Most men who do not understand women will completely miss all of the signs of her plummeting interest level. It drops slowly over time. As a guy continually does things wrong that turn her off, his interest level in her is usually skyrocketing. He assumes that because she is with him, that her interest level is growing just like his is.
He doesn’t notice the subtle cues that reveal she is slowly losing interest in him. As he falls more and more in love with her, he is blinded by his own high interest level in her, and can’t see that she is slowly backing away. She becomes less and less enthusiastic about returning his phone calls or his text’s. Sometimes when he wants to make a date with her, she is busy and says she can’t make it, but never offers another night that she is available. He doesn’t think anything about it, but the fact that she is no longer making the same effort to have a date with him (i.e. not offering another night for a date when she tells him that she is busy on the night he asked her out for).
Over the coming days and weeks he spends less and less time on dates with her, he sees her less, she is less affectionate, she cuts the dates short, she makes hardly any effort to keep the conversation going and generally seems disinterested. He may incorrectly assume that she is just going through a phase. The guy knows something is up, but when he asks her about it, she says everything is fine. He also doesn’t notice that he is the one making all of the effort to contact her and try and plan dates, when just a few short weeks before she was blowing up his phone with texts and messages.
When she finally decides to do him in, she will either give him the “let’s just be friends” speech… “it’s not you, it’s me”… “I need some time to get my head together”… “I’m not looking for a relationship right now”… or she may just ignore him and hope he gets the hint and goes away.
The key is to learn how to understand women so you can read her actions and take the appropriate measures when you notice that you have either done something to turn her off, or failed one of her tests that caused her to lower her level of interest in you. All of this is explained in my book, “how to be a 3% man, winning the heart of the woman of your dreams”. Learn to understand women so you never have to experience what this guy is. My comments are (in bold brackets like this) in the body of his email:
Came across your website and subsequently downloaded the 3% man book. Made a lot of sense to me.
Quick background on me – Had a very successful career previously working with family – until one family member basically stabbed some of us in the back and we were left moving to other competing companies. He was like a brother to me (money cuts a lot of ties). Anyway – I wasn’t motivated at the new company and in return it hurt my marriage. My divorce will be final in August, although I have been separated since June 2010 and my ex is in a new relationship. I’ve never had any problems getting dates, etc. And I have been dating quite regularly after taking some time for myself after the separation (smart move). In the meantime I have also switched careers to something that I would be happier with (awesome, good job). All this leads to two questions:
First, after dating consistently over the past year I never really felt a connection with any of them. Many of them still call me or contact me to go out with them – but I let them know I am not interested in them in that way. That is until recently – I met someone that I completely fell for. She also felt the same way – initially. She told me I was the “complete package.” Couldn’t get enough of texting/emailing me. She couldn’t wait to see me again. We went out a couple more times and it was great – but then she started to blow me off. I had asked her out for a Wednesday early dinner (as she is asleep by 9:30 pm weekdays – she wakes up at 4:00am to go to work) – she said that I knew she prefers not to go out during the week. But I had my daughter that coming weekend and then was taking a trip to Florida for a few days. So, she asked if we could go out the following weekend. I said I wasn’t sure yet of my schedule. Everything seemed fine until the following Tuesday while in Florida. I had a little too much to drink and emailed her work email at about 2 am (bad idea). She emailed back at about 7 am. But when I called her that night (mistake) she never returned my call (unlike her.) Then I emailed Wed. morning asking about our date for that weekend – and she said she couldn’t make it as she had other obligations other than fun (insinuating about taking care of her mom who is ill.-No, she had higher interest in doing something other than being with you) Trying to make this short – we emailed and text a couple more times through Friday – nothing of significance. I didn’t contact her again until a Sunday night text. I’m the one initiating all contact at this point. She text back saying her weekend was tiresome but got a lot done. She then emailed me Monday morning thanking me for the good wishes on her mom. My next contact was calling her Monday night – again no answer, no call back, no reply text or email from her (means low interest). So, I stopped any communication with her (and there has been none from her) until this past Friday – I emailed wishing her a good holiday. She emailed back wishing me the same (closed ended.) She has been real wishy-washy the past couple weeks – and especially the last week really disinterested. All this after not being able to get enough of me (she had high interest initially, but you lowered it because you did too many things wrong).
To the question: How long should I wait to contact her again – if at all (DO NOTHING. You must wait for her to contact you. If she does not then you know you are out. If she does, make a definite date like I talk about in my book. If you keep calling her instead of waiting to see if she will miss you enough to call you, I guarantee you will have no chance of getting her back… EVER)? I’m tired of dating girls I’m not interested in – and now I finally found one that I am. So, I’m thinking either an old flame came back into the picture or I’ve come across as too needy (could be both). Is she testing now (women always test) – or maybe I blew it for good (very possible)? Wow! This really comes across as dwelling too much (you’re just seeking answers).
Second, trying to stay motivated with my new career as I really enjoy it – but have so many other distractions lately – divorce, dating, daughter, feuding with a partner in a side business, volunteering in the community – I’m having difficulty staying focused and taking care of what I need to take care of in my career. I am 40 years old and having to start all over again. Any guidance (yep, sign up for a coaching session with me personally)? I’ve always been a pretty centered guy – but I feel I am losing that (you can never lose that, only decide to not utilize what is always within you).
I encourage you to read my article how to turn your life and business around. Make sure that you also click every one of the other articles that I linked to in how to turn your life and business around. Especially the ultimate time management strategy.
As a man you must have a compelling vision for your life and your career. You also in order to be at your most effective, need to properly prioritize and organize your daily work activities in the order of their overall importance to achieving your goals. That way, you spend the majority of your time focusing on only the most important and critical activities that you must do in order to thrive in business or your career. Most people tend to major in minor things. That’s something to think about.
If you have a question you would like me to consider answering in a future Video Coaching Newsletter, you can send it (3-4 paragraphs/500 words max) to this email address: Questions@UnderstandingRelationships.com
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From my heart to yours,
Author, Speaker, Peak Performance Coach, Entrepreneur
“Effort only fully releases its reward after a person refuses to quit.” ~ Napoleon Hill