The kind of women who always chase men, and how you can become the kind of high-value man women love and want to chase.
In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss an email from a twenty-five year-old woman who has been following my work for the past five months. Initially, she says she hated me, because the guys who treated her like shit acted exactly like how I teach guys to be. However, she says she has since fallen in love with my coaching and has changed her attitude and mindset, even referring my work to men she knows could use the help.
She discusses how my work helped her to self-reflect, self-diagnose and come to understand why she chased certain men away and why she blew others off. It’s a great email to understand why women chasing men is natural, instinctual, innate and how to facilitate this behavior as a man when dating, so you both can be happy. My comments are in (bold parenthesis like this below) in the body of her email.
Thanks for the good work done. I am a 25-year-old female postgraduate student in Germany. I landed on your work via YouTube about 5 months back. Honestly, I first hated you, because the guys that treated me like shit acted exactly like how you were telling guys to behave.
(I don’t teach guys to treat women like shit. I teach men how to act like men so women are naturally, innately and instinctively drawn to them.)
But eventually, I fell in love with your coaching. Now I am a super fan and literally addicted.
I know it’s content meant for guys, but it has helped me so much on understanding men. I had read Steve Harvey’s work that is just for women. Combining that knowledge with what I have learnt from you is very helpful.
By the time I came across your channel, I was very frustrated,
(Well, people don’t come to me because things are going great in their life. They come to me because something’s not going well, or something’s going sideways, and they’re trying to figure out what the fuck to do to turn it around),
the kind of girl that always did all the chasing, the pursuing and all the guy’s work.
(There’s nothing wrong with doing all of the chasing. However, when the other person doesn’t reciprocate and celebrate your attention seeking, but instead takes it for granted or mistreats you, that’s when you’ve got to back off. Women who don’t back off are doing it because they don’t really value themselves.
When you don’t value yourself, eventually the other person is going to start treating you like they don’t value you, because you don’t value yourself. Until you value yourself, you’ll never allow anybody to value you either.)
I am slender with a beautiful, curvy body and pretty face everyone finds too nice and sweet, intelligent and humble, or so they say. Adding that to my Christian values, surely it shouldn’t be hard for me to find and keep a good guy, but apparently it is.
(When you don’t have a high opinion of yourself, whether you’re a man or a woman, you’re going to talk people out of liking you. You’re also going to talk people out of hiring you if you’re looking for a job, and you’ll talk customers out of doing business with you if you don’ believe in your product, service or what you bring to the table. It’s just a fact of life.)
For one reason or two, I feel low on myself. I have serious confidence issues and lack of self-worth. The guys I am attracted to are either too good for me, or so I think, or it’s my obvious show of neediness and being desperate that pushes them away.
(Well, the key is to recognize that. Dating is like a game of tennis. You hit the ball over the net, and you wait for the other other person to hit it back. You want to make sure they hit it back and reciprocate, instead of running around to the other side of the net and hitting the ball back to yourself, which is what a lot of guys do, and obviously in this particular case, you’re doing as a woman.
Eventually, the other person’s going to get tired of hitting the ball back to a needy and weak person that doesn’t value themselves, and they’re going to walk off the court and find somebody else to play tennis with.)
I never saw it that way until I started following you. Yes! Some women need to secretly listen to you as well. I have personally learnt a lot.
Anyway, for now I have decided to first concentrate on me.
(The idea is to become a high value human being, to create a life and lifestyle that you love and that you’re proud of. To have a life’s work, a mission and a purpose, something that when you get up every day, you’re excited to work towards fulfilling. That makes you an attractive person. That makes you somebody who values yourself and values your life.
People who don’t give a fuck don’t eat healthy, they don’t work out, they don’t care about their shitty job, the shitty friendships they have or the toxic people in their life. They just really don’t give a damn, and their bodies become a reflection of their physical thoughts and lives.
If your body, your friends and the people in it are a reflection of somebody that doesn’t value themselves. When you meet somebody that highly values themselves, they’re going to lose interest really quickly because they want somebody that’s on their level. Maybe somebody that’s even a little higher up the ladder of life or success, so they can inspire and push each other to grow and become more. The purpose of all relationships is, you go there to give.)
I’m investing serious time in myself, listening to all of you life coaches, and first going to make myself a better woman. I wish you could come up with something for us ladies too!
(Well, you’re obviously learning from what I teach. I have a lot of women clients as well, because what I teach helps them understand healthy ways to interact with men and also ways to weed out guys that don’t know what the hell they’re doing, so they don’t keep dating the kinds of guys that keep hurting them.
When you see a guy taking advantage of you and not treating you the way you want, you can back off and see if he makes the effort you’re looking for. And if he doesn’t, you’ve got to be okay with letting him go. You want somebody who mutually chooses you, who mutually allows you to be you, and vice versa.)
Otherwise, I have recommended your work to a few brothers out there, and they highly appreciate it.
(I did an article many years ago and even referenced that article in my book called, “Why Women Prefer To Chase Men.” When you watch little girls that have great relationships with their dads, their father is their rock and mountain in their lives. When they feel unsafe or unsure, they go sit in daddy’s lap and tell their daddy what’s going on. Daddy listens, he’s supportive, he lets them talk, and then when they feel safe and comfortable again, they get up and go back out into the world. When they grow up and become women, they do the same thing with their men.
There’s a reason why women wear all the makeup and dress in very sexy clothes. It’s to get attention. When dating, they don’t come right out and ask you out on a date. They’re just giving you an opportunity to notice and celebrate their beauty, because they know if you like them, you’re going to be glad they got in touch, you’re going to get right to the point, and you’re going to make a date.
Remember, women are emotionally, mentally, spiritually and physically designed to receive the strength of a man. After the first two to three weeks, if you follow the protocol that’s in the book, as long as she’s not a lunatic, she’ll pursue you and make it really easy. As Adam Carolla said, “When a woman’s into you, the doors start opening, and all you’ve got to do is walk through them. But if the doors start closing in your face, then you turn around and you walk away.” Both people should do that.
If you’re not getting treated the way you want to be treated, and if you ask the other person in a loving way to treat you the way you want to be treated, the strongest negotiating position is being able to walk away and mean it. Some people are not going to treat you the way you want, and it’s silly to sit around trying to change them or hoping that things are going to get better, especially if that’s how they’ve always interacted with other people. Having the strength to walk away shows self-respect for yourself. You should respect and value yourself first, because if you don’t, nobody else will.)
If you have a question you would like me to consider answering in a future Video Coaching Newsletter, you can send it (3-4 paragraphs/500 words max) to this email address: Questions@UnderstandingRelationships.com
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From my heart to yours,
Author, Speaker, Peak Performance Coach, Entrepreneur
“Feminine energy is about bonding, connecting, opening up to receive love, dating, relationship labels, commitments, nesting, family and becoming one. Masculine energy is about purpose, drive, mission, succeeding, accomplishing, breaking through barriers, overcoming challenges and fulfilling one’s purpose. Men and women both have and utilize both energies, but in order to maintain sexual polarity and attraction, they must behave in ways that are congruent with their natural dominant essence. Women are naturally, innately and instinctively driven to get noticed by and seek the attention of men. Men are naturally, innately and instinctively driven to notice and celebrate beauty. This is why as long as men are direct, decisive and get right to the point of noticing and celebrating their beauty, women will continually chase and pursue men. This is the dance of courtship and romance.” ~ Coach Corey Wayne
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