When You Take Walking Away To Get Your Way Too Far

How to avoid taking walking away to get your way too far that she lets you go.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from another long time listener who didn’t take reading and learning my book seriously. He only read the book a few times and over the last 2 years of his relationship he completely got away from the principles it teaches. He turned into a “my way or the highway” control freak to the point his girlfriend told him he was a controlling jerk. She pulled back and refused to see him. They got together after he told her to make the effort to work things out or he would move on. They’ve had 1 date since and he asks my opinion. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

Hi, I’m Coach Corey Wayne and this is my Video Coaching Newsletter. And the topic of today’s Newsletter is going to be, “When You Take Walking Away To Get Your Way Too Far.”

Well, this particular email is from a guy who’s a long time listener and you guessed it, he didn’t take reading 3% Man seriously. In other words, when I say read it 10 to 15 times, he read it a few times. I see a lot of guys doing this. It’s because The Book covers Pickup Skills, Dating Skills, and then Relationship Skills, and you have to understand all three. And if you watch and cherry pick videos and thumb through The Book a few times, you’ll get some sustainable success or attainable success, but you won’t be able to sustain it like this particular guy.

Because what happens is guys start following my work. They watch some videos, they go through The Book once or twice, and it dramatically changes the results that they’re getting with the women in their lives, for the better, obviously. And then things go so well because they’re hanging out, they’re having fun, they’re hooking up. They’re getting laid. The girl slowly falls in love. They’re like, “Man, I got this. I don’t know what Corey’s talking about reading this thing 10 to 15 times.”

And then so they don’t read it and then they end up like this guy did, which was he was in a two year relationship or still is, but it’s on the rocks now. And for the first year things were pretty good. But in year two things got pretty rocky and he just kind of took a “my way or the highway” approach to everything, and then started getting butthurt. He’s arguing with his girl and it’s clear he didn’t spend any time learning anything about maintaining or having a healthy relationship and communicating with his girlfriend. He was just focused on the pickup stuff and getting laid, basically.

And that only takes you so far. If you want to maintain your relationship and keep her in love with you, you have to understand how to maintain a healthy relationship. And again, that’s assuming that you’re dating a normal, healthy woman and not a mentally ill Froot Loop. So you got to take that in mind. And so basically you can do this and have a “my way or the highway” attitude and it will work for a period of time, but eventually the girl starts to realize that you’re just kind of a control freak.

And then what happens is you walking away, she’ll let you go. Which is kind of what started to happen here in this particular guy’s case. Because he was like a one trick pony. That’s all he knew. He like, knew No Contact and walking away and threats and intimidation, but he didn’t bother learning anything else. And it wore thin. It’s just like the guys in the old pickup community, the focus on magic tricks and routines. And it’s great when you first meet a girl because you’re completely different.

But once she’s seen all your magic tricks and your routines and she realized you got nothing else going on, you got no other game. And then the guys quickly fall apart, just like mystery did. And Neil Strauss’ book, “The Game.” So you’ll get some attainable success if you cherry pick, but you’re not going to be able to sustain it. Things are going to come apart. And this guy admits that after about a year, he just completely got away from The Book because, again, he never really spent the time to really learn the material and to own it.

And now that he’s in panic mode because things are going sideways with his girlfriend, now he wants to get serious about learning this stuff. And oftentimes when a guy does that, it’s too late. So for those of you watching this, heed my words. Read The Book 10 to 15 times. It’s not just read The Book, but you got to be reading it and applying it. I also see guys who read The Book a bunch, ten, 15, 20 times, but not doing any practicing.

And then six months or a year later, they meet a girl and they’re great out of the gate. And then it just totally comes apart and they don’t know how to maintain it because they never really practiced this stuff. Repetition is the mother of skill. You can read a book 10,000 times, but if you don’t actually practice it, deal with your emotions. Get your mind right. Get control over your emotions. That stuff’s going to go sideways on you pretty quickly.

Viewer Email:

Hey Corey,

I’ve been a long time listener and have read your book a few times.

Well, that’s why you’re in the predicament you’re in. You didn’t take it seriously. You learned enough to get laid and get her in the sack, but other than that, you didn’t really learn how to maintain a relationship. There’s a lot of subtle nuances that you’re going to miss when you don’t read it 10 to 15 times. And even once you’re through it the 10 to 15 times, you should go through it once or twice a year, preferably ideally every six months at least one time, just to keep the ideas fresh.

Because you got to remember, if you’re watching TV and movies and consuming the news whether you realize it or not, you’re being slowly brainwashed into a lot of dysfunctional archetypes, and you get emotionally anchored to that behavior because of the soundtrack, the music, the emotions that are elicited in you when you’re watching these things, especially if you’ve ever been in a movie theater watching like a Transformers movie.

Anytime I’ve gone to see any of those movies, I walk out, I’m just, I’m sweaty. I’m tense. And it’s just because it’s so overwhelming, the sound effects, it’s like it has an effect on you. And if that’s all you’re consuming is movie and TV, then you’re getting brainwashed and you don’t even realize it’s happening because it happens very slow over time. And the next thing you know, you’re in a panic like this guy is.

However, over the last two years I’ve deviated a lot from who I was as a man and neglected reviewing or correcting my piss poor habits. and I take full responsibility for what happened recently and over the last two years. I met my girlfriend two years ago and we instantly hit it off. We are both 25. Super cool girl, emotional, mental and sexual chemistry was amazing. What I failed to realize was over the course of two years I began to grow ignorant to how she felt.

Because again, he was only focused on pickup and getting laid. He didn’t learn any of the relationship stuff. Because again, as he said, he went through The Book a few times and that was clearly several years ago. So he really doesn’t know. He doesn’t know. It’s like, he was able to get into a relationship, but he didn’t learn anything about maintaining it and in essence fell back on his old behaviors. And plus what he’s being brainwashed by his TV to do.

Her hobbies and what she wanted to do. I would love your advice on where to go from here, and will add the situation below.

Well, you’ve got to read The Book 10 to 15 times, Dude, and then once or twice a year after you’ve got through it. So first things first, you’ve got to learn what’s in The Book. Trying to cherry pick videos because you’re in a panic is not going to help. Because if you are successful at turning things around, it’ll be short term. And in 90 days, six months, you’ll get lazy and you’ll go right back to sleep and you’ll start doing the same things all over again.

Initially she saw me as strong because of my ability to walk away, and holding strong boundaries. Over time I’ve noticed, and she definitely noticed that these habits were growing to be insecure and controlling. I was very judgmental of groups she wanted to join, hobbies she wanted to pick up and what she would wear.

That sounds like somebody that’s probably also consuming a lot of Red Pill Content, which tends to be very nihilistic, very negative, because the people that are perpetuating that, especially Rolo Tomassi, who wrote, “The Rational Male”, it’s like guys are already angry and bitter and pissed off at women. And his book and his rules, and his mentality and mindset just gives men reason to stay stuck there.

And they just come off as angry and women don’t feel safe around them. I see it constantly, guys in my phone sessions and the emails that I get, the guys are unplugging from that stuff just because the guys that are in it are very negative. They’re very antagonistic towards women, and you’re just not going to make women feel safe. They’re going to flee from you.

I would inappropriately grow angry with her or argue with her.

Well again, what it says in The Book is men who understand women don’t argue with them. But we know he never bothered to learn anything about communicating effectively with women because he was just focused on pickup and getting laid.

I would inappropriately grow angry with her or argue with her in a non-loving and feminine way. There were a range of other things I’d get upset about that were inappropriate that, looking back on, wreaked of insecurity. She’s told me about this in the past and I would acknowledge and own up to it but didn’t implement change.

Most of the time guys would say, “Well, I didn’t think she meant it. I didn’t think she was serious.” And then they just dismiss it and they keep ignoring her and keep doing things their way.

In the last two weeks things really got out of control. We were going to a haunted house, and I had an issue with something she was wearing.

If she’s looking hot and you’re going out on a date, she’s looking hot for you. Why wouldn’t you want that? It’s like, Come on, Dude.

I asked her to put a sweater on, she refused and I said let’s just hang out at my house. She got upset and just wanted to go home, which she did.

So that was basically a microcosm of he wants her to do something, she doesn’t want to do it, and he changes the plans or basically refuses to participate with her. In essence, he’s walking away and meaning it. So this is like, everything is a negotiation, an angry negotiation at that. If she dresses up to look cute for you and all you’re doing is belittling her and saying, “Oh, you’re showing too much skin.”

It’s like, that’ll work for a period of time. But this guy got about two years in and she just had enough. So she wasn’t willing to change. And so you’ll notice as the email goes on, like she’s digging her heels in and trying to win through intimidation with him.

I didn’t hear from her for over a week, so I reached out. She shared how she was very upset with me disrespecting her, and needed things to change. She listed out our past agreements, and said that she was done compromising and wanted me to be the only one to compromise.

Well, you know, women tend to speak in hyperbole, so, “From now on, I’m not compromising. You have to do all the compromising.” That’s not going to work either, obviously. But if you understand women and how she’s coming from an emotional place and they speak in hyperbole, she’s speaking from her feelings, which is, it feels like she’s the one always compromising, and you never compromise. Which probably that she’s mostly accurate in that, because this is this guy’s routine. She does something he doesn’t like.

He threatens to not go out with her or spend time with her, or withdraw his attention. You know, there’s a time and a place for setting and enforcing healthy boundaries, and his behavior is just, it’s inappropriate. He’s going to come off as like a control freak, or an angry, unhappy dude like most of the Red Pill guys. And I’m sure there will be some dudes in the “Oh, Coach, you don’t understand. Red Pill is all about self-improvement.” It’s like, “Dude, 99% of the people that call themselves Red pill are very angry. They’re very unhappy. They’re butthurt. Everything is all about it’s the woman’s fault.”

Because that’s the way Rollo’s book is written up, because he wants to absolve himself from any personal responsibility for the fact that he’s a mediocre man, and he settled in his personal life, and he doesn’t want to own up to that. He wants to blame women for it, modern women. It’s not his fault. And so guys come to his work having problems, and all they do is get justification that, “it’s not their fault. It’s the woman’s fault.”

Whether that’s just what I see across the board from guys that consume it or guys that are in the comments, they all say the same thing, and they all behave the same way. And they have the same negative, shitty attitude. They’re usually the ones saying the nastiest things in the comments or talking shit about The Girls in my Podcast just because they’re pissed off and they hate women, just like the guy that they learned from.

This texting went on back and forth for a few days. During this time I tried to get her on the phone or to meet, but she was not having it. I always replied in a correct, loving way and worked on opening her up, took accountability for the behaviors that were inappropriate and for being a butthole. She demanded that I seek individual counseling, and we go to couples counseling before seeing me.

That’s kind of being unreasonable.

I held a position of we both seeing individual counselors as I felt it should be equal and there were some communication blocks on her end when I tried to open her up, even when being playful and loving.

Yeah. So she’s basically dishing it out back to him what he’s been doing to her for the last two years. Remember, women tend to take the little things and they blow them up into a big ordeal.

During this time, she was very hostile and angry. There was even one day where we came to agreement on the phone, but she backstepped, yelled, hung up the phone on me.

Well, that’s not good. It’s hard to work things out when you’re dealing with a woman behaves this way. But it’s clear she’s hurt, she’s upset, she’s mad, she’s angry. And now she’s basically doing the him when he’s always kind of done to her. And as he said, he trained her that arguing is okay in their relationship. And that’s why she yells at him and hangs up because he set that standard. He enabled that behavior. So now that’s part of their relationship because he didn’t take the time to learn The Book.

She kept saying she did not want to see me until I saw a therapist. After four days of texting back and forth with I eventually drew the line, unshared my location and said something along the lines of “look I understand your frustration and anger, and I took steps to fix this. But I want a relationship where I can see my partner. If you’re open to doing that let me know, if not ill respect that and move on”.

So now he’s, basically as I always say, the strongest negotiating position is being able to walk away and mean it. So in this case, he’s trying to work things out in good faith, and she’s just stonewalling him and she’s dug her heels in. And so he had to basically say, “Hey, you’re not participating. You’re not trying to work things out. You’re not even willing to see me, and you’re making all these unreasonable demands. It’s like, I’m not going to do that. It’s not going to be a one way street here.”

She dropped that stance, I set a definite date on Halloween, and we had a great time. We got some food, found a nice park with a view and hung out.

I would have invited her over to make dinner, because after you’ve had this kind of a problem, you should have had her come over to your place instead of going out and doing something like 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back says. But we know he’s not been a good student.

Spontaneously we got tennis rackets and started playing together at the park which she loved. We were making out, she was telling me about her dirty dreams about me and we were making out in the car.

Again. This is why it should have taken place at his house, but instead he did things on her terms and he left instead of making her come to him. And so he got a little kissy poo. But that was about it.

She kept complimenting me, touching me, and telling me all the things she wanted to do to my flesh rocket and how much she loved me. I made a few suggestions (confidently) to get her to my house but she insisted on taking it slow and wanted to make sure we can be healthy sustainably because she was in so much pain.

Because again, she doesn’t trust his masculine core.

We had a good time, it ended with me dropping her back off at her car. She hugged me, kissed me. I said I had a great time and to call me. My question to you is at this point, what would you recommend doing?

Well, at this point I would wait to hear from her, and then invite her over to make dinner at your place. And if she kind of balks at it, you can say, “You know, I’d really like to have some time where you and I can kind of discuss these things.” And if she’s just being unreasonable, then you can just say, “You know, even though we had a great date the last time we were together, you’re not willing to do anything to work things out. And I don’t really have much else to say. You know, if you’re not willing to make our relationship work, then that tells me you’ve already kind of checked out and it’s over. So if you don’t want to make the effort to work on things and, you know, I don’t really have much else to say to you.”

I was planning on sticking to weekly setting dates, hanging out having fun and hooking up, and to let her warmup and start reaching out frequently again. I know I need to focus on giving and getting her to feel safe by being centered and confident, which is my goal.

Yeah, but what he’s starting to do now is he’s starting to pursue her. And so he’s starting to do things where she’s the one deciding she’s being the man and she’s got a little bit of the power, and you can tell she’s going to kind of wield it like a tyrant, because in all fairness, he wielded the power like a tyrant.

I’m consistently watching your videos and re-reading your book, now the second time in the last week.

Thanks a ton brother,

Bob

Well, that’s good that you’re starting to read The Book, but at this point next time you hear from her, invite her over to make dinner, hang out, have fun, hook up. If she’s like, “Let’s meet out. Let’s go do this.” If she gives you all this mumbo jumbo about, you know, this or that, just say, you know, “I wanted to get together with my girlfriend and spend a nice, romantic evening together, and you don’t want to do that. So obviously, you’re not ready to talk. You’re not ready to see each other. In my view, you’re stonewalling me and you’re refusing to work on our relationship.

So again, I told you a couple of weeks ago, if you’re not willing to get together in person and work on a relationship, it’s like I’m out. You know, I can’t do this alone. I acknowledge all my mistakes. But you have to give us a chance to work it out. And you’re basically still refusing to see me. And it’s like, I don’t want to go out in public. I don’t want to be having these conversations in public. I want to spend time one on one with me and my girl. And if you don’t want to do that, then that just tells me you’re not willing to do what it takes to make our relationship work.

And if you’re not willing to do what it takes to make our relationship work, there’s nothing I can do. It takes two to tango. And you don’t want me as a tango partner right now. So, you know, I’m out. You know, call me if you change your mind. But I’m just going to assume that it’s just not going to work out between us because you’re not willing to let things get worked out.” That’s all you can really do at this particular juncture, because you took walking away too far to the point where she dug her heels in, and that was obviously enough to get your attention and make you realize that your behavior has been totally inappropriate.

It’s the arguing and all the other things that you’ve been doing, the passive aggressive behavior, telling her to put a sweater on. It’s like, why wouldn’t you want your girl to look hot for you? I mean, she dressed up for you to go out on a date to look hot for you, and you’re giving her a hard time about it because some Red Pill Retard that you read on the internet that hates women and women don’t like him either. Or them because there’s a whole shit ton of them now. So like I said, that’s what I would do if I were you. You’ve got to have her come to you.

But you can’t let things flip the other way where you’re doing all the calling, texting and pursuing and you’re meeting her out, because this is what happens. You go out and you hang out and she won’t come back to your place. She basically blocks you from having any kind of sex and intimacy, and she’s basically saying she’s withholding sex from you until things get to her satisfaction, which will just never happen. And so the danger is, if you call her and reach out, you’ll go out, and then she’ll never come back to your place, never want to do anything.

And then you kind of get stuck in friend zone where you’re hanging out and going out on dates all the time, but you’re not getting anywhere. She doesn’t invite you over, she doesn’t invite you in. So because you got to be able to sit down and talk things out and then have make up sex afterwards. And she’s just refusing to do any of that. So this is again, this is why 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back is set up the way it is, because I did it this way. I did things this way. It does not work. Especially when you’re in this kind of situation.

And when you told her that, “You’re out.” Because she’s not willing to work things out, basically saying, “Well, you have to jump through your butt and jump through all these hoops for God knows how many months. And then when I decide I’ll see you.” “It’s like, I don’t think so. We’re in a relationship. Boyfriend, girlfriend. That means if we have a problem, we work together to solve our problem. And you telling me that you’re not going to see me for an indefinite period of time?”

“That doesn’t work. You’re stonewalling me, and you’re preventing anything from getting worked out. So I just look at what you do. If you want to work things out. If you love me, you’ll come over and we’ll make dinner together. And if you don’t want to do that, then that tells me you’re not really willing. You’re not committed to put in the effort that’s going to take to save our relationship. And so if you’re not willing to save it, it’s like, I can’t do it alone, and we might as well just go our separate ways then.” Because again, it takes two to tango.

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