Update: She Wanted To Be Celibate After A Religious Retreat

An update to the newsletter She Wanted To Be Celibate After A Religious Retreat.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email update from a viewer whose girlfriend came home after a religious retreat to say she wanted to be celibate. She asked for a break and when she finally reached out he made dinner plans at his place. He shares what happened and how things are going so much better now in his life.

He realizes his mistakes and what he learned from them. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

Viewer Email:

Hey Coach,

How is it going?

So this is an update on the situation you answered a few months back. It’s over LOL, she reached out during the break, I invited her to my place to make dinner as you said, but it was just to dump me LOL. Anyways, it’s over. After this, I’ve reflected on my behavior and, boy, I acted such a pussy! Lesson learned.

Yeah, because if I remember right, when she came back, it’s like she was expecting him to just buy all the BS of what was going on. I think it was supposed to be a bunch of girls at this retreat. Then it turns out it was actually co-ed and some of the girls brought their boyfriends, and I guess he wasn’t invited, if I remember right. It just was not a good situation. So I don’t think any man would be OK with that unless they’re swingers and they just don’t care. A guy’s looking for monogamy, exclusivity, he’s not going to want to be involved with somebody like this.

I’m writing to you mainly to follow up on my recovery of this nasty situation. NOW I’m really following your teachings and, oh boy, I’ve been getting laid like never before. I have a nice rotation for myself so I can practice your material, and I can definitely see where wrong in my previous relationship, and this is a message to all guys that may be in a situation similar to mine. NEVER accept terms or conditions that are not to your liking in a relationship. You will be miserable and you will get dumped anyways. Please, fellow men, stand up for yourselves and your values. That creates attraction, not being a people-pleaser.

So part of the issue was that he was making excuses for her and putting up with it and rationalizing it away going, “Well, maybe she really is religious,” and then of course, when he found out what was really going on at this so-called religious retreat, he was not excited about it, which I can’t imagine any guy would be.

So that’s my update, Coach. I am in a much better place today, thanks to a lot of internal work and your teachings. If something happens with my ex or if I find a better woman, I’ll let you know.

Take Care,

Bob from Chile

Well Bob, I must say that the whole series was pretty interesting. I mean, it’s not every day you hear your girlfriend going off to a religious retreat. It’s supposedly going to be all women, and then turns out it’s co-ed. On top of that, they’re all like, getting naked and standing out in the sun together, howling at the moon or just doing unusual rituals. Then she comes back and she wants to be celibate, which basically is, “Hey, I’m going to put you in time out as my boyfriend while I go sleep with other dudes.” Which is pretty much what looks like what happened. Then she finally did him in once she completely monkey-branch to somebody else.

That’s what I’ve seen with people that get into swinging lifestyle or do these kinds of things, is that it’s not that they’re necessarily swingers. They’re not happy with who they’re with, and they want to have the ability to meet and date and sleep with whoever they want and, in essence, monkey-branch. It’s like a way to get a legalized hall pass, and once you find somebody better, it happens a lot, guys will be married, they go and they get in this stuff, and then their woman’s really just looking to monkey-branch or they’re looking to monkey-branch. It’s not because they just want to have other partners and they’re promiscuous like that, it’s just they’re not happy with who they’re with, and they don’t have the guts to go it alone and be single. So they create the conditions, an open relationship or swinging kind of lifestyle, so they can explore other people. Then once they find somebody new, then they break up with their other partner. It’s not that they were ever really interested in swinging. They just wanted a monkey-branch and get a hall pass, and that’s basically what it looks like happened here.

She got the hall pass and as he said, he was a people-pleaser. He admits that he acted like such a pussy and he tolerated this, and since he tolerated it, she lost respect and attraction for him because no self-respecting man is going to be OK with that. Now he can look back at the past and go, “Man, I really acted like such a pussy,” but hey, we’ve all done stupid shit and we didn’t know any better, or we were emotionally wrapped up in a woman before we get really burned. It’s usually the pain of getting burned that causes us to change our approach and realize that what we’re doing is sub-optimal and we need to change our approach. So thanks for the update, dude. Let us know if you hear from her again and what happens next.

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