other dudes throwing their dicks at her, and some of them are probably going to be better looking than you. So your game’s got to be tight in order to get the date, versus the other guys she’s chatting with.
The next Monday, I asked her out again. She gave me a definitive date for Thursday.
Notice how her attitude changed. The other thing is, she could be in a different headspace. Maybe it didn’t work out with the other guys she liked more than you. Maybe they displayed weakness, or maybe they blew her off. And now all of a sudden when you reach out a week later, she’s in a different headspace, and boom, she makes a date with you. That’s why practicing infinite patience and not being in such a fucking rush can really work to your advantage. Notice, she’s more flexible now.
The date went great, and we kissed in her car a couple of times when she drove me home.
The next Tuesday, I asked her out again, but she told me that she didn’t know her schedule, so I told her to contact me when she figured it out.
You do that with your friends, it’s the same with women. But what most guys do is if they don’t get something right now, they think, “Oh shit, something’s wrong,” they try to force things, and that’s where you get double texting and things of that nature.
Ten days later, she contacted me on a Friday evening. I replied next morning.
She’s trying to get you to drop what you’re doing to spend time with her. Maybe there was another guy she wanted to spend time with, things didn’t work out with that dude, and that’s why she’s reaching out on a Friday night. Maybe she got blown off. Let her fucking wonder. She took ten days to get back to you. You can match and mirror it back to her. You’ll get back to her the next morning. You’re fucking busy. Let her wonder if you’re maybe on date with somebody else.
She replied in the evening, and I replied on Sunday afternoon and asked her out again. She didn’t give me a day, so in a funny way I told her I was done,
She’s trying to test you. If she’s got ten different dudes that want to go out with her, she’s trying to figure out which one is more masculine. She wants to see which one she can get away with fucking with and which one she can’t. By handling these things properly, you can be the one who raises her attraction level when there are other dudes that are better looking than you.
She’s being evasive, trying to jerk you around, trying to see if you’re going to be okay with being a backup plan, playing second fiddle. This happened in a video I did a couple of weeks ago, “The Cure For Flakey Female Behavior,” where you see a woman try to get away with jerking a guy around, he drops his plan for her, and then she fucking blows him off anyway. In other words, she’s trying to see how compliant you are, how masculine you are, how much you’re willing to let her waste your time.
that if she is not going to give me a definitive date, I was out of there.
You politely withdrew the offer. You weren’t butt-hurt or offended about it. If you’ve got several people you’re trying to fit into your own schedule, because you’re busy yourself, then you’re not going to leave your only one or two nights open for her to jerk you around. You’d rather make plans with somebody who’s excited and flexible to make plans with. It shows that your time is valuable, and as hot as she is, you’re not going to let this hot girl waste it. Whereas, most of the guys she’s talking to are going to let her waste their time.
She seemed scared, so she rushed to ask me out on Tuesday, and we set a definitive date.
On Tuesday the date went great, but at the bar she refused to kiss me when I told her to do it in a charming way. At the end of the date, she brought up the subject “setting dates,”
Now she’s taking a run at you to see to see what your compliance is.
and told me that she only plans dates in advance with friends, but with guys she just plans at the last minute.
With guys that she’s not that into, she plans at the last minute, because it’s better than staying at home. She texted you late on a Friday night, because her plans probably fell through.
I told her that I always plan my weekends in advance and left it at that. In that moment, I was so turned off by her that when she drove me home and was about to kiss me good night I gave her the cheek!
That’s kind of funny. It’s good you gave her the cheek. You’re matching and mirroring her behavior.
She was shocked, I told her that if she is not going to plan dates with me in advance, I was out of there. She tried to convince me for 10 minutes that is was okay for me to be her backup plan. I always refused with a smile on my face and walked away.
So if she was shocked you gave her the cheek, you could be like, “You look shocked. You really wanted to kiss me, didn’t you?” Then you grab her mouth, slowly move her over, and then you kiss her. That’s what I would have done differently in that situation. But I like that you gave her the cheek. It’s kind of funny. As long as you’re doing it with a smile on your face, like you don’t really care one way or another. You’re just as detached to the whole thing as she is. It creates attraction, because you could take it or leave it as well. If you have options, and you have an abundance mentality, you’re not going to care.
Later, she messaged me saying that she didn’t know what to say, that she was stunned. The next day, she messaged me again asking if she said or do something wrong or it just the “setting dates” matter. I teased her a little bit and told her that I would love to see her again, but only if she was willing to set definitive dates in advance with me.
Good. You’re reiterating again, “definite plans or no deal” in a charming and playful way. And she’s trying several different ways to get you to cave.
On Friday morning, she told me that it wasn’t a date planned in advance, but if I was free in the evening that she wanted to see me.
Notice what she did there, “Well, I only go out with guys if it’s a last minute thing,” so she’s texting you again at the last minute on a Friday night, because she’s got nothing else going on, to say, drop what you’re doing and spend time with me. Now the average guy is going to think, “Oh, this is great. Let me drop what I’m doing. I’ll cancel my plans with my friends and I’ll go out with her, because she’s really hot.”
I told her I was busy, but we could go out on Sunday. She agreed to it. On Sunday morning (yesterday) she cancelled on me with a reasonable excuse but didn’t bring up a reschedule. Because of a one-month trip that starts on Wednesday for vacation, I told her it was okay and left it as that.
Thanks to your book. I was able to stand up for myself and didn’t let her convince me to be her backup plan. Would you have done something different?
I like how you handled yourself. It depends on how much you like her. When you really like a girl and you’re really into her, it’s easy to be playful and funny, say ridiculous shit and not take things too seriously. But what I don’t like is she’s cancelling at the last minute. She’s purposely trying to jerk you around and have her way with you. It’s passive aggressive behavior. Ideally, you want a woman with a good attitude, who doesn’t take herself or life too seriously, who’s easygoing and flexible. But the lower the interest of a woman, the more you’re going to hear things like this. You did a good job of interacting with her. You did great. I’m proud of you. You didn’t let her jerk you around.
I will do no contact with her on my vacation, and if she does, I will keep it really short. I will be busy having fun! If she contacts me when I’m back, I will ask her out one more time.
If she reaches out when you’re on this vacation, and you’ve got time, just be like, “Oh, I’m having a blast here, but if you’ve got some time, let’s catch up and do a video Skype date. Let’s have a glass of wine together or something.” See if she’ll make a date on video chat, because remember, you’re not going to see her for a whole month. So again, you’re looking for flexibility. If she wants to chat with you, that would be a good sign.
But if your schedule’s all jammed up, and you can’t talk to her, I mean, she wasn’t really willing to go out of her way to make plans with you. She’s really difficult. You spent a lot of time texting and interacting with her, and very little time going out on dates.
If she gives me another maybe date, I will stop asking her out until she gives me what I want. Do you agree?
I would look at a woman like this and this kind of situation as just somebody to get good with your banter skills and being playful, and look at the fact that she’s not really opening the door. Remember the Adam Carolla quote from my book, “When a woman likes you, the doors open, and all you’ve got to do is walk through them. But if the door starts slamming in your face, you walk away.” She’s not really willing to accommodate you. I don’t see a lot of flexibility on her part or her being easy going. She seems like a difficult pain in the ass.
I wouldn’t want to put up with this, but if you really like the girl, you have fun with her, and you don’t really have a lot of other women you can practice with, it’s good practice to see if her attitude will change. But as you get good, and especially if you get some good options, you just won’t want to put up with this nonsense.
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Author, Speaker, Peak Performance Coach, Entrepreneur
“Women are attracted to men who display dominant masculine traits and that they can’t jerk around. Men who know what they want, go for what they want and won’t tolerate time wasters and tire kickers. Women who have lots of romantic options often display flakey, indecisive and inconsistent behavior to test the strength of their potential male suitors. This is how they separate the men from the boys. The boys will allow themselves to be jerked around, toyed with and confused by their behavior. The men will be direct, decisive and get straight to the point of making definite dates with a definite day, time and place to meet, or they will politely withdraw the offer and make plans with someone else who not only values their time, but who is flexible, easy going and excited to make plans with them.” ~ Coach Corey Wayne
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