The difference between Coach Corey Wayne and a pickup artist in how they go about setting dates women keep.
In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss an email from a viewer who has been following my work since 2015. He recently talked to a dating coach, but some of his advice conflicted with mine. So, he followed what he learned from me and got good results.
He shares the exchanges he had with this woman after a good first date and what the pickup artist told him to do, which sounded strange as he was trying to set a second date. He was able to successfully seduce her on their 2nd date. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.
What I like about this email is that you really see how women are always trolling men to test them. They want to see, do you just lose it when they don’t reply right away or they don’t do what they say they’re going to do?
I did a video last week called “Loving Indifference Makes The Difference.” It was based on an Edgar Cayce quote, and it just totally lined up with the Thich Nhat Hanh quote of “You must love in such a way that the person you love feels free.” And so, the idea is loving indifference. It’s like, you’re cool either way. If you’re driving the fun bus and you’re making multiple stops and picking up fun people, cute girls, to hop on the fun bus, if somebody doesn’t want to get on or they want to get off, it’s like, hey, no problem.
Maybe they get on down the road at a different stop. Either way, you’ve decided ahead of time that you’re going to be happy, you’re going to be calm, you’re going to be relaxed, and you’re going to be excited to see what shows up next. And so, this is really important because a lot of guys, things go sideways. They have a good first date. The woman doesn’t reply right away or she’s got something going on with her schedule, and because they’re insecure and they’re trying to force things, they get upset that things don’t go the way they want to.
They’re like,”Hey, why aren’t you replying? Hello, is anybody there?” They start sending multiple texts and they get upset, and so, they communicate that they’re totally perturbed. And then the women just never reply after that. It makes it really easy to weed out the betas from the alphas, the undesirable men, from the desirable men who have their shit together.
You could see just things could have gone either way with this. And so, the guy did the right thing and, obviously, got the right results. As I say all the time, even if you think I’m full of crap, if you apply what you learn in How To Be A 3% Man, Mastering Yourself, and Quotes, Ruminations & Contemplations, my third book, you’re going to get great results. You’re going to improve the results you were getting on your own.
Something to always remember and the way I look at it, and it’s a masculine way to look at it, whether it’s your mother, your female co-workers, your friends, your girlfriend, your wife, your friend’s kids, women that are with you as a man are also under your protection. And it’s your job as a man to provide a blanket of safety, so they can express and be who they really are.
It doesn’t mean that it’s okay for them to be a lunatic, but it just means that you make it safe for them, because when they feel safe around you, they feel safe to be submissive, to be vulnerable, to be extremely feminine. And if they don’t feel safe around you, then they’re going to avoid you and they’re going to move into their masculine, because they don’t feel safe.
Big fan. I wanted to tell you of a recent experience I had with a woman that resulted in success after listening to your advice over a pickup artist.
I might not always be right, but I’m never wrong. I say it all the time. I always break people’s balls about it. If you’ve watched any of the the health series that I did with Chunky and Gracie, I’m pretty much right 100% of the time, even though it’s frustrating, especially for Gracie, me being right. Because one of the her core values, when we went through her list of things that are most important to her, is that she likes to be right. And obviously, the coach is pretty much always right. So, it’s fun to troll each other.
But if you guys are into health and the things I talk about in “Mastering Yourself,” I took them through the 30-Day Challenge, which is the smoothies, the green juice, the nuts, the salts, the way I eat, the diet. And you can see they both look great. They both had problems with acne and skin problems, and they cleared up dramatically when they were following the protocol.
They felt better and they looked better and they admitted it, begrudgingly in Gracie’s case, (but I’m used to being right). But it’s a cool series if you’re into health. You can look at the view count on those things, and any time I talk about health or other things, other than dating and relationships, people just don’t care. Which is sad, but it’s just the sad reality of society.
People just don’t want to work out, they don’t take care of themselves, even when it feels better. I have the same struggle with my own family trying to get my dad to continually juice. He’s just lazy, he doesn’t do it. He feels better, he comes over to my house, and the first thing he does when he comes over is go straight for the fridge to get some green juice, but he won’t make it for himself.
I’ve been listening to you since 2015 and listen to your book regularly, and since I’ve had a lot more success with women. I’m fairly introverted, so I wanted to get better at flirting, bantering and escalating. I paid for a dating coach and some of his advice has contradicted yours.
I went on a first date with a woman a few weeks ago, and it ended in a few make out sessions. She texted me after saying she had a great time. A few days later, she texted me again saying, “What are you waiting for?”
Obviously, she really liked you. That’s a good sign. She’s bothered that she wasn’t hearing from you. And if she wasn’t bothered, it would have meant she didn’t care, but the fact that she’s like, “What are you waiting on? Let’s go, let’s do something, let’s make something happen,” that’s good. This is what you want to see. And so, he’s thinking, “Hey, everything’s looking great.”
I asked for a second date, but she said she was going out of town and “maybe Sunday if I’m not wiped.”
So, when you refer to “How To Be A 3% Man” and you try to make a date and you get a maybe date, you don’t take to maybe date, because you’re busy. Your time is valuable, and she’s going, “Ehh… well, maybe I’ll hang out with you.” If she’s like, “Eh…” then you’re going to make definite plans or withdraw the offer.
And she had another trip the following Wednesday. I said I was busy Sunday, (no maybe dates), but could on Tuesday. Otherwise, we can wait until after her trip.
Which shows that he’s in no rush. Like Rumi said, “Slow and steady, like the river that never grows stale. No hurry, no rush.” Loving indifference. Either way, he’s cool, he’s happy. Like I talked about the fun bus analogy, “Maybe she’ll meet us later on down the road at another bus stop.” The right people will get on at the right times.
She didn’t respond to my text.
So, she left him hanging on purpose, obviously. She’s used to doing this with guys, because usually when they do that, when they just don’t respond right away, that’s usually when the betas lose their shit, freak out, start sending multiple texts and getting angry and upset, and they blow it because they’re perturbed. You have to be unperterbable. That’s loving indifference, you’re cool either way.
Instead of getting butthurt or chasing, I sat back and didn’t text her, as I knew this was probably a test of strength and ignoring me was rude, so why chase?
Remember, hang out, have fun and hook up. The hang out part of this, it means a definite date. She wasn’t willing to make a definite date, she never responded, so you do nothing. Because dating is like tennis. The other person’s got to hit the ball over the net. She didn’t hit it over the net.
If you have abundance, if you have plenty of other choices and options and you just simply understand what’s in this sweet little blue book, you’re not perturbed, you’re not worried, because it all works out in the end. Besides, you want to be with a girl who really likes you and really wants to be with you and makes the effort. And there’s also a chance, you never know, that there is another dude in the background, an ex-boyfriend, a guy she liked more, who knows.
The following week she texted, “I really did want to see you again!”
So, remember, she’s saying she’s on a trip. That’s kind of like, “Go have fun. I’ll be on a date with this other girl anyway.”
I said, “I know, I could tell by our kiss. We can hang out again after your trip.”
I told the pickup artist all this, as she seemed to be uncertain about me. He thought I was being “too logical” sticking to logistics, and his advice was to text her a picture of a rooftop view that Saturday and say, “I have a better weekend view than you,” and tease a little after that. Then leave her last text on read and wait until the following week to “go full assault” and ask her out.
So, I understand why the pickup artist is telling him to send a picture, because you’re trying to paint an image of how much fun it’s going to be with you. And the reality is girls just want to have fun. I did a video titled that years ago called, “Girls Just Want To Have Fun.” And so, the pickup artist is saying you paint a picture of how much fun we could be having together.
But the reality is he’s trying to make a date, she’s out of town anyway, she’s not really cooperative, and it’s a man’s job to be direct, decisive and get to the point, not just leave it up in the air. Because when you just leave it up in the air, you’re in essence letting her take control of the fun bus and drive. And women don’t want to drive. They don’t want to be in control. They want you to be in control, no matter what they do. You don’t just give them control of the bus, because then it goes down the ravine, which is not good.
The advice seemed weird, because if she was just seeking attention, why give it to her?
I mean, at the end of the day, she’s out of town anyway. To me, sending a picture of, “Hey, my weekend view is better,” it’s almost like seeking her approval. “Hey, you should be with me. You made a bad choice,” as opposed to “Eh.” When you look at texts like how big are your texts versus hers, if you write these long texts and you get one or two word answers or one line back, you’re investing more energy than the other person is, and you want to match and mirror that.
Instead, I just waited until Monday and asked her out. She said yes.
Because, again, she’s out of town anyway, so nothing’s going to happen.
And the second date ended in sex. Who knows if listening to the pickup artist would have caused rejection, but staying with the Corey program proved successful, even when the girl was testing and wishy-washy.
That’s why when they’re wishy-washy, it’s loving indifference. You’re not bothered either way, you know she’s out of town. You’re trying to make a date and she’s kind of leaving it up in the air, so you just get back to her later when you know she’s in town, trying to make a definite date then.
Because if you’re in sales, that’s what all good salesmen are taught. You’ve got to get the prospect in front of you, so you can sell them face to face. You can’t do it over the phone or the internet. If they’re buying a car or a boat, something they are physically going to want to touch, or sit in, or test drive or come down and fill out paperwork for, you’ve got to get them face to face. And he knows she can’t get face to face for a week anyway, so why put in all this extra effort?
The other thing you look at is she’s leaving him hanging. She didn’t reply for a week. So, she’s not in a rush, why should you be in a rush? She’s not making you a priority, why should you make her a priority? Why should you send her a picture of where you want to take her, where you want her to be if she’s not reciprocating? You’ve got to match and mirror the woman’s actions.
So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge in your personal or professional life and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen and book a coaching session with yours truly.
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Author, Speaker, Peak Performance Coach, Entrepreneur
“Being calm and remaining calm when you don’t feel like it is a masculine super power. It’s the height of having and maintaining emotional self-control. Women love men who are in control of themselves and not easily rattled. This makes it feel safe and comfortable for women to experience the depth of their emotions with the blanket of safety that men have the potential to provide. Loving indifference makes the difference. To love women however they show up, as long as they are being respectful towards men and their healthy boundaries. To love in such a way that they still feel free to come and go and be who they really are.” ~ Coach Corey Wayne
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