If you are confused why she lost interest in you, here are some of the real reasons why it happened.
In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss an email from a viewer whose father is dying of pancreatic cancer. He had been dating a woman for about a month when the family got word from the doctors that there was nothing more they could do for him. He told this woman he was dating what was going on, and she seemed to be really supportive at first.
Then a few days later she ghosted him, and he’s kicking himself for telling her and believes this is why she lost interest. However, his email reveals what really turned her off, and it has nothing to do with his father dying, but what he communicated to her about himself and his intentions towards her without realizing it. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.
I’m sure there’s plenty of people going, “Corey, it’s always the man’s fault. You always blame the men for everything.” Well, the reality is 90% of my audience, people that watch these videos, are men anyway. And I’m coaching men. Most of my clients are men, and I only have the ability to influence the people that are actually watching and paying attention. And when I do answer an email from women, people give me shit because they’re like, “You’re supposed to be a coach for the guys. You’re not supposed to help women.”
So, either way, people are going to be pissed off at me. But I’m just here to tell you the way things are and the way they work in the real world. And this is a great example from How To Be A 3% Man. You’ll see why in a minute, why this woman really got turned off. This guy’s beating himself up over something, thinking, “Oh, telling her about my dad dying is why she lost interest.” It’s like, no, it’s not.
I got myself in a bit of an odd situation and I’m looking to understand where I went wrong. Long story short, I’ve been a live-in caretaker for my dad who is fighting an advanced form of Pancreatic cancer, and a few days ago we got word that there is nothing more that can be done for him.
Well, sorry to hear about your dad, dude. That really fucking sucks. It’s no fun losing your parents, but it happens to all of us. That’s reality. Everyone you love, everything you’ve built in this life, eventually, it’s going to turn to dust. Even this marble that’s hurtling through the galaxy at thousands of miles an hour, and all the climate change alarmists, and “we’ve got to save the planet,” it’s like, eventually the sun’s going to go supernova and totally incinerate the solar system, so it’s going to happen.
This news hit our family (and myself) hard. Meanwhile, I had been dating a girl for about a month and it seemed to be going extremely well. I wanted to attempt to keep a normal life amidst everything at home, so I got her number and asked for a date. After our 4th date, (great conversation, kissed her goodnight, she asked me to text her when I got home), I got the news from the doctor that there’s nothing more they can do.
You’re not kissing a girl until the fourth date, so there’s no sexual intimacy, nothing. This tells me you probably haven’t read “How To Be A 3% Man” yet. You’ve got to learn the fundamentals. You’ve got to participate in your own rescue. Because most women are going to sleep with a guy by the second or third date. That’s just reality. If you follow what’s in “How To Be A 3% Man,” oftentimes, you’ll be sleeping with her on the first night. It just depends on your skills, where the woman is at emotionally and how she feels about you.
I was devastated, and after notifying family, friends, and the church, I thought about this girl. Should I tell her, should I try to play it cool even though I just got the worst news of my life?
Well, the reality is if you’ve had four dates and you just kissed her for the first time, she’s kind of a casual acquaintance. And you go and you dump this on her, you could tell what’s he thinking, “This is my girlfriend. I need to tell my girlfriend everything that’s going on.” Remember the simple formula, hang out, have fun, hook up. You don’t treat women like girlfriends you just kissed for the first time on the fourth date. Hang out, have fun, hook up. So far, you had only been hanging out, having some fun, and you got a little kissy-poo.
I called a few friends, (including her cousin who introduced us), for advice.
The other thing is you shouldn’t be involving friends and family about advice just because you were introduced to this woman, because whatever you say is going to get back to her. And quite frankly, most people don’t understand the things that are in “How To Be A 3% Man,” and oftentimes it will end up making you look weak, unattractive and undesirable without realizing when they’re trying to help you.
Because men who have women that are throwing themselves at them and who have choice don’t need to be built up. They’re going to hear things like, “Oh, all the girls love him, he’s a ladies man. Lots of girls are hoping to get him to settle down and be their husband,” and things of that nature. But somebody that’s having a tough go of it, that’s not very good with women, it’s like “He’s a really great guy.” Or if you’ve had a woman that you know, “Oh, I want to introduce you to this woman. She’s perfect for you.” Well, was she’s hot? “She’s really nice.” You’re like, “Oh, she’s probably ugly,” that’s what you’re thinking.
So, when they’re saying things, trying to build you up, they’re actually making you look weak and desperate and it’s not helpful, so I wouldn’t be involving other people in your relationship and telling everybody about it. Because again, you’ve been on four dates. You just kissed her for the first time, so it’s obvious you’re way more into her than she is into you.
I decided to set up a call with her a few days later and let her know what’s going on to tell her 2 things:
1) I asked her to not feel pressured about the situation and not feel obliged to stick around if she realizes I’m not for her, even with everything going on.
Bro, come on, man. Think about it. Does that make you look sexy, and desirable, and attractive, and lots of women are just dying to make you their man? Or does that sound like a guy who’s used to getting rejected, always gets rejected and expects to be rejected by her?
So, basically, “Hey, please reject me now and let me down easy, because I really super duper like you, and I was hoping you’d like me back. But hey, it never works out my favor anyway, because this is what always happens to me.” That’s basically what you communicated. Remember, hang out, have fun, hook up. Does number one fit into this? I think not. You just told her you were unattractive and undesirable and no other chick wanted you, basically.
2) I asked her where she stood with all of this.
“Are you ready to have a relationship with me yet?” That’s basically what that said. Dude, love is playful and fun. It’s not serious. You just kissed her for the first time on your fourth date. So, more than likely on the first three days where nothing happened, she’s probably already thinking, “This guy has no confidence. He’s not moving things along.” And then you puke your interest all over her, it’s going to overwhelm her.
“I’m feeling so overwhelmed.” Women will actually come out and say that. Because she’s like, “Eh, I don’t even know if I want to go out with this guy again. He’s kind of an okay kisser,” but then you you’re treating her like you have this really important relationship. You’ve been on four dates and you kissed her once. There’s really nothing there. She’s probably dating two or three other guys, if she’s really attractive.
I emphasized that I’m not looking for any commitment and honestly want to keep getting to know her with little pressure on dating.
It’s like, this is such a such a big deal. These are the kinds of things you should have just mentioned in passing on your next date. You should have been like, “Hey, I’ve got something to tell you. If I seem a little off tonight, I just found out my dad, he’s got pancreatic cancer and there’s nothing they can do for him.” She’ll be like, “Aww.” She might jump your bones on the date, because she bonds and connects and you share something. But instead, you’re making it out to be this big emotional ordeal.
Maybe on some level you’re hoping, “Hey, she’ll like me when she feels sad for me because of what’s going on.” There’s a right way to do everything. And like I said, if you were on a date you could have brought this up in passing, because the key is to be unperturbed. I mean, it’s horrible when you’re losing a parent, but the key is not to totally come unglued, to be able to maintain your emotional self-control and still go out and have a good time with her.
Because, quite frankly, she’s an escape from the fact that there’s nothing you can do for your dad. All you can really do is spend time with him and love him, and the same thing with the rest of the family. And I’m sure your dad would be happy to know that you went out on a date and got your brains fucked out by a cool chick. But obviously, that’s not happening in this case.
But also requested that if she knows this isn’t going anywhere or is just casual for her, to respect my time and let me know, so I can spend what time I have left with my dad.
That’s pretty heavy. So in other words, again, if you understood women and you understood where you stood with her, you would never say anything like that. Again, hang out, have fun, hook up. I don’t see any of that in item number two. I see just seriousness and, “Are you ready to be my girlfriend? Are you ready to take this to the next level? I know we just kissed for the first time the other night.”
I’m sure I’m being a hard ass, but you know, people don’t pay me to blow sunshine up your ass. Because that’s what you’re going to get, “Oh, if it’s meant to be, it’ll be. Just give her some time. It’ll work out.” I’m just giving you the brutal, honest truth, because I want you to learn from it. It’s painful to hear and learn these things, but I don’t want you to make these mistakes anymore.
And also other people that are in similar situations, I don’t want them making the same mistakes. Everybody learns, everybody gets better. So, it’s great that you wrote the email, because you’re helping yourself and literally millions of people around the world over time.
On the phone, she seemed empathetic, (she’s a therapist), and even suggested we meet sometime the next week.
Did you make a definite date?
About 2 weeks have gone by, and she won’t respond to my texts and has hidden her story from me on Snapchat.
Hang out, have fun, hook up. Not happening. You got too serious, too soon, treated her like a girlfriend, even like somebody you were serious with. But you communicated, and I’m sure your friend, the cousin that introduced you, “Hey, he really likes you. He’s going through a tough time. You should be there for him.”
She’s like, “I don’t even know this guy. We just kissed for the first time the other night. It’s kind of inappropriate for me to say I’m ready to have a relationship with this guy.” So, obviously, if you knew “How To Be A 3% Man,” you would know that this is 100% going to lead to rejection.
I’m kicking myself that I didn’t keep my cool but hoped she would understand the situation with my dad.
Oh, I’m sure she totally understood the situation with your dad.
We’ve discussed it quite a bit before on dates.
So, she’s aware of it, but you basically just said, “Hey, you ready to have a relationship with me yet?” Instead of hang out, have fun and hook up, you went hang out, have fun, little bit of kissy-poo, “Hey, you ready to have a relationship with me and be serious?” That’s the opposite of what I teach, my man.
Did I do the right thing Coach?
It’s been some of the hardest months of my life…
I know what it’s like to lose a parent. It fucking sucks.
…and crushing to have a response like this instead of one of empathy.
Well, If I’m honest, it’s harsh, but you did it to yourself, bro. You did not follow the instructions in “How To Be A 3% Man.” I say read it 10 to 15 times all the time. And anybody that hasn’t read it, you can read it for free at UnderstandingRelationships.com. Just subscribe to the email newsletter. You can read my second book, “Mastering Yourself,” for free at UnderstandingRelationships.com also. But wait, there’s more! “Quotes, Ruminations & Contemplations,” you can also read that, so you can try before you buy.
So, to the guy who wrote the email, I implore you to read “How To Be A 3% Man.” Never call or text her again for any reason. Let her do 100% of the calling, texting and pursuing from here on out. I’d be following what’s in “7 Principles To Get An Ex Back.” She blew you off, she ghosted you. You don’t chase after her. You don’t start pursuing again because somebody ghosted you and then reaches out a few weeks later.
If she ever reaches out, assume she wants to see you and invite her over to your house to make dinner together. Hang out, have fun, hook up. If she says, “Oh, let’s meet out for coffee,” just say, “No. You know, with everything going on. I was just in the mood to hang out, have a bottle of wine, maybe make a nice, healthy dinner together, chat and catch up and look into those pretty eyes of yours, and maybe a little more kissy-poo. But if you’re not up for that, then give me a call in two to three weeks when this all blows over, and maybe I’ll be up for meeting you out for coffee or lunch then.”
So, obviously you’re not going to agree to any of that. But hey, the strongest negotiating position is being able to walk away and mean it, and that’s why you invite her to your place to hang out. You’re not going to say, “Hey, let’s hang out, have fun and hook up together.” You’re just going to invite her over for dinner. And you’re going to politely decline any offers to do anything other than that, or meet her out, or pick her up or any of that.
If she’s like, “Oh, just come pick me up. I don’t feel comfortable coming to your house,” just say, “Yeah, well, you know my cousin. We’ve been on a four dates. If you don’t feel comfortable coming over my house, then give me a call in three or four weeks and, you know, things will be back to normal. I’ll be up for meeting out then.” And just leave it at that. As long as she comes over three dates in a row and you hang out, you have fun and you hook up all three dates in a row, then you can meet her out and pick her up. But you’ve got to let her do 100% of the calling, texting and pursuing.
And you have to actually follow what “How To Be A 3% Man” says. That’s reality. I know it’s harsh, but the truth is a nasty pill to swallow and it doesn’t serve you or anybody else to just say, “Oh, it’s fine. It’ll be nice.” Because you’ve got everybody in your life telling you that, and that’s not helpful. I’m just I’m ripping the Band-Aid off. I’m like, hey, this is where you’re at, bro. This is what really happened. So, just as the Mochabear would say, (@Mochabear_actual on Instagram), the guy I train with, he would say, “do betterer.” Do betterer next time, that’s all.
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Author, Speaker, Peak Performance Coach, Entrepreneur
“Women don’t dump men they are highly attracted to and in love with. They dump and ghost guys they have low romantic attraction and respect for. Women care most about how men make women feel about them. Men’s high romantic interest in women does nothing to make women more attracted to them. Men professing their feelings to women shortly after they meet does nothing to increase attraction and usually turns them off, because these guys don’t know these women well enough to have such intense feelings. Women will feel smothered, like they are losing their freedom, and slowly back away. It’s always better if women think that they like you more than you like them, because they will chase and pursue you more to seek your attention and validation. If women are always chasing you, then you never have to worry about being dumped.” ~ Coach Corey Wayne
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