The Power Of No Contact, The Takeaway & Indifference

How to use no contact, the takeaway & indifference to get what you want from women.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a coaching client who shares a success story of a girl he met in Thailand that things originally went sideways with. He went into no contact and eventually she reached out. He shares what he did and said to finally seduce her and have a blast when he traveled back to her country for a friends wedding. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

Hi, I’m Coach Corey Wayne and this is my Video Coaching Newsletter. And the topic of today’s Members Only Newsletter is, “The Power Of No Contact, The Takeaway & Indifference.”

Well, this email is a success story from a previous Coaching client. And so I can’t remember all the specifics of what we talked about because this was probably 6 to 8 months ago, I guess, that we had a phone session together. He says, back in August, I guess it was. So it’s been about six months now.

And so this was a girl that he met in Thailand briefly, and things kind of went sideways. And then so he went into No Contact, and then he was going to be traveling back to Thailand at some point in the past few months for a good friend’s wedding that was getting married in Thailand. And so after he went No Contact, this girl started to come back.

And so he shares his success story of how he was able to seduce her this time around. So it’s a really good email. It just kind of ties together a bunch of things, the Power Of Being Indifferent, the Power Of Walking Away, the Power Of No Contact, and using The Takeaway.

Remember, the strongest negotiating position is being able to walk away and mean it. It’s a scientific fact that women are more attracted to men whose feelings are unclear. Women like you way more if they think that they’re more into you than you are into them.

Viewer Email:

Hi Coach,

I called you for a phone session back in August about seeing a girl from overseas. I wanted to let you know—it was a success! Quick recap of our call: I met her through a friend in Thailand who’d met her through church. After I ignored her and acted cold, she grew distant and no longer appeared interested. Let’s call her “A.”

I can’t remember what he was doing, but he was just acting too cold. Because the idea is, if you’re kind of aloof and mysterious, when women don’t really seem to be paying much attention to you, or their interest is low or whatever, and you back off a little bit, then what happens is they start to move forward. But some guys take that too far.

They take being indifferent too far, and then they’re just a cold fish. And every time they interact, they act like they don’t care and they aren’t interested and they don’t want the girl around. And eventually she starts to think, “Either he’s just using me for a booty call, or he doesn’t really like me at all.” And then they disappear, and then they start pulling away. And when that happens, the guy freaks out and starts chasing her back.

So the idea is you’re trying to learn the sweet spot between pursuing too much and pursuing not enough. Between being too warm and up in your feelings versus being too cold and distant and being a cold fish to the point where you make her think that you really don’t like her and don’t want anything to do with her. The idea is that you pull away just until she comes back or reaches out, because that’s what you’re looking for.

If she reaches out as The Book says, you assume she wants to see you and you make a date. If she’s gone cold and won’t open up her schedule to make plans to see you, or if she’s friend zoned you, you don’t stick around for that. That’s why you walk away.

After our call in August, I decided to leave her alone. A month of silence passed.

And so what happened is she got used to life without him. Because the woman starts to realize at some point, if she doesn’t reach out to this guy, she’s probably never, ever going to hear from him again.

And then she randomly reached out with an inside joke we’d shared. I kept it short, but she suddenly mentioned she wouldn’t be going to the wedding where I’d planned to see her, even though I hadn’t brought it up. I replied, “That’s too bad. It would’ve been great to see you. If you ever change your mind, let me know.” She made up some excuse about being busy, so I left it there.

The week before flying to Thailand, I reached out and asked to meet. She gave another excuse about being tired after work, so I used your takeaway: “That’s too bad, take care!” and left it at that. The following week, I asked once more, and she dodged it again. So I said, “Let me know if you ever change your mind, I gotta run, take care.” And stopped reaching out since that was two rejections.

I did slip up once. I told her I was interested but wouldn’t dwell on her answer, which came across as a bit needy and butthurt. She replied with a smiley and “thank you,” and that was that. There wasn’t much else to say, so I let it go. When I got to Thailand, my friend told me she’d unexpectedly shown up to dinner that night, expecting me to be there. Even he was surprised, since she hadn’t planned on attending. I thought it was odd after all the mixed signals.

So you can see a little bit she’s kind of playing hard to get, acting like she doesn’t care, then she acts like she cares. He tries to make a date. She blows him off.

The next night, she appeared at the spot I’d originally asked her to meet. I smiled at her whenever she looked my way, but I didn’t engage and just enjoyed myself.

So remember, he’s reached out to her a couple of times. She kept giving excuses why she was busy, and then she even shows up in the venue wherever they’re at. So instead of going over to her and talking to her, he makes eye contact, smiles, probably waves, and then goes about his business because all of her interactions were, “Eh.”

She wasn’t trying to make plans to get together. She kept telling him how busy she was. In essence, she acted like she wasn’t interested and wanted him to leave her alone. So that’s basically what he did. He was polite. He, in essence, acted like he would have acted if he was tired of fucking her. He would have been polite, but he’s not doing anything to try to make her think that he wants to rekindle things.

Later, she texted me, asking why I hadn’t spoken to her. I kept it playful and replied, “If you’re that worried, you could’ve just come talk to me. Well, I gotta run, take care!” and ended it there.

Because he had interacted with her so much, he had two rejections in a row and as 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back says if you reach out twice, or she reaches out to you twice and she still won’t make plans, then you just are never going to ask again unless she brings it up first. So just the fact that she says, “Hey, why didn’t you come over and talk to me?”

And he just flips it around. He says, “Well, if you’re that worried, you could have just come over and said hi.” But she wouldn’t do that because it was clear she was kind of playing games with him. She was trying to play hard to get, and he just wasn’t going to participate.

The next day we had a group outing, and guess who showed up again. I kept the same approach, only making small talk when she initiated and otherwise enjoying my time.

So again, he’s continuing to be polite and respectful, acting as if he was already tired of fucking her. Because again, he had tried multiple times to get her to agree to a date and hanging out together, and she would just basically say “No”, or give him an excuse of how busy she was. But yet she keeps showing up here. But since she’s rejected him multiple times, the only way he’s going to mention hanging out or getting together as if she brings it up first.

That night, she asked what I was up to, and I told her I was at a Thai kickboxing match. I made a joke that didn’t land well and ended up apologizing, then apologized again for being cold before.

Yeah, I don’t know why you’re doing that, but it just shows. You can see there’s some mistakes he’s making throughout their interactions. Like, you know, he’s reaching out to her twice when he got there, despite the fact that, she had blown him off and wouldn’t make dates. But you can tell the effect that it has is that her interest was still going up.

I felt like it was a mistake, since it didn’t sound very masculine, but it didn’t seem to do much harm in the end.

Yeah, because the fact that she’s showing up at the venue after all that period of No Contact, you know, he’s not perfectly clean. This is not what I would consider 100% following The Book. He made some mistakes, but he’s able to get away with it because her interest is going up, even though she’d been denying him for dates. It’s clear that she’s becoming more aggressive and putting herself into his orbit and making more of an effort to get his attention. And that’s what you’re looking for.

The next day, while I was getting ready at the wedding venue, she texted again, asking what I was up to and if she should come to the wedding. I simply replied, “Of course, it would be great to see you.” She then opened up, saying it felt like I didn’t want to see her and that she wanted to meet me at the wedding. Suddenly, she was very eager to connect. She came as my plus-one. We danced, spent some time alone, though she left early. Just having her there thanks to the takeaway was incredible.

Yeah. This girl is really skittish.

After the wedding, I went to Vietnam for a week. When I got back, I invited her out again.

Again. I wouldn’t have reached out to her but he’s doing that. Because this girl is, she’s a little different. She’s a little harder to get. She’s not making much of an effort. Seems a little structured. Pretty shy.

She claimed to be sick, so I did the takeaway once more and wasn’t planning to reach out again.

Yeah, this is why I would not have reached out. I would have let her reach out to me. And so he’s reached out for the third time now to try to plan something. And once again, she says she’s sick.

She tried to keep the conversation going online, but I kept ending it with, “I gotta run, take care!” every time she tried to chat, immediately cutting off her attempts.

So that’s good that he was doing that because he’s not going to become her texting buddy. And what he’s also trying to do is avoid just giving her attention and validation that he’s interested because he’s tried multiple times to set dates and she just won’t do it. She tries to keep him engaged and be as conversation and text. And because she didn’t want to get together. He’s like, “I’m not going to waste my time with this girl.”

The next morning, she invited me out—but with her friend—to see a waterfall. I know you advise against group dates, but at this point, I no longer gave a shit and just wanted to sightsee. I was in a new, beautiful country and wasn’t going to let anyone ruin it. I decided to enjoy myself regardless. During the outing, I even started chatting with “A’s” friend and got to know her while exploring trails on my own. I didn’t try to flirt with “A” at all.

Yeah, so if she brings a female friend and the first girl that you’ve been trying to date is ignoring you, then hey, you’re going to kind of hit on her friend and chat with her and give her attention. Because I mean, this girl is not making any effort. Every time you try to make a date, she says no, she brings a friend. It’s like, “Well, hey, maybe your friend’s down to hook up.”

Eventually, her friend left us alone, saying later she wanted us to have time together. “A” and I spent the rest of that day together. We went to an amusement park, played games, and shared a kiss. From that point on, “A” invited me out every day. By then, my mindset was, “I already tried; she should be the one inviting me out now” My takeaway and laid-back attitude paid off.

Well I would say his multiple attempts to try to set dates even though she kept telling him, “No”, kind of delayed this happening. This should have happened earlier.

She was the one pursuing me, constantly asking me out. And then, as I said she was an “Abstinent-before-marriage Christian girl”.

Sure. Well, she she’ll be that until a guy comes along and is alpha enough.

She came over one night, and we ended up having a session of the Indoor Olympics, multiple nights, actually. She couldn’t keep her hands off me, to the point where I started dreading it because my cock was so worn out! I couldn’t keep up, Coach! That’s how horny she was. Overall, I had a fantastic time, and “A” and I are still in touch where she does 100% of the pursuing.

Yeah, with a woman like this, if you do any pursuing, it’s pretty counterproductive because you can see from the email any time you reach out to her trying to set a date, she was like, “no.” But when she reached out to him and he didn’t bring it up, she eventually started asking him out.

I know you advised against pursuing her, but I’m curious to see where it goes. Now that we’re long-distance again, she’s the one initiating contact, and we’re doing fun video dates. I plan to visit her again in a few months. Thanks again, Coach, for the guidance. Your material stands the test of time—keeping your cool, doing the takeaway, and focusing on enjoying yourself is powerful.

Peace out, and thank you for your wisdom!

Bob

Well, thanks for sharing the success story. As you can see, there’s several instances there where he did things that were slightly different and varied from The Book, and it looks like that kind of delayed them hooking up. But he did enough things right to where her interest still went up and they only got together once she brought up getting together.

Once he finally stopped asking, she started to realize that he’s going to go back to the States soon if she doesn’t do something about it. And then they ended up hooking up, and now he’s letting her do all the pursuing, which is really the way it should be anyways.

So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen on any page, and book a coaching session with yours truly. Until next time, I will talk to you soon.