Have you ever become friends with a woman who you were very attracted to, but for whatever reason, you or her or both of you were already in relationships and unavailable? Have you ever become friends with a woman you were interested in so you could date her? Then at some point in time, you decide that you want to become more than just friends with her and her response was less than enthusiastic?
I have experience in both cases. When I was young and didn’t know any better, I would become friends with women I had interest in not because I wanted to become their friend, but because I wanted to date them. I mistakenly assumed that by disguising my attraction for her in the form of friendship, she would eventually fall in love with the real me over time. However, once I got to the point where I could no longer stand to hide my feelings, I would confess my feelings and that would usually be the end of the friendship. I would sometimes invest six months or more of my life in a friendship only to get rejected and lose the friendship anyways. My friendship was a fraud. When women realize that you are only friends with them because you want to get in their pants, they will usually blow you off and want nothing more to do with you.
Now in other cases there are women who I generally built very strong ties of friendship with over the years who I was always attracted to, but they were simply unavailable or maybe they worked for me and I didn’t want to cross the line. It’s not a good idea to dip your pen in company ink 🙂
If your friendship is solid, and you want to date her because you are now both single, even if she rejects you, you should still be able to remain friends and not let the fact that she rejected you ruin your friendship. In my article stuck in the friendship zone I go into depth and detail on how to properly transition your girl “friend” into your “girlfriend”.
Some really important things to understand when a woman tells you one of the following phrases… “let’s just be friends” or “let’s be friends first” or “I have feelings for you, but they’re of the friendship kind only” or “let’s just be friends for now” etc. after you have attempted to turn your girl “friend” into your “girlfriend” is that these statements all mean the same thing. And that is, she has low romantic interest level in you and therefore only wants to be friends. This means to love her as your friend, but pursue someone who actually has mutual feelings of attraction for you.
Most guys hear those kinds of statements and think to themselves “at least I got a chance with her” because they are projecting their own high level of interest onto their woman friend without noticing or even bothering to look and see if she is showing any signs of high romantic interest in him. They hold out hope for months and even years that one day she will figure it out and profess her love for him. You see this bullshit story line in movies all the time. It’s a fairytale. Don’t buy it. If she tells you she needs time, don’t wait on her. Live your life. Pursue other women and tell her to get in touch with you when she gets her head together or whatever else she tells you needs to happen before she will fall for you. Otherwise, you risk pissing away the days, weeks, months and years of your life for nothing.
Here’s a recent e-mail I got from a reader who has allowed himself to fall in love with his neighbor. My comments are (in bold brackets like this) in the body of his e-mail:
I’m widowed, and I have a divorcing neighbor who I’ve fallen hard for, and she just wants to be friends (translation… find another woman to fall for. One who is available and likes you too. Never try to keep someone who does not want to keep you). She has admitted having feelings for me (in other words… she thinks of you as a friend only), but does not want to get into anything serious at this time (translation… she does not want to get into anything serious with you), maybe play the field (translation… find someone other than you to get into something serious with). So do I just keep being the helpful neighbor (by acting like her butler, she will only treat you as such. A man who sees himself as a catch will live his life and seek happiness with a woman who reciprocates high interest level) and see if she warms up to me (if you act like her butler and a doormat, you will never be anything more to her than a friend. Forget her and live your life. Only invest your time with women who you’ve got a chance with)?
What do you think.
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Author, Speaker, Peak Performance Coach, Entrepreneur
“Keep on asking, & you will be given what you ask for. Keep on looking & you will find. Keep on knocking & the door will be opened.”-Luke 11:9.