When & Why You Should Date Multiple Women Before Committing To A Relationship

When and why you should date multiple women before committing to a relationship.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a 22 year old viewer from Australia who has been dating a woman for about 5 months. They hangout, have fun and hookup a lot. She does 90-95% of the pursuing. However, she has never once brought up being exclusive or being in a relationship. She says she isn’t looking for a fling. She says she’s heading in the direction of love but isn’t there yet. He’s obviously focused on locking her down, refers to her as his girlfriend, but doesn’t realize that he’s only a friends with benefits while she looks for someone more masculine, mysterious and unpredictable. She recently invited a guy she hooked up with in the past to stay with her a few days before his girlfriend arrived. He wasn’t happy to hear this and is now suspicious. He asks my opinion. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

Hi, I’m Coach Corey Wayne and this is my video coaching newsletter. And the topic of today’s newsletter is going to be, When & Why You Should Date Multiple Women Before Committing To A Relationship.

So, this particular email comes from a guy all the way in the land Down Under. He’s 22, from Australia and he’s been dating a woman for about five months. They hang out, they have fun, they hook up. He says that she does 90, 95% of the calling, texting and pursuing. However, she has never once brought up being exclusive or being in a relationship, and she says she’s not looking for a fling. But she says she’s heading in the direction of love but isn’t there yet.

And so, what you realize, even in the subject line of this guy’s email, he thinks of this girl as his girlfriend. He even kind of refers to it, my girlfriend. But in reality, what you look at her words and her actions, he’s really just kind of a booty call to her. And so, what happened recently is she had a male “friend” come in from out of town to stay with her. I guess he was there for about 2 or 3 days before his new girlfriend arrived.

And so, after the fact, you know, after this, I guess guy had come and stayed with her with his girlfriend. (But he was there alone with her for a few days), which I assume he didn’t see her for those few days. He said they were doing some pillow talk, and come to find out, she’d actually slept with this other guy a few times. So now he’s going, “huh? My “girlfriend” supposed girlfriend had an ex fuck buddy…”

An ex guy she used to date or hook up with. Whatever. The bottom line is, they used to have sex. This guy comes to stay with her one on one, supposedly sleeping on the couch for several days before his girlfriend arrived. Now, I wonder if his girlfriend knows that she’s going to stay in the house of a woman that he used to fuck. Do you think she knows that? I don’t know.

Anyways, he’s like, “Ehh, I got a queasy feeling about this.” So, you know, he’s five months in. It really kind of looks like he’s just kind of a booty call. Plus he’s young. And he seems to think he’s in a relationship. So unfortunately we’re going to have to give Bob from Australia, a dose of reality.

Viewer’s Email:

Hey Coach,

My name is Bob, I’m a 22 year old from Australia. I first want to thank you for all that you do, you have guided me towards the life I want to live and I’m eternally grateful. I’ve been following you since 2019 and have read the book 13 times, and continue to give it a listen once every 6 months.

So that’s good. So, we’re about four years in. He’s following me. And so, the thing that’s really helpful and that’s why when and why do you date multiple women. I mean five months with this girl. And she’s like not; it doesn’t seem like she’s even remotely close to being in a relationship. “It’s not a fling. But I’m not ready to be exclusive. I’m not in love, but I’m kind of moving that way.” But yet now we know. But you know, we’ll get to that in the email.

But, you know, obviously we know that she’s had an ex-lover of hers come stay with her. And this guy’s going, “Ehh.” So, when you look at things like that and you look at this situation, this is definitely a situation where this guy should have other women that he’s dating. And all relationships start out as casual affairs. Beautiful women that have an active social life are constantly getting hit on. They constantly have men that want to take them out on dates.

They constantly have good dating prospects. Most of them are not going to go online for online dating, and when they do, oftentimes they’re only on there for a few days or a week or two and they’re like, “Well, fuck this.” It’s just the amount of messages they get. And then guys that get pissed off when they don’t text them back or they don’t message them back, they’re like, “I’m out. This shit’s toxic.”

And so, they don’t want to mess with it. And so, but in this particular, you know, when you think about that, how the average beautiful woman, it’s like as soon as she goes to being single, all the guys that knew her then find out that, “Ooo, she broke up with her boyfriend!” They’re all on her like white on rice. They’re trying to be the next guy in line. Whereas us guys, when we go to being single after a long term relationship, it’s like, it takes some time to get back in the swing of things.

Women are always getting hit on. They just say, “Hey, no, sorry, I’m married, I have a boyfriend, I can’t, I’m taken.” Whatever. “I live with my husband, I live with my boyfriend and our kids.” Whatever. She’s going to just say, “I can’t. I’m unavailable.” But as soon as she’s single, remember, she’s always getting hit on. She can go, “Yeah, sure.” All she has to do is say, “Yes.” There’s no getting back into it. Asking people out. She doesn’t have to do those things. She doesn’t have to practice game. She just shows up and looks hot and men flock to her.

And so, from that perspective, women definitely have it easier once a breakup happens. And so, for the guy, the guy starts dating. And the idea is that one is no choice. Two is a dilemma. Three is a choice. So, you ideally should have three different women that you’re dating. And the reality is you casually date for a while and maybe you hook up with a few girls here and there, but none, you really feel like I really want a relationship, or I really want to spend a lot of time with them, and then a girl will come along and you’ll go out on one date and it’ll go amazing.

And then a second date goes even better. And then it’s like after 3 or 4 weeks, you haven’t even called the other girls and you’ve been busy, or you won’t take them out and they just kind of fade away. Or eventually you end up telling them when the new girl that’s all over you and it’s like, “Hey, you better not be dating anybody else. You better not be sleeping with anybody else. I want you all to myself.” And she’ll bring it up, just like I talk about in The Book.

When those things happen, then the other girls are like, “Hey, I met somebody else, and just our chemistry is off the charts, you’re amazing. You’re great. But, you know, we don’t we don’t have there’s not enough of a spark and there’s not enough chemistry for me to want to continue. And I wish you all the best.” And it’s as a man, you should be honest and wish them well. If you love somebody, if you truly care about women, if you truly love women, you want them to be happy, even if it’s not with you.

And so, especially when you’re learning, and especially when you just came out of a breakup, is that you definitely should be dating multiple women, especially if you have not mastered this yet. If you have not mastered and been in a relationship with multiple beautiful women, a long term, the kind of women that knock your socks off, that intimidate most men and then you don’t, you have nothing else going on.

You meet somebody like that, you tend to fall apart. Just like the video newsletter that I answered yesterday with a coaching client of mine. That’s exactly what happened. He couldn’t handle it. He couldn’t handle the beautiful woman. He just totally came unglued over pursued to the point where she just lost all respect and interest for him and just started blowing him off and kind of started being nasty to him.

And now he hasn’t spoken to her in a few weeks, and he’s just terrified that he’s ruined it for good. And unfortunately, those things have to happen enough. You have to get rejected enough to where you recognize that your behavior is not working for you. And you got to change your approach.

My name is Bob, I’m a 22 year old from Australia. I first want to thank you for all that you do, you have guided me towards the life I want to live and I’m eternally grateful. I’ve been following you since 2019 and have read the book 13 times, and continue to give it a listen once every 6 months.

I have a problem with a girl I’ve been seeing for 5 months. We met off hinge, she’s 23 years old and is from New Zealand, she moved to Melbourne in April last year. I got her number.

So yeah, she’s probably trying to get away from Prime Minister Horse face that fucking evil bitch that should be tried and executed in Nuremberg 2.0 trials. Anyways, I digress.

I got her number, FaceTimed her for about 10 minutes and made a date. The date was textbook, flirting, showing signs of attraction and I kissed her before I left, and she kissed me back. She asked to see me again the same night I got home from the date. We started off seeing each other once a week and has slowly built to about 3-4 times a week.

Well, dude, the reality is, if you’ve been, (assuming this girl’s normal,) if you really were applying what was in The Book properly, she should have been in love with you by week six or week seven. And would have been bringing up a relationship. But the fact that you’re five months down the road and you’re writing me this email, especially with the situation about this other dude, it doesn’t look good.

What’s happened is things have gone sideways. At some point, her interest got to a certain point, and it just never went any higher. And that’s why she’s still talking to guys that she used to sleep with. And maybe she still is. It’s like, does she act like somebody that’s in a relationship, or does she act like a chick that’s maybe down to hook up with an ex boyfriend or ex fuck buddy. Whatever this guy was.

She does 90 to 95% of the pursuing, we had sex on the third date and every time we see each other we are having sex, it is some of the best sex I’ve ever had.

Maybe you’re a little blinded by that. You’re a little dopey and you pedestal her a little too much. And you probably ignore a lot of the reality that she’s not doing a lot of things that are laid out in The Book. Again, we’re five months down the road and you’re talking about her like she’s your girlfriend, and yet she’s having other men that she used to sleep with, come over and stay one on one at her house. And we’re having to trust that she was loyal and faithful to you, even though she’s told you that you’re not exclusive.

And it’s such a nice feeling knowing that she definitely wants sex more than me. However, it’s been 5 months, she hasn’t brought up the conversation of exclusivity nor hinted at it, but she has told me that she isn’t looking for a “fling”, but she also hasn’t told me she loves me yet.

Because she’s not in love with you. If she was in love with you, she’d say, “I love you.” She doesn’t say it because she doesn’t feel it. That’s the bottom line. And you’re five months down the road and she doesn’t feel it. So something is off, bro. She’s either a Froot Loop or you didn’t follow what was in The Book. That’s the bottom line, because when you understand women, they’re completely predictable. They’re as predictable as the sun coming up in the East and setting in the West. You can set your watch to it.

She tells me that she’s heading in the direction of love, but I avoid the conversation, as that’s a serious topic and I’m sticking to the formula of the three hang out, have fun, hook up.

Sounds like you’re probably being a little too robotic. So you’re staying away from the conversation. So any time she hints at anything serious, you just change the subject. That’s not what The Book teaches, Dude. That’s fun and flirty, and a couple of the early dates. But when you’ve been dating five months and she starts hinting or bringing up relationship, or that she may be falling in love and you just change the subject, you are not getting the part about intimacy that’s in The Book.

Women need to feel heard and understood. And so, she starts sharing her feelings, and you just check out and tap out and change the subject. So when you do that, you act like a robot, number one. And number two, you act like a little boy who has no emotional intelligence. And over time, she starts to think you’re a cute boy. She likes having sex with you, but she needs a man. And you’re not acting like a man.

A woman’s got to feel heard and understood, and the legs will open. And the fact that after five months she’s okay with seeing you three nights a week, four nights a week. I mean, she should be staying at your house all the time, or vice versa. When women are in love, you can’t get rid of them. They’re always there. They won’t leave you alone. And that’s not happened or happening, and it doesn’t look like it’s happening.

So that tells me you probably pedestalize her or you kiss her ass too much. You probably pursue her a little too much, even though she’s doing 90%. I’ve talked to guys, they’re like, “Oh, she does 100% of the pursuing.” And then they tell me what they’re actually doing and saying when they’re together. I was like, “Oh, no wonder you’ve been dating a year. And she doesn’t want to be your girlfriend.”

And they’re like, “Really?” There’s like, “Well, I just thought she’s doing all the pursuing.” It’s all good. It doesn’t erase everything else. You can’t just completely ignore the fact that all of her effort is matching up with low interest, as is described in The Book. And then go, “Well, she’s pursuing me 99.5% of the time, so I’m good.” Like, no, you’re not, Dude.

I don’t know where you went wrong because you haven’t elaborated enough in here. But there’s something missing. She’s not hooked on you yet. Well, I mean, he is 22, so he’s pretty young, probably doesn’t have his purpose or his mission together in life yet. And he’s probably done things that displayed and communicated that he’s just not competent as a man.

He may be a handsome dude, and she may enjoy really having sex with him, but other than that, it sure is kind of looking like she’s keeping her options open. And she sees herself as a free agent, despite the fact that she dangles a carrot in your face a little bit.

But believe it or not, this isn’t the biggest problem I’m facing right now.

But wait, there’s more coach. It gets worse.

The problem I’m having is that she is living alone, and has recently had a guy friend come stay with her while he has come down from New Zealand. She told me about this before he came but told me he has a girlfriend, which he does, he came down on a Thursday and his girlfriend arrived on Sunday.

So Thursday, Friday, Saturday, just the two of them. Were you invited to hang out with them? Probably not.

He is sleeping on the couch downstairs.

As far as you know, until he goes up there and, “Boom.”

And once his girlfriend comes, they are going to a hotel.

Why is he not in a hotel now? Why is it only once the girlfriend comes, then he’s going to go to a hotel. Do you want to know why? Because he knows; he’s a smart man. He knows his girlfriend is not going to like staying in the house of a girl he used to fuck. And if they spend enough time around together, the girlfriend is going to become suspicious that he used to fuck this girl. That’s why they’re going to a hotel. That’s reality. See how that works?

However, after some pillow talk, she told me that her and her guy friend.

He’s just a “friend.“

Slept together a couple of times two years ago.

Ha. Ha. Look at that. See how that works? So, it’s important to ask questions. So, he didn’t care to get to the bottom of things until there was another guy in the picture. But anytime she hinted about relationship or anything serious, “I just. I just changed the subject.” That’s not what The Book says, bro. It’s fun and flirty, and the first few dates you make or pull it out of you.

But in five months in, you’re in a relationship and she should be talking and opening up and telling you everything. And she’s just not. Because it sounds like you don’t know how to do that, and you freak out. There’s a video I did called, “How To Communicate With Women Effectively.” I suggest you watch that 10 to 15 times. It’s like 10 or 12 minutes long. So her and a guy friend slept together a couple of times. Two years ago.

I told her I think it’s really inappropriate that she even invited him in the first place, but especially now as they have had history.

And notice how she didn’t volunteer that, right. It was only when they were having sex. And that’s a good time to get information out of women is when you’ve just blown out her back and beat up her pelvis and given her a couple orgasms, and you can really find out what’s usually going on.

She doesn’t see the big deal at all and says that I should trust her. (I’ve heard the same script a million times.) I remained unperturbed and changed the topic. My question to you is coach, is this girl even worth pursuing a relationship with anymore?

Bro, you’re not in a relationship with her. This is your fuck buddy. That’s it.

Or has she disqualified herself from the race?

Well, the intimacy never really happened. The two of you never really got close. And the fact that any time she brought up a serious subject, you thought what you’re supposed to do is change a subject, that’s like a guy that’s afraid of a relationship and intimacy. And really have getting a woman to talk and open up to him. That’s not what The Book teaches.

So, I don’t know where you went wrong or why you started thinking that, but when a woman is telling you something, you’re like, “What else? Tell me more. Don’t leave anything out.” That’s in The Book. That’s in the video, “How To Communicate With Women Effectively.” Which is also referenced in The Book. And so, you know you missed that. That’s a big, big thing to miss.

I personally would never invite a girl over to my place to stay on my couch especially after having some history as I believe it’s disloyal behavior.

Well, that’s because you’re a good guy. But let’s be real here. This is not your girlfriend. You’re not her boyfriend. She doesn’t consider you her boyfriend. She thought it was totally okay to invite her ex-fling to come stay in her house one on one before the girlfriend showed up. Now, why do you think that is? Just because they want to play Parcheesi or Monopoly, or the card games, or maybe exchange cooking recipes or yoga routines. Probably not.

What that tells me is she was open to being fucked by him again. Because his girlfriend wasn’t going to be there for three days. And then even when she came in town, he was going to go to a hotel. He maybe did. Did she meet the girlfriend, or did he go to a hotel? And he if that’s the case, if he went to the hotel and she never met his new girlfriend, he probably just said, “Oh, yeah, I’m going to stay in town with a friend of mine and until you arrive, and then we’ll get a hotel together to save money.”

Considering she isn’t even in love with me yet, do I hit eject?

You just got to look at it and see reality as it is. You’re just one of the guys in her rotation. That’s the way she seems to be treating you. You’re just one of the guys that she’s fucking. That does not look good. But that’s partly your problem because you’re the one referring to her as your girlfriend.

And like, again, my girlfriend was, you know, was I forget what the rest of the, the headline was, but he put my girlfriend in the headline and it’s like. All you guys and girls watching this. Does she sound like she perceives him as her boyfriend? And she is his girlfriend? No.

Or am I just overreacting?

No, it’s pretty obvious it sure seems like she was entertaining the other guy because she’s going with her feelings. He’s a challenge. He’s actually has a girlfriend. She knows she can have you because you’re her little puppy dog. Meanwhile, she’s inviting the ex-boyfriend Chad Thunder Cock to come over and stay in her house. So, the odds of her not sleeping with that guy. It’s like, “Ooof.” I find that hard to believe. The only way you’ll ever find out if she actually had sex with him is if she falls head over heels in love with you.

And then later on you can say, “Come on, really? We weren’t together at the time, so what really happened with that guy? Did you guys hook up? Did you kiss? Anything? Nothing? You’re telling me that your ex-boyfriend came over and stayed with you for three days, and then left to go to a hotel with his girlfriend, and you got nothing happening between you two… Really? Why didn’t you make him stay in a hotel? And why did I only find out after the fact that this is not a “friend.” This is a guy you used to fuck. Why would you deceive me like that? Why would you not tell me that? Why would you leave out those important details?”

Your opinion would be greatly appreciated, thank you in advance.

Bob

Well, I think you definitely have something to be concerned about. And I would be asking questions about that dude. Because again, if you look at her behavior, it just seems like she’s open to being fucked by other guys. In other words, she’s giving other guys the green light to try. So that tells me that you’re not in her mind. A guy that’s a boyfriend or that’s somebody she’s worried about a commitment to. Probably, she knows exactly where she stands with you.

You’ve been too nice. You pedestalize her even though she’s doing most of the calling, texting and pursuing, your behavior when you’re with her is not totally congruent and aligned with The Book. Because again, five months and this is what’s going on. It’s like, yeah, she’s either a Froot Loop or you’re not applying what’s in The Book properly. I’ve been doing this multiple decades, so that’s how I know. I’m psychic like that. So, if I were you, I’d have a conversation with her.

But reality, what you should be doing is you should be dating other women because it’s clear she’s open to dating other guys and is giving guys the green light to fuck her. Because again, she hasn’t committed to you. She doesn’t want a fling. Remember, this other guy wouldn’t be a fling because she used to sleep with him. She would have no problem getting together with this ex friend of hers or friends of benefits, whatever he was, and screwing up his relationship with her just because it’s all based on what she feels.

And so, where you’re at is, quite frankly, is you should be dating other women because it looks pretty clear that she’s dating other guys. And this is just the one dude that you know about. What is she doing the other two, three nights a week that you’re not even seeing or speaking to her? You don’t know. It’s five months down the road. There’s no intimacy, there’s no closeness. It’s like, that never happened. Again, because she’s a Froot Loop or you weren’t applying The Book properly.

Maybe a little bit of both. She may not be a very loyal person, and the fact that she did this and admitted to you and covered up the details initially, and then you only got it out during pillow talk. That shows a level of deviousness and deception. The reason she didn’t tell you she slept with this guy because she knows that any clear thinking levelheaded man would go, “Yeah, I’m not down with that. That’s not cool. That’s not the kind of thing you do if you’re trying to convince me to be your boyfriend. That’s the kind of thing you do when you’re communicating. Hey, you’re just one of the guys I’m fucking.”

And if that’s the way she’s behaving, then, “Hey, you’re a free agent.” You should be dating other women. If you had 2 or 3 other women you were dating when you met this girl, you would have been a lot harder and more of a challenge to her, harder to get and a challenge to her. To the point where she would have gone out of her way to convince you to be her boyfriend. But that never happened, because she was probably the only thing you had going on. And that’s why you should have multiple women until you really master this stuff. And I can tell you haven’t mastered it.

So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen and book a coaching session with yours truly. Until next time, I will talk to you soon.