What Are The Chances She Comes Back After I Acted Too Beta?

How to gauge the chances she comes back after you acted too beta & got dumped.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a 46 year old viewer who got dumped by his girlfriend of a year and a half. He realizes that he acted too beta and often lost his center that led to her losing attraction and dumping him. She’s now seeing another guy but still contacts him. She told him she doesn’t have any romantic feelings for him anymore. He wants to know what are the chances she comes back. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

Hi, I’m Coach Corey Wayne and this is my Video Coaching Newsletter. And the topic of today’s Newsletter is going to be, “What Are The Chances She Comes Back After I Acted Too Beta?”

What this particular email. This guy’s 46. He got dumped by his girlfriend of about a year and a half. And so now he’s got into my work. He’s read 3% Man. And if you’re new here and you haven’t read 3% Man, it’s free to read and UnderstandingRelationships.com just subscribe to the Email Newsletter and it’ll open up right in your web browser. So just so you know, again, if you’re new, these Video Newsletters are based in the premise that you understand the basic principles and the book and the idea behind the videos is to help you fine tune what’s in the essence, the coaching manual, because these are obviously guys that are in real world experiences.

I’d say probably 80% of the guys that come to me are in a similar situation. They were in a relationship. They were happy to be in a relationship, and then all of a sudden they got dumped and they’re going, “what the hell happened?” And they didn’t see it coming. And so when they start reading my book, watching videos, they realize they were doing and saying a lot of things. It was extremely unattractive to ladies. And they got dumped because you see a lot of people online, and ex is an ex for a reason, Corey. But when a guy was wanted to be with the girl and without realizing it, he became just like most of us, brainwashed by society and TV and the movies.

And you adopt and you get emotionally anchored, and you adopt this behavior that, quite frankly, is the opposite of what’s innate to all of us. It teaches basically men like women and women to act like men. And when you act as a man, you act more like a chick and you act soft, and you don’t act like a leader, you’re going to dry your girl up. She’s going to lose interest. She’s going to lose respect for you. And depending on her level of character, is going to determine how nice or how nasty she is when she breaks things off. So this particular guy, they had one breakup and then he went No Contact. And she reached out.

Shortly after that, they started hooking up again, got right back into a relationship, but this time she broke up with him. She basically said she didn’t have any romantic feelings for him anymore. And more often than not, women will stay with the guy to the point where their feelings are completely gone. So the reason why you go No Contact, especially this is a great example, this particular email is, because you want sex and romance, and she wants friendship. And so he knows through the grapevine that she’s already started seeing another guy, but she doesn’t know that he knows that.

And so he was so desperate to be with her that he initially agreed to be friends only. And once he started going through the videos, he realized that the way he was going about it was a bad way to go. Because he’s not interested in being friends. So he says, “hey, I’m not interested in just something platonic. Hit me up, if you change your mind. Otherwise, “I don’t want to hear from you again.” Because he said, “I’m not interested in being friends.” And now he’s going, “what are the odds that she’s going to come back? The odds typically flip a coin. It could go either way.

Depends on how far along she is with the other guy. But typically in this case, because he was with her a year and a half, she’s going to be more emotionally bonded to him. So as long as he cleans up, his behavior, starts behaving masculine the way the book teaches, he’ll create and reignite the attraction. Because as the weeks and months go by and she doesn’t hear a peep from you. Then she starts to get used to what life is like without you in it. And if there’s a chance, there’s a little bit of a tinder, a smoldering, if you will, under the surface, it’ll start to reignite.

She’ll test the shit out of whoever she may be talking to or dating now. And usually because most guys don’t know this stuff. There’s a 97% chance they don’t. They’ll flail, they’ll make mistakes, they’ll do unattractive things, and they’ll drive her back into your arms. And if you do everything right, especially if you’re in this case, this guy should be following the Article and Video that I did in this topic, 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back. So what happens is she tests the new guy and this guy has cleaned up his behavior.

The new guy will help drive her back into his arms, and if he’s cleaned up the behavior, he takes reading the book seriously 10 to 15 times, and then maybe every six months he goes through it once, once more, just to kind of keep it fresh so he doesn’t kind of go back to sleep. Because remember, whatever you observe, you participate in. And we’re guys go wrong or they struggle long term is they start doing real well and they think they’ve got it. They don’t want to read the book anymore. They stop watching videos, six months, a year or two later they don’t realize it, but they totally backslide.

It’s, you know, you got to apply this stuff. Repetition is the mother of skill. It’s great that you read the book 10 or 15 times, but you got to apply it. And then once, like I said, once or twice a year, the guys that do the best, they just go back to it maybe every six months, go through it once. I mean, if you put the audiobook on 2X and then follow along in a digital or physical copy, you can get through it in about four hours. So there’s just no, everybody’s got 4 or 5 hours to spend every six months. You can do an hour a day for three, or 4 or 5 days. An hour and a half a day. Whatever happens to be.

And you’ll figure it out. So, because again, this is what’s usually on most guy’s mind, this is like when I look at the emails that come in, “what are the chances she comes back?” Because the thought of her not coming back and then accepting that you were the one that drove her away, that’s a tough pill to swallow. That’s why the Red Pill does so well is because, “it’s not your fault. It’s modern women. Modern women are fucked, bro. Their social media has blown up women’s egos. They’re all like that.” No, they’re not. Maybe the losers that those guys talk to. But not most women that come from good families. Right, Oshi baby.

So let’s go through his email.

Viewer Email:

Hi Corey,

I’m 46 so is she. She dumped me after a year and half. I’m now on my 2^nd time with your book. I’ve seen enough of your videos to see where I fucked up. I was definitely beta.

See, this is, you can’t solve problems unless you can talk openly and honestly about them. And here he’s going, “I fucked up.” This is what Jocko Willink would refer to as “extreme ownership.” Because you can’t fix anything unless you admit your fault in the matter. And if you look for a way to say, “it’s not my fault, then there’s nothing to fix.” And if you don’t fix anything, well, she ain’t gonna come back. Even if she does, she’ll find the fact that you’re exactly the same.

And that’s again, you’ll see here in a little minute, a little bit after the first time they broke up and she came back, he hadn’t changed at all. He just went No Contact for a few days. Her feelings started to bubble up and then they got back together. But this time, her feelings really dropped significantly before she left. I mean, as she said, she lost all romantic interest in him and feelings for him. And remember, women only care about how they feel about you. Not what a great dude you are.

She flat out told me what she needed, and I would do right for a bit, but lose my center. A year into the relationship, we broke up for roughly Three weeks. I did No Contact, she reached out, we went right back into a relationship. I didn’t know about you then, so obviously I didn’t do anything to change during the breakup.

So that’s why she left for the same reasons.

Five months later she tells me she doesn’t have romantic feelings for me anymore. Only then did I discover your book and work. I did everything that I wasn’t supposed to, except any begging or pleading. She has reached out several times the last few weeks, and cares about me, but wants to be friends.

So if she’s doing that, you’re like, just say, “I’m dying to be friends with benefits. But I’m not going to just strictly be platonic friends. That doesn’t work for me. Call me if you change your mind.” You got to focus as a man on what you want, and let her walk away. Let her go, “Oh, no. I just want something platonic. As I told you, my romantic feelings are totally gone. I don’t feel that way about you anymore.” It’s like, “well, that’s okay. If it bubbles back up, hit me up. But I’m not interested in being your gay male girlfriend or your platonic friend. That just doesn’t work for me. I’m not interested in that. And if you only want something platonic, then I would ask you to refrain from contacting me anymore so I can move on and heal and find somebody better who appreciates me.”

She’s already seeing someone else, she didn’t tell me, but I know. At first we did talk about being friends, but I was so distraught, I would do anything to be with her so I agreed.

Yeah, that’s not good. Because deep down she knows. Again, what was his problem? As he said, he acted too much like a beta. That’s what the beta male does. The beta male says, “okay. Oh, I just want her in my life. I don’t want to lose her completely. I’ll agree to be your friend and then maybe she’ll come back.” No, she’ll just know that you’re a bitch. She’ll use you for attention and validation.

And when she gets serious with somebody else, you actually make it very easy for her to move on, especially if you keep pursuing her once you’ve been friend zoned. The strongest negotiating position is being able to walk away and mean it. The only way you’ll ever truly own a woman’s heart is if she knows that if you push her too far, you’re going to walk and you’re never going to look back, and you got to stick to your guns. It’s just the construction notion. Don’t start barking. Nobody wants to listen to you going, Grr.

Other than her reaching out though, there has been No Contact from me.

Well, she does reach out, again, invite her over to make dinner. Follow what’s in 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back.

After reading your book once through and watching many of your videos several times, yesterday when she text me, I replied to her that I couldn’t be only friends, and to only contact me if she was interested in a romantic relationship only.

Or you could just say, “sex and romance. I’m down for that. We can be friends with benefits. We don’t have to get back together. But I’m not going to be your platonic friend. That’s never going to happen.”

Or never contact me again.

So he drew his line in the sand. He says, I’m not interested in something platonic, basically. And so when you do that, especially in this case, after he’s agreed to being friends only, which is a bad way to go, you should expect to not hear from her for a while. Maybe a few weeks, maybe a month. It depends on how far along she is with the other guy and how long he was friends with her. Because the longer you agree to be the gay male girlfriend and you hang out, and especially if you’re continuing to pursue it, further cements in her mind that she made the right decision by breaking up with you.

And since she knows you’re there and you agree to friendship, and if she really wanted to, you would agree to be in a relationship again. She knows she can go back to you. That makes it you’re her backup plan. Then it makes it really easy for her to move on with somebody else when you do that. But the alpha, the guy who’s high value, has options and choices. He’s like, “I’m not into that. I’ll see you later.” You know, like the Tom Petty song, “Good Love is Hard to Find.” If you think you can do better than me, then go. If I don’t take you all the way, then go. But remember, good love is hard to find.

My question is, with all of your work, what are the chances that I ever hear from her again?

It’s a 50/50 shot, dude. Again, I don’t know what you did or said or how bad things really got. There is another guy in the picture. But what you got on your side, leverage wise, is you got a year and a half with her. You got a year and a half and with her. So she’s most emotionally bonded to you more than any other dude that she just met. Unless, of course, this is an ex or some guy she always wanted to be with, but he was unavailable or whatever. But it’s a 50/50 shot. Because again, I don’t know how much damage you’ve done or where she really was. All I can go off of is what you write in your email.

If you want to further in-depth analysis, book a phone session and we can go through it in detail, and then I can tell you what’s really going on. But the most important thing none of that really matters. What matters is you cleaning up your behavior. Because as you found out when you broke up with the first time, nothing changed. You came back and you went right back to behave in the same way you did before. In other words, you kept exhibiting the same behavior that got you dumped the first time.

Our relationship was always good, except the fact I did everything that would cause her to lose attraction.

Yeah, you dried her up. You turned her pussy into the Sahara desert.

Even with that she still cared for me as I did her. I just failed at being masculine and keeping her attraction.

Well, at the end of the day, it doesn’t matter what a good guy you are or your history, or you spent a year and a half together, or that you’re rich, or that you’re handsome or you’re jacked. None of that shit matters. Only thing that matters is how a woman feels about you. And she got to the point where she felt like she didn’t have any romantic feelings for you at all. That’s why No Contact is so powerful. And it’s the only thing that’s going to help you. It’s going to give you the best possible chance to get her back. And especially if the other guy starts fucking up or she goes out on a few dates and they don’t go well, and she hasn’t heard from you in a couple of weeks, and then she hears through the grapevine that you’re just, life’s great and you’re having a good time.

It doesn’t seem to have affected you at all. And by the way, they hear that you were out with some cute girls, then that can potentially, because nothing flips a switch in a woman quicker than her hearing about you with somebody younger, hotter than her. And as if you just moved on like it’s not a big deal. It’s just the way women are. Women like you more if other women like you, if no other women like you, than it’s easy for them to not like you either. So continue to read the book, continue to follow it. And next time she reaches out, because you’ve already drew the line in the sand and you told her, “hey, don’t contact me unless you’re interested in sex and romance.”

And so if she does reach out or she sends you a meme, or she says, hey, if she texts you at like 8 or 9:00 at night, just say, “come over.” Hang out, have fun, hook up. When she comes in, you kiss her on the lips. This is your girl. This is the way you treat her. You don’t try to go back into a relationship or lock her down to a commitment. You just create the next opportunity for sex to happen. And then when she leaves, say, call me later. Let her do all the pursuing, all the reaching out. That way you remain a challenge. She has to work to get you. That’ll give you the best possible chance. And it would help you if you had some other women. Because again, she’s got another guy, even though she’s not telling you about it, you know about it.

It would help you if you had a couple other girls to practice with. And I’ve talked about this many times with the girls on the podcast when we’re doing the live streams, which, by the way, we do live streams on Thursdays from 2 to 4 Eastern. That’s same time zone as Miami & New York, and 1 to 3 p.m. on Fridays, where we answer your questions. But all the girls are like to them, it’s just common sense. Well, why wouldn’t you be talking to multiple guys when you’re single. You want to find the best possible chance because they’re looking for who makes them feel the most for them. In other words, which guy is the most masculine and most attractive? And that’s who they’re going to gravitate towards. And they don’t feel any fucking remorse at all.

Most guys have a hard time dating more than one woman at the same time, because they’re not used to it. But women do it, and to them it’s common sense. It’s like, duh, why wouldn’t you? So if it’s and at the end of the day, she’s dating somebody else, what do you know? That’s at least one guy you know about. There might be 2 or 3 other orbiters that are there as well. That’s why when you’re trying to apply what’s in here, and especially in this case, because you’re emotionally bonded and anchored to her, because all the I mean, again, he was willing to agree to be friends only because he just the thought of her not being in his life, he couldn’t handle it.

But then hearing about her dating some other guy and probably potentially sleeping with him while he’s friends only, and blue balls, then he’s like, no, that dog won’t hunt. He’s not going to do it. So the good news is you stood up for yourself. But in the meantime, you got to read the book, and you got to be applying it with other women. And if you got the more women you got in your life, the more you’re a social person, the more you can just go hang out with friends and family and mingle with other people and meet other women and go out on dates and talk and flirt and apply what’s in the book so you can see that what’s in the book works.

Then the sooner you will grow and then when your girl breaks No Contact, she finds, unlike the last time, she finds a completely different version of you, one that’s consistently masculine. Then she’ll be saying things like, “I never thought my feelings would go beyond friendship for you. I never thought I would fall for you. I never thought I would feel this way about you again.” And you’ll start hearing shit like that. And that’s very satisfying because as I wrote about my book, I got to experience that. It’s nice when a woman says, “there’s just something different about you. I don’t know what it is. I can’t put my finger on it. There’s something different about you. It’s because most guys don’t act this way.”

Most guys are the 97%’s. So it really doesn’t take a lot to separate yourself. But you got to do the work. You got to put the time in. Don’t be a fucking lazy ass. Don’t be a cherry picker. Put the time in with the book. The guys have the best success stories, but the timing with the book and they practice with other women. They don’t feel guilty about dating multiple women at the same time because women do it and they don’t feel any fucking remorse. So you shouldn’t. To them it’s common sense, so you shouldn’t feel bad about it either.

So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, if you’re in a similar situation trying to figure out what to do or if there’s a chance your girl is going to come back, I’d suggest booking a one on one phone session with yours truly. Go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen on any page, and book a coaching session with yours truly.

If you haven’t already signed up for our Paying Exclusive Members Only Content in the video description is video. There are links to join on YouTube or you can join on Spotify or preferably our Website UnderstandingRelationships.com. Just click the “plans” tab when you get there or the link that’s in the video description. And with the website, you can do a seven day free trial to check out what content you get for your money. And if you choose an annual plan, you get a 25% discount at the end of the seven day free trial period. So all of the live streams, the Viewer Questions that we answer. The girls. Usually they run about two hours apiece.

All those are in the Member’s Area so you can watch it for free live. But if you want to watch the replays of any of them, obviously it’s behind the paywall on YouTube, Spotify or the website. Plus we have a lot of extra Video Newsletters that I do for the Paying Members, other Viewers Questions. We’ve got the 3% Man Study Group, Mastering Yourself Study Group, where you go page by page in the books. So there’s, I don’t know, 50, 60 episodes of each of those. And each episodes an hour, an hour and a half long. So there’s a lot of class time I got for, again, the Paying Members. So you get a shit ton of content for a basically a cup of coffee a month. It’s like, if you can’t afford a cup of coffee, it’s like, come on.

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Sign up for a seven day free trial, and hopefully we’ll see you guys in the live streams. Thursdays 2 to 4 and Fridays 1 to 3 p.m. That’s Eastern Standard Time, same time zone as Miami and New York. And by the way, if you subscribe on YouTube, it doesn’t give you access to Spotify. Spotify doesn’t give you access to the website. Wherever you subscribe is where you consume the content. I’ve seen some people think if they join on Spotify, it gives them access to YouTube and the website, which it’s three completely different platforms. There’s no way that that’s possible. Just as a side note. So until next time, I will talk to you soon.