How you can avoid unnecessary romantic self-sabotage due to becoming overwhelmed by irrational fears.
In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss an email from a viewer who unnecessarily sabotaged a romantic prospect with a woman he really liked because he violated several principles from my book, How To Be 3% Man, and was hijacked by his irrational fears. While on a date, he became overwhelmed and tried to end it early, and when she protested, he vomited all of his insecurities and fears onto her.
At the end of the evening, she didn’t want to kiss him, even though she had asked to kiss him on their first meeting and did. He’s confused as to why she rejected him. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.
He basically talked her out of liking him, and so you can kind of see this. I mean, this happens. You can imagine, if you become hijacked by your fears, you become overwhelmed. Like in this case, this guy wanted to get the hell out of there. He’s thinking, “I better leave and end the date early, because she’s not going to like me if I stick around too long.” And so, he’s driven by his fears and he literally caused the situation to happen where she didn’t like him.
He screwed it up, and he’s scratching his head, “Why?” He did it to himself. You have to feel the fear and you have to do it anyway. I mean, if she’s with you, if she’s on the date, make the best of it and see what happens. The goal is to apply the fundamentals of what’s in How To Be A 3% Man, so you can successfully seduce her.
This girl that I met at a party I conversed with according to the books’ criteria.
Everything went well, I left after an hour or two and she asked me if she may kiss me. I obliged.
Everything sounds good. It looks like the girl is really into him, because she asked to kiss him.
For our second date things went really well, but after an hour, (for some reason, probably because I felt insecure and needed to end it before I started fucking up), I tried calling it a night.
So, you can tell what his mindset is, “I’m not good at this. This is not going to work. If I spend too much time with her, she’s going to find out what I’m really like and then she’s not going to like me.” So what does he do? He does something totally weird and out of the ordinary. He basically communicates, “Hey, I’m not interested you. I’m cutting the date short.” And so, here’s her reaction.
She asked me if she did something wrong. I started thinking “What the fuck am I doing?”
Yeah, dude, what the hell are you doing?
And she called me out on it and pressured me to tell her why.
You’re giving off the vibe that you’re not into her. And in her mind, she’s thinking, “I like this guy.” She kissed him. And now she’s on the second date, it seems like it’s going well, and now you want to get the hell out of there. She’s thinking she did something wrong. But that’s not it.
Remember, women love confident men. And so, the next thing I’m going to read, while you’re listening to me read these things, does this sound like the actions of a confident guy, or a guy who’s seen too much bullshit feminist propaganda?
I basically opened up about a past relationship, (c’mon man… on the first date?)…
Yeah, come on, man.
…and the date turned all serious.
Well as “How To Be A 3% Man” says, love is playful and fun. Hang out, have fun, hook up. But instead, he’s basically saying, “Well, I got hurt in the past relationship, and I’m damaged goods, and I have no confidence, and I don’t believe in myself. And the real reason why I was trying to end a date early is because I don’t think I’m worthy.” That’s basically what he told told her.
After a bit of talking, we had a reset and kept drinking and talking. I felt like I was actually turning it around again.
Well, at that point, her feelings had completely changed, because you just basically told her, “I’m a fruit loop. I’m messed up. You shouldn’t want me.” All of the things that you feared, you basically revealed to her. You didn’t feel worthy, and she’s going to go, “Oh, you know what? You’re not worthy.” And you’ll see that at the end of the date when we get to that part.
We had traditional sake together, it was kinda cool. After a while, I said I want to move to another place and she said “Where to?” I said, “Do you want the nice answer or the bad answer?” She says “Both.” The nice answer was, “I’ll thank you for the evening, kiss you goodnight and walk home, so we can both get back to our studies tomorrow.” The bad answer was that I’ll invite her home to my place. She chose the latter.
So, he’s thinking, “I’ve got this. She’s mine now. Cunnilingus, here I come!”
After taking a cab there that she paid for, we got into my room and we started talking and enjoying a bottle of wine. She started opening up about some sad aspects of her life and her issues.
Well, this sounds like such a fun date. It’s like a therapy session. It went from being a date to he turned into her gay male girlfriend.
Cool by her, and after a while of talking and listening to music, (I even performed a bit for her), I went and told her and said, “I really want to kiss you right now,” and I go for the move.
Well, men don’t ask for permission to kiss. It’s like, if she’s ready to be kissed, if she’s giving the signs that are in the book, then you kiss her. It doesn’t it sound like he was paying attention to that. He’s just going, “Hey, this is the time where I kiss her now.”
She shies away and says she’d like to wait.
Huh? “She’d like to wait?” Hmm… really? This is the same girl that asked if she could kiss him when she thought he was confident and had his shit together the first time they met, after only talking for an hour or two. But now she’s like, “I’d like to wait.”
So, in other words, what she’s really saying is “I’m not interested in kissing you, bro. You totally turned me off, but thanks for the entertainment. And by the way, can you play another song for me? I like the fact that you’re a performing dancing seal.”
I ask her if she feels right with it, and she says it’s an intimate thing for her to kiss.
Well, remember, after they first met, within an hour or two she was asking him for permission to kiss him. So, where do you think her interest is at this point? It’s obviously platonic, and she’s not interested. He literally talked her out of liking him. The thing he feared most is exactly what he did.
We keep talking for another hour, and then she has to leave. I go for the kiss again, but she gets offended almost because I didn’t respect her decision. I’m just confused, Corey. How come she insists on kissing me on the first time we see each other, but she shies away from it this time?
Because you were mysterious and you were confident when you first met, and she wanted to kiss you. And you’re making the mistake of thinking the way she felt those first two hours when you met applied at the end of the night after your train wreck date, after you basically turned her into your mommy and your therapist and you talked her out of liking you.
Did I fuck it up too much?
Yes, you did.
Have I turned in to a gay male girlfriend?
It looks that way, if you look at her actions.
Please help me. I can’t get my mind off of her.
I wouldn’t call or text her for any reason. If she does reach out, invite her over to make dinner at your place. Hang out, have fun and hook up. Don’t meet her out, don’t pick her up or do any of those things. Just follow the script in “7 Principles To Get An Ex Back.”
But it looks like you’re probably never going to hear from her again. Put a fork in it, dude. You just can’t behave this way on a date with a woman, especially when she is really into you and you act like that. You know, if you’re feeling the fears inside, you’ve got to exercise emotional self-control. Bite your tongue, bite your lip. Put a tack in your shoe and press down on it firmly with your heel or your toes, and have that be the pain that you’re feeling to help overwhelm what you’re mentally feeling. Whatever it takes, dude. You’ve got to exercise self-control.
And as “How To Be A 3% Man” talks about, you’ve got to be thinking, “Is what I’m about to say to this woman going to make me look more attractive and masculine in her eyes? Or is it going to turn her off?” And obviously, all the things that you just vomited all over her, you basically talked her out of liking you. You did the opposite of what the book teaches.
So, I would encourage you to read the book 10 to 15 times. And don’t ever do this shit again because it doesn’t work. It’s not good. No bueno. It’s just going to give you a bad case of blue balls. And this is the kind of shit where girls will talk and then that can get around. That is not good for your reputation, so knock that shit off. Don’t do it again.
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“In order to get what you want in life, you must take action in spite of your fears, instead of becoming hijacked by them. Fears are the greatest destroyers of dreams and goals because people tend to avoid what they fear, despite the fact that getting what they want in life requires taking action even when they are fearful or uncertain about the outcome. If you don’t conquer your fears, you will be conquered by them and never reach your full potential.” ~ Coach Corey Wayne
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