What To Do When She Pulls Away For Absolutely No Reason

How to respond when she pulls away for absolutely no reason.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a viewer who had a first date with his dream woman recently. It went well, but the wrinkle he has is that he went out on two dates with her cousin nine months ago. He went out on a group date with the two of them to meet the dream girl. The cousin unfollowed him after and now his dream girl takes days to reply and it’s driving him nuts.

He doesn’t understand why she pulled away. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

Well, there’s always a reason, but this guy is wondering what happened.

So he had a first date with his dream woman. So that tells us that she’s basically his Kryptonite. Most guys just cannot handle going out with a smoke-show, much less dating her, casually getting into a relationship and maintaining it without losing it. So this guy’s obviously struggling. The interesting thing here, the wrinkle that he’s got in his story, is that this particular dream girl, he went out with her cousin like nine months ago, and he said in order to meet her, he had to go out on a group date with the girl he went out with twice. This particular girl, so I suspect, he doesn’t say, but I suspect he’s like, h”Hy, let’s all hang out.” So when they were hanging out together, he gets the girl’s number, they go out on a date, and then after the first date, which obviously he’s in like La La land, he’s excited about it, I mean, who wouldn’t be?

I mean, as a man, the first time you’re out on a date with the type of woman that you think just doesn’t get any better than that. It’s hard if you’re not used to it. Especially if deep down you’re afraid you’re not good enough, typically, most guys, what they do is they talk to girl right out of dating, liking, and sleeping with them because they don’t understand that attraction is not a choice. So since then, the cousin unfollowed him and now his dream girl like takes days to reply to his messages, which he’s not real happy about because he’s in La La Land over here. So he’s like, “Why did this happen?”

Well, it’s pretty clear that the cousin probably said something or the the girl that he went out with said, “Oh, I went out on a date with so-and-so,” and she was probably pissed. Again, I’m just suspecting, maybe I’m wrong, but I’m suspecting that he got in touch with a cousin like, “Hey, let’s meet up. I like to meet your cousin,” or whatever. “We should get together,” and maybe when the cousin stepped away, he got the number. I don’t know how that all came about, but for her to unfollow him like that, she must be pissed. It’s also possible he just absolutely bombed on the date and now the cousin was not happy with the way he treated her. I don’t think that’s the case, but it more than likely the cousin, because women are very competitive, probably didn’t like the fact that he only went out on two dates with her and likes her cousin more obviously, so she might have torpedoed it and said some bad things about him. So we have to consider that as we’re going through this email.

Viewer Email:

Hey, Corey!

Been a follower of yours since 10+ years ago.

Well, I appreciate you sticking around.

Have never actually read 3% Man, but have heard the audio version many times and seen the vast majority of your videos.

Well, in order to be a real serious student, you’re trying to commit this to your noodle. Basically the noodle up here, not the noodle down there. The idea is that if you’re looking at a physical copy or a digital copy and the words are being spoken, you can put it on like two-speed or like one-and-a-half speed, but if it’s on two-speed, you can get through the whole audio-book in about four hours. But what it does by looking at the book and the words as they’re being spoken, it’s really hard to get distracted and for your mind to wander and daydream. So the more you’re focused on the words that are being said by the audio-book, and you’re looking at them with your eyes, you’re not going to be like, “Holy shit, look at that girl in the red dress.” You’re gonna be paying attention to the book and it’ll be a much better read for you. Retain more.

So we’re trying to be efficient at this because if you’re just driving in your car, you’re doing some things in your house and you’re listening through your stereo or your Sonos system, or you’re working out in the gym and you’re playing it through your AirPods, I mean, you’re constantly getting distracted and not really paying attention. So although it is good to listen to the book like that, a lot of times it becomes background noise. Then there’s large chunks while the audio-book is playing, where you’re thinking about something else and not even listening to the words. So same thing, drive it in your car.

So those are just less effective ways to get the stuff into your brain. So just keep that in mind. That’s why I say read it 10 to 15 times. I want you to get to know the book so well you can teach a class on it because the book is littered with great information on how women operate, teaching you pickup skills, dating skills, and relationship skills, and you must understand all of them. Especially like, a lot of guys focus on the pickup in the early dating and seduction stuff and they started hooking up all the time. They’re like, “What is Corey talking about 10 or 15 times?” And they don’t read the book. Then six months later, they get into a relationship and they’re just all over the ice because they don’t understand the information. They’re perpetually stuck in the first few weeks of dating and behaving in a way that is really only appropriate for the first few weeks of dating and seduction.

I’ve known the girl of my dreams for a year now. She never seemed interested so I never pursued.

Well, there’s something to pay attention to there. However, girls that really don’t pay you much mind when they find out you’re dating and sleeping with their cousin, or they see you with a cuter girl, now it’s just amazing the switch that it flips in them.

Up until two months ago, she all of a sudden started showing drastic interest. In order to set up the first date, I had to sacrifice a group date (me, her and her female cousin which I dated twice about nine months ago, but nothing romantic ever materialized).

So like I said, just listening to that makes me think that he invited the cousin to do something, knowing that she would bring the hot girl along that he really liked. I assume that’s how he got the number and set the date. So probably if that’s what happened, like I said in the beginning, if she found out about it after the fact, she’s none too happy and hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.

So you have to assume because you’ll see here she unfollowed him on social media and seems like she’s upset, and so she’s upset enough to unfollow him on social media. She’s upset enough to pull the pin on a grenade and say all kinds of nasty things about you, which, who knows? She could be saying, “You better not date him or I’m not going to speak to you again.” I mean, those things happen.

I landed the first date and we had a blast. The amount of interest she showed was overwhelming. All the signs were there and yet, I pussied out at the end by not going for the kiss.

Come on, man! Little stage fright. Number one strength characteristic women love a man is confidence. When she knows you’re like, “Oh, I like you,” and then you don’t go for the kiss, she’s like, “Yeah, he doesn’t have any balls.” So that could be part of the problem. You were gun shy. Maybe she was touching you and you didn’t escalate. You just kind of, “Uhh.” You’re like a statue and stood still because you’re like, “Oh, my God, she just touched my arm.”

I know what it’s like. I was there once when I was younger. It’s a rite of passage when you’re out with the ultimate woman and it’s different for everybody. We could all most of us could look at and go, “That’s not my type,” and vice versa. So beauty is in the eye of the beholder. So his dream moment is going to be different for everybody else, and that’s what’s beautiful about life.

Other than that, it was awesome! She even asked me about a very specific girl I currently date and wanted to know if we were in a relationship.

Meaning “Oh, were you dating that other girl?” I would be like, “No, not in a relationship. But you know what? Your eyes look really pretty right now and your lips. They look like they could use a little moistening up. So why don’t you bring them over here closely and I’ll fix that?”

In trying to make the second date she drastically pulled away, she takes days to respond and although she still communicates in a loving way, it doesn’t change the fact that she takes forever to respond.

Well, I would take that as testing, especially if you looked anything other than totally confident on your date. I mean, obviously you bitched out on the kiss, and if she could tell, she’s going to lose a little bit of attraction. She’ll start trolling you a little more, testing you a little more, taking days to reply. Because usually the guys that don’t have the confidence, they get upset when a girl does it. “Hey, is there something wrong? I haven’t heard from you. You just stopped talking in the middle of our conversation. I upset you? What did I do?” And they start freaking out. Instead, just be like, “Ah, she’s busy.” Or maybe she’s testing. Who cares? Dating is like tennis.

So at the end of the day, when she reaches back out. “Hey, what’s your schedule like? I want to see you again.” Simple as that.

I’ve never gotten past three to five text exchanges because the phone is for setting dates and I’ve also never fucking double texted. I give her space to reply. Her cousin I mentioned earlier, unfollowed me from IG for no reason, but I suspect she did this out of spite.

I suspect this is the reason why the girl of my dreams pulled away all of a sudden…

I say that’s definitely a contributing factor. So if it’s going to cause bad friction with her cousin, she’s going to test the shit out of your ass to make sure your balls are big and you’re worth it. That’s why you got to maintain your composure. This is where really understanding the book, especially when you’re dating somebody like this, because it’s going to cause you to go, “Oh, I need to do this. I need to call her more. I need to text her more. I need to vomit my feelings.” You’ll start second guessing yourself. That’s why if you know the book and you become overwhelmed emotionally, you can just lean on the principles in the book and respond accordingly.

…Because of her cousin and the possibility that she didn’t appreciate me dating her recently. 

I’m usually good with women. I tend to have a few options here & there, but I really fucking like this girl & her personality, I wouldn’t want to lose her. Help!

Bob

Well, you can’t think like that. Every woman is on probation. You got to vet a girl. See, you basically are like, you look at her and she matches your ideal physically, probably more than anything. Maybe you know her. You did say you knew her for a year. So there’s a lot of other things you like about her. So you can’t look at it that way. She’s on probation. She’s got to win you over. At the end of the day, she’s going to like you a lot more if she has to work to get you. And when she takes a few days to reply, again she’s probably getting an earful from her cousin, and her cousin’s probably not happy because you used her to get her phone number of her cousin and go out with her, and you chose the cousin over her. And girls don’t like that oftentimes. So you have to understand it’s par for the course. You can’t lose your composure. It’s like when she reaches out, just be enchanted and happy to hear from her. Just understand what she’s doing though, because again, she wants to make sure you got your shit together if she’s going to risk creating bad friction with her cousin.

So again, dating is like tennis. So if you’re reaching out, you should be trying to set a date. If she says, “I don’t know,” I would be like, “Hey, no problem. Well figure it out and get back to me.” Then usually what’s going to happen, maybe three or four more days go by, then she reaches out. Maybe she sends you a meme, “Hey, what are you up to?” And then you just assume she figured out her schedule and say, “Hey, good to hear from you. What did you figure out with your schedule availability so we can get together,” and you just respond with that. And if she won’t give you an answer, just say, “Hey, no problem.” Send a few texts back and forth, “Hey, I gotta run, but figure it out and get back to me. I’d love to see you again. I had a really good time.” and then say a couple more days go by. She reaches out. “Hey you! Awesome to hear from you. What did you figure out with your availability?” And she goes, “Oh, I don’t know. Work’s crazy. Things are busy, but I wanted to see how you are.” I would be like, “Oh, I’m doing great. I’m about to step into a meeting, so let me know when you’re free. Can’t talk. You know, I’m about to step into a meeting. Can’t talk right now, but let me know when you’re free and we’ll get together and catch up. There’s a lot that’s happened. I can’t wait to tell you. So much is going on. I can’t wait to tell you.” Just because cats are very curious.

Then say after that two times, maybe even she’s reaching out at this point, but she won’t make dates, then at that point forward, when she reaches out next time and sends a meme, you can say, “LOL, that’s pretty funny,” and then wait till she adds, “Hey, what are you up to?” “Oh, work this, that. Having a great time. Had a blast this weekend. A lot of funny things happened. What are you up to?” Then after three or four messages say, “Hey, it’s awesome hearing from you, but I gotta run. I’ll talk to you later.” You just don’t bring up getting together unless she brings it up.

So you have to assume that going through 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back, even though she’s not an ex, but understanding how to interact, especially when a woman behaves like this, and when you stop asking her out. Because if she starts pursuing you and she still won’t make dates, then you stop asking after two times and then if she calls you, she FaceTimes you, talk for three four minutes and say, “Hey, I gotta run. I’ll talk to you later,” and one of two things will happen: She’ll either bring up getting together and then you’ll make a date and she’ll 99% of time she’ll keep it and then you’ll progress. And that might be all it takes, because women have to feel like they earned you. If you’re too easy, you’re too available, especially if you acted really dopey on the date and she could tell you were like drunk on her beauty, which she’s seen that countless times, she’s gonna pull away. And because she’s gonna assume you’re a pussy like all the other guys have behaved that way. Then when you keep your composure and you respond through text or phone calls or FaceTime, by matching and mirroring it and just hitting one ball over and waiting for her to reply, then her interest will start to go up and she’ll actually make a date with you.

So especially with this kind of situation, it basically looks like you used her to meet her cousin so you get her number and information and go out on a date. Then the other thing that I would wonder about, but then again, he did say that she didn’t reveal any kind of interest at all and all of a sudden she did, for whatever reason, probably because it seems like she saw him or heard about him with another pretty girl. And sometimes those things are gonna happen, especially if this girl is like, part of their social circle, in those cases, you are going to want to have a much, much more level of certainty that she’s actually interested in you before you shoot your shot. Just because again, if she has no interest or maybe she’s dating somebody or dating somebody else in your group and you don’t know about it, you don’t want to create any unnecessary drama.

So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen on any page, and book a coaching session with yours truly.

If you haven’t already signed up for our exclusive premium Members Only content, in the video description is video, there are links to join on YouTube, to join on Spotify or our website UnderstandingRelationships.com. Just click the “plans” tab when you get there. You can do a 7-day free trial to check out all the great content you get for your money. If you choose an annual plan, you can get a 25% discount at the end of the 7-day free trial. So go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the “plans” tab, and sign up for a premium membership trial today.